The pitter patter of little feet

Posted on October 15, 2011 by admin

It finally happened. Dan & I were lying in bed this morning (at 7:30!) and we heard it – little footfalls running through the apartment. Benjamin was on the loose, and neither one of us had yet gotten up. We switched his bed from a crib to a toddler bed last weekend, and it only took him a week to figure out he can actually get in and out without supervision.

Sigh. I was hoping for longer. (I’ve heard of people whose kids went MONTHS not realizing they were no longer confined.)

I have to admit, though, it was a pretty cute sound. I was worried that he’d be worried — that he’d come out to the living room, and not finding us, would freak out a little. But no, he apparently climbed up on the couch, got himself all comfy and then started saying, “Mommy!” relatively loudly (not loud enough to wake the neighbors or anything, but loud enough that I was worried he was going to wake Liam — who, miraculously, was ALSO still asleep). I got up and came out quickly, in case he was concerned about where I was, but he was fine, he just wanted me to turn on the TV and get him a bottle.

It is a little scary for me, though — a little bit MORE of letting go. If he gets up on his own, he could do any manner of dangerous things: turn the oven on, get scissors out of the drawer and run with them, drink laundry detergent (or any other kid-unsafe item in the house) or, the worst: he could actually leave the apartment. I’m a mom. I worry about these things. Of course, he has no reason to do any of those things, and has never shown any inclination to do any of those things, but in my imagination, he’s going to start as soon as he starts wandering out of his own bed in the morning (or the middle of the night). I have to convince myself to be watchful without being paranoid, and reasonable in the face of potential danger. It’s not easy.

Really, though, it was pretty cool to hear him up and running around on his own this morning. I’m pretty proud of him for that moment of independence, and for not being worried when he didn’t find us out here, awake. I guess the next thing to do is to teach him to work the TV on his own, and the sleeping possibilities will be limited only by my nerves and Liam’s wakefulness.

Happy place

Posted on October 12, 2011 by admin

This evening, I went out for my usual “hour off” at Starbucks — just me, a book, and a cappucino with whipped cream. (Another thing I know I will miss when I go back to the States — they don’t sweeten their whipped cream here, which I think is AWESOME.)

As much as I deeply, truly love my children, having an hour where I don’t have to be “on” is great. It really isn’t so much about having a break from changing diapers or kissing boo boos, it’s more that I’m not “in charge”, I’m not responsible for anyone or anything for a little while. My brain can rest. I can put myself first for a few blissful minutes, without having to put anyone else second. It’s really nice.

This evening, walking back, it was chilly and raining . . . which I love. I decided, on my walk back in the rain, that this is my third favorite kind of weather (after 65 degrees and sunny, and then any kind of snow). I think I may actually be another species, because I don’t think very many human beings LOVE cold and wet weather. All the people I passed on the street were bundled up and under umbrellas, hurrying to their destinations, while I grinned and barely kept myself from skipping down the sidewalk.

Now, after dinner and baths and stories, the kids are sleeping. I’m sitting and listening to Miles Davis. Today was a very good day.

Breaking a sweat

Posted on October 11, 2011 by admin

I’ve recently started to make more of a point to get regular exercise. I’d love to lose the rest of the “baby weight” (from being pregnant with Liam, but also still from being pregnant with Benjamin) but even more just because I feel better when I move around — it’s good for my body and my brain. After years of being active regularly without having to think too much about it (riding, dancing) it’s amazing how crappy it can feel to basically stop moving except when you need to. (Even that’s an exaggeration — we don’t own a car, so I walk a lot, and I chase two kids around all the time, so that’s a lot of activity, but it just isn’t the same as moving for the purpose of moving.)

Not wanting to end up injuring myself right away, I’ve started slowly — I’m walking and doing a little bit of yoga. I felt better almost immediately, and now, after just a week, I’m really starting to notice a difference — I walk for time, not distance, and I go significantly further each time. So, that feels good. It just feels good to move.

I usually walk with Liam in the mornings (don’t worry — I don’t make Liam walk, he gets to ride in the stroller) when B is at school, but I don’t always make that work, so then I try to go in the afternoons. Today, I went in the afternoon with both Liam and Benjamin. Liam rode in the stroller and Benjamin rode his “pushing bike”. We had a blast. It was so fun to be outside, making my body move, and spending time with my kids — we all really, really enjoyed it (even Dan met up with us after he got home from work). It was a beautiful day, and I got a pretty good workout in — Benjamin can get going pretty fast on his bike!

I’ve often wondered how the Viennese manage to walk everywhere and still look perfect. They are beautifully done up (in general) and seem to maintain that throughout the day — even though use of public transportation, and walking, are so common. On all my walks over the past week or so, I’ve been noticing something — in part, at least, it’s because they walk pretty slowly. Even I, relatively out of shape (and with pretty short legs), manage to speed past even tall men walking to the train station. If they’re out just strolling around, they go even slower. I doubt they usually break a sweat. It’s a novel concept for me — maybe I’m an impatient person, but I almost always walk quickly. No wonder they manage to look the same at 6:00 in the evening as they do at 8:00 in the morning! It also helps to explain why they’re always so bundled up (I am easily the most lightly dressed person I encounter when I go out for my brisk walks).

That isn’t to say they don’t exercise — they definitely do. It’s a very active and relatively fit culture, as far as I can tell. But when they’re about their daily tasks, they seem to take their time . . . although they ALSO manage to be on time to everything (a paradox I have yet to figure out).

There’s a measured pace, coupled with an efficiency and promptness, that I find really nice in the people here. They manage to be on time without being rushed, fit without being obsessed. I still haven’t figured out how they do it, but I like it, and I hope I learn a little.

Big boy bed

Posted on October 8, 2011 by admin

Last night, Benjamin asked if we could change his crib into a “big boy bed”. I was surprised to hear it — it’s not something we’ve advocated for and I wasn’t sure he’d even been paying attention the couple of times we had explained to him, months ago, that his bed converts into a “big boy” bed and that he should tell us when he wants us to do it. (When will I learn? This kid is ALWAYS listening.)

Also, Benjamin has not been in a hurry to grow up — especially since Liam’s arrival. After a brief initial interest in potty training, he doesn’t want to have anything to do with it. We’ve cut him back to 2-3 bottles a day, and he will drink milk from a cup, but we haven’t made many strides in moving away from bottles, either. And he’s been reluctant to embrace the separation of school (although this week he did seem happier about going and less enthusiastic to leave). So, I figured that moving out of his crib would go in the same category, and that it would be a while until he decided it was time.

I should have figured, though. During our move and transition here, he slept in several “big” beds — a twin bed at my mom’s house before we left, another in our first apartment here, the couch at the second apartment we had here, and a twin bed mattress on the floor when we first moved in here. And, we’ve had a few “sleep overs” on the futon in the living room. So, the concept isn’t foreign to him.

Our plan is to change it tomorrow. For now, a “big boy” bed means changing his crib into a toddler bed. It’ll still be small, but he’ll be able to get in and out on his own. It’ll be easier to give him a pre-bed snuggle, and I won’t miss lifting him in and out of the crib twice a day, every day.

I’m also a little sad, though, and a little anxious. It’s been comforting to know, when I put him down for the night, that he’ll be there in the morning. I haven’t had to worry about him getting up and playing in the middle of the night, wandering through the house, getting in to stuff while we’re sleeping, waking Liam up, or any other variety of nocturnal mayhem. Yikes.

I used to say that I’d leave the video monitor in his room hooked up until he was in his “big boy” bed and could come and get us when he needs us. Not a chance. I’m keeping that thing set up for the time being.

I wonder how long it’ll take him to figure out he can unplug it. Yet again, life as I know it, is over.

The elements

Posted on October 7, 2011 by admin

I’ve always considered myself to be an outdoorsy person. I like to be outside. I’m a horseback rider, and have been for over 25 years. I’ve taught riding, on and off for years, too. I like to walk outside, go camping and swim, too. So, it has come as a bit of a shock to me that now, with no outdoor hobbies, I am more in touch with the weather and it’s slight permutations than I ever have been before.

Part of it is our apartment. At home, we lived in a north-facing apartment with windows on only one wall. At both of my last two jobs, before leaving the workforce when Benjamin was born, I rarely even saw outside, and was only out in the weather on my way to or from work. On the other hand, our apartment here has windows on all 4 sides, and a terrace in the middle. I can go outside without leaving my apartment. We don’t have central air, and (ironically) our heat is somewhat centrally controlled by the City of Vienna (I’m still learning about how this works, as it’s just starting to get cold). I’m much more aware of the amount of cloud cover, precipitation and temperature than I ever have been before while indoors, to be sure. Now that Benjamin is in school, I also have an hour long commute to pick him up and bring him home every day.

I don’t have a car, so when I do go out, into the weather, it’s not just a quick dash from door to car, and then from car to school and back. I’m out, walking in the weather (whatever it may be) at least every weekday.

Today was a rainy, cold day in Vienna. It was a major reminder of something I’ve been slowly realizing: I can’t just grit my teeth, “make do” and get through the weather in Vienna (especially the upcoming winter). Today was rough, and it’s October. We just don’t have the equipment. My boys have rain coats, but not enough layering pieces to put underneath when it’s cold and rainy but not so inclement as to pull out the winter parkas. And, their legs are mostly unprotected from the elements (particularly an issue for Liam, who is in the stroller, legs out). Neither of them have rain boots (or, for that matter, snow boots) right now. I don’t own a functional umbrella.

When I first got here, I was surprised by all the “weather gear” I saw. The Viennese seem to have about 12 different kinds of coats, twice that many kinds of footwear, scarves for use in all types of weather (literally — they wear them in July), plus hats, gloves, mittens, balaclavas. They have rain covers as well as snow buntings for their strollers. Their strollers even have holsters for their umbrellas.

Today was a good lesson in outerwear. I wore my raincoat and boots — I was fine. Benjamin wore his raincoat and sneakers — he was ok, but was worried about getting his light-up shoes in the rain puddles, lest it short them out (not something I had thought of?). Poor Liam. I put him in fleece pajamas, to make sure he was snug and covered, and then put his raincoat on top. His clothes got pretty wet, but he stayed dry. Of course, once we went inside the trains and the school, he got overheated in about a second.

It’s only October. I need to get myself equipped.

The return of the pirate ship balloon

Posted on October 3, 2011 by admin

The day before Liam’s birthday, Benjamin and I purchased a pirate ship balloon that, rather than sailing home with us, sailed away, up into the clouds, on our way home. Benjamin was heartbroken. I was pretty upset myself. I walked all the way back to the shop to see if they had another (they didn’t).

But, I didn’t give up. What to do when you’re trying to find something elusive? To the internet! I found it on Amazon (uninflated, of course) and with a little translation, was able to find it on Amazon Germany, as well. We bought two — just in case.

They arrived today, and Dan took the boys down to the toy shop to see if they would inflate one of them for us. They did. (And now we have another — just in case this one flies out the window, or something, or for some time in the future.)

Benjamin is thrilled. Liam loves it. I feel great about being able to fix my mistake (I’m the one who let the balloon go, accidentally). Dan got to help by getting the new balloon filled. The whole family is happy. I am so grateful we were able to do it.

I know it’s just a little thing. I don’t want my kids growing up thinking that the THING is what’s important. I hope they see the love behind the actions — the effort we went to in order to fix the mistake, and to help Benjamin give his thoughtful gift to Liam. I hope they see the love in the pirate ship balloon. I do.

Picnic and pumpkin cake

Posted on October 2, 2011 by admin

Another beautiful Sunday here in Vienna. The last few weekends have been like this, and each time, we think it’ll probably be the last one.

I’m holding out hope for yet one more, because I was sick again today and missed out on enjoying the beautiful autumn weather. I didn’t leave the house. I didn’t do anything, except sleep and occasionally attempt to keep my children from meeting an early demise.

Dan did a great job of wrangling everyone, but I’m also incredibly grateful for our downstairs neighbor. She called up earlier and invited us all to join her family for a picnic in the park and some of the cake she was baking. I was too sick to go, but Dan and the boys took her up on her offer. From all accounts, they had a great time (and they even brought some cake back for me — yummy!). They ate cake, my neighbor’s oldest daugher played endlessly with Benjamin (and a little with Liam) and Dan got to chat with our neighbor.

It’s always a bummer to be sick. Worse for it to be on the weekend. Worse for it to be on a beautiful day. Worse for it to interfere with plans I have with the kids (we were planning to go to the zoo today). It was really nice that my kids got to get out and enjoy the day, even though I was stuck inside. With any luck, I’ll be feeling better tomorrow! And with an extra bit of luck, next weekend will be beautiful, too.

Kindermuseum

Posted on September 30, 2011 by admin

As the last part of Liam’s (nearly week-long) birthday celebration, we went to the Zoom Kindermuseum in Vienna today. Dan took the afternoon off and we even picked B up early from school.

Wow. So much fun.

The museum has several different areas, set up for different age groups — we went to the Ocean section, the one for the youngest kids (0-6) and specifically, we went to a “baby session”, meaning no kids older than 3. It was fantastic. There truly are very few places in the world you can set your children down (especially a just-learning-to-walk 1 year old) and really let them go. It was a great experience, for all of us, to be able to do just that.

There were cushions to climb on, toys that made sounds to toss and jangle, a mirrored tunnel, a huge ramp to climb to get upstairs, a big ship’s wheel, a winch and a crane, flags to be put up and down, a ladder to climb down (the only thing Liam couldn’t really traverse on his own) into a shallow room made up like the cabin of a small sailboat, a plank/bridge to walk across, more cushions (made to look like icebergs, in the Greenland section), slides, and a submarine cabin area, complete with switches to flip, buttons to push, cords to plug and unplug.

Benjamin was able to be pretty much autonomous the whole time. Liam required a little more supervision (he did try to plunge head first down into the sailboat part — several times) but even he toddled around very confidently. I’m sure the kids enjoyed their uncommon freedom. But it was also really special for Dan & I as parents — instead of supervising our kids, we really got to play with them. It wasn’t a distinction I was really aware of, but having done something different today, I see how much of my day is spent protecting, rather than enjoying, my kids. It was such an unusual and liberating experience to run and climb with Benjamin, or crawl around with Liam, and be focused on the fun things there were to see and discover instead of worrying about potential peril. I think the only times I said, “No” for an entire hour were when Liam tried to dive into the sailboat and once when Benjamin nearly sat on Liam. (I think my typical “no per hour” rate is in at least the double digits. The only time it’s lower is when they’re sleeping.)

I had a great moment, too, of getting to know my kids a little better. Benjamin had a great time, and he was thrilled with the freedom that he had, but he wanted us right there with him the entire time. He wanted to hold hands while running from one activity to the next, and have me sit with him while we played together. Liam is a different, even as such a little guy. He still wanted us there, but he wasn’t really concerned about it. A few times, I tried to help him with something, and he grunted at me and pushed me away. Already, he’s so independent. He had as much fun as his brother — he crawled and climbed and toddled and explored. I think he had a really good birthday celebration.

After our hour in the “baby session”, it was time to go, and we stopped and got ice cream and sat together in the shade. Then we walked home, through Vienna, on a perfect early fall afternoon. I wouldn’t have changed a thing about it.

Being the little brother

Posted on September 28, 2011 by admin

Liam received a birthday present in the mail today — from his Grandma — two presents, actually: one for him and one for Benjamin. We got the package early today, but waited to open it until Benjamin got home, because I knew how excited he’d be. When I told him, on the way home from school, that we had a package from Grandma waiting for him & Liam, he became a bouncing, whirling ball of 3 year old excitement. When we got home, he didn’t even want to wait until he had taken off his shoes and sweatshirt (for B, this is saying something) — he wanted Liam to open his present!

Of course, Benjamin helped him. The idea was for Liam to decide which one he liked and for Benjamin to have the other. Benjamin decided, before opening the wrapped packages, that the first one would be for Liam and the second would be for him. (I give him MAJOR credit for deciding that the first gift was for Liam.) The gifts were two soft cars from the “Cars” movies. The first one was Mater, and the second one was Lightning McQueen, which worked out very well (I suspect that regardless of the order they’d been opened in, B would have ended up with Lightning McQueen, but as it was, he got to stick to his initial plan). Liam showed no particular preference, so I went with Benjamin’s choice. Liam is very happy with his new truck, and B is happy with this car, and that works out perfectly.

I think, though, as a little brother, you must end up spending a lot of time being the sidekick — Robin to Batman, Mater to Lightning McQueen. And I think that’s fine, for now — Liam is thrilled with his new truck (and I’m sure he would have been thrilled with the car, if it had gone the other way). But there will be a day when Liam doesn’t want Benjamin to choose which toy is his, and there will be a day when Liam prefers to play the hero.

There’s a part of me that dreads that day — there will be fireworks, I know. But, at the same time, I think this is one of the great things about having siblings: it is so much easier to live through that drama as a child instead of having to wait until you’re grown up to discover the world doesn’t turn around the place you stand. It’ll be an interesting day, when it comes to pass.

I am so happy to watch my boys together. Benjamin very sweetly took Liam’s truck into his room and put it in his bed before I put Liam down for his nap today. They played and raced together all afternoon. Liam is so happy to play with his brother — he likes his truck, but I think the best present for him is being able to play cars together with Benjamin. He is a happy little 1 year old.

Elternabend

Posted on September 27, 2011 by admin

Tonight was “parents night” (Elternabend) at Benjamin’s school. When we found out about it last week, Dan suggested I be the one to go (since we were supposed to go without kids). I jumped at the chance. I was so excited to go — a chance to learn more about the program of instruction at B’s school (we know it’s a Montessori program, but only have the vaguest knowledge of what that means), to meet some other parents, and have a few hours out on my own. Excellent!

Somehwere, in this fantasy, I apparently forgot that I DON’T SPEAK GERMAN. Right. Oops.

I understood less than 10% of what was said — mostly numbers, dates, and words that are the same in English. There’s a picture day coming up (I don’t know when), there won’t be any field trips until spring (I don’t know why) and there’s apparently a significant issue with where parents park in the morning when they drop their kids off (that was the part I understood the best — VERY helpful, since I don’t have a car). The teachers were a little surprised I had come. I was the only parent there who didn’t have a working knowledge of German. (I suspect the others just didn’t come, since I know there were some English-speaking parents who were absent.)

It was a one hour and twenty minute lesson in humility. I paid close attention, and tried to pick out everything I could. I participated as best I could in the get-to-know-each-other game they had us play (which involved reading and writing in German). I’m definitely feeling more empathy for Benjamin and the trouble he’s having adjusting to kindergarten — even though everyone means well, not speaking the language is a huge challenge, and it’s very isolating. I understand, even more, why he feels lonely at school. I felt lonely and I was only there for a little while.

One of my biggest concerns with Benjamin attending public kindergarten here in Austria is that I will have trouble communicating with his teachers. One-on-one, we seem to do fine, but in a group setting like this, I’m definitely not keeping up. I’m just going to have to trust that they’ll make sure I know what I need to know.

I’m glad I went. As hard as it is to go and be clueless, it’s much better than staying home and being isolated. At least I was there, trying. I want the teachers to know that I want to know what’s going on — I want to be involved. I definitely think they got that message from my being there this evening. At the end, I stayed and talked with one of B’s teachers. She said there wasn’t anything that I missed this evening that I urgently needed to know. We talked about how he’s adjusting to kindergarten, and she told me how much he likes snack time, and how sweet he is with they other kids, and they with him. (Apparently, the other English speaking children look out for him, and if the teachers misunderstand him, there are several that jump in and make sure he’s getting what he needs . . . which is AWESOME to hear.) The teachers really like him, the other kids seem to like him, all that’s left is for him to like being there.

A Mommy Abroad

Our big adventure, as a family of three.

Category Archives: Kids and Parenting