Graduation

Posted on June 13, 2014 by admin

It began like this. And, in less than 2 weeks, it will end. B’s time in preschool (Kindergarten) has taken him from crying, timid and not wanting to participate to happy, enthusiastic, and the best German speaker in our family. We have had a wonderful experience with his school and teachers, and I will be very sorry to see his time there end.

This week, to celebrate the end of the school year (unofficially — since it’s a preschool, it’s open year-round) and the passage of the Vorschulekinder (preschoolers) on to elementary school, B’s class had a big party. Each of the graduating kids got to stand up in front of the class and receive a Schultüte — which is a big paper cone full of fun and practical stuff. In this case, the teachers made and decorated the cones themselves. Inside, they included sweets and useful things for school next year — new markers, pencils, colored pencils, and a new pencil sharpener. And then they all went out for ice cream (B had strawberry).

B was so proud of his Schultüte, and so proud of himself. He carried it all the way home, and opened it in complete delight. (Poor Liam had a little breakdown — it’s so hard to be the little brother, especially when the big brother gets something cool and you don’t. B shared a little of his candy, but it still was tough.)

But perhaps the best part of the graduation celebration came in a little bunch of paper, loosely and precariously attached together. In it, the teachers had compiled a scrapbook — of Benjamin’s time at school, of his writing practices and art projects. There were drawings, painted handprints, and pictures from field trips. Just regular preschool stuff, but all collected together. They had been keeping some of these things from the very beginning of his time there.

I think teachers are generally amazing. While I sometimes struggle to manage just my two, the teachers at my boys’ school (and all teachers, everywhere) manage 10 times that many, with a patience and authority I sincerely admire. They have reinforced polite manners, practiced taking turns, taken them on adventures and kissed their boo-boos. They’ve helped see us through potty training, introduced our whole family holidays and traditions we’ve never seen before, and taught B an entirely new language. And they have done it all with a tremendous amount of love. The book they put together for him was further evidence of that love. It is an amazing gift.

B will go on next year to elementary school. But I don’t think he could have been given a better start than he got at this school. He has been fortunate to have had some wonderful teachers. I feel lucky that Liam will still be at this school, so we don’t really have to say goodbye quite yet.

Closing the loop

Posted on June 12, 2014 by admin

I’m picking up again on the missing pieces of last year’s summer vacation (my goal is to finish these stories before this year’s summer vacation … which is in 2 1/2 weeks, so I wouldn’t count on it). The next major part of our trip was our time in Ireland (including one of my favorite days ever in my life so far), but there are two little pieces of the trip in England that I’ve missed, so I’ll share them here. (Looking back, I realize that there are actually LOTS of little pieces that I missed — the day we spent in England getting lost on purpose, dipping our feet in a lake and wandering through an unfenced field of free range sheep; the sheer entertainment of literally not being able to understand anything a native Glasgowian said at full speed; the pleasant afternoon we spent wandering around Fort William in Scotland and shopping for Scottish shortbread. I’m sure there are more. I’m a little horrified at how many little moments never made it to the blog, and which now probably won’t because I’m already struggling to catch up on this trip . . . 10 months after we took it. I think I’m going to have to rethink this idea of not blogging on vacation.)

I don’t know how I missed writing about these particular moments. (Chronologically, this piece goes between here and here, more or less.) Our first time in the Lake District, we had an unfortunately early end to a drive we were taking when we got a flat tire. We’d been in the process of driving a long loop through parts of the less crowded north and west of the Lake District (the route came from Rick Steves’ UK guidebook). I really wanted to continue and finish the tour, since we’d loved the first part (pre-flat) so much. The landscape was just beautiful, and we’d had great fun making an impromptu stop along a lake. So on this second trip, we bravely set off again. This time, instead of stopping for a wade in a lake, we stopped for a quick hike at the top of the Newlands Pass. We worked our way up the narrow track until it became too muddy and slippery, and we had to turn back. The boys were impressively enthusiastic about it, though — I think they would have climbed to the top of the waterfall if we’d let them! We continued our drive around the loop, passing (with crossed fingers) the scene of our flat tire last time, and found ourselves a little place to stop for lunch, with a yard full of toys for the kids. It was one of the few times I can ever think of that we’ve been able to sit outside in the shade and enjoy a meal while the kids played mostly independently. The boys stopped by every so often for a quick bite of a sandwich, and then were off again to play some more.

After lunch, we diverted from the path to try and find a river swimming/wading/splashing spot recommended by our innkeepers. We did find it, eventually, after driving down a muddy and rutted path that may not have been intended for cars and which was well marked with “no trespassing” (the problem was that once we started down, there was nothing to do but continue), and at whose end Benjamin refused to leave the car (Liam and Dan did enjoy a bit of splashing time, though). After that, though, we were all very worn out, so rather than finish the loop, we returned by the direct route to the inn for a nap, some tea, and a walk to feed the resident donkeys (which ended in a sprint home to beat the impending rain storm).

If at all possible, though, I really wanted to finish the loop, because we’d so enjoyed all the pieces we’d explored so far. But, we were fast running out of time in England. On our last full day in England before we drove north to Scotland, it was rainy and chilly and kind of dreary. In the morning, we’d been to the Castlerigg Stone Circle (so, chronologically, this bit should go between here and here). But it was still early in the day and we wanted to explore a bit more. So, we drove out and again picked up the loop roughly where we had left off, and continued our exploration. We took a side trip up the “hill” (they have impressive hills in this part of the world) away from the lake. It was a steep and narrow journey which first brought us to a tiny stone bridge over a roaring creek and then, suddenly, around a corner to an amazing view of the lake (Derwent Water) below. That vista alone was well worth the journey.

We continued on to the surprisingly remote and tiny town of Watendlath, high up in the hills, but with a lake of its own. After our journey up into the hills and then back down to the lakeside, we did, finally, finish the loop we’d been working on over two summers. We finally finished the whole “hour-long” drive. It only took us a year.

Unfall

Posted on June 11, 2014 by admin

Last Wednesday, the kids were finally better. They’d taken turns over the past week being sick with “Hand, foot and mouth disease” — high fevers, low energy, general malaise. Liam woke up at 1:00 a.m. on Friday with a fever of 102 which went up and stayed up for almost 24 hours. He gradually got better and was finally fever free on Sunday. B woke up at 11:00 Sunday night with his own high fever (though his didn’t last as long). Liam went back to school on Tuesday, and B joined him Wednesday. It was my first morning on my own in a few days, and Dan offered to take the boys in to school so I could have a little extra time to run and then start to reclaim order in the household after several days of prioritizing other things.

I made it through breakfast. I had just finished eating and had gone to change my clothes for a run when my phone rang. It was the school. I immediately sighed, assuming one of the kids (probably B) had gotten his fever back and needed to be picked up. So much for reclaiming order in the house.

Instead, it was Liam’s teacher. Liam had had an “accident” and was going to the hospital. She spoke in English, but it took me a moment to process what she’d said . I could hear Liam screaming in the background. I started to panic and shake a little as she explained that he’d been pushed by another child and had hit his face on the bathroom sink, splitting his lip. She said it wasn’t “serious”, but I figured it was serious ENOUGH if they were headed to the hospital. I tried to parse her heavily accented English well enough to write down the hospital’s name and her cell number so we could stay in touch.

Up until that day, I’d only been familiar with two hospitals in Vienna, and this wasn’t either of those. I called Dan (who, at work, was much closer to where we were headed) and tried to figure out where we were going. I threw on some clothes and left to get a cab. Never have I so wished we had our own car.

After a brief debate with the cabbie (in German) over where I was going (the teacher had given me mildly conflicting information), I was off. In morning rush hour traffic, it took me an agonizingly long time to get there. Dan arrived first … but couldn’t find them. (He was initially sent to the children’s department. We eventually ended up at the accident department … which is not the same as the emergency department. We’re still struggling to sort out which kinds of things belong in which.)

We found Liam and his teacher. He had split his lip inside and out pretty badly and was wearing a fair bit of his own blood. His teacher, who later admitted she couldn’t stand the sight of blood, had taken good care of him.

Liam’s teacher had given him a teddy bear to hold before they left the school for the ER. It was for him to cuddle on the way. He wanted nothing to do with it. (He has since softened his position.) When I asked him about it, he said, “I asked for my mom and dad, and she gave me the bear. I didn’t want the bear. I wanted you.” My poor guy.

We went back to be seen very shortly. But unlike our other hospital experiences in Vienna, at the more centrally located hospitals, the nurses here spoke no English. Not a bit. We did fine at the beginning, because Liam’s teacher helped with translating, but eventually they said she and Dan had to step out and I was left to manage on my own. They took a pretty quick look at it (reopening the wound in the process) . . . and decided that it didn’t need any treatment. I was so prepared for him to get stitches (or at least that glue that Benjamin got when he hurt his chin a few years ago) that I was absolutely sure I’d misheard them. But no, no treatment.

It took a while for me to understand what the nurse was explaining in terms of home care. “Nothing hot, nothing spicy, nothing salty.” I manged all of that. But she kept saying something else that I just could not understand. She finally tried “Like Wiener Schnitzel!” and I realized she’d been saying “nothing with crumbs”. “It will be fine”, she told me. “It won’t be his only accident!” So, in a little bit of disbelief and with a still-bleeding Liam, I went home. (We took the train. We should have taken another cab. I certainly felt odd . . . and very conspicuous . . . carrying an obviously injured and still bleeding child on the subway.)

I wasn’t convinced, though, that everything was ok. Although the doctors and nurses at the hospital seemed very kind and quite certain about their advice, I wasn’t so sure. Things are just so different here, and I really longed for American medical practitioners. In general, I’ve really enjoyed the difference in Austrian beauty standards. I like that there is much less emphasis on physical perfection here. There is less plastic surgery, less makeup, and less of a fight against the aging process. But, on the other hand, you do see more people with obvious scars and physical impairments. Which is fine . . . until I was contemplating the consequences for MY child. Medical care here is excellent. The standards of care and medical education are very high. I just didn’t trust the Austrian aesthetic opinion of “It’s going to be fine.” By what standard? I was really, really, wishing I could be back in good, old, superficial, perfection-minded America, where if an ER pediatrician said, “It’ll be fine”, I’d know, more or less, what that meant. Here, I didn’t feel like I knew, and I didn’t know if their “fine” would really be good enough.

So, we consulted our pediatrician. She’s an American/Austrian with two small kids of her own. She looked at the pictures we sent her by text, and agreed that it didn’t need treatment. When she said that if it were her kids, she wouldn’t stitch it, I felt sufficiently convinced.

And, I have to say that we’ve been pleasantly surprised, bordering on shocked, actually, at how well and how quickly he has healed. The ER gave him clearance to go back to school the next day, but I kept him home the rest of last week (out of an abundance of caution, and because I was worried he’d reopen or reinjure himself playing with the other kids again). It’s a week later, and looking at him now, it is so much better. The interior part of his mouth is completely healed (that actually only took about 48 hours, which was amazing, given the original injury). The outside is still healing, but it’s no longer an impressive wound. Our pediatrician said she expected it to heal without a scar, and I think it’s going to turn out that she’s completely right. He looks great.

So, all’s well that ends well. But this stuff is hard. THIS is the really, truly hard stuff about living abroad. Not just not knowing where to go when your kid gets hurt. Not just not being able to communicate well enough to find him right away at the hospital. Not just having to resort to creative explanations to understand how best to take care of him. But fundamentally, basically being outside of what you know and expect and take for granted. Not being able to trust the answers you get because the people you’re talking to are speaking from a completely different frame of reference. Any urgent trip to the ER with a child is stressful and scary, no question. But this is a whole different ballgame. These are the moments I most wish I could teleport back home.

Family picnic

Posted on June 10, 2014 by admin

I’ve been absent from writing on the blog for about two weeks. We’ve had a couple of busy weeks here with illnesses for the kids (both boys had a round of “Hand, foot and mouth disease” which lasted several miserable days apiece) and then, the very first day in over a week that we’d managed to get both kids to school, Liam had an accident at school which resulted in him being rushed to the emergency room by his teacher (more on that later, but the upshot is that he’ll be fine . . . but he did have to stay home and recover for the rest of last week). Today was the first day in quite a while that was more or less “normal”.

Last week, after Liam’s bout of illness, in the middle of Benjamin’s, and before Liam’s injury, Liam’s class held their end of the year family party, kind of like B’s class had done a few weeks before. B was, sadly, too sick to go (he had just gotten past the 103+ degree fever phase of the illness, but was pretty distraught at having to miss out). One of us needed to stay home with him, so only one of us could go to the party with Liam. I took Liam to his party while B & Dan stayed home.

Over our three years at this school, we’ve gotten used to a pretty typical pattern of end-of-the-year family activities. The first year, the whole school participated in a water-themed party (made slightly more complicated by the pouring rain that day). Last year, the whole school got together for a carnival-themed party in the garden. This year, each class held their own celebration, rather than holding one school-wide family day. But where the previous parties, and B’s year-end celebration, had been very planned and orchestrated, Liam’s was really laid back. There was no program or schedule. There was just an hour and a half of free time to play in the garden and eat desserts the kids had made (Liam missed out on actually making the desserts because he’d been sick). There was nothing to “do”, just time to play.

At first, I thought we were just waiting to get started, but once I figured it out, we had a great time. Liam *loved* getting to show me around the playground. He loved getting to play with his friends AND with me at the same time. And I loved it, too. I pushed him on the swings and watched him play on the slide. We ate cake together and drew pictures with chalk. We had a lovely time. And, when the rain started, we headed home. It was a quiet party, but a very nice day.

My day with Benjamin

Posted on May 31, 2014 by admin

Last week, B had a whole-day field trip, but Liam came home mid-day (as usual) so we got to spend some time together, just the two of us. This week, it was Liam’s turn to have a full day of playing outside with his friends from school, and I got to spend the afternoon just with B.

As I did last week with Liam, when I picked B up I gave him the choice of anything he’d like for lunch. And, like his little brother, he skipped all of the things I expected him to say and instead asked me to make lunch (which was a surprise — my kids apparently do not have extravagant taste).

On the way home, we noticed the biggest dandelions I have ever seen in my life growing in the grass near the U-Bahn station. B picked them and made a wish (they were probably good for a whole bunch of wishes.) I guess some just grow that way in Austria, though I’ve never seen them like that before. (They have normal sized ones here too.)

So, we went home, and I made lunch. We ate together and spent our afternoon playing video games together and talking. I was worried that B would end up absorbed in tv or a video game all afternoon, and that we wouldn’t get much of a chance to spend “quality time” together. I had planned (as I had planned with Liam) to maybe try for a brief outing to a playground together, but (like his brother) he was too worn out from a fun and very active morning at school, so we decided to stay in. (A good choice, as it turned out, because it rained just as we would have been headed outside.) He DID end up wrapped up in video games for much of the afternoon, but the pleasant surprise was that he really wanted me to watch him play (which was fun) and he wanted my help with some of the things in the game, too. So, we did end up playing video games for much of our time together, but it was anything but antisocial. I was also happy to get to play with his stuffed Angry Birds with him (we were “on a boat”) and we spent a little time working on his birthday invitations. We had a great day. It was so nice to spend that time together.

We had a great time. My “little” guy is growing up so fast. He’s already changed so much. I can already feel how independent he’s getting, and how much more he can do (and wants to do) without my constant interaction. It’s so wonderful to get to spend some quiet moments together, just he & I, without having to split my attention or compromise on where my energy goes. I love my little guys, and getting to spend time with them is a real treat.

Ready to go home

Posted on May 26, 2014 by admin

I still love Austria and I’m still enjoying my time here. I still feel happy, and I love to be in Vienna. I’m looking forward very much to our summer vacation plans that we’re in the process of making and I’m super excited about the school we’ve chosen for B next year. I still think our life here is pretty amazing, and very cool, and good for all of us. But I’m ready to go home.

This isn’t the desperate, hiding under the covers feeling of homesickness. It doesn’t come from feeling overwhelmed or incapable of managing the challenge of being here. I don’t feel sad or lonely. Given infinite money and infinite opportunity to travel, I’m not sure I’d want to go home yet. I really do like it here, a lot.

The real issue is that, however much I love Austria, I miss my family and friends at home terribly. I want to be able to see them more often — not just for a few weeks on vacation, which is lovely but always too short and with too few chances to see and talk to everyone. I want a chance to be part of each other’s day-to-day lives again. I want to see my brother on his birthday. I want my mom to be able to come to the school plays. I want to have my sister over for dinner. I want to go camping with my kids in my dad’s backyard. I want to have a lunch date with a friend. I want to ride my horses again.

I miss my people from home. I love Austria very much, but not enough of the people I love are here.

My day with Liam

Posted on May 23, 2014 by admin

Towards the end of the school year, when most of the formal work has been completed, the weather outside is beautiful, and the kids can barely be contained with their enthusiasm to run and play, the kids’ school days become peppered with outings and parties. There are short jaunts out to the neighborhood playgrounds, trips out for ice cream, and big, full-day excursions around Vienna to celebrate the end of the year. The kids have a fantastic time and come home thoroughly exhausted from running, playing, hiking, picnicking, riding on trains and splashing in ponds. Yesterday was one of those “big” trips for Benjamin’s class. We had to drop him off early and he didn’t get picked up until 4:00 in the afternoon.

Liam, though, had a normal school day (albeit with a trip to the green Prater to run in the grass), so I picked him up at the usual time of noon. That left us with an entire afternoon, just the two of us, which I’d been looking forward to for a few weeks. (And then, next week, when Liam has a full-day field trip, B and I will get a whole afternoon together, too!)

At first he was worried about B, and he wanted us to wait around at the school until he got back. But he got used to the idea, and pretty excited. I gave him the choice of choosing anywhere and anything for lunch . . . and he decided to go to the grocery store and choose his own cereal and a set of stickers for himself and one for B.

We went home, had a cereal picnic on the living room floor while watching Team Umizoomi, and then he took a nap. I’d been planning to do something fun and out of the ordinary — like a pre-nap trip to the playground — but his earlier trip out with his class (he was affronted that the teachers put sunscreen on him, because that’s apparently only my job) pretty much wore him out.

It wasn’t until we were most of the way through our day that it occurred to me that this will be the pattern of most of our days, starting in the fall. B will be at school all day, I will pick Liam up mid-day, and we’ll spend the afternoon together. I hadn’t really thought about that part of things before — I think I’ve been so focused on Benjamin’s experience next year, because it will be new, and because it required a lot of action on our part to get it to happen, that I never really thought much about how things are going to change for the rest of us. I really enjoyed my quiet day with Liam. It is so much easier to talk to and connect with the kids when we’re one-on-one. Nobody has to take turns talking, compromise on TV shows, or play alone while I play with the other one. But, even so, I think we’re going to miss B in the afternoons an awful lot starting in the fall.

Work picnic

Posted on May 21, 2014 by admin

Yesterday, Dan’s work division hosted a picnic for the employees and their families. A lot of times, when his work has an event, we skip it, because these things aren’t always family-friendly, even when they intend to be. But a picnic sounded perfect! We decided to go, and we were all very much looking forward to it.

This is how I imagined this was going to go (before it happened): there would be food, drink, and socializing; there would be space for the kids to play, other kids for them to play with, and not too much worry about spills and messes; we would get a chance to visit with some friends, and I would get to meet some of Dan’s co-workers that I don’t yet know; good times would be had by all.

In reality, this is more of what it was actually like: there was food, drink, and socializing; there was plenty of space for the kids to play … but every bit of it was at least semi-hazardoous (we were alongside a river, at the bottom of a steep hill that the kids wanted to climb up and run down, at the top of the hill were two bike lanes and a low wall . . . which had a 20 foot drop down to a highway on the other side, and there was a large, low and very hot grill); there were several other kids of just the right age for the boys to play with; we did get a chance to visit with some friends (several that I hadn’t seen in qiute a while) and I met many of the people Dan tells me about every day, but there were also lots of people crowded around in a pretty small area, nowhere good to sit, and several people who made it very clear that they weren’t happy there were kids there at all; good times were generally had by all, and we all ended the evening happy but EXTREMELY worn out.

Also, I hadn’t realized it, but I’m around more Austrians than expats these days. I’m so used to assimilating now that I don’t really remember entirely how to be American. And I’m very out of practice at being American while NOT accidentally being rude to a non-American. (I think I’ve squarely entered that part of expat living where I’m not at all a local but it’s getting uncomfortable to put my old culture back on, too.) I’m also an introvert (maybe now more than ever) and I so often underestimate how much these types of social events — especially with many people I don’t know — will take out of me. (As an interesting note, every couple there was made up of pepole from two different countries. I guess that’s how you know you’re at a UN function!)

A rare picture including me!

Although it might sound like I’m complaining about the evening, I’m not. Ths is life with kids. We went, we supervised the kids intensely, tried to convince them to eat while sneaking quick bites of food between managing cups of juice and preventing Liam from literally diving into the brownies. It was fun, and social. We managed a few half-conversations with some old and and new friends between moments of running after the boys. Our kids had a FANTASTIC time playing with the other kids and were so happy to have made some new friends. We all had a really good time, in fact. But, the days of the relaxing, carefree social picnic are behind us, at least for now.

Summer vacation plans

Posted on May 20, 2014 by admin

I talk a lot about how great our experience has been with our preschool here in Vienna. I think we got exceptionally lucky when we signed B up for school that first year. We didn’t yet know where we’d be living, so we requested a place near Dan’s work (which has turned out to be far less convenient than we imagined it would be) but the 40 minute commute each way is completely worth the level of instruction and kindness the kids have received at their school. Vienna runs many preschools throughout the city, all free or at very low cost (if the kids eat meals at school, there is a charge), and all run on the Montessori model (more or less — we’ve heard that this varies greatly). It’s pretty much the Shangri-La of preschools around here. Putting our kids into preschools of this caliber most likely would not have been possible for us in the US — and certainly not without me going back to work. We’re incredibly grateful for the opportunity that we’ve had here in terms of the kids and school.

But then … we have some interesting situations pop up, that I don’t think we ever would have encountered back at home.

Late last month, the teachers sent home the annual summer vacation forms. The idea is for parents to fill them out to let the school know which weeks the kids will be at school or on vacation so that they can plan staffing for the summer months when many families are away. Makes sense, especially given that vacations here in the summer are almost always at least 2 weeks long, and often as much as 6-8 weeks. We know quite a few people who leave Vienna in late June and don’t come back until late August.

We’d been thinking that we would probably be home in the US (permanently) by summer vacation time this year, so we hadn’t given our summer plans a lot of thought (even though it’s becoming increasingly likely that we’ll be here for a while yet). Getting the vacation form was a bit of a wake up call that we needed to plan for a summer still spent in Austria. So, we sat down, came up with a rough idea, and returned our forms to the school. Our plan was to take a few weeks of vacation in July (to see some of Austria that we haven’t yet seen … and to see some of our favorite parts again), then to send the kids to school for a few weeks mid-summer (to give me some summer time without the kids to enjoy Vienna, to keep them from getting entirely out of the habit of going to school, and to give B a few more leisurely weeks of preschool before “real” school starts in the fall), and then take a few more weeks off mid-August (to take a break before getting back into the swing of things at school again). It was a little different than anything we’ve done before — because Liam was previously always home with me, we took previous summers as a chance to take a break from the 40-minute-each-way commute every weekday and kept both boys home together with me all summer. And although I’ve loved that, I was looking forward to being able to do it differently this year — our only chance to do it this way, because next summer, and all subsequent summers, B will have regular summer school holidays, so he’ll be home and we’ll probably keep Liam home as well.

Then, just yesterday, they told us no.

No, the boys can’t come in for a few weeks mid-summer — could we please keep them home all summer instead? We said that of course they could stay home, but because this was in German and Dan didn’t completely understand, we didn’t really understand why. As it turns out, they’re going to be very short-staffed for those weeks, so they’ve asked that all of the families that have at least one stay-at-home parent to keep their kids home. And though I don’t mind, I can’t help but find the whole situation a little funny … and I don’t think it’s something we’d be as likely to run into back in the States.

So, new plan for the summer: as of June 27, the boys will be home with me until B starts elementary school in late August. And I am truly and sincerely happy to have them. We’ll have a great time, just like we have our other summers here.

Stranger danger

Posted on May 15, 2014 by admin

Life in Vienna is very, very safe. Even though it is a major capital city, crime here is minimal. Bikes get stolen a lot. Homes get broken into when people are away on vacation. Pick-pocketing is not unheard of (but not as frequent as the legions of reverse-backpacking-wearing tourists seem to fear). And that’s pretty much it. Muggings, assaults and other violent crimes are very nearly unheard of. Children take public transportation alone, often as young as about 8 years old. Groups of young girls walk dark streets safely late at night. I’ve never been in a situation in Vienna where I feared for my safety.

Coming from the US, this was a complete culture shock for me. Even living in an affluent suburb of Washington, DC, I always made sure to park under a street light and check my surroundings before getting out of my car and walking the few yards to my front door. So I still have to remind myself to not be horrified when I see a little boy, barely older than Benjamin, get on an U-Bahn completely alone. I’m softening, living in Vienna, though. I don’t worry much about which neighborhood we venture into at night, and I could be pick-pocketed in a heartbeat if someone tried. (Visiting Rome and Paris were both very stressful for me because I’ve gotten out of the habit of being constantly vigilant, and we really had to be while we were there.)

But still. I’m a mom, and I want to protect my kids. And every so often you hear that someone tried to abduct a child or might have been trying to abduct a child or maybe was just talking to a child but you never know. The way journalism works here compounds my lack of clarity over things like this. Vienna has two free daily papers which I often find discarded on seats of the U-Bahn and which are just barely not tabloids and which do like to be as overly dramatic as possible (think “The Daily Mail”), an English language online newspaper that updates their headlines every few months (not joking), and other, more typical and respectable newspapers that I never see. So it’s hard to tell.

We’ve talked some to B, and a very little to Liam, about “stranger danger”. We felt like we had to have some kind of talk with them about it since they’ve been out in the city on field trips starting at 3 years old. It’s so hard to talk with them about it. Trying to instill the requisite caution without terrifying them or destroying all faith in humanity has been tricky, especially with B, who has always been sensitive. (Liam’s response is usually that he’ll scream at/bite/kick/punch them if they try to talk to him. And I believe him.)

So when I found out that B’s class was doing a unit this spring about “not going with strangers”, I was worried. I thought he might come out of it totally freaked out about life and people. But I also know that it’s important, and his teachers can give him something I can’t — good information about what to say and do In German. If someone approaches him, I want him to scream, run, fight, WHATEVER, and I don’t want him to freeze because he gets stuck trying to respond in German and doesnt know what to say.

So, they started. And I kept an eye out for signs of worry or trauma — sleepless nights, nightmares, general worry — and I was prepared to answer any questions he might have. But none came. He seemed fine. Not worried or anxious.

The weeks went on, and I still saw no worry or stress in him. I asked him about it, and he replied, very matter-of-factly, that they were learning to say “Stop!” if someone tried to get them to go anywhere, and that they shouldn’t go off with anyone, even if that person had a picture of a dog or said they knew their mom or dad (all good information). He seemed to really be learning, and to not be freaked out at all.

Yesterday, B’s class hosted a party for all of their families, and, as part of it, they put on a series of skits to show us what they have learned about strangers. We all went to watch. Again, I was a little anxious that it would be scary or traumatic (to the kids or the parents), but it wasn’t. The kids were very good at demonstrating what they’d learned, and so proud to show us all. B played the part of a kid whose playmate gets dragged away by a stranger — it was his job to go tell the “mom” what happened. The kids were very confident and full of smiles. I don’t know how the teachers did it, but they managed to make the whole thing very positive and empowering. I am truly impressed. (And, of course, I think B was amazing and impressive. I am so proud of him for how happily and confidently he exists at his school in a language he’s still just learning to speak! He did GREAT!)

And then, after the performances, we all gathered for cake that the kids had made themselves. We had a great and fun afternoon. I am so proud of my boy for learning so much and for being so grown up, and I am infinitely grateful to his teachers and the magic they manage to work with these kids.

A Mommy Abroad

Our big adventure, as a family of three.