Semester break

Posted on January 31, 2014 by admin

It’s our third winter here, and for the first time, we’re going to be taking advantage of the Austrian “semester break”. Semester break is just that — a break between school semesters. Here in Austria, it’s a whole week, typically in early February. All of the school children are out of school at the same time, and it’s traditionally a popular time for the whole family to take a week’s skiing holiday in the mountains.

The boys’ preschool stays open during this time, so our first two winters here we never knew it was coming until it was already happening. At some point in February we would turn up to drop B off at school and be confused about where so many of his classmates had gone. It was no big deal, though — B would have a small class for the week, and we went on with life as usual (and if we wanted to go skiing, we just went whenever we wanted to).

This year, though, B is allowed a limited number of days off, and although that number (3 weeks . . . not including sick days, 2 weeks for Christmas vacation, a week for Easter and a week for the semester break) seems generous in comparison to the number of vacation days an American child could take, this restriction has kind of hindered our holiday planning this year. So this year, we decided to take full advantage of the “free” days off he’s allowed during semester break — though the school is open, he isn’t required to be there, and these days off won’t count towards his 3 week limit of days off — and we’ve planned to “go on holiday” (my kids “go on holiday” now, they don’t “take a vacation”).

So, we’re taking a week, starting today. We have no specific plans, but lots of good ideas. With the busy pace of the holiday season, we thought we’d take a week and just relax, and maybe enjoy some of Vienna. We may go skating, go to the zoo, take a day trip out of the city for some skiing … or maybe not. We might just snuggle up on the couch, watch movies and play video games. Whatever we do, I’m looking forward to the week spent together, doing whatever fun stuff we might choose. (And yes, we’ve been totally converted to the European attitude towards time off — more is definitely better.)

Christmas crafts with Liam’s class

Posted on December 14, 2013 by admin

At least once a year, each of the boys’ classes at school takes an evening to invite the parents to come and do some kind of activity with the kids. This year and last year, Benjamin’s teachers (very cleverly) had the parents come just before Lanternfest and help build lanterns. 1 hour, 20 lanterns. Great plan! I imagine it’s more efficient (though not really less crazy) than having the 4 teachers building lanterns with the kids.

Liam’s teachers instead opted for a Christmas activity. They invited the parents to the school Thursday evening to build 5 Christmas crafts with our little ones — and Benjamin was invited to come, too. It was great. We made a placemat using stamps cut from potatoes, strung peanuts onto a wire and made a wreath, wove sticks together to make a candle holder, cut out paper stars to make a napkin ring, and paper mâchéd an angel. (Lots of activites we probably will never do at an American school — metal wires, peanuts, glass candle holders . . . and Christmas.) All in 2 hours, while the kids scarfed down as many cookies as possible from the snack table. (We had a little help from the kids, but in all honesty, Dan & I did a lot of it.) Whew. It was quite a night!

We had a great time, and made some really cute things, but it wore us out! I feel so fortunate to have found this school, and I’m incredibly grateful for the teachers, and the time and effort they put into this kind of thing. I’m also completely amazed at the job they do every single day — after 2 hours of crafts with our two kids, when someone else made all the effort at setting everything up, and Dan & I needed a nap. The teachers do it each day with 4 of them and 20 kids, with a permanent smile and more patience than I have. Amazing. What a great school, and a great night.

Ich gehe mit meiner Lanterne

Posted on November 12, 2013 by admin

Liam getting set

Last night, we attended our third lantern fest at the kids’ school. It is my favorite Austrian tradition, and it was extra special because this time, both boys participated.

Benjamin takes his place (second from the camera)

It’s a wonderful evening. All of the preschool kids at the school (about 60 of them), each holding a homemade lantern constructed of cardboard and waxed paper and containing an actual, lit candle, parade around the garden with their lanterns, singing, while the parents all take tons of pictures. After a brief performance by the bigger children, explaining the celebration of St. Martin (Benjamin was a tree!), the parents take their children by the hand and we all go for a walk around the block in the dark, singing. After our parade around the neighborhood, we all return to the school for Kipferl (like a croissant, but not flaky), warm drinks and a little socializing. It’s fun, festive, and very sweet (if always a little cold to be outside for an hour).

I love this tradition, and so do the kids. For us, as Americans, it’s also a little astonishing — with the candles and paper lanterns, I’m certain something like this would never happen in the States. (Some other parents we mentioned this to last night literally did not believe us. They thought we were exaggerating when we explained that it’s darn near impossible that a school in the US would allow 60 3-6 year olds to walk around in the dark carrying paper lanterns containing actual candles. Their response was, “No way! They’re just candles!”)

(Also, on further reflection, I’m pretty certain that this tradition is part of why Halloween hasn’t much caught on here. The tradition of celebrating the Feast of St. Martin contains many of the same elements — lanterns, walking around the neighborhood in the dark — but without costumes or candy.)

Benjamin, Liam and their best friends

The boys both did great. They looked for Dan and I right away and were so happy to have us there. Liam was composed and happy throughout, and B performed excellently as a tree during the short play relating the story of St. Martin. I walked around the block with Liam, while Dan walked with B and his class. All of the kids did great with their candle-filled lanterns. (Although injury seems inevitable to my mind, this is our third year, and no one has ever gotten hurt by the lanterns, nor set their lantern on fire, nor poked anyone with the sticks they’re carried by. Go figure.)

I am so glad that my boys, and indeed our whole family, has gotten to participate in the tradition here. I love it. And now, officially, it’s time to start celebrating Christmas in Vienna.

An unexpected holiday

Posted on November 8, 2013 by admin

There are a lot of holidays in Austria, but since the UN celebrates a slightly odd combination of Christian, Muslim and Austrian holidays, we have a really hard time keeping track of the local ones. Some mornings, we venture outdoors only to discover that Vienna is like a ghost town — shops closed, sidewalks nearly deserted, lots of open spaces on the trains and buses — even though it’s a weekday and a work day for Dan.

Having the boys in school hasn’t helped us learn the holidays much. The school is open many (but not all) of the days when the shops are closed, and the school doesn’t provide any kind of an official calendar of the school year (even though we’ve asked). We’ve learned to read the notices at the school very carefully. But sometimes we still miss that a holiday — not just at the shops, but one from school — is coming up.

For example, even though this is our third November here, we didn’t realize that November 1 is one of those “big” holidays in Austria. One of those days where the shops are closed, and so are the schools. There were no signs, no notices, at the school. I had this vague thought that November 1 is a big day in the church, and I noticed, last Thursday (October 31), that several shops had signs up saying that they would be closed on Friday. It wasn’t until nearly 10:00 that night, after trick-or-treating that my brain connected the dots and it truly occurred to me that the school might be closed Friday. We texted another parent, who (thankfully) responded very promptly, and it turned out that indeed the schools would be closed Friday. No school. A surprise holiday for the boys.

As much as it’s great to have an unexpected day with the boys at home (almost like getting a snow day!), my brain doesn’t switch gears well for last-minute things like that. And, while it was an unexpected day off for the kids, Dan still had to work, so instead of feeling like I had a surprise holiday, I felt more like I had a surprise 11 hour day of intense work ahead of me.

But, I adjusted. We spent the morning at the park and had a great day. (Dan and I marvelled at the astonishing ability kids have to get up early on days off and sleep in when we have to be somewhere — even though they didn’t know they had the day off when they went to bed the night before, both boys were up before 6, when we’d been dragging them out of bed after 7 every other day last week!)

We’ve been here 2 1/2 years, and this still happens to us, just like it did that first year. Just when we’re starting to feel like we’ve kind of got this figured out, just when we’re starting to feel a little cool, this happens to remind us that we haven’t really and we’re not.

It’s ok, though. That’s just how it is. And Liam’s teacher, when I explained it to her, felt pretty bad about it and promised to write down the rest of the days when the school is closed. So maybe … MAYBE … this unexpected holiday will have been the last.

Liam’s first field trip

Posted on November 5, 2013 by admin

Nearly two weeks ago, on a Thursday that was a brief island in the middle of the sea of illness that was most of October, both boys were well enough to go to school. (It was the first time in about 10 days that that had been true.) Liam had been better for a few days at that point, and I was really glad, because I didn’t want him to miss out on his first field trip with his class.

His class took a trip (which required a ride on the U-Bahn for the teachers and the 24 kids in the class) to see a theater performance. I was simultaneously very excited for him and completely terrified. He’s still so little. He’s such a little guy to be out in the world without me. I’m still adjusting to not being with him 24/7 — having him out in the city, experiencing things separate from me is a lot to handle.

He is still such a little guy. Just barely 3. He’s too little to speak up for himself or find his way if he got lost, and besides, his German is minimal (and he’s often hard to understand, even in English). B, who is 5 now, can recite his address when asked in English or German and can explain how to get to his home or school on public transportation. Liam can’t. It’s scary to have him out of school on a trip. I have to put a lot of faith in the teachers, and in God or the Universe or whatever forces might be looking over him.

I don’t know how the teachers manage it. Some days, just dragging my two to school is enough to exhaust every ounce of patience and high-ideal parenting I have. But they do make it work. (There also seems to be some kind of magic power the teachers exert over the kids, because when I see kids out on field trips, they are always so well behaved. It’s amazing.)

I couldn’t help it. There was a knot in my stomach that didn’t unravel until Dan texted me that he’d picked him up. As it turns out, the day was great. They rode on the train and saw a play. (I didn’t get much of the story except that there was a rabbit in it. And there was a song that Liam keeps singing to us, but he doesn’t know the words, so I’m not sure of the story. But he liked it.) The teacher made a point of telling is that he was very attentive and well behaved. And he had a great time. I’m so glad!

I couldn’t help but worry, but I’m so happy that he didn’t worry, and that he enjoyed himself so thoroughly (he’s still telling us about it). Here, this is perfectly normal. Preschool classes go on field trips all the time. (Benjamin has been on dozens at this point.) And kids as small as 3 go along, just fine. Even though this is our third year of “school” here, we’re still getting used to the idea. But, we’re doing better. (This was certainly an improvement over Benjamin’s first trip.) And Liam is doing just great at school . . . even on his field trips. I am so very happy that it went well.

Double Eltern Abend

Posted on October 3, 2013 by admin

Last week we had our third Eltern Abend (literally: “Parents Evening”, think: “Back to School Night”) at the boys’ school. It’s a chance to meet the teachers, learn about the program, write down the important dates, find out each teacher’s preferences and way of doing things, and ask our own questions. It’s great to get the opportunity to do all of these things … but the catch is that it’s done ENTIRELY in German. At the end there’s always some time for individual questions, which can be asked and answered in English, but up until that point, it’s roughly 2 hours of important information, all in Deutsch. It’s intense.

To add to the intensity, this time I had to split my time between two classes. We had planned to have a sitter come be with the kids so that Dan and I could both go and each sit in a class, but Liam was still quite sick, so Dan stayed with the boys and I went on my own.

I opted to go to Liam’s class first, since I already know B’s teachers and how his class generally works. And I’m proud to say that the whole thing went pretty well. In Liam’s class, there were at least three other sets of parents who don’t really speak German (and I think there are seven kids in Liam’s class — including him — for whom German is not their first language). I think I understood better than the non-German speakers and I was even able to translate a bit for some of the others. I understood every single word that the principal said (might be the first time I ever managed that) and I got at least the main ideas from the teachers.

I did the first hour in Liam’s class and then switched to B’s, and then went back to see Liam’s teacher for follow-up questions. She was impressed at how much I got from the presentation, and she very patiently explained the parts I had missed.

Overall, it was really a great success. I was able to participate in the parent exercises for both classes, and I feel great about the classes, the teachers and the school. I’m even starting to know some of the other parents. It was a nice feeling to come in and get greeted and waved to — that didn’t happen for the first few years (and Austrians aren’t really casually friendly to people they don’t know, so it felt a little lonely the first few times). This was a nice change, and it felt like a success all around. I feel prepared (or at least as much as possible) for the year, and I’m glad I was able to be there, and to understand most of it, for the boys.

(And then, when I got home, while Dan put the boys in the bath, I baked a cake for Liam’s birthday, which was the next day. I pretty much felt like Super Mom after that!)

Sick days

Posted on October 1, 2013 by admin

The first two weeks of this school year were spent mostly acclimating Liam to school. The week after that, I spent the first few days adjusting to the new schedule and sorting out exactly what I was going to do with my time. And then, the Thursday of that third week, just as I was starting to enthusiastically embrace my “free” time, we started with the inevitable sick days that come along with a child starting school for the first time.

It’s just not possible for a child to start school without coming into contact with all manner of unfamiliar germs and illnesses that they have missed up until that point. And what they get, they bring home to share with the family. So we all get sick. I’d been hoping we might miss out on a illness-filled September with Liam starting school — since B brought home so much sickness when he first started, I was hoping that maybe we’d already be immune to everything this time around. (It doesn’t look like it works that way, though.)

It started with me. That Thursday evening, I was miserable, and I went to bed at 9:15. I was asleep before the kids were. (I have no idea when, if ever, that has happened before.) My plan was to sleep as long as I could, get up in the morning, take the kids to school, and then come home and go back to bed. I was just sick with a bad cold, so I figured a massive dose of sleep would help.

It didn’t work out that way, though. Instead of a long night’s rest, I was up with B at midnight. He was crying from pain in his ear. Liam was coughing. We were sick, and no one was getting much rest.

The next morning, Dan (the only one who was still well) stayed home to take care of all of us. He took the boys to the doctor while I went back to bed. The kids were (surprisingly) given the all-clear. Dan brought the boys home from the doctor and I was all set to take over for the afternoon . . . but I just couldn’t. I was sick and exhausted — so it was back to bed for me and an afternoon off of work for Dan.

This began a week-long adventure of sick days — miserable days and sleepless nights, 104.8 degree fevers and trips to the pediatrician, days missed from school and a birthday for Liam with as much illness as merriment. We’re just now starting to get back to our new “normal”. It feels like we nearly have to start over in terms of sorting out our routine. But, now that the boys are improving, I’m actually able to rest and recuperate a bit in the mornings, so hopefully we’ll all be on the mend, and we’ll be able to continue adjusting to our new schedule.

At loose ends

Posted on September 13, 2013 by admin

Having some time on my own is wonderful. I’ve already stopped calling it “free time” because it’s been very busy time, mostly full of very exciting things like folding laundry and sweeping the floor. I actually am having trouble figuring out how to fit all of the things I want to do with this time into the time that I have. My to-do list is longer than the hours I have available. Eventually, I’ll figure out what is important enough to get my attention and what will need to be put off (but it’s a little overwhelming while I figure it out, because everything feels like IT MUST GET DONE).

Oddly, though, I am feeling overwhelmed and aimless at the same time. While I have a ton of stuff to do, some exciting, some mundane, some essential, there’s also an odd sensation of drifting. I have lots to do, but I’m totally on my own while I do it. Instead of weaving every moment of my day around the whims, tantrums and snack schedules of two little people, I’m independent. That’s liberating, but also lacking in definition and direction.

While it’s nice having time to myself, it’s also lonely, and it feels a little . . . useless, maybe? After being “on” as a mom every minute, and filling my time with menial but important tasks like folding laundry and changing diapers, running errands at the mall or sitting down for a solitary coffee feels pleasant (in that there’s less poop involved) but a little . . . superfluous. It’s a strange sensation. I’m not working, I’m not taking care of the kids, I’m not devoting every minute to the household . . . so what AM I doing?

So, I think I’m starting to get it. I think this is what I’ve heard other expat “trailing spouses” talk about. There is some sadness, a slight loneliness, a vague panic of being on my own. It’s not being “alone” — after 5 years of almost never having solitude, I find the alone part of it very peaceful. It’s a kind of pressure, an expectation. Now that I actually have time to myself, what am I going to make of it? What am I going to do? I have no excuses for not squeezing every bit out of being here now … but what does that even mean?

So, I’m a little overwhelmed. On the one hand, I don’t want to spend every minute that the kids are in school folding laundry and going to the grocery store. On the other hand, I want to feel useful. This is a whole new world for me. I think it’s going to take a while to sort it all out.

Win-win

Posted on September 12, 2013 by admin

The kids have done an amazing job adapting to being (back) in school. Benjamin loves being back (maybe more than he ever has before) and Liam has adjusted to going to school so quickly that I don’t quite believe it (I’m still kind of waiting for the “your kid is inconsolable” phone call that hasn’t come yet). Yesterday, Liam was so eager to get into class and start playing that he didn’t even come over for a hug and a kiss. I just got a wave from halfway across the room. (I was fine, really, if a little shocked.)

Since the kids started school, a week and a half ago, our lives have pretty much revolved around school. The housework hasn’t gotten done, the errands haven’t been run, we’ve been entirely out of any kind of a routine. And that’s fine — that’s what we expected, and what we wanted. Our focus has been on helping Liam have the easiest transition possible to school, and we’re all willing to live with dust bunnies for a while to make it happen.

The first few days of school I actually went to Liam’s class with him and stayed for an hour or so. Then, I progressed to leaving him for a little while and wandering around the shops near the school to bide my time. Then, at the end of last week, I gave him and hug and a kiss and dropped him off, but I still lingered near the school . . . just in case. Monday and Tuesday of this week, he actually stayed for the entire morning (8:30-ish until noon) but I didn’t really trust it, so I still hung out in the general vicinity of the school. Since we live almost 40 minutes from the school, I was dreading getting all the way home, only to get a call that he needed me, and then being 40 minutes away from being able to rescue him. But, it didn’t happen — that call never came.

So yesterday, I was brave. I left. I dropped both boys off and then went to run some errands (that weren’t right near the school). I bought some shampoo (for me!), made a haircut appointment (for me!), picked up lunch for the family and then went home to take a shower (all by myself!), drink a cup of coffee (without having to worry where I set the cup), do some laundry and straighten up the house (which all took a shockingly short time).

I love my kids. I have adored spending the last 5 years with at least one of them all the time. But, to be honest, yesterday was pretty awesome. I truly surprised myself with how much I was able to get done, without stress. The house looks better than it has in weeks, I took care of some things from my to-do list, and I feel GREAT. The best part is that when the boys came in after school, they were exhausted, but I was “done”. My chores and errands were finished, I’d already taken a shower, lunch was on the table. I got to spend the whole afternoon really *with* the kids, instead of getting stuff done and trying to play at the same time. Yesterday was only the first day of getting close to our new routine, but so far, it really seems like a win for everyone.

Week one

Posted on September 6, 2013 by admin

Liam was at school without me for 3 hours today. He didn’t cry. He wasn’t sad. He ate breakfast, played with the other children (on the way home he made a point of telling me he played kindly with the other children, which is what it says in the book I made him about starting school), did circle time and played outside. He did great.

While he was at school, Dan & I had our first a.m. kid-free coffee break since we’ve been here. It was weird, but very pleasant — we each got to finish all of our sentences AND our coffees. Then I hung out at the coffee shop down the street from the school, just in case Liam needed me. He didn’t. Monday I may actually plan to try to get some things done.

B is doing great and becoming quite the “Vorschule Kind”. Yesterday, he colored an apple and cut it out to help decorate the class for the apple unit they’re doing. He also spelled his name with stamps (and then threw in some extra “n”s at the end to fill up the page).

Things are good. The boys are happy. This is awesome. We’re all exhausted, but our weekend will be full of resting time, for all of us. What a great first week!

A Mommy Abroad

Our big adventure, as a family of three.

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