THIS is a Spielplatz!

Posted on March 7, 2014 by admin

I’ve talked a lot about how much I appreciate the playgrounds here. They’re less safe, undoubtedly, than those back home, but the ones here provide much more opportunity for my kids to challenge themselves physically and mentally, to accomplish things they didn’t think that they could, and to sometimes make the choice to back down from a challenge that is too great for them. Sometimes the ladders are too high, the ropes too wobbly, the slides too steep. I like seeing them make their own choices about what is a reasonable amount of risk to take on. (After all, aren’t we faced with choices like that our whole lives?)

I forget sometimes that however challenging and extreme our neighborhood playgrounds seem by my American standards, they are nothing in the overall scheme of Austrian playgrounds. Two weekends ago, Liam wanted to visit a playground that we’ve been to before, out in the western outskirts of Vienna (at Am Himmel). Since we’d last been in the fall, they’ve updated a lot of the equipment, making this one of the most challenging playgrounds the kids have ever been to. Liam remembered it for the “giant slide” — a 10-12′ tall slide (with no railings) that gives me butterflies every time either of my kids climbs it. After the update, that is now seriously one of the tamer elements.

My kids had a blast, and I survived (just barely … just kidding). I think these places to play are fantastic. Yes, I bet kids get hurt here all the time. I imagine that teeth get chipped, arms get broken. And I know if something like that happened to one of my kids, I’d be likely to beat myself up over having allowed them to take those risks. But it is truly amazing to watch them in this environment, pushing their limits, accomplishing difficult things, working out solutions, and sometimes deciding that a challenge is too ambitious. In this moment, I do believe it’s wort the risk … and it’s also an absolute ton of fun, for all of us.

Baking “together”

Posted on March 4, 2014 by admin

From time to time, the kids and I bake together. I try to do it each weekend (and we actually manage to do it about half that often). In theory, it’s a great idea — they like it, I like it, and I believe it’s good life skill training. They get to practice measuring and following directions, and they will (hopefully) get to adulthood with the idea that they can produce something in the kitchen.

But in reality, it never goes how I imagine it. No matter how prepared I am, our baking always devolves into disaster — kids throwing ingredients, eating massive amounts of the ingredients or blowing ingredients into each other’s faces, me snarling or grouching the kids into semi-submission while it all starts to feel like torture instead of fun. About half the time, one or both of the kids either quits early or ends up getting removed to go play something with Daddy while I finish up in the kitchen. I’m completely willing to let go of the quality of the finished product, and I’m 100% ok with the ensuing mess, but I’d like to actually get SOMETHING into the oven at the end of the process . . . and more than anything, I’d like for all of us to enjoy the experience (at least most of the time).

Grandmas, and organized Pinterest-ready moms, I need your help — how do you do it? How can I make it work? Any secrets to being somewhat successful at baking AND at allowing all of us to stay in good spirits at the same time? (I am actually asking.) We have great intentions, but we just don’t have that much success. I’d like the reality to more closely resemble the sweet pictures I take during the precious few minutes of calm amidst the calamity.

Bad words

Posted on March 3, 2014 by admin

Benjamin’s German is better than mine at this point. He certainly understands more, and though our vocabulary is focused in quite different areas, I would guess that he speaks more German than I do (and his pronunciation is certainly better).

This leads to some very particular challenges that I imagine are faced by parents of bi-lingual (or nearly bi-lingual) children everywhere. I don’t always know what the boys are saying when they speak German, and more specifically, I think B is saying things that he shouldn’t be, but I can’t be sure. Add to this the fact that B’s best friend at school is a native Spanish speaker, and everything gets more complicated.

I know the “big” swears in German (the same ones everyone knows if they’ve watched enough WWI movies) but I don’t know anything about the ones a kindergartener might use. He and his friends had a fondness for one that was an amalgamation of Spanish and German and roughly translated into “poop death” (it took me FOREVER to parse what he was saying) and he’s recently added one that I don’t recognize at all, but the mischievous giggle that comes with it makes me pretty suspicious.

I think my best strategy at this point may be to make a video of him saying it and then to distribute it to my Austrian (and maybe Spanish speaking) friends for analysis. In the meantime, it may just be that getting away with a little naughtiness is one of the perks of living abroad when you’re 5.

Public transpor-tantrum

Posted on February 28, 2014 by admin

We love the public transportation system in Vienna. Truly. It’s clean, it’s reliable, it’s inexpensive, and it’s nearly as fast as getting around by car (not that we have one). And, since we don’t have a car, it’s our primary mode of transportation.

But HAVING to commute by public transportation, every weekday, with both kids, can also be a challenge. I take the boys to school most mornings — a 40 minute trip during morning rush hour on an U-Bahn (subway) train and a city bus. And the major trick is that my boys are 3 and 5, AND there are other people who want to use the train to get where they’re going, too. (Imagine that!)

It’s really hard to have an audience for all of the difficult times that can happen in the morning. For those of you who take your kids to school or daycare by car, just think back to every morning car ride that’s hard — rides that feature screaming, throwing things, poking each other, looking at each other the wrong way or 1,000,000 times of asking the same question (at increasingly louder volumes). We have those, too, and we have a train car full of strangers as an audience. And, because our “audience” is primarily Austrian, so they are, by nature, some of the most shockingly quiet people on the planet. What an American considers normal conversational volume on a train is effectively shouting on an Austrian train, so the normal volume at which my children speak is almost always the loudest sound on the train. And that’s on a good day.

Most days are fine. On days when the train isn’t too crowded and we get our own space, things generally go well. If the boys each get a window seat, and I can sit next to whoever is the most fragile on that particular day, I can typically manage a head off any problems. But there’s no way to guarantee that. Even when things go “badly”, it’s usually ok. The boys like to sit by themselves in their seats, so usually a warning that bad behavior will result in having to sit in my lap is enough to save a potentially bad trip . . . but not always.

This morning was a tough one. In fact, it undoubtedly goes on the list of top 5 worst trips to school ever. We ended up in a crowded train car. B sat by the window, but Liam didn’t get to. I sat next to B, and across from Liam. Liam kept leaning on the woman sitting next to him. He wouldn’t stop, so I picked him up and held him, which resulted in him screaming, trying to wiggle out of my arms, and kicking me … a pretty normal 3 year old tantrum. It’s part of life as a parent. But to go through that while literally surrounded by other people is rough. In the course of his tantrum, he managed to kick 3 other passengers, hit me twice and have literally every eye in the train on us. I just held onto him and tried to restrain him and calm him down as best I could. He cried and screamed and flailed, but we really had no options. The train was quite full and we were lucky to have seats at all. We just had to get through it. As a last resort, Liam even asked if the guy sitting across from him (a complete stranger) could hold him instead. (Nice.)

By the time we got on the bus, all was well. The rest of our trip to school was fun and peaceful. But these are the mornings when I really wish we had a car, so I could strap them safely into their car seats and handle any screaming meltdowns in private.

Cinderella

Posted on February 24, 2014 by admin

This past weekend was the IAEA Ball — the one we’ve gone to the last two years. We had tickets, and had planned to go, but we couldn’t. Our two regular babysitters were both busy, so we stayed home. The ball, being many hours long and lasting late into the night, isn’t the kind of thing we could try out a new babysitter for, nor could we just impose on a friend who hadn’t watched the kids before.

So we didn’t go. It’s a bit disappointing, but it’s part of life abroad as a parent. (It’s actually just part of life as a parent in general, but it happens a lot more to us now that we’re far from home.) At home, there’s almost no chance that we would have to skip an important event because we were without a sitter. We have a large family and lots of friends with kids of similar ages — we would have been able to work something out with someone, I’m sure.

Living abroad means getting by with a significantly reduced support structure. I’m incredibly grateful for the support that we DO have here, and appreciative of what we had at home even more than I was when I had it. Both at home and living here, we’ve been truly lucky to have the chance to do some fun, social things that wouldn’t have worked with the kids in tow. This year’s ball just didn’t happen to be one of them. That’s just how it goes.

Night terrors

Posted on February 20, 2014 by admin

Liam gets night terrors. From time to time, he starts screaming in the middle of the night. Sometimes he just screams, sometimes he cries, sometimes he calls out for us. We rush in and find him, still asleep, but appearing to be in awful pain and torment. He thrashes around, grabs at his legs, claws at his arms, wrings his hands. To witness it, you’d be certain that he is at least in the throes of a terrible nightmare, and at worst, suffering an onslaught of pain from a horrible illness.

He is almost impossible to wake from this state. Trying to pick him up intensifies his anguish. Trying to hug or kiss him incites him to lash out violently. Saying his name, turning on the lights, even clapping our hands, all serve no purpose except to upset him even more. When we finally do wake him, he is still upset, but more at being rudely awoken in the middle of the night than anything else — he doesn’t remember being frightened or crying out. Night terrors are apparently completely normal in a child of his age, and he most likely has no idea why, to his mind, his parents randomly wake him some nights full of stress and concern. These night terrors can last 10-20 minutes (although it always feels like hours), but once it’s over, he is usually peacefully asleep again within minutes.

When this first started happening, we were terrified and overwhelmed. We had a screaming, tormented toddler in the middle of the night with nothing we could do to fix him. (We’ve since learned that it’s better NOT to wake him, so we don’t, but it goes against every instinct that I have.) Of course, we went through all the normal parenting worries: is there something wrong with him, is he sick or suffering in some way, how do we help him??? And, honestly, the stress was amplified by the fact that we live in an apartment and we worry about whether we’re waking all of our neighbors when this happens. Knowing that this is a developmentally normal thing (and that there’s nothing we can do about it) allays most of our fears. But I still feel bad about what we’re inflicting on our neighbors.

We don’t have any idea how this affects our neighbors, because no one has ever said anything. No one has ever asked us about it, or complained, but we can’t imagine that they haven’t noticed or that they don’t know which apartment it’s coming from (as an American family with small kids living in a country of exceptionally quiet people, we make more noise than the rest of our building’s residents combined). Since I don’t know what anyone thinks about it (are they quietly seething or patiently understanding?) I worry. I worry that they don’t understand, and one day the Austrian version of child services is going to show up and demand to know what torture we’re inflicting on our kid at 1 in the morning. (And all of this is made worse in the summer months because no one here has air conditioning and everyone sleeps with their windows open.)

It’s another area where cultural norms are different, and it makes them hard to navigate. I hope that my neighbors understand, or even better, that by some trick of architectural acoustics they aren’t particularly bothered by it. But I wonder how I would ever even know what they think about it (and I wonder how Austrian parents would handle the same situation).

Playground Olympics

Posted on February 17, 2014 by admin

Living in Vienna is my first experience of living in any kind of big city. When we lived in Virginia in the US, we lived in a very busy and crowded suburb, but it wasn’t the same as living in an actual city. In a lot of ways, I think that particular suburb had a lot of the worst characteristics of city life (traffic, tons of people, noise, expensive housing) with very few of the redeeming qualities (walkability, sense of neighborhood, culture on your doorstep).

I have, however, both where I grew up and then living in Virginia as an adult, been fortunate to live in very culturally diverse places. Living near Washington, DC does that — with so many people from international diplomatic services, as well as DC being the heart of the American government, there is an environment of cultural and ethnic diversity from around the world and throughout the US itself that’s pretty impressive. Vienna has much the same situation — home to a main office of the UN, there is, by requirement, a vast international community, and, since we live in the very heart of the city, we get to experience the international feeling of a major city that is then amplified by the UN’s existence here.

As such, my kids are growing up in a very international environment. Benjamin’s kindergarten class has kids from at least 5 different countries and Liam’s class has at least 6 nations represented — and each class only has 20 kids.

But school isn’t the only place we see this dynamic. Living in Vienna’s 1st district (the central and oldest part of the city) we encounter this international feeling all the time. It’s entirely common to take a trip to the playground and meet children from all over the world. On one particularly frustrating occasion, B tried repeatedly, in increasingly slow and precise German, to ask another child their name and age. He finally came to me in exasperation, asking why he wasn’t being understood, and after inquiring, it turned out that the child was Russian and spoke no German. (And since we speak no Russian, they were able to play together, but not talk much.) Another time, my two boys befriended two boys of similar age, finally settling on French as their most common language (in which Benjamin can only say “Bonjour” and “Je m’appelle Benjamin” … but it worked).

This weekend, I looked around the playground and realized that there were four families and four different languages and nationalities represented — American, Spanish, Russian and Austrian. This is perfectly normal at our local playground. We’re almost never the only “imported” family there. Watching my kids play with and around other children from all over the world makes me appreciate that of all the international cities we could have ended up in, Vienna is one of the best. My kids are used to hearing other languages all the time, they have the experience of finding a common language and sharing common interests with kids from all over the world. Plus, it’s so much easier to be “foreign” and “different” when you aren’t the only one. I love the international feeling in Vienna, and the variety of kids my boys are exposed to. Every trip to the playground is like our own little kindergarten Olympics.

Our Austrian Valentine’s Days

Posted on February 14, 2014 by admin

Growing up, I was never a big Valentine’s Day person. As a little kid, I liked making the “mailboxes” to collect our Valentines at school, but being a perfectionist, it never quite turned out the way I wanted. As a teenager, I was a perennially grouchy person on Valentine’s Days, because I was always full of unrequited affection for someone or another. Then, as a young adult, even when I was coupled up mid-February, I never quite lost my vestigial semi-bitterness and residual disdain for Valentine’s Day.

Like so many things, I didn’t really start to like it until I was a parent, and then only because I made a choice and an intellectual effort to not pass on this anti-Valentine’s issue to my kids.

Since becoming a mom, I’ve been completely turned around on Valentine’s Day. I actually quite like it now. Since Benjamin’s very first Valentine’s Day, I’ve done a little something for the kids each year — a card, some decorations, or maybe a special treat. Nothing major, just something fun and little to mark the day and say “I love you.” I love doing it for them, and I love seeing them look forward to these little things, and then, by extension, to see them look for sweet little kindnesses to do for us or for each other on Valentine’s Day. They always do. They draw pictures for us or for each other, share their special treats, give extra hugs and kisses, share their toys with more willingness. It’s truly heartwarming, and has completely won me over.

Beyond that, though, Valentine’s Day is not really a children’s holiday here. There are no school parties, no heart shaped cookies, no glittery Valentines handed out, no paper hearts on the walls or windows, no classrooms full of kids wearing red and pink. Absolutely none of it. Adults celebrate Valentine’s Day here — with flowers, chocolates or a dinner out — but it’s really only for grown ups (and even then, not a particularly big deal). My guys were dressed in red for school today, but if anyone else was, it was purely a coincidence. I suspect that will be a bit of culture shock for my boys when we move home — the concept of celebrating Valentine’s Day at school will be weird to them, I expect (much how they feel about dressing up for Halloween at school — when I mentioned that tradition to them the other day, they reacted with skepticism and surprise).

But, as much as all of that would be (and will be) sweet, I’m ok with the way things are here. Valentine’s Day here is very nearly (as far as my kids know) something that only our family does. Our traditions shape the whole of their idea of the day. They see Daddy bring flowers for Mommy, so they want to bring me some, too. They look forward to their homemade cards in the morning, and they draw us hearts and pictures at school. They come home to fresh cookies, and they share them with each other. We all get lots of extra hugs and kisses today, because it’s Valentine’s Day. And I’m very happy about all of it.

Skating 2014

Posted on February 12, 2014 by admin

After our ride on the Riesenrad and our resort-like swimming experience, we decided that the next piece of our stay-cation should be something close to home and familiar (also, easier), so we decided to take our first trip of 2014 over to the Wiener Eistraum — the massive temporary skating complex put on at the Rathaus each winter.

It’s a pretty fantastic setup. There are two large skating rinks, connected by a series of iced paths through the trees of the park in front of Vienna’s Rathaus. It’s possible to basically stroll through the park, but on skates. Then there’s a separate area set aside during the day for children to practice their skating (in the evenings during the week, this area is used as curling lanes). The children’s area is free to use, so the only cost is renting skates for the boys. I knew, with it being the school holidays, that the children’s area would be busy (although not too much busier than usual — when school is in session, this area is typically crowded with school groups on field trips), but we hadn’t yet been over to skate this year, and I really wanted to overcome the inertia of being out of the habit.

It’s always a fun activity. The kids love getting their skates on and getting out on the ice. The thing is, I tend to forget that it ALSO is a ton of work and full of drama. Yes, the boys love renting their skates and getting out on the ice. But it’s also a bit frustrating learning a new skill, and there are never quite enough of the practice penguins to go around . . . and an hour of holding up off-balance kids gets exhausting. B does ok. He’s gone skating enough to basically remember what to do, and he has pretty reasonable expectations for himself (probably more realistic than mine). Liam, being littler, gets frustrated more easily. And though I have fond memories of all of our winter skating trips so far in Vienna, in retrospect I think every trip has ended with at least one of the kids angry or in tears (or both).

This was the same. B did well, but he really wore me out (he wanted to practice as much as possible without the penguin, which just meant I had to hold him up most of the time). Liam did well, too, but he did get frustrated and then bored. We stayed less than an hour, but I’m still glad we went. It’s a very special part of winter in Vienna, and I’m glad to start to get ourselves back in the habit of going. It’s on for another month, so hopefully we’ll get more chances to all go together.

I went again yesterday, by myself while the boys were at school. I, too, started with enthusiasm and slightly unrealistic expectations. After about half an hour, my feet and ankles were sore, and I had started to get wobbly from tiring out my muscles. I decided to call it a day before I fell or pulled something. Again, I’m glad I went, and I hope I’ve started myself in the habit of going. I’d like to make the most of the last month of it. But it gave me a lot of sympathy for the boys, and helped to remind me why it’s never quite as easy to go skating as I imagine it will be.

Swimming in February

Posted on February 11, 2014 by admin

Our week of home-grown fun in Vienna continued last week with, of all things, a trip to the pool. We wanted the boys to really enjoy our stay-cation, so we asked them what they wanted to do during our collective week off. Liam’s first choice was the Riesenrad, which we visited on our first day, while B’s chose a trip to the pool, which surprised us (we’d been thinking of, and suggesting, more wintry activities, such as skiing or skating).

I thought, since we were on vacation, that maybe we could find something particularly fun, in terms of swimming, rather than just going to our usual pool where the boys took a few lessons last year. A little poking around online led me to “discover” Dianabad — a very kid-friendly resort-type set up quite close to our apartment (and only two blocks from our first home in Vienna).

It was excellent. At €23, it was a little expensive for a 2 hour visit (which included the time it took us to locate lockers and get changed — never an easy task for a family of four) but it was well worth it. I was very pleasantly surprised by how many fun areas there were, and how each area catered to a different age and swimming skill level. It was basically like a massive indoor water playground, and the kids loved it.

As the boys are not yet good swimmers (although they’d say otherwise) we started in the baby pool, for ages 6 and under. The water was warm and shallow (knee-deep on Liam) but included an easy to negotiate water slide for the little ones. The water was shallow enough that the boys were able to crawl around and splash, immediately getting them back to being comfortable in the water.

They bored of that part pretty quickly, though, so we went on to explore the other areas. In the next level up (in terms of age — for 8 and under), the boys explored a tire swing in the water, a tunnel they could crawl through, another water slide, slightly deeper and cooler water, and huge overhead fountains that sprayed water for a few minutes at a time every so often. They then moved on to the pirate ship area (for 14 and under) with even more slides — this time, the slides landed in water deep enough to be about chest-height on the boys when they were sitting, and which splashed up into their faces when they arrived at the bottom. It was *perfect* for stretching their self-imposed limits just a little at a time, while not putting them into any kind of peril.

They had a fantastic time, and so did we. The variety of activities meant that no one got bored, and each of the boys was able to choose an area that fit their comfort level. In addition to the kids-specific areas, there was also a “river” with floating inner tubes, a massive wave pool (which Liam loved wading through) and an impressively enthusiastic water slide. It was more like being at a water park than it was like “just” going to the pool.

And, because it’s Vienna, things were pretty laid back. Most of the kids over the age of about 8 were only vaguely supervised by their parents, although the behavior of all of the kids was pretty good, and the older ones did a generally good job of watching out for the little ones. Their were only 2 lifeguards on duty for the entire pool, and they were focused on the big wave pool — parents are expected to watch over their littler kids in the children’s areas . . . and they do. And there are fewer rules. Although not running around the pool is a good idea, people weren’t chastised for it. The pools were mostly too shallow for diving (there were no diving boards) and there were signs posted to that effect. I didn’t see anyone dive while we were there. So, we saw a lot of that odd dichotomy that we’ve become accustomed to here — fewer rules, but more sensible behavior; less oversight, and more individual responsibility.

In all, it was a great day. I only regret that I didn’t get a few pictures. (Although, with the European sense of acceptance towards less-clothed children, it probably would have been tough for me to get pictures that didn’t include other people’s half-dressed kids.) My only fear is that with this swimming adventure, we may have set the bar a little high for future swimming trips.

A Mommy Abroad

Our big adventure, as a family of three.

Category Archives: Kids and Parenting