The harder half

Posted on May 2, 2011 by admin

When Dan was first approached about potentially moving here and going to work for the UN, he was told (repeatedly) that the only way to make it work was to make his wife happy. They told him I’d have the harder job, and the only way we’d be able to stay here through the duration of his contract would be for the whole family to work as hard as possible to make my job as easy as possible.

We’ve not even been here a month, but I see what they were saying: I think I have the harder job.

Benjamin, Liam & I went to Dan’s work with him for the first time today. It’s pretty neat to go to the UN headquarters, and there is a beautiful fountain outside with the flags of the member countries displayed around it. Benjamin and Liam thoroughly charmed the security and badge agents (who are every bit as serious, but MUCH more pleasant than the TSA screeners). We got registered for our “family pass” (which will allow us to come and go from certain parts of the complex unescorted) and got the grand tour from Dan.

It’s a nice place, I’m really glad to see where Dan is working, and I know it was really fun for Benjamin, too (Liam’s just along for the ride). But his co-workers were right: he has it pretty easy. We were there for a few hours, and we didn’t have to speak in German the entire time. Everyone there speaks English, all of the signs are in English, you can buy coffee or lunch and order entirely in English (without feeling sheepish, even). He’s doing something he’s great at, and he even has the benefit of having worked with these people before, so he isn’t even really the “new kid”. In short, he gets to go to a place, for 40 hours a week that is easy, comfortable and familiar. I’m thoroughly jealous.

Upon finishing our tour, I headed home, alone on the train with both kids for the first time. I had to manage the elevators, the train doors (they don’t auto-open here), seating and navigation completely on my own, with a stroller and while holding Benjamin’s hand — including changing trains. The kids were both over an hour overdue for their naps at that point. And, of course, when the situation called for communication with my fellow passengers, it was in German. The train ride home is the hardest thing I’ve done up to this point. By contrast, Dan signed some paperwork, got coffee, paid our rent and looked into a new phone plan (all in English) during those same hours. I don’t mean to trivialize Dan’s contribution to the family — the responsibility of being the financial supporter of the household, and a professional in a new environment, is daunting. But in terms of the magnitude of the challenge we’ve each taken on, I think mine is a mountain and his is a molehill.

Indoor Picnic

Posted on May 1, 2011 by admin

Benjamin has been asking us to do a picnic lately. We’ve wanted to, but somehow the timing, opportunity and weather just will not cooperate. (Which is complicated by the fact that we have good picnic “stuff” — coolers, a great blanket, etc. — but all of it is, of course, still in transit.)

Today was rainy and cool, so we decided to do a picnic . . . indoors, in our new apartment. After nap time, we packed the boys up, picked up lunch on the way (along with a couple of Eiskaffees, which are my new most favorite thing) and headed over to our new apartment. It’s nearly empty, so there’s a lot of room for Benjamin to run and have fun, and plenty of picnic space. We laid down a pad of 5 blankets and a towel so that Liam would have a somewhat comfy place to join us on the floor. Benjamin played soccer and cars while Liam proceeded to roll over (from his back to his front) for the very first time. (He then repeated this feat several more times.) We all had lunch, and wandered around, planning where all the furniture would go, while Benjamin drove his cars and trucks all over his new room.

We had a wonderful time. It was so lovely to spend the afternoon in our new place . . . and to finally give B his first Viennese picnic.

Five Senses

Posted on April 30, 2011 by admin

This morning, I was looking through my luggage for a necklace that I swear I brought with me, and I opened a duffel bag that my mom lent to me for our trip here — it smelled just like her house. It was great. I miss home. It’s not a bad feeling, but a wistful one. I’m still enjoying my time here (even though there have been some challenges) but I wish I could be experiencing what I’m experiencing while surrounded by my family and friends from home.

The sights, sounds and even smells that remind me of home are lovely and sometimes surprising. The sound of someone speaking American English on the street is pleasantly startling. Seeing something (a sign, a menu, even graffiti) written in English in a place I don’t expect it makes me smile. The taste of a McDonald’s cheeseburger, a Starbucks chai or “American Ginger Ale” are all unadulterated flashes of home. The scent of my mom’s duffel bag or a piece of as yet unworn clothing from home that still smells of Dreft or Tide or Downy are familiar and comforting.

Giving my boys a hug or a snuggle feels like, home, too, but in a different way — they’re with me on my journey here, so they are less a reminder of home, and more a reminder that, for now, this IS home.

Playing in Vienna

Posted on April 29, 2011 by admin

Much (if not most) of the playground equipment in Vienna would never exist these days in the US. It would either be outlawed by lawsuit-fearing local regulators or dismantled in the dark of night by overprotective soccer moms. A lot of it is reminiscent of the playgrounds I played on as a kid: the equipment is made of metal and wood, it’s too high, there aren’t guardrails, the ground is sometimes just ground or wood chips (not cushy recycled rubber), there are uncovered sandboxes, the swings still hang from chains and the slides probably get very hot in the summer time. But, they go beyond that, too. They have tables and planks set on springs, which are designed to be unstable and to be fun to balance on (but also challenging for a little kid). There was an actual zip line in a park we went to last week — no signs or fences or anything to prevent a kid walking under it from getting clobbered by the kid on the zip line. Several of the parks we’ve been to even have some kind of running water feature.

The one we went to today had a water pump (complete with pinching hazard!) that poured water onto large rocks. Actual rocks. Big, hard, jaggedy rocks — larger than basketballs — which were part of the sandbox area . It is a huge culture shock for me. I can’t help it — I’m a product of my socialization. All I could think of was how I needed to prevent Benjamin from pinching his fingers in the pump, or hitting himself or another kid in the head with the pump handle, and then, once the water was running, make sure he didn’t slip on the (now wet) large, jaggedy rocks and crack his head open or knock out some teeth. So, of course, I did all of those things. But I can tell the Austrians are rubbing off on me, at least a little. Because although I had a strong desire to protect my child from all of these perceived dangers, I also realize that we’ve been here 3+ weeks, and we’ve been to a lot of playgrounds and I’ve seen a lot of kids playing on what are (to my American sensibilities) complete deathtraps of playground equipment. And I have yet to witness a single injury.

I’m not blind to the fact that they could still get hurt (and probably do). But I’m beginning to remember that with proper guidance and supervision, a child can actually play in a world that is not completely bubble wrapped for the sake of their protection. (My father will read this and be horrified that it took a move to Europe to remind me of an idea he raised me with — and one that still exists in his backyard.) I’ve known it, intellectually, but it’s been a rare event that I’ve had to use my own judgement on whether a piece of playground equipment is safe for Benjamin back in the states (other than maybe not being age appropriate).

Today, Benjamin made a friend at the playground, whose name is Alex. They played in the sandbox with Alex’s truck and shovels, used the water pump, played on the swings and the slide and the see-saw. They were very well supervised my us and by Alex’s grandma. I did not hover, or hold his hand 100% of the time, and still, no one got hurt. (Benjamin was even willing to give Alex back his dumptruck before we left the park. Success!)

We have a place!

Posted on April 28, 2011 by admin

We signed the lease on our new apartment this morning. Woo hoo! We are so excited and relieved to have taken care of finding a place. And even better: we love it. It’s big, it has great light and it’s in a wonderful location. The boys will each have their own room, and we will again have a tub for bath time (we only have a shower in our current place, and B has been great about it, but he can’t wait to get in the new bathtub, and Liam has largely gone unwashed since we’ve arrived in the second temporary apartment). We were very fortunate (partly due to Dan’s persistence) to have gotten our relocation money just in time to sign our lease and pay our (huge) deposit on the apartment.

Of course, we don’t have any furniture, or nearly anything else, to move in to our apartment. That is still incredibly frustrating: so we now have a place, but if we move in, it’ll be like we’re camping (with a 2 year old and an infant). We still have not received our air shipment (nor our sea shipment) — we’re hopeful that either or both might arrive next week. (So for the time being, we’re going to try and stay in our temporary apartment.) And having our new place means we have a whole new list of “to do” items to take care of: getting the electricity and heat transferred into our names, purchasing appliances, having appliances delivered, arranging for internet and cable service, getting renters insurance, baby proofing, getting curtains (because no one is going to sleep past 5:30 in the morning if we don’t get them) and then unpacking and arranging all of our stuff once it arrives.

But, ignoring the monumental list of tasks ahead, for the moment, we’re so happy to have our place. We interrogated the owner about the property and the neighborhood. The building has been there since 16-something, but the apartment itself is less than 20 years old (so no worries about lead paint or anything). He filled us in on the locations of the good restaurants, grocery stores, open-air markets, butchers, bakeries and pizza places nearby. Interestingly, his kids were the same ages as ours are now when they first moved in to this apartment, so the place has even been kid-tested. We even met some of our new neighbors in the building on our way out (including a retired American couple who used to work at the IAEA) and they were all very excited to meet us.

After signing our lease, we took the kids to the nearest playground (location also supplied by our new landlord) and had lunch in a cafe around the corner. It is so comforting to feel like we’re starting to find our place here.

Falling apart a little

Posted on April 27, 2011 by admin

We’ve been here 3 weeks today. We’re in our second temporary apartment. We can’t get our things. We’re having trouble getting the money we were counting on for getting started. Our current living situation is less than ideal: there’s almost nowhere safe and comfortable to put Liam down, no good place to feed either child (Benjamin has been eating dinner standing up at the coffee table in the living room . . . which is also his bedroom), very little place for Benjamin to play and since it’s very small, it’s nearly impossible to keep from waking a sleeping child if the other one is up. I miss my family, I’m having trouble communicating, and I’m starting to feel the isolation of being here. So really, it’s not that surprising that it all is starting to get to be too much for me.

I did fine until about noon today. I can explain what got to me, but it probably won’t make any sense — it wasn’t anything awful, it wasn’t anything unmanageable — it was just one thing too many for that moment. Both boys were napping, and then Liam woke up and was very fussy and I spent about 45 minutes keeping him from waking B. Eventually, that failed due to a particularly loud bout of crying on Liam’s part (which was frustrating) and B woke up. So, I got Liam happy (enough) in his/our room and went to get B. Probably because he’d been woken up early from his nap, Benjamin was a mess — unhappy and crying and asking for a bottle. So, I told him I’d get one after I went to check on Liam (who was now screaming) and when I started to leave the room, B throws a fit. He starts shouting, “Mommy Mommy Mommy!” and stomping his feet (which is really very unlike him). And I just turned around and snapped at him (with frustration and irritation) “What?!?” And he cries harder. And then I start to cry (because I just snapped at my two year old and made him cry). Which made him cry more. (Meanwhile, Liam is still screaming.)

So, I go and hug B and tell him I’m sorry, but that I have to go get Liam (who is still screaming). And I get Liam and bring him into B’s room (the living room) and pick B up and sit down on the couch holding both boys. So now I’m crying, apologizing to B for snapping at him, and B is crying and Liam is screaming. Excellent. And I have a passing thought to call Dan, but I don’t know his extension at work (and I can’t imagine calling the UN switchboard while crying and holding two unhappy babies) and our internet wasn’t working, so I couldn’t even email him. And, just for a moment, I gave in. I just went ahead and cried and felt overwhelmed and put upon and not up to the task. And then what?

Well, then nothing. Nothing really bad happened — yes, I should avoid snapping at Benjamin, but I don’t think he’ll end up permanently scarred. In all honesty, my crying fit probably freaked him out worse than my snapping at him. And although it felt like it took about 10 minutes for this all to happen, it was probably closer to 2. I really just had to give them hugs and kisses, get up, change diapers, feed Liam, make lunch and move on. So, that’s what I did.

But I’ve still been slipping back into that place of feeling overwhelmed and stressed out. I really wish I didn’t get like this, but I do sometimes. I fluctuate between wanting to give myself a break (given current circumstances) and being really frustrated at myself for snapping at my child . . . and then for freaking out and crying about it instead of being a grown up and taking care of my kids.

I wish I could keep the proper perspective when things get to be too much — the absolute best thing I can do is apologize if I need to and then put myself together and get on with things. I know that NOW, but in the moment, I just don’t. I’m hoping I’ve gotten the fragility out of my system for now. We sign the lease on our new place tomorrow, so there is hope on the horizon . . . but I think there’s still a lot between me and really feeling settled.

Dan’s first day

Posted on April 26, 2011 by admin

Today was one of those days. I’ve often said to Dan that these are the days where you make it across the finish line, but rather than making it in one piece, you come across sideways, running on fumes, covered in dirt, with 3 flat tires and a bumper that is hanging off. That’s what today was like: we made it, but it wasn’t pretty.

Dan left for work this morning, and I got B some breakfast, fed Liam and played with both of them together. Shortly after putting Liam down for his first nap of the day (sitting up really wears him out!) B started running laps around the living room. I looked for potential dangers and didn’t see any — I got the power cords out of the way and moved the sharp-cornered furniture . . . but still, he fell (inevitably) and bumped his poor little nose. My poor guy — it doesn’t seem to be bad, but I think it really hurt.

Of course, the kids decided to take turns taking naps — Liam slept for an hour or so while Benjamin was falling and injuring himself, and then just as I was putting B down, Liam woke up. I got B down, Liam got up and was up for almost 2 hours while Benjamin napped, and then he started getting sleepy. Just as I was getting him back down (literally, as I’m carrying him in to put him in his bed) B wakes up again. Sigh. No rest for Mommy today!

Right after everyone woke up, the cleaning lady showed up. She’s very nice (near as I can tell) but doesn’t speak a word of English — literally, I speak more German than she does English. I decided to try to get out of her way, but couldn’t communicate that, so I just got myself and the kids ready to go as fast as I could so we could get out of here. But, it took us so long to get ourselves together that by the time I got Liam in the stroller and Benjamin dressed, she was done. Even though that’s really fine, and we didn’t have anywhere to be, it was a little discouraging.

But, Benjamin was excited to go out, and he kept saying, “That was so nice of her!” about the cleaning lady — it was just too cute for me to stay frustrated. So, we went out, B with his “do” in hand. (A “do” is a cloth diaper/burp cloth. Benjamin coined the term “do” as one of his first words — at first, it meant, “that thing I want” but eventually ended up meaning just those cloths. Since the term is actually more succinct than what they’re actually called, we’ve adopted it, too. He has a bunch of them, and they’ve kind of become his little security blankets.) We had a lovely walk. It was raining a little, but I was holding Benjamin’s hand and talking about the things he saw, and pushing my happy little Liam in the stroller. We even stopped for a hot chocolate for me and a chocolate milk for B. We had a great time.

That is, until we got home, and I realized the “do” that had gone out with us had not come back. Uh-oh. So, out we went, into the rain, again, retracing our steps. I was pretty sure that if it was anywhere, it would be at the bakery where we got our hot chocolate and chocolate milk. We made it all the way back, but it wasn’t there. We looked all around, and followed our whole path, but we couldn’t find it. We even went back to the bakery a second time, just to be sure. Nope. Poor Benjamin was pretty heartbroken. It’s really the first time he’s lost something. He kept asking me where it was and could I find it. I had to say it was lost, and no, I couldn’t. He cried. It was awful. He has others, but I know that’s not the point — he’s upset that it didn’t come home with us.

So, it’s been one of those days. We got through. We made it. No points for style, but I think I’ve pretty much given that up for now, anyway. But Liam is sleeping, B is in the bath and Dan is home. And tomorrow, we go again.

Back to work

Posted on April 25, 2011 by admin

Well, the vacation is over. Dan goes to his first actual day of work tomorrow (first official day was today, but as it’s a government holiday here, he didn’t actually have to go in). I have mixed feelings about it. On the one had, it’s always hard to see a vacation end and get back into the daily groove of work. It’s more difficult here because I’m not in a place that I have set up to do my work easily — neither the place, or the stuff I have at my disposal is ideal (I don’t have any of my baby “stuff” — from changing tables to high chairs to swings to jumperoos to toys . . . even the fridge is tiny so I’ll have to go out to get lunch for B tomorrow). Also, it’ll be hard to say goodbye to Dan after 3 weeks off together. It’s been great to have his help, and just to have so much free time together.

On the other hand, though, we’re neither really saying goodbye to our vacation, nor are we getting “back” to anything . . . we’re living in our vacation destination permanently now, and, at least for the time being, we’re going to still be so far off what is normal for us that I don’t think it’s going to feel like getting back into our old routine yet (if ever). We also have the advantage that over the next week, Dan doesn’t have to strictly work his 8 hour days — he has flex time to come home, or run errands, or do whatever needs to be done towards setting things up here. We thought we’d have so much more of that done by now, but, other than apartment hunting, we just don’t. Now that he’s going to be at work, the paperwork should start moving, and that should allow us to get some things straightened out and taken care of . . . and it’s also going to get the money coming in, which is going to be a huge relief, because we had not been counting on having to live entirely off of our savings for the past 3 weeks for expenses both here and back at home. And, much as it’s been nice to have Dan around for the past 3 weeks . . . we also haven’t ever spent this much time “off” together, and we have started to get on each others nerves a bit. (Although I give us both a ton of credit for the fact that we’ve only really had 2 arguments since we got here, and given potential stress levels, that’s pretty impressive.)

All in all, I think I will really enjoy working towards getting my daily life organized and working for me again, but I will miss having Dan around (and I know that the kids will miss him, too). I’m going to miss “being on vacation”, but I think it will be nice to get ourselves a little more settled. And, the next time I take a vacation, I think I’ll arrange for it to be less work.

Happy Easter!

Posted on April 24, 2011 by admin

We had a lovely Easter today. The Easter Bunny made a stop at our apartment last night, and our day started with Benjamin hunting for the Easter bags that had been hidden for him & Liam. The gifts inside were met with definite approval (Benjamin carried his around all day). After overdoing it on chocolate (everyone but Liam) we all went out and actually found a place that was open and serving breakfast. We even nearly got what we ordered (hurray!) and then we came home and all took naps. It was a great morning!

This afternoon, we headed off to Stephansplatz and to St. Stephen’s cathedral. The square was definitely busy, but we were happy to find that we could actually get into the church. We managed (completely by accident) to arrive between masses, and we were able to go in and be tourists and take a look around. (We’ll have to go back sometime that isn’t Easter to get a tour of the whole place.) Benjamin asked a lot of good questions (“What is a church?”, “What is praying?”, “Can we blow those candles out a make a wish?”). I was really happy to be able to be there on Easter — it definitely had an apropriate feel for the day. We had lunch out, and (of course) gelato. Then we wandered from Stephansplatz over to what will be our new neighborhood to do some exploring.

We discovered some really neat landmarks (the place where Beethoven lived while composing his 4th, 5th and 7th symphonies, among others, is literally on the same block where we’ll be living) and our walk around helped us to orient ourselves in the city, relative to where we’ll be living. (It turns out we’re even closer to a lot of the great places in the city than we thought we were.) After that, we found a park so B could run and play for a bit before we headed home.

After returning home, and having dinner, I got a chance to Skype with my mom, my brothers and my sister and her boyfriend. It was the first time we had “seen” most of them since leaving home. It was so nice to see them and catch up (a little — it’s a tall order to keep things orderly enough to get much talking in with an overtired baby and an overexcited preschooler). All in all, we had a great, if busy, day.

That being said, today has definitely been my hardest day since I’ve been here in terms of missing home. I feel very far away from many of my loved ones, and the reality of how long it will be until I see them is beginning to sink in.

When we got off of Skype this evening, Benjamin asked me, “Mommy, why are you sad?” (I didn’t realize that it showed.) I said, “Well, I miss everyone at home. I love them and I wish I could see them every day.” And he gave me a hug and patted my shoulder. And then he said, “Mommy, will you ask me why am I sad?” So, I did. And he said, “I miss everyone at home. I love them and I wish I could see them.” I gave him a hug and a big kiss.

Happy Easter! We miss you all.

“Mommy, what is Easter?”

Posted on April 23, 2011 by admin

As I find happens to me all the time lately, Benjamin asked me a question today that made me really think about something I hadn’t thought about in a long time. So often, I’m explaining something to him, and he’ll respond with, “Mommy what is . . . ?”, or “Why?” These are very normal questions from a 2 year old, but they can be remarkably tricky for a 34 year old to answer. I want to be honest and concise, while keeping the concepts simple and refraining from anything that’s going to worry or scare him — and I have to come up with the answer in about 15 seconds. (And there will probably be follow up questions.)

We’ve been talking a lot about Easter lately around here — what we’re going to do for Easter, how we’re gonig to miss everyone at Easter, how everything here is closed for Easter, how decorated everything is here for Easter. So, naturally, Benjamin hit me today with, “Mommy, what is Easter?”

I said the other day in my blog that Easter isn’t a religious holiday for my family. That’s true on the surface, but not really (I think my mom was a bit surprised by my characterization of it, and I shudder to think what my grandmother would have said if she had ever heard me say that). It isn’t really a religious holiday for us — not in a typical, traditional, “going to church” kind of religious way. I don’t “go to church” anymore, but I grew up in the Catholic church, and there’s no denying that my thoughts and feelings about Easter have deeply religious roots, which are unquestionably retained. Easter is definitely still a spiritual day for me, and more than that, I miss my formal religion at Easter. I love the spirituality of it, the depth of it, the ceremony of it. I think my own ideas of spirituality get mixed in with my Catholic roots and some vaguely pagan ideas about celebrating spring, along with a strong desire to be with my family. I understand the significance of the day to my Catholic heritage, and I want to honor that. I also enjoy the enthusiastic celebration of the wonder of fertility and rejuvenation that is signified by spring. And I like the idea of the Easter Bunny for my boys.

So, where does that leave me? Well, tomorrow, we’re going to go to St. Stephen’s Square (Stephansplatz). We won’t even try to get into the church (I’m sure it will be overflowing with people for whom it is much more important that they get inside the church than it is to me). But, I do want to be there — in the heart of Vienna, in what was the center of the Holy Roman Empire for a long time — there’s significance to that to me (and I think my grandmother would be pleased). We’re going to spend a significant part of the day outside, enjoying spring. We’re also going to Skype my mom and my sister (and my brothers, if they’re there) while they’re celebrating Easter together. And the Easter Bunny is going to visit our little apartment before the boys wake up tomorrow. I think that pretty much captures it for me.

But, what’s the “2 year old” version of that? I’m not ready for crucifixion and resurrection with him. I also don’t want to emphasize the Easter Bunny — because that isn’t really what it’s about. So, I said, “Easter is a very special day where we spend time with our family and we celebrate the ability to be forgiven, and springtime, bunnies and babies.” (Ok, I could do better, but not bad for 15 seconds thinking time.) His response: “Babies? Like Liam? Is the Easter Bunny going to come, too? Will he bring presents, like Santa?” I guess it’s hard not to overplay a magical bunny who brings presents and chocolate. I’ll keep working on it.

A Mommy Abroad

Our big adventure, as a family of three.

Category Archives: Adventure in Vienna