Ben-ja-min

Posted on February 7, 2013 by admin

Just recently, Liam’s verbal ability has exploded. In a single 24 hour period, about 2 weeks ago, he went from stringing short phrases together, often requiring a lot of translation by me, to speaking rather clearly in complete sentences. Whatever quantum of knowledge and skill is required to communicate in a more advanced manner, he achieved it, and he hasn’t looked back. It is amazing, wonderful, and a little bittersweet to see him take this major step. (But, mostly, it’s really cool to be able to understand him so well.)

Liam’s first word was “no”. Early on, he naturally added “mommy” and “daddy” to his repertoire, but he came up with his own interpretation of B’s name — something that sounded a little like “Meh”. I kept expecting it to evolve into something that sounded more like Benjamin, but it never changed. He started with “Meh”, and that’s where he stayed.

And then, on Tuesday, folded right into these past two weeks of language revolution, Liam said, “Ben-ja-min.” Just like that. No middle step, no gradual transformation. Just “Ben-ja-min”, just like that, and then he repeated it when I asked him to. And he smiled and laughed.

He still uses “Meh” most of the time. But I know he’s got “Ben-ja-min” in there. Hearing B say, “I love you, Liam”, and then getting to hear Liam say back, “I love you, too, Benjamin”, may just be the most fantastic thing I’ve heard, ever. I can’t wait to hear what he’s going to say next.

Birth order and sick kids

Posted on February 6, 2013 by admin

My life is so glamorous. Liam has been sick so I’ve spent the past few days cleaning up the liquids that come out of my kid at high rates of speed from both ends. (So fancy, this life in Europe. Also, nothing makes me miss my big, fast American washing machine like a couple of days of kid illness.)

I’ve been a mom for 4 1/2 years now, so although no one is happy when the boys are sick, it doesn’t overwhelm me or freak me out like it once did. In a few days, Liam will feel better. Then maybe B will get sick, or I will, and then, at some point in the near future, we’ll all be well and we’ll get back to normal life. Everything we own can be cleaned (or replaced). And although middle of the night cleaning isn’t my most favorite thing, it doesn’t kill me (or even ruin my day). So, armed with this knowledge, I face Liam’s illness — sleep deprived, sympathetic, patient, and full of coffee.

But I didn’t always feel this way. I vividly remember past times, especially when B was little, when a stomach illness in B created panic in me. Getting him cleaned up and taken care of on top of cleaning up the house and doing it on no sleep made me a little crazy. I felt like THIS was now my existence. I lived in a space where I lost all perspective and couldn’t keep myself mindful of the fact that it was temporary and that however unhappy I was, my little one was suffering more than me. I was reduced to tears more than once — scrubbing carpets, washing sheets and blankets, cleaning the couch for the third time in a single day. I always managed to keep it together while holding, comforting or cleaning B, but, often, everything else was too much for me.

And I’m just not like that anymore. Sure, it can still be daunting to deal with the collateral damage from a sick kid, but, the vast majority of the time, I maintain reasonable stress levels and don’t fall apart.

The other night, when I was up at 1:30 a.m., cleaning everything in Liam’s room and not freaking out, I reflected on how lucky Liam is in this way. His illnesses don’t happen alongside a breakdown from Mommy. B has that experience now, but for his first few years, he didn’t. And it’s not just when they’re sick — I take everything more in stride now than I did when I was new at this.

On the other hand, I’m so often aware of how much one-on-one time B had with me when he was little, and how much less of that there is for Liam. B got more of me, but I was so much less together. Liam gets less, but I’m probably traumatizing him less, on average. I guess it works out. And I really, really hope that B ends up with more memories of the mommy that I am now, rather than the basket case I once was.

Skating with the kids

Posted on February 4, 2013 by admin

Last year, we took the boys ice skating at the Wiener Eistraum. We tried to take them back, last week, for the 2013 opening, but the kids’ area was closed. Dan & I went on Friday (as an actual date), and we were finally able to take the boys again yesterday.

We had a good time, but our experience was quite different from last year. The children’s area was surprisingly crowded — probably over 40 kids and nearly as many parents — and, to share between all of them, only 6 practice penguins. We found the number of people and lack of penguins frustrating and a little daunting — a sentiment that seemed to be shared by many other families. Overall, we did fine, and I’m glad we went, but I was a little shocked by how crowded it was. We were there on a Sunday morning, which I think is the same as when we went last year . . . although last year we went much later in February — maybe it gets less popular as the season goes on?

It was still a generally good experience. The kids had a pretty good time, although they got tired quickly (as did I) and it was a fun, inexpensive way to get some skating practice. Like last year, Liam’s skate rental was free, the helmets for both boys were free, and the adults didn’t need skates at all, so our total bill was 4 Euro for about 2 hours of skating. Not bad.

My guess is that Sunday mornings, early in the season, when the weather is good, are just too popular to be manageable for little ones who need lots of practice and support. We’re going to experiment a bit — we’re going to try going during the week, going later on a weekend day and going later in the season. Hopefully we can find a time that isn’t quite so overwhelming. We definitely like it, so we’re looking forward to an even better experience next time.

Skate date

Posted on February 3, 2013 by admin

Last year, we took the kids to the Wiener Eistraum (“Viennese Ice Dream”) — which is a massive, temporary skating complex constructed on the grounds of the Rathaus (city hall) here in Vienna. We loved it. The kids had a great time learning to skate a bit, and it was fun to be part of a big, festive Viennese activity.

There are two main parts of the skating facility — a large area with two skating rinks, connected by long ice paths that meander through the woods (on the paved walking trails through the park), and a smaller, enclosed area where the kids can play and practice during the day (it turns into a curling area in the evenings). When we took the boys, we stuck to just the kids’ area. It didn’t require a ticket, and we didn’t even have to rent skates as adults — we rented skates for the boys and we just walked around in our regular winter boots. It made for a fun (and inexpensive) outing.

Somehow, though, we managed not to have a chance to go over and explore the bigger, “grown up” section last year, and I’ve regretted it since. The Wiener Eistraum reopened just over a week ago for 2013, and Dan & I went over last night, just the two of us, to check out the whole thing.

First of all, I am not a good skater. I’ve skated a few times, but never enough to get good at it. So, at first, my goal was just not to fall down and injure myself. After a few minutes of getting my feet under me, though, I got to relax and really enjoy it. It’s pretty wonderful. Skating on the colorfully lit pathways, through the woods, with the brightly illuminated Rathaus in the background is pretty magical. I was, by far, not the worst skater there (I even managed to help hold Dan up once when he fell!) and I really enjoyed myself.

The skating part was definitely a challenge though. Although the wooded paths are fun and scenic, they also include very gentle uphill and downhill slopes — something I’d never attempted on skates before. It was pretty tough. The uphills weren’t so bad (as long as someone coming up from behind didn’t run into you — it’s hard to go fast up the hills) but the downhills were a bit scary. Especially after the Zamboni came though, it was easy to get going WAY too fast down the little inclines. (I managed not to crash, but I attribute a lot of that to just luck.)

We had a great time. We skated around, explored the pathways, circled the ice rinks with a few hundred other skaters and just had a fantastic time. We’ll definitely go back. It makes for a fun date night.

Infinite patience

Posted on February 2, 2013 by admin

Friday night is family movie night at our house. Each week, we take turns picking a movie, and we all cuddle up with some popcorn and enjoy. Last night, being Friday, was movie night. Dan, who went into the living room after dinner to start the movie downloading, had a moment of temporary insanity and clicked “ok” on the prompt for the Apple TV update. That was around 7:30.

I made popcorn while Dan got the boys in their pajamas. The update wasn’t done, so we decided, in an effort to keep the kids happy and entertained while they waited for their movie, to start up the Wii and play for a little while.

Every few minutes, we checked on the update. Still not done.

Eventually, after a long while, the kids got tired of the Wii. They started to make up some games to play. Liam chased a plastic golf ball around the house while B practiced some acrobatic manuevers with his stuffed Angry Birds. The update STILL wasn’t finished. When they got tired of their new games, we snuggled in the tent and pretended it was a boat.

By the time it was finished, the update had taken over 2 1/2 hours. That was 2 1/2 hours of waiting, for two boys who wanted to see a movie they’d been looking forward to for days. And, during that entire time, we didn’t hear a single frustrated word, not a single moment of unhappiness. There was no whining. They were utterly patient and unflappably cheerful.

It was kind of astonishing. We just had a fun evening, spent playing together. (In fact, I think the adults were much more frustrated than the kids — I think I rolled my eyes at Dan every time we checked the update and it STILL wasn’t finished). I don’t know if maybe we just got lucky, but it occurs to me that the evening reminds me of so many moments we’ve had when we’ve been travelling and things haven’t gone as we planned, or when waits have been longer than we expected (or wanted). My kids have a lot of experience with not just being patient, but with making the most of a less-than-ideal set of circumstances. (If we can have fun during the ski lesson from hell or enjoy our day that included a flat tire on back roads with no cell reception and two soaking wet kids, then we can manage almost anything.) My little guys are pretty amazing. I was so impressed not just that they took the delay in our evening in stride, but that they managed it so happily. They did better than I did.

Finally, the update was finished, and we loaded up Finding Nemo (which neither of the kids had seen before). 20 minutes later, B, who was fairly traumatized (I forgot how scary that movie is) insisted we turn it off. We finished our evening with the 7-minute-long Mater and the Ghostlight and the boys were in bed a few minutes later. (Total wait time for movie: 2 1/2 hours; total movie watching time: 27 minutes.)

The evening was definitely not what we expected, and, as it turned out, the movie was far from the focal point. I got to spend my evening enjoying the company of my family, playing with my kids, and being impressed with my boys (yet again). It was a great night.

No credit

Posted on February 1, 2013 by admin

In the US, we pretty much used our credit cards for everything. We used them for the obvious stuff, like grocery shopping and filling up the car with gas, but we also used them for incidental expenses — coffee at Starbucks or a fast food meal. It was rare that I had more than a few dollars in my wallet in actual cash. I used credit for everything and I generally assumed that my credit card would be accepted everywhere (and it was).

Moving to Vienna was a shock. By comparison, you pretty much can’t use a credit card anywhere here. You can’t use credit at a grocery store, the drug store, most cafes, many restaurants, bakeries, the doctor’s office, or even the hospital emergency room. You generally have to be prepared to pay with cash or debit card here, and many places don’t even accept debit. (Our new pediatrician takes our debit card, which was a lovely surprise after our previous one who only took cash. I think I forgot to get cash out for the appointment about 80% of the time.) Here, pretty much the only places that accept credit cards are the ones that cater most to tourists (like McDonald’s).

It’s just a different cultural norm and a different attitude towards money. People who live here are used to it. In some ways, it has actually been very nice. After getting over our initial frustration, stemming from never having enough cash on us and simply not being used to being limited to what was in our account at any moment, we’ve adjusted. We carry more cash, and we’ve gotten used to living within our means . . . because there isn’t any other option.

It’s been great doing that, and I’m grateful for the experience, because, living in the States, and having access to credit, I was never going to stop using it for EVERYTHING. It’s been good to be forced to change my attitudes about money a bit. Until, just over 2 weeks ago, when we had a moment of minor panic because we had almost no money in our account. Almost none. Very, very little. And over 2 weeks until pay day.

At first, we were freaked out. We were afraid the money had been lost, stolen, or billed incorrectly. Nope, it had just been poorly managed, by us. I’d been lax about checking the account and balancing the checkbook . . . for the past 3 months. Everything had been going along just fine prior to that, so I wasn’t overly worried about it. But then, Christmas happened, we took on a few new expenses, and my mental image of, “Yeah, I’m sure that’s all working out ok” was just wrong.

We basically had 2 weeks with no money. It was no fun. We ate a lot of leftovers and a lot of pasta. We didn’t buy anything we didn’t absolutely need, and we didn’t do anything that didn’t absolutely have to be done. We made it, but it was close. And there wasn’t anything we could do about it from a cash flow standpoint — we couldn’t buy our groceries on credit instead, or just eat dinner out at restaurants. We had to tighten everything up and make it work.

It’s all sorted out now. The budget has been adjusted and we’ll be fine from here on out. But, yikes. I really am generally glad for the practice we’ve gotten at living on what we have in our account, but I sure was missing my credit cards for the past few weeks.

Zoom Kindermuseum (again)

Posted on January 31, 2013 by admin

My vision of myself as a stay-at-home-mom includes having it together enough to go out and do “stuff”. In my mental fantasy, we would go to the park at least twice a week and manage at least one outing to do something more significant — a trip to the zoo, a visit to a “big” park, swimming in the summer, skating in the winter. That does not happen. That has never happened. I’m pretty sure that’s an unrealistic image.

On a very good week, when it isn’t the holidays, and when everyone is healthy, when we aren’t about to travel, and we haven’t just gotten back from travel, and when the weather cooperates, we sometimes manage one such outing. It’s been a while since we’ve done one.

Today, we managed it. We went to the Zoom Kindermuseum. It was our third visit there, and, as I do each time we go, I’ve resolved to make a point of going more often.

It’s such a lovely place, and going during the week is a special treat, because it isn’t overly crowded. The whole place is set up to be interesting, inviting and stimulating to small children. The current exhibit, “Ocean”, is set up as an undersea world on the bottom level, with “fish” to play with, a mirrored tunnel for the kids to crawl through, and all manner of costumes and underwater-inspired decorations to build with. Up on the second level is the sea surface, with boats wheels to steer, a crane that the kids can use to load sandbags into a ship’s hold and fishing lines (the kids playing downstairs can attach the “fish” to the line so the fishermen upstairs can haul them up). My boys absolutely love it. There’s space for them to run and play, and they can be almost entirely independent — since everything is age appropriate, and most of the toys are open to interpretation, all they need is their imaginations.

I can tell that parenting in Austria is changing me. The first time we went to Zoom, I hovered over the kids. I “helped” them with almost everything they did, and I inserted myself into their play. Not today. Today, I followed Benjamin around most of the time (Jo played with Liam, mostly) and I only got involved when he had questions or when he invited me to play with him. I let him run ahead of me, even out of sight, and I only “helped” when he asked. Part of that is their ages — at 4, B is getting more confident about his independence and Liam, who has never really needed the reassurance of my constant presence, runs off without looking back. But part of it is me. I’ve adjusted more to this environment, where the parents are less intrusive and more relaxed. This is a safe place, where the kids are set up to have a positive experience — I don’t have to micromanage it. We had a really great time. It was nice to let my boys do their thing. (And then, when B asked me to help him “fish”, it was a real treat to be invited to play.)

We didn’t have any particular purpose in going today. We just went to do something fun, together, out of the house. We really had a great time. It was a fun hour of exploration, investigation and a chance for the kids to just be kids. We really should do this kind of thing more often.

Jumping in puddles

Posted on January 30, 2013 by admin

We have, rather suddenly and unexpectedly, spring weather today in Vienna. It’s currently over 50 degrees outside. The snow has nearly all melted and we had rain for most of yesterday. That makes it an excellent day for jumping in puddles.

Both of my boys love jumping in puddles. Benjamin currently believes that the bigger the puddle, the better, and you have to keep an eye on him, because he’ll leap into one, spraying everyone within 15 feet with muddy puddle water, with absolutely no notice or remorse. B is happy to splash in the same puddle, over and over, until he is soaked or the puddle is empty. Liam, on the other hand, doesn’t discriminate based on puddle size. He carefully examines the ground around him for good candidates, runs up to them, and very sweetly asks, “May I jump in this puddle?” before giving it a well-planned splash or two and then moving on to the next one, asking, “Can we find another puddle?!”

They are both so sweet. Watching their joyful enthusiasm for jumping into puddles is so wonderful. I wish I could ink these moments permanently into my brain. I wish I could hold on to the image, perfectly and forever, of holding hands with my little ones while they smile and giggle and splash. I love how happy it makes them, and how happy they just ARE. It’s infectious. I can’t be around them while they’re doing this and not be joyful myself. Part of it is watching my kids be happy, but the other part of it is just being reminded of how simple joys can be and of how everything is wonderful if you look at it the right way. They’re teaching me. I jumped in some puddles today, too. I don’t know if I enjoyed it as much as they did, but I’m glad we were able to do it together.

Winter rain

Posted on January 29, 2013 by admin

As I’ve mentioned before, Vienna in winter is not the snow-covered city that most people seem to imagine. I, too, was surprised to learn how little snow typically falls here, and how close, climatically, in many ways Vienna is to my home in the US mid-Atlantic. It averages a little bit colder here (about 5 Fahrenheit degrees lower high temperatures during the winter, on average) so we certainly get plenty of cold weather here — especially when coupled with the often intense wind. However, it’s a lot drier here — we get significantly less precipitation here, throughout the year, than the DC area weather I’m used to. But, since it’s colder, when we get precipitation in the winter months, it’s usually snow, and when we do get snow, it tends to stick around.

We had a pretty significant snowstorm here about 12 days ago (just as we were leaving Vienna to go skiing). We’d been getting little bits of snow, almost daily, for a few weeks leading up to the big snow, and we’ve gotten a little bit of snow several times since then. And nearly all of it has stuck around, since only one day in the past 2 weeks has had a high temperature above freezing (and then, it was only above freezing for about an hour). Over the past few weeks, we’ve gotten pretty used to the scene of Vienna alternating between fresh whiteness and the less lovely gray/beige of days-old snow that has been sanded, gravelled, and walked in by many feet.

Back at home, the weather often feels like it can’t pick a season. It’s perfectly expected that a heavy snow or ice storm may be followed, within days (if not hours) by springtime temperatures and sunshine. But not in Vienna. We’re just a little colder, and a little drier, but typically, winter stays winter until it’s time for spring. So today, when the rain started falling, it was very strange. Just as the temperatures came up above freezing for the first time in a while, the rain started to fall. It looked, sounded and felt really foreign. Just the sight of it on the windows was odd, and the splashing in the gutters and on the roof felt like a completely alien sound.

It’s just another one of those little differences that you don’t notice until it happens and then it feels so very strange. I’ve acclimated to winter in Vienna, I suppose, and my brain wasn’t expecting rain.

Ok

Posted on January 28, 2013 by admin

Being a mom can be a tough job. Last night, during story time, Liam (who was wandering around a bit) tripped over my leg and fell, head first, into my face. The back of his head hit me right in the teeth. Ouch. It hurt. A lot. I didn’t know how badly either of us was hurt, but my mouth was definitely bleeding and my teeth hurt a ton. I asked Dan to check on Liam (who was fine, other than a bit of a bonk on the back of the head) and before I could even get to the bathroom, my lips were swollen pretty badly. I had two split lips, a very sore front tooth, a lot of swelling and pain and a sore neck. It was not my most favorite moment from story time.

My mouth hurt enough to not really be able to determine the full extent of my injury, but it wasn’t “rush to the ER” kind of bad, so I got an ice pack, and poked my head back in the boys’ room to check on Liam (who was fine). Dan asked if I was ok, and (through my split, swollen lips and an ice pack) I mumbled, “Don’t know”. I went back to the bathroom, cleaned myself up, checked things out in the mirror and went back in for the end of story time. My face hurt, and my lips were still bleeding a little, but I was mostly worried about my teeth, which hurt a lot.

After stories (which Dan read, because I could barely talk), B looked at me and asked, “Mommy, are you ok?” and I repeated my earlier answer, a very mumbled, “Don’t know yet”. To which he responded (very bravely), “Are you going to die?” *

Ok. Oops. That was me, completely forgetting that a 4 year old’s version of “are you ok?” is not the same as mine. I was worried about damage to my teeth, how silly I was going to look the next morning, and whether or not I was going to need a trip to the dentist in the next few days. Benjamin was, in fact, keeping a much better perspective. He meant “are you going to be ok” in the greater sense. And, of course, I will be.

So, I told him, “Yes, honey, I’m ok. I’m hurting, my face is sore, but I’m going to be ok. Tomorrow or the next day, I’m going to feel just fine.”

And, today, I really am fine. My teeth are still a little achy, and my lips hurt a lot, but the swelling is down and I think I escaped significant injury. Which serves to highlight how overly dramatic I was being, without intending to be or realizing it. Benjamin kept the wiser perspective, though, and did a great job reminding me of how “ok” I really am.

* As a note, B was unfortunately informed about death and dying much earlier and more abruptly than I would have liked this past summer when one of our horses had to be put down due to an acute, serious illness. And, owing to the urgency and geography involved, I ended up having the conversation, in which I made the decision to put her down, in the car, in front of both kids. Ever since then, he’s had a lot of questions, and has been more worried about, and aware of, mortality than I would have liked him to be at 4.

A Mommy Abroad

Our big adventure, as a family of three.

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