Benjamin has been wanting to have a sleepover with me for a few weeks now.  He got to have them with Grandma the whole time we were visiting the US last month (which he loved).  This time, he wanted to host me for a living room campout in his tent.

I like to be an enthusiastic mom.  I like to play pretend, I like to race my kids around the house, I like to paint and color with them, I love playing with them at the park.  But a night of sleeping on our hardwood floors with only a thin sheet of nylon for “padding” does not appeal to me.  Besides, short as I am, the tent was made for little kids to play in, not for grown ups to sleep in, so even I would have to contort into an uncomfortalbe position to fit.

So, we made a compromise.  I’m going to camp out on the futon and B is going to camp in his tent.  We pulled the tent right up to the edge of the futon, so he can poke his head out and ‘check on me’ if he needs to.  We have our sleeping bags, our “campfire” (light up music cube) and our lantern.  As I write this, he tells me he’s sleeping, but I think he’s waiting for me to get myself snuggled in to my campsite before he closes his eyes.

I think we’re all set.  No more writing for me tonight — it’s camping time.

It’s Friday, which means family movie night in our house.  This is a relatively new but much loved and highly anticipated weekly tradition.  Roughly 98% of the movie nights we’ve had have featured one movie:  Cars.  It’s Benjamin’s favorite (by a mile . . . in fact, I don’t think he even really likes any other movies, although we’ve tried a few) and Liam loves shouting, “Cars!” at the screen at regular intervals.  Luckily, Dan & I also find it entertaining and pretty pleasant for a near-weekly rewatching.

In fact, the only downside to watching Cars almost every time is that it doesn’t hold the kids rapt with attention like it used to.  They know who wins the races, what happens after the chase scenes, and how it ends.  (The plus side of all of this is that they don’t feel the need to always watch the movie all the way through, so sometimes we get to go to bed a little early.)  Tonight, after they lost interest in popcorn, they quickly turned to racing and wrestling to keep themselves busy.

It really was more fun than it looks like from their expressions.

In a flash of inspiration, trying to keep it a fun activity, rather than one requiring a subsequent emergency room visit, I arranged the play tent with a good vantage point of the tv and suggested we all have a campout while watching the movie.  It was fantastic.  We had sleeping bags, all manner of stuffed friends and a light-up music cube standing in for a campfire (over which we roasted imaginary marshmallows and made s’mores).  We snuggled, we cuddled, we watched the movie.  Bailey even played the part of bear/raccoon/moose at one point.  (I think Liam would have actually slept in the tent, quite happily, if he’d been able to get comfortable enough.)

My kids are awesome.  It was so sweet to watch Benjamin get himself all snuggled up, make pretend s’mores and set up a spot for Liam.  I loved seeing Liam flop himself down on his sleeping bag while saying, “Night!  Night!” over and over.  Movie night is great fun.  Camping while doing movie night is even better.  How often do you get to camp and watch a movie at the same time?  Well, it turns out, I get to do it anytime I want.  And I get to snuggle with my kids at the same time.  I love camping movie night.

It’s been a rough week here, but we’re starting to find our way out of it.  Benjamin is better, Dan avoided getting the worst of this, and Liam and I are (hopefully) in the final phases of kicking this flu (or flu-like whatever-it-was) out of our bodies.

I think we’ve been through more than our fair share of weeklong illnesses in the past year — not just that we’ve been sick more often than usual, but that the illnesses we’ve had seem to hang on a bit longer.  And, to be honest, I think we’ve handled some of it less than gracefully.  This blog is a testament to the fact that I’ve gotten a bit whiny and grumpy at times about our recurring illnesses.

But, this thing we’re doing here is challenging.  I suspect that the fatigue caused by parenting in an environment with a consistently elevated level of stress (moving, travelling, being out of our element, every little thing being such a challenge) coupled with not having a local support structure (no Grandma to come and help, few friends to impose upon, young babysitters with few available hours and lots of commitments, not even a pizza guy to call when it’s been a long day) contributes a great deal to the frequency and duration of our illnesses.  (Benjamin attending school for the first time can’t help, either, because we’re all constantly being exposed to new germs and such.)

With things being the way they are, once any one of us gets sick, it’s fairly inevitable for the rest of us.  Once one of the kids is sick, Dan & I share the sleep-deprivation which ensues, which wears us down, and then we succumb to the sickness, too.  And then, with it just being us, with Dan working full time, Benjamin in school half a day and Liam home all day, there’s not any real chance to rest and recover, so we stay sick.

It’s like swimming in the ocean and accidentally getting a lungful of water.  It’s no big deal if you can sort yourself out, with your feet firmly on the sand, before the next big wave hits.  It’s another matter entirely when the surf is rough and you’re in water over your head.

The logistics of living here aren’t as easy as we thought they’d be.  We haven’t been able to find a good babysitter for more than an hour a week, and our days are so packed that it’s nearly impossible to give each other a break of more than an hour or so at a time (and if you’re coming off of a sleepless night, that’s not a lot of relief, especially when you’ve got the flu).

I’m not sharing this to complain.  I’m saying this as a reminder to give myself a break, to be understanding of (however) we handle this challenge.  I’m still glad we’re here, and I’m still glad we’re doing this.  But it isn’t easy.  (And I really miss having my mom nearby.)

There are so many fantastic things about being a parent.  It would be impossible to choose a favorite thing, but I certainly love snuggles, hugs, kisses, smiles and bathtime.  I am also constantly thrilled, amazed and overjoyed as I watch my kids learn new things and develop new skills.

In such a fantastically short span of time, our children go from sweet but helpless tiny creatures to young little people who can walk, talk, ask for what they want, figure out solutions to problems and outsmart their parents — even the ones who think they’ve got everything covered.  (And then you have two, and they start to work together, and then it’s really all over.  Liam definitely getting in to the outsmarting phase — waiting until our attention is diverted to throw his dinner on the floor, waiting until I’m engaged on Skype to climb into the chair he knows he’s not allowed into, waiting until Benjamin is distracted to grab the toy they’ve been “sharing” all afternoon, running for the hills at the first mention of a diaper change.)

And then they get a little bigger, and they start to figure out how to do “stuff”.  Not just biologically driven master skills like rolling over or walking or saying “ah-gu”, but more nuanced stuff, like riding a bike, singing the ABC song, or doing differential equations (ok, we’re not QUITE to that last one yet, but it’s really the same principle).

Over the past few years, I’ve watched Benjamin learned to more-or-less sing his ABCs (in English and in German).  I’ve watched him learn to count (he’s always adding new numbers, not necessarily in the right order, and who taught him to count BACKWARDS from 10 to -10?!?).  I’ve seen him learn to read numbers, most of the capital letters and many of the lower case ones.  He can read his name, and Liam’s.  I’m not saying this to brag (although I do think he’s super duper wonderful and incredibly brilliant) but because watching him add these skills to his repertoire is marvelous.  Just 3 years ago he couldn’t even walk.  It’s astounding.

Today, we were all coloring on the chalk board.  Even when he was very little, Benjamin wasn’t particularly interested in writing or drawing.  He’ll scribble for a bit, but he’s not usually drawn (ha ha) to that kind of activity.  I think he’s too much of a perfectionist (and I took too long to tone down my own perfectionism in front of him).  I’ve been trying to work, gently, over the years, to entice him to enjoy art projects for more than 30 seconds at a time, and to work on some skills I know he’ll need eventually (drawing vertical lines, making circles) but other than color identification (which he’s been all over since he could talk) he’s not really in to that kind of thing.

Or, he wasn’t, until Liam came along.  Liam LOVES to draw, paint and color.  Whenever he has the option of doing art, he’s likely to choose it (unless there’s a really cool car or truck to play with) and he’s got a good bit of skill (and a desire to color on the walls and furniture that, with Benjamin as my only example, I am still taken by surprise by, much to the detriment of our tables, chairs, filing cabinets, screen door and floors.

Liam has been able to make a vertical line for months.  He could do it before Benjamin could — not relative to their ages, literally before.  But Liam’s constant attraction to the chalk board, the most readily available art surface in our house, has been given B lots of practice, too.  He’s been spending a few minutes during each of Liam’s coloring sessions making lines, circles, mountains, bugs, cars, people (which often look very similar to each other, but he can tell them apart).  I’ve noticed a ton of change in Benjamin’s dexterity in his writing and drawing lately.

So, today, when Liam walked over to the chalkboard to make an array of lines and dots in a variety of colors, Benjamin and I joined him.  B drew for a while, and then I drew a few lines, and asked him if he could make some lines, too.  I drew some circles, and he practiced with me, too.  Then I drew his favorite letter (B, of course) and asked him if he could trace it.  He did.  And then, he drew me an E.  And asked me to draw him an e to trace.  So, I took the hint and then added n, j, a, m, i and n after, and he traced each one.  (He did an amazingly good job.)

I got to see him do something entirely new.  He wrote his name.  Something I didn’t know he could do.  He was very excited and proud of himself (I’m pretty excited and proud, too).  It is so fantastically cool to watch them learn to do new things.  At lunch time today, he’d never done this before, and now he has.  He could do it tomorrow, and the day after that, and then FOREVER.  That is so neat.

And, I really believe that Liam helped him get here.  Liam, with his love for drawing and coloring, brought Benjamin back to the chalk board, again and again.  Benjamin so often would have chosen something else to do — something that’s more “his thing”.  But, sometimes we do what he likes, and sometimes we do what Liam likes, so we draw a lot.  And B gets to practice a lot more because of it.  And today he wrote his name.  And even though neither one of them know it, Liam helped.  And that makes me ridiculously happy.

So, today was Benjamin’s first big “end of the year” school trip.  Not just his class, but the whole school, went.  They rode a big bus to get there.  There were pony rides.  It sounds like it was awesome.

Unfortunately, he didn’t get to go.  His fever finally broke, about 4-something in the morning, and he was able to get a little sleep.  VERY little (he woke up just before 6).  He was exhausted, miserable, and still feeling pretty awful.  So, he had to stay home today — even though it was the day of the big school trip.  He was happy to get to stay home today, but when I explained that he’d be missing the trip, he suggested we ask the teachers, when we go to school tomorrow, if they could just take a trip tomorrow, also.  It was so sweet and so sad.  My poor guy.

I know it’s ok.  I know it’s important for me to teach him that taking care of his health is a higher priority than missing out on a trip.  But, I am so sorry he wasn’t able to go.

I really tried.  I tried to think about something else to write about today, but there isn’t anything.  We didn’t do anything.  I didn’t have any profound revelations or deep thoughts.  I woke up at 4:00 this morning to find my B sick with a fever of over 104 (if the forehead thermometer is to be trusted, which is probably isn’t).  I’ve never felt such a hot forehead in my life.  It freaked me out.  But, he was in good spirits, and doctors always say that behavior is a better indicator of the degree of illness than the actual temperature (I’ve been paying attention).

Still, I was worried, and if Liam hadn’t just been sick with something that also started with a very high fever and didn’t turn out to be life-threatening, we probably would have gone to the hospital.  As it was, I gave him a dose of Tylenol and tried to get him back to sleep (it didn’t work — he was up for the day 45 minutes later, which meant that I was too.)

And this was after we were all up until about 2:30 dealing with Liam, who now has croup.  My poor little guy couldn’t breathe, especially when he was laying down.  We tried taking him outside (didn’t help — I don’t think it’s cold enough — but I did get to treat my neighbors to a screaming, coughing, choking baby at 2 in the morning) but we did get some relief for him by taking him in the bathroom and steaming up the shower.

My own personal illness was not improved by my hour and a half of sleep.  I feel entirely awful.  Dan stayed home today, but even with each of us taking on a child, it was a rough day.

We will get better.  Soon.  If Liam is any indication, B’s fever should break overnight, and then he’ll get the congestion, coughing, runny nose part of this illness.  I hope that’s the case, because poor B was miserable today.  On the other hand, when Liam wasn’t choking on his own coughs today, he was in good spirits, which makes me hopeful that he’s coming out the other side of this.

So, I promise to write about something else.  Soon.  Just not today.

I know, I’ve been writing a lot lately about being sick, which is probably not any more fun to read about than it is to live through.  (Sorry, I’m still writing about it.)

Today, I was really empathizing with little Liam.  He’s sick, just like me, and our symptoms have caught up to each other (we seemed to each get them in a different order) so now we’re really going through the same thing.  It is so hard to watch my kids be sick.  They are so miserable, and so incapable of helping themselves.  They don’t want to have their noses wiped, and they don’t know how to blow them, even if they had the inclination.  Their throats are sore, so they don’t want to drink the fluids that would help them feel better.  It hurts to have their diaper changed, so they hide, fight and avoid it when it’s really the fastest route to feeling better.

My poor little guy.  It was so hard to watch him suffer through his runny nose, choking cough and weepy eyes today.  He was not a happy camper.

When I’m sick, though, I know I’m going to get better.  As miserable as I might be, trudging through the day’s unending tasks and wishing for a moment of respite, I do know that this is temporary.  One day, very soon, I will wake up and I will feel like myself again.  I will have energy.  I will be able to breathe through my nose.  All will be well.

He doesn’t know that.  He doesn’t have the years of experience of getting sick and getting better again.  He doesn’t have a memory of the last time he felt so miserable, nor of the days, so recently, when he didn’t.  Right now, this is his whole world.  His whole existence is suffering through this cold (or flu, or whatever charming viral infection this is).

So, that’s what I focused on today.  All day, when I held him (which was a lot) I whispered to him that he will feel better soon.  That this is temporary, and it will pass.  Things will be so much better.  I don’t know if he believes me.

Yesterday, I was grumpy, sick and tired, and getting over jet lag.  I also had kids who were tired, getting over jet lag and sick (one of them).  It was a long, hard day.  I was looking forward to Dan coming home early and giving me a break, which didn’t happen — he did come home early, but I didn’t get a break.  So, I was feeling all snarky and grumpy and I wrote about it.

But, the truth is, even in the midst of that, I was aware of how ridiculous that was, and even while being a curmudgeon, I was incredibly grateful for so many things about my life.  So, now, after a good night’s sleep, and with a little perspective, I present my revised list of what I appreciate best about being sick the same time as my toddler.

10.  Being sick is a reminder, and a chance, to practice taking care of myself.  It’s also a great opportunity to set a good example for my kids.

9.  Dan’s job is relatively flexible, and he’s able to come home early when I’m having a really tough day (whether it’s because I’m sick or otherwise).

8.  Being sick is an excellent excuse to not do the housework, cleaning, laundry, etc.

7.  It is so sweet to have Benjamin ask me how I’m doing and if I’m still sick.

6.  There will be a day, when my boys are bigger, that I wish I could comfort them by simply holding them while they slept.  Today, I still get to do that (for Liam, at least).  I’m going to enjoy it while I can.

5.  Being away from her makes me appreciate my mom’s help even MORE.  When she lived close by, she would come and help out when we were sick.  Now the commute is much too long (sadly).

4.  I have a husband who will get up with our kids in the middle of the night (whether or not they’re sick).

3.  I have a husband who doesn’t have to travel excessively for work — he is home, here with us, almost every day.  I complain about not getting a break, but I at least have a partner in this craziness.

2.  We have amazing health insurance and access to great medical professionals.

1.  This is temporary — my kids are actually very healthy, as am I.  This is a bad day for us, not a good day or every day.  I am so very lucky.

So, yesterday, Liam was sick (he’s actually been sick for a while, but yesterday he got quite sick).  He was so feverish and inconsolable through the night last night that if we hadn’t had our doctor stop by yesterday afternoon, we would have been heading for the Emergency Room.  He kept us up all night (we took turns — I only got about 3 very broken hours of sleep) and his fever finally broke around 5 this morning.  When he was ready to be up and about today he alternated between happy, active periods and miserable, curled up in my lap times (the latter mostly just before he was due for another dose of Tylenol or Ibuprofen).

But, to make things even more lovely, *I* woke up this morning with his illness.  I know it’s pretty unavoidable, but seriously?  I feel like I’ve been sick a dozen times this year already (it may actually be far fewer than that) and, since I am officially now an expert on being sick at the same time as my kids, I’ve decided to write my personal “10 best things about being sick the same time as your toddler” in honor of the occasion.  (Sarcasm detectors on, please.)

10.  Cuddles are so much more fun when they include snot and drool.  (I love you, Liam, but ew.)

9.  Sick toddlers are so much easier to take care of, since they don’t require any special medication, extra cuddling, extra diaper changes, extra nose wipes, and because they’re so relaxed, flexible and adaptable to everything in their environment.  (Liam cried for 20 minutes today because I gave him the bottle he was asking for.)

8.  Everything in the world stops because you’re sick.  There are no meals to prepare, diapers to change, clothes to wash, cleaning to do, kids to take to and pick up from school, etc.

7.  The smell of pedialyte just never gets old, especially when you’re nauseated yourself.

6.  It is so much fun to spend a great deal of “quality time” in the bathroom accompanied by a fussy, feverish child who wants your attention.  Even better when you stick them in the exersaucer or crib and just get to hear them scream from the next room.

5.

4.

3.

(Even snarky, I can only be so creative.)

2.  When you write your laziest, most sarcastic blog post to date, everyone will understand.  (I hope this one is actually true.)

1.  At least Dan and Benjamin aren’t sick.  Yet.

(I also feel the need to mention that although I’m exhausted and sick and entirely worn out, I am simultaneously incredibly grateful that I have the most wonderful kids in the world (even when they’re sick), that Liam isn’t actually THAT sick (no ER visits or anything major going on), that Dan is sharing the middle of the night craziness (he’s taking all of it on tonight) and that his job is such that he could come home early today and sit, holding a sleeping Liam, while I played trains with B.  Life is good.  But it’s better when I’m not sick.)

Even before we left for our whirlwind trip to the US and back last week, Benjamin and Liam were a bit under the weather.  They both had a minor case of the sniffles, but we took them to the pediatrician to get them checked out before we left, just to make sure there were no budding ear infections or anything else to be concerned about.  They both got a clean bill of health, and we were given some nose drops to administer before takeoff and landing, to clear their sinuses and reduce pain from the pressure changes.

And, all was well.  They did great on the flight, and seemed to be in good health (if a little sniffly still) while we visited the States.  Our trip back to Austria was uneventful as well (we gave them the nose drops, just in case) and by Tuesday morning, Benjamin was back to good health.

Liam stayed sniffly, though, and his runny nose got progressively worse over the past few days.  This morning, he woke up fussy with a little fever, and as the day went on, he stayed grumpy and sad (very unlike him).  Then, his fever went up past 102 and wouldn’t come down, even after Ibuprofen.  At nap time, he wouldn’t sleep (even though he was obviously tired) and when he would start to doze off, he would wake up suddenly, screaming.

I was worried.  Partly because he got worse so quickly, partly because the medicine didn’t help, but mostly because of the screaming.  So, we called the doctor . . . and she came to our house.  On her way home, after her office hours, she just came by.

It was great.  I didn’t have to drag a miserable Liam to the doctor’s office.  I didn’t have to fret about whether Dan would be home on time, or whether I should take Benjamin with me too, or whether I would catch the right train at the right time.  She was able to check his lungs, his heart, his ears and his throat (all fine) in the relative comfort of his own room.  She even gave him an on-the-spot blood test to screen for bacterial infection (clear).

So, it turns out, he probably just has a nasty cold.  But, now we know, and now I don’t have to worry (quite so much).  Hopefully we’ll all sleep a little better tonight.  And we didn’t have to go anywhere.  House calls are awesome.