Plan B

Posted on April 9, 2014 by admin

We had a plan for the last weekend of March. The kids had Friday off for a teacher work day, so Dan planned to take off of work and we were finally going to go to Prague for the weekend — a destination which has been on our list since we moved to Vienna.

When planning travel, especially with kids, it’s so important to have a “plan B” in mind, because things don’t always work out as planned. In this case, Liam spent almost an entire week sick with an on again/off again fever leading up to our intended trip, and a trip to Prague just wasn’t going to be the right choice for us. So, at the last minute, we decided not to go.

It was hard to give up the plan that we were all so excited about, but we made the right choice. By Monday, Liam was well again, but the next day, B got sick and then I followed him. In short, we are just now coming off of 2+ weeks with at least one of us sick, and our trip to Prague was intended to be right in the middle of that.

It’s a bummer, because we were really looking forward to finally seeing Prague, and we had found a great (and not too expensive) place to stay (which B helped me pick out, and he was SO excited to go). But it’s ok — Prague has been there for a long time, and it isn’t going anywhere. We’ll just have to wait a bit longer for our chance to see it.

Field trip

Posted on April 8, 2014 by admin

It took some getting used to, but I now accept the frequency and variety of Viennese Kindergarten (preschool) field trips as a matter of course. I’ve never had a child in American preschool, but I suspect they don’t do quite as many outings via public transportation as Viennese children do (Liam has two field trips, both requiring several subways journeys, just this week, and B has one). It’s entirely common to see a group of tiny children, shepherded by 3 or 4 teachers, riding the bus or subway or just walking down the street. I’ve grown so accustomed to it that B doesn’t even seem particularly young to be doing such things anymore.

Upon learning, during B’s first year in school here, how common these trips were, I was excited — as a stay-at-home mom, I’d be able to go along on a lot of these trips, right? It’s one of the benefits of staying home with my kids that I’d secretly been looking forward to the most. I love the idea of getting to do fun things around Vienna with my boys and their classmates! Alas, they don’t do the whole “parent chaperone” thing here. When I first suggested it, B’s teachers reacted as though it was the strangest suggestion they had ever heard, commenting, “But it wouldn’t be fair to the children whose parents couldn’t come.” Bummer.

In all, though, I’ve adjusted to the idea of these preschool field trips, and so have the kids. They’ve generally been great successes, and the kids tend to come home happy and very tired. Liam had one such outing today, to an Easter market quite close to our house. (His school is not at all close to our house, so they had to make quite a trek to get here.) He’s gotten good at these, and always behaves really well, so I’ve stopped worrying (overly) about it. This time, though, I did ask Dan to mention that the class would literally be walking past our front door, so that in case Liam refused to walk any further or insisted on going inside, the teachers would at least have some idea of what was going on. I was SO tempted to just “happen” to stop by the market, in the hopes of catching a glimpse of him and his classmates doing cute stuff, but I didn’t — I knew that there was a good chance of me upsetting him if he saw me, since I wouldn’t be able to actually tag along afterwards.

I did get a lovely surprise, though — when Dan dropped Liam off this morning, and explained to the teachers that they’d be going right past our house, Liam’s teacher asked if I’d like to meet them at the end of the trip and just pick him up right there. Wonderful! Not only would that save him a round trip to school and back, but I’d get to surprise my little guy on his field trip AND take him home with me at the end. Yay!

So, that’s what we did. Liam had a “great” time at the Easter market (apparently there were cookies and bunnies) and his teacher called me at the end. I went straight downstairs and met them next door to our building. (They were as cute as I’d imagined they would be, but I was so excited to see him that I didn’t get a picture.) Liam was SO excited to see me, and SO thrilled when he asked if we could go home and I said yes. He happily said goodbye to his friends and teachers and I took my littlest guy home to play, just the two of us, for an hour or so before Dan brought Benjamin home. It was my favorite field trip so far.

Time travel

Posted on March 31, 2014 by admin

I hate Daylight Saving Time.

Well, I do kind of like that the sun doesn’t rise at 3:30 in the morning in June. And I do like having extra light in the evenings to run, or go for a walk, or stop by the playground. But the switch from “standard” to “saving” time apparently makes my entire family crazy.

It doesn’t just feel like we moved our clocks ahead by an hour, it feels like we travelled back in time 6 months (or more). We all make progress, all the time — the kids grow up, learn to do and handle new things while I try to work on myself, improve my perspective and weed out bad habits and thought processes. The last 36 hours (we just had our time change this past weekend here in Europe) have been like stepping back to last summer or fall, and not in a good way.

Liam has been throwing more tantrums. Liam has been throwing more toys. Liam has been throwing more food. (There’s been a lot of throwing.) Liam has been hitting Benjamin, Dan & I — not something we’ve gotten rid of entirely, but something we had made massive progress on in the past few months. Liam, who recently transitioned to not wearing diapers at all during school hours, refused to leave the house without one this morning and had a crying meltdown at preschool drop off. Benjamin has been tearful over his toys. Benjamin has been tearful over the arrangement of his pillows and blankets. Benjamin has been tearful (and angry) about pretty much every single thing Liam has done in the past day and a half. Both kids seem to have forgotten how to listen. And I have handled all of this with hard-won wisdom and maturity — I’ve screamed, threatened, begged and cried. Let me just say — it has been a massively charming day and a half around here.

I suppose it’s possible that it’s a complete coincidence and we all just woke up in terrible moods and without any flexibility yesterday morning. Maybe we’re coming down with something. Maybe there’s just something in the air. I mean, how could one little shifted hour wreak so much havoc? This feels like jet lag on steroids. We’re all out of patience, empathy, maturity and resilience here right now. Fingers crossed that we get through this transition QUICKLY, and with a whole new appreciation for the progress we’ve all made over the past few months after this temporary reminder of how far we’ve come.

Feature creep

Posted on March 25, 2014 by admin

In my life before parenting, I wore many different hats. I was, at different times, a dance instructor, a software engineer, a horseback riding teacher and a waitress. I’ve often noticed how each of these professions prepared me for parenting, but, of all of them, I thought software engineering was perhaps less applicable to my current life than the others. Until I had an epiphany today: building a train with my 3 year old is EXACTLY like working with any of several difficult managers I encountered in my engineering days.

It goes like this:
Manager/3 year old: “Let’s take on this project! I’m very excited! But I’m relying on you to do most of the actual work.”
Me: “Great! I’m excited too! I really enjoy this kind of work and I’ve thought of a clean, sophisticated, elegant way to do it.”

Manager/3 year old: (some time later) “What’s that part for?”
Me: “That’s how we’re going to make the whole thing connect up at the end.”
Manager/3 year old: “No. It doesn’t go like that. Turn it around the other way.”
Me: “But … ”
Manager/3 year old: “No! Other way!”
Me: (trying to avoid a tantrum while rethinking the entire plan) “Ok, ok!”

Manager/3 year old: (now much later, almost at the end) “I have an idea! I want it to do THIS!”
Me: (taking patient, diplomatic tone) “Yes, we could do that. But we can’t do that AND this original idea at the same time.”
Manager/3 year old: “But you SAID it could do that! You promised!!'”
Me: “Yes, I did. But it can’t do both of those things at the same time. I don’t have enough to do both.”
Manager/3 year old: “No, see? You can just make it work like THIS.”
Me: “Well, I COULD, but not using only the pieces I have AND meeting all of your other requirements at the same time.”
Manager/3 year old: “Waaaah!”

The project is finally complete when I make something work that meets the criteria (but which doesn’t bear any resemblance to an elegant solution) all while telling them they’re getting what they ask for as I quietly hedge and stick in as many not-desired but essential features without drawing attention to what I’m doing. (Distracting them with bells, whistles and flashing lights can be very useful at this stage.)

At the end, success is counted by not having them destroy the entire project before it’s even operational out of frustration at your inability to bend the laws of physics. And then I get this:

Manager/3 year old: “Look what I built!”

And I thought parenting and engineering had nothing in common.

The shortest day ever

Posted on March 21, 2014 by admin

I have this habit of leaving off pieces of the adventures we take when I recount the stories. Ever since I stopped writing the blog WHILE I was traveling (to allow it to feel like more of a vacation) I’ve found that I get back, start to write about it, and then life happens and I get caught up writing about something new that is happening at that moment, which means that I often don’t quite finish telling the stories of our travels.

I want to get caught up, so I’m going to plan to spend at least a day each week catching up on old stories that have yet to be told.

The snowstorm that came at the end of our trip home to the US for Christmas was a ton of fun for the kids (and I’m extra glad they got to experience it since we barely got any snow this year in Vienna). But the other result was that our return flight ended up significantly delayed, which made for kind of a crazy day all around.

I have to give Air France a ton of credit for how well they kept us informed about the developments with our flight. I woke up the morning of our departure with both a text and an email waiting for me about the initial rescheduling of our flight. Because we had nearly 12 hours notice, we were able to relax, enjoy an extra few hours with family and let the kids play in the snow a bit more. They also seamlessly took care of rearranging our connection each of the several times the flight was pushed back a little later, which let us spend our last day packing and enjoying instead of stressing (overly much) about how we were going to get home.

Late that night, we finally headed to the airport (with much gratitude and sad goodbyes to so much of our family who drove us over there) to wait for a while longer in an effectively closed airport. When we’d first planned the flight, a 7 pm departure seemed perfect. Take off, have dinner, and then everyone sleeps (in theory). My boys generally do well on overnight flights, so I was more worried about the flight over than I was about the flight back.

But with the departure moved back to just after 2 am, I didn’t know what to expect. Waiting at the gate was hard. We put the boys in their pajamas (because, realistically, it was after midnight, and sleep was likely). Liam fell asleep. B tried to sleep on the floor (unsuccessfully) after seeing several other people try it. He eventually gave up and wandered over to watch a video over the shoulder of a little French girl who then invited him to come and share her seat. (That was one of my favorite moments of the journey. I was really proud to see B be brave enough to make a friend — and extra points because they did not share a common language. I count this confidence as one of the many good things that have come of this adventure.)

We finally got on the plane and got underway. The airline dutifully served dinner (at about 3 am) and then got us all ready for “nighttime” just as the first rays of the sun were becoming visible on the horizon (they requested that everyone keep their window shades down so that everyone could sleep if they chose to). They turned the lights on and served breakfast at about noon (that’s CET — it was then about 6 pm where we had departed, Eastern time). By the time we landed, it was evening in Paris, the middle of the night in Maryland, and the kids, who had slept in short bursts throughout the flight, were confused and alarmed that the sun was setting just after breakfast. (“Why is the sun setting ALREADY?!? That was the shortest day ever!” We effectively spent 30+ hours in the dark, which created some of the worst jet lag I’ve ever experienced.)

We were exhausted, we were disoriented, we missed the rest of our family already, but we were home (again).

5 reasons I’m glad my kids speak English and German

Posted on March 19, 2014 by admin

Since before we arrived in Austria, nearly 3 years ago, we have been determined that learning German (reasonably well, at least) would be an important piece of our time spent abroad. We chose to enroll our kids in a Viennese, German-only preschool when they each reached 3 years of age. For my older son, this means that he has had 2 1/2 years of school entirely in German, while my younger son is most of the way through his first year. It’s been a great experience. They’ve learned a tremendous amount of German, and having them enrolled in an Austrian school has provided most of my motivation for continuing to learn German, as well (B’s main teacher does not speak any English, and I need to be able to communicate with her).

Participating in Amanda’s blog link up again this week, here are 5 reasons I’m glad my kids speak English and German.

1. They have the knowledge that they CAN learn another language, so hopefully the next one will be easier and less intimidating. If there is one skill I wish I had that I don’t, it is the ability to learn languages easily. I studied French for 7 years in school and learned a fair bit, but it was ways a struggle. I’ve lived here for nearly 3 years and my German is just becoming passable. Throughout my life, I’ve been so intimidated by the struggle of learning a new langauge that I don’t really try to (even when I have the opportunity). I sincerely hope that having learned German at such a young age, my kids will have a lifelong confidence with which to tackle other languages.

2. Confidence moving through the world. I don’t think anything is more off-putting about the thought of travel than not being able to speak the local language. Whether it’s the fear of getting lost and being helpless, or just worry over looking foolish for not being able to communicate, lack of language skills makes travel intimidating when it should be exciting. German is spoken in wide areas of Europe, and I hope that their skills in speaking it will give my kids a sense of freedom to travel within those areas (at least) without any worry throughout their lives.

3. German is less likely to be taught on their American schools later, so now may be the only chance. When I was growing up, we were required to study a foreign language in school, and the choices were French, Spanish and German. I have no idea if my children will take compulsory foreign language in school, but I do know that the German programs were on the verge of being cut when I was in high school (20 years ago) so I don’t imagine that many of them have survived the past 2 decades. One day, my kids will be in American schools, and I will encourage them to learn a language (even if they don’t have to). But that will be the time to pick up French or Spanish — this may be their only chance to learn German.

4. German is really cool. As with any language, there are particular words and idioms that are uniquely perfect within a language, and I love some of the ones I’ve learned in German. I love that the German word for strawberry (Erdbeere) literally means “earth berry” or “ground berry” (because they grow so close to the ground). I love the word “raunen”, which is the word for the sound the wind makes. I love that the root of the word for speed (geschwindigkeit) is the word for windy (windig) so that it literally translates to something like wind-making-ness. I just found out yesterday that the word for staple remover is the same as the word for mother-in-law … because both separate things that are together. (Ha!) Besides, nothing beats telling someone off in German for sheer intimidation factor. German is cool.

5. A common language is not required to make a connection to others (but it helps). As they get older and more confident (and as they accumulate more miles travelled around Europe) I see my kids reach out to other children that they encounter, regardless of whether or not they can communicate well with them. My boys have attempted French and Spanish when German and English have failed them. But certainly, they have the easiest time (and the most luck) making friends when they can communicate together well. Watching them chat and be silly with their friends and teachers at school is heartwarming and inspiring. They simply could not have done that 3 years ago. Learning the language has made the difference.

Ben-ha-meen and Leon

Posted on March 18, 2014 by admin

Names are tricky. When I was pregnant with Benjamin, and found out we were expecting a boy, I knew we were in big trouble. We’d had a girl’s name chosen for years (since back before we even really intended to have kids) but we’d never even gotten close to agreeing on a boy’s name. When we found out we were expecting, we’d tabled the discussion in the hopes that we were having a girl and wouldn’t have to ever slog through the process of reaching a compromise.

We struggled. There were only a few names that at least one of us did not strongly dislike (honestly, the main problem was that Dan was shockingly picky about boys’ names and I just happened to dislike several of the only 5 or 6 he considered acceptable). In the end, we had a list of about 8 names to choose from which were at least passable to both of us, but we each had a strong favorite. We each lobbied for our favorite but (grudgingly) acknowledged that the other would do.

In a surprising twist, as soon as B was born, when first we looked upon him, we each (unbeknownst to the other) changed our minds. Dan decided he preferred the name I’d been advocating for while I suddenly felt that Dan’s favorite name would be perfect. Benjamin went on to spend his first three days without a name until Dan finally decided to let me choose.

Of course, at the time, we could not have foreseen that we’d be living in Austria less than 3 years later. Benjamin is a valid, if not overly common, name in Austria (and seems to belong almost exclusively to Jewish children — names cross cultures much less often here). Generally, people don’t have trouble parsing it, though everyone wants to call him Ben (which he has decided he doesn’t like) and they pronounce it “Ben-ha-meen”, which sometimes bothers him.

With Liam, we really ought to have been able to anticipate a possible move to Austria, but we didn’t consider how well his name would work here, and we thus gave him a name that almost no one in Austria can pronounce correctly. Most people mishear it as Leon, Lia or Leo. (The only places in the world we’ve so far found where that doesn’t happen are the UK and Ireland, where everyone hears “Liam” just fine the first time and absolutely no one considers it the least bit unusual. Of course.) With Liam, however, we had the good fortune to actually agree on a name well before he was born. (“Liam” was on the short list of names when we were expecting B, but it had become the favorite for each of us in the intervening years.) After the months-long process of choosing B’s name, it was a nice surprise to choose a name for Liam in about 10 minutes.

Choosing names for my children was such a massive responsibility, and I tried so hard to give them names that would be easy to understand, that were well known but not wildly popular, and which would work for them at all phases of their lives. I considered their names only from an American perspective, though, since it was the only perspective I had. Now it turns out that my logic has been trumped by geography, and, if I am successful in raising boys who move easily through the world, this may be just the beginning of their experience with trying out their names throughout the world (for better or for worse).

Faschings

Posted on March 14, 2014 by admin

We’re starting to get the hang of the whole Faschings thing, but we don’t quite celebrate it like locals yet. Although the purpose is completely different (it’s the Austrian version of Mardi Gras or Carnival) a lot of the celebration is effectively like Halloween. Kids and many adults wear costumes and the kids have big parties at school. It’s a pre-lent celebration, so there’s a certain focus on fun, frivolity and food.

The boys love it. They love getting to dress up in costumes for school, and they love their parties. This, being Liam’s first year of school, it was also his first year to truly participate in the fun of Faschingsfest. Unlike for Halloween, when I tend to encourage the kids to opt for a spooky costumes made of things we might already have at home, each year that we’ve been here for Faschings I’ve tried to convince them to go shopping with me for a costume. The difference is that, as an American, I’m experienced with Halloween — I’m pretty much an expert. I know all about how it works, so I can afford to be creative with the implementation.

With Faschings, I’m pretty ignorant, so I’ve always thought it’s safest to go purchase something, since I’m not an expert and I don’t really know what is most appropriate (and also, complete store-bought costumes are absolutely the norm). Most of the kids here tend to dress in happy/fun character costumes of some kind — lots of Batman, Spider-Man, firemen, fairies, butterflies, princesses, pirates and clowns. But my kids have never taken me up on the offer of a pre-Faschings costume shopping trip, so instead of browsing the selection at the toy store and choosing something Faschings-specific, my guys think of it as a second Halloween.

This year, they started out wanting to be Jedis (which, although very cute, isn’t really quite the kind of thing that kids dress as for Faschings — it’s a little too obscure for the average 3-5 year old in Austria). They got Jedi robes for Christmas, though, and they have great light sabers that would work with their costumes, so I was absolutely in favor of this plan. But then they each changed their minds a few times. Liam ended up deciding to use the Ewok costume B wore last year and B chose to go as “a soccer guy”.

They had a great time, and looked super cute. B only barely looked dressed up in a costume, and everyone thought Liam was a bear, but they were very happy. They had a clown come to their school and they ate cake with their classes. And then, at the end of the day, they each came home with a neatly wrapped krapfen to eat (another Faschings tradition) and a few small gifts from their teachers.

They loved it. We might not quite have it “right” yet, but though we’re not yet quite celebrating Faschings like the locals, we’ve definitely figured out the enthusiasm and the fun.

5 Reasons I’m Glad my Children Are American & Austrian*

Posted on March 12, 2014 by admin

* more or less

(I’ll start off by qualifying my response — I don’t really consider my kids to be Austrian. With two American parents and a plan to return to the US, I think of them as expats, and as third culture kids, but not as Austrian.

That said, in the spirit of Amanda’s blog link up, I will share the ways in which my kids are both American and Austrian-influenced that I am the most glad of.)

1. German/English
I’d be surprised if this doesn’t make everyone’s list. My kids, at 5 and 3, have already had an immersive exposure to a second language. Benjamin is nearing fluency, and Liam has spent very nearly his entire life surrounded by German. With both of them attending an Austrian public kindergarten (entirely in German) my hope is that however long our time in Austria, they will have a strong foundation on which to build competency in whichever language they might choose to learn in the future. (And certainly I expect that they will have no fear of the prospect of learning another language.)

2. It’s a small world/and they are bold enough to explore it
Living in Europe, we are constantly reminded of how small the world is. We live in a country that is roughly the size of US state of South Carolina, and we could be in another country in less than an hour. (We once almost accidentally took a train to the Czech Republic — so glad we didn’t, as we didn’t have our passports with us!) People who live in Europe are so accustomed to travel between countries that it’s sometimes done without really noticing. And if you don’t really think about leaving your own country, then the world is truly more open to you. What, really, is the difference between flying to Paris or to Istanbul? Between taking the train to Rome or to Zagreb? My kids have had that barrier broken — they know how to travel and they enjoy it. (Plus, I hope they learn from the Austrians that vacation time is important and to be used.)

But yet, I often hear from my Austrian friends that we travel more than they do. And that’s the part I hope they take from being American — the fearlessness and the spirit of adventure. I want them to grow up feeling that travel is worthwhile and that any destination they might dream of is open to them.

3. I’m learning to let go … except where it’s really important to me
Kids here have more freedom — A LOT more freedom — than I’m used to. They are less hovered over, less protected and more independent at earlier ages than American children. Elementary school aged children routinely go to and from school unescorted, and travel across the city on public transportation to do so. Children in preschool learn to use knives for cooking and scissors for crafts, and they carry around candlelit lanterns every fall. I’ve learned a lot about loosening my apron strings with my kids from living here and seeing the Austrian example. But, I also hold on to the boundaries that I brought with me when I feel like they’re important. I don’t plan to adopt the Austrian custom of sending my elementary school aged kids to school alone on the train, and you’ll never see me walking down the sidewalk of a busy street with my kids trailing several yards behind me. Living in Austria has taught me that I was being an overprotective parent before, but I feel like being from the US taught me some wise ways in which to be careful.

4. Mountains/beach
I had not seen a proper mountain until I was 12, and I hadn’t truly been on a decent one until I moved here. Living in the mid-Atlantic region of the US, we had “mountains” and went “skiing” … but only because I didn’t really understand what either of those things truly meant. My vacation experience as a child was almost exclusively connected to the beach. That’s what I grew up with, and what I knew. Only recently have I discovered the rugged beauty and wild peacefulness of time spent in the mountains. My kids, however, already know both. They’re as likely to ask for a summer trip to the Alps outside of Salzburg as they are to ask for a week at the beach in Delaware. As purely east coast Americans, they wouldn’t know about the mountains, and as Austrians they wouldn’t be likely to have experienced the ocean. I’m grateful that they’ve done both.

5. Formality/flexibility
Austrians are generally good citizens. People here respect the rules, law and order, and each other. They keep their trains clean and public conversations rarely rise above the volume of a loud whisper. But I don’t think anyone in the world queues like Americans. We might be loud, rude, confrontational and brash, but we can wait our turn in a line with amazing patience. (We’re really, truly, very good about it.)

I hope my kids learn Austrian manners — to shake hands and look someone in the eye, to always greet everyone and to say goodbye, to be punctual and take pride in their appearance. But I hope for them to also learn the warmth of an American — to smile, to be kind even to strangers, to open themselves to small connections and interactions throughout the day.

There are so many great things for my boys to learn from each of the cultures that shape them. I hope they can choose the best pieces from each and use that new perspective to see the world in a unique way.

The rest of the staycation

Posted on March 10, 2014 by admin

So I got away from writing about the staycation a few weeks ago, but I wanted to finish the story of the rest of our week spent enjoying Vienna. We didn’t do anything else as ambitious as skiing, nothing else as iconic as the Riesenrad, nothing as unexpected as swimming in a giant wave pool. The end of our staycation was a bit quieter, but still really fun.

Even though our ski trip this time was the easiest of our ski attempts so far, it was still exhausting, and we decided to spend the next day resting at home … and building paper airplanes.

We followed that with another great trip to the Vienna zoo, which is one of our favorite places in Vienna to spend a day with the kids. As always, I was most amazed by the close access visitors have to the animals, and the close oversight required (on my part) to keep everyone safe. (Why yes, that IS a picture of Liam with his hand in the cheetah enclosure. I am an awesome parent.) As I’ve mentioned before, it would be possible — and in many cases quite easy — to climb into quite a few of the animal habitats. My years spent in America watching people be protected from their stupidest impulses leaves me in a state of constant awe as I wander through the zoo and witness not a single person take advantage of the minimal security at the zoo.

We had a great day. The weather was warm (for early February) and sunny and we had a beautiful time enjoying Vienna. We found a honey vending machine near the bee area, where we purchased some local Vienna honey in a jar (because it seemed like the thing to do) and spent a long while playing at the playground where my kids demonstrated what they’re like in their own semi-natural environment.

And after our lovely zoo day, it was time to prepare to get back to work and school and our regular routine. We had a great week enjoying Vienna. It is pretty wonderful to get to enjoy a week-long European vacation without leaving home.

A Mommy Abroad

Our big adventure, as a family of three.

Category Archives: Kids and Parenting