Living room campouts, again

Posted on April 29, 2013 by admin

I’m pretty sure that if we’d never left the US, we would have taken the kids camping by now, at least once, even if we’d only gone as far as the wilds of Grandpa’s backyard. As it is, we haven’t yet, not really. But we have gotten a fair bit of practice, having sleepovers in the tent in the living room.

It’s a habit we got out of over the winter. Mostly, I think, because the boys are now sharing a room, so now every night is kind of a sleepover for them. But last weekend, the boys requested another campout sleepover in the living room, and Dan camped out with them. This past weekend, they wanted to do it again, and I took a turn.

It was really great fun, and it made me sorry we’ve gotten out of the habit. After our usual Friday night movie night (which has sometimes turned into Friday night TV night, because it’s a constant struggle to find appropriate yet engaging movies for a 2 and 4 year old), for which we did as camping themed TV shows, we got the tent all ready. The boys snuggled up in their sleeping bags (actually fleece lined buntings intended for the stroller — I wish I had one myself) and we got out the iPad to do some stargazing. We looked up stars and planets and imagined what it would be like to actually be camping outside. Then the boys curled up for sleep and I got myself situated on the couch.

Not surprisingly, it took a while for them to settle down (because camping is fun!) but they did, and drifted off peacefully, although I realized, prior to falling asleep myself, that both boys had wiggled out of their “sleeping bags” and out of the tent entirely — they were actually cuddled up together out on the carpet. But they were happy. Liam woke once in the middle of the night unsure of where he was, but I helped him get back into the tent, back into his sleeping bag, and back to sleep.

We had a great night. And waking up to my boys snoozing peacefully in their tent was pretty fantastic. I’m glad we’ve revived the living room campouts.

Finger paint

Posted on April 27, 2013 by admin

I don’t know how I managed it, but somehow, in my nearly 5 years as a mom, I’ve managed to never before delve into the world of finger paint. For Benjamin’s second Christmas, he got an easel, including paints, brushes and paper for painting, which we’ve used sporadically. Honestly, it always seems like so much trouble — getting everything set up, trying to contain the paint in the general area of the paper, dealing with the resulting mess — that we don’t do it very often. When we lived in Virginia, I’d set it up sometimes in the kitchen (with the easy to clean up tile floor) and since we’ve been here, I’ve actually set it up on the terrace a few times. The boys always enjoy it when we get it out, but the mess is usually pretty significant. We still have a few marks on the walls from our last painting adventure, and I never manage to get all of the paint out of their clothes.

I guess I always imagined that finger paints would be worse. No brushes, actually requiring the kids to use their hands . . . it seems like if brushes were a mess, finger paint would be a disaster. I think that’s why we never did it. Yesterday, though, I was feeling brave. B was off of school (teacher training day) — it can be so hard on days like that to not have the day turn into an entire 10 hours of tv and video games. I’ve been thinking ahead to the summer, when I’ll have both boys home, and reminding myself to be proactive about getting us all involved in activities together, so yesterday I (rather bravely) asked the kids what they’d like to do that didn’t involve anything electronic. Liam voted to build trucks with Legos (which we do a lot — I’m rather an expert) and Benjamin wanted to paint. I had a little moment of panic when I imagined setting up the easel, getting everything out, containing the boys and paint and then cleaning everything up. And then I remembered that the finger paints at least claim to be “washable”, and we wouldn’t need an easel or anything fancy — I could just set them up with the paint at the table in our living room and some sheets of computer paper. So I decided to give it a try.

And we had a great time. After a tentative start (both boys were worried about making a mess . . . I think mommy’s mess-aphobia must be catching) they absolutely loved it. I was really surprised to watch them get in to it — Benjamin was full of messy enthusiasm, squishing the paint between his fingers and experimenting with the outcome of mixing colors, while Liam was dainty and purposeful with his choices. (I had expected the opposite.) B made several handprint pictures, while Liam refused. B made a butterfly, Liam made a rainbow. They both laughed and giggled and showed off their pictures to each other.

Truly, we all had a wonderful time. And, as it turns out, the paint was easily contained at the table. (And it actually appears to be washable. I got it off of the kids and off of the table without a problem, and it seems to have come out of their clothes as well.) The boys loved it — they had so much fun playing and making a “mess” (which really wasn’t bad) and being creative, and they couldn’t wait to tell Dan about it when he got home. I’m so glad that we’ve (finally) discovered the joy of finger painting. It was well worth the trouble.

Going on an adventure

Posted on April 26, 2013 by admin

Every so often, we make a plan to spend some one-on-one time with each of the kids. (The goal is to do it with each of the boys about once a month, but so often, things get in the way — travel, illness, incompatible combinations of available free time and the desired activity — and we really do it a lot less frequently than that.) Part of the fun of having the time together is that the kids get to be the one to decide the activity. It’s completely open ended, as long as it’s something we can do in about an hour. We’ve been surprised that so far, the kids’ requests have been incredibly modest — so far, we’ve gone on bus rides, ridden on the U-Bahn just to see where it goes, gone out for hot chocolate or cookies, gone to the playground.

Yesterday, Liam and I finally got a chance to have our hour together, after over a month of trying to find the right time (which is really ridiculous, given that I spend 3-4 hours alone with Liam every day). He wanted to go for a bus ride, to see where the bus that we ride every day would go if we didn’t get off until the end.

So we rode out to the end of the line, to a part of Vienna called Aspern. Liam looked out the window of the bus and told me all about everything he could see. Once we arrived out in Aspern, we saw that it was mostly residential with a cute little town center. It didn’t feel like being in Vienna at all (and truly is almost at the edge of what is actually Vienna). It was a beautiful spring day, and we enjoyed a little walk around (Liam got to navigate) and then I got turned around when it was time to head home and ended up walking twice as far to find the bus as was really necessary. We had a great time exploring, and Liam took a bit of a nap on the way home. It was a good adventure.

And, since it’s spring again, and we’re all feeling (relatively) healthy, we’ll be exploring and adventuring a lot more. I have a list of places to go and things to see, and I’m ready to start on it. And I’m sure Benjamin and Liam will each continue to add their own destinations, as well. I love these adventures with them.

Haircut time!

Posted on April 25, 2013 by admin

Liam, before

I think it must be innate — the weather gets warmer, the flowers bloom, and everyone decides they need a haircut. (I think maybe it’s like shedding, for people.) Dan has been talking about needing to cut his hair for weeks, I’ve been deciding if I want to brave getting my hair cut here again, and Liam’s hair has been starting to get too long even for my taste.

Liam, after

The day before yesterday, I decided to tackle Liam’s hair (again). I’ve cut it a few times before, under the general assumption that it’s hard to screw up curly hair too badly, but with my dual goals of keeping it out of his eyes and keeping the long curls, it has starting looking a little mullet-like after my attempts. Before he starts school in the fall, I’ll probably resort to having him trimmed by a professional (which worries me, because I’ve had bad luck and heard bad stories, and I worry about his curls) but I decided to do it again this time, with a little more research beforehand. As a result, I left the longest pieces on the top of his head pretty much alone and focused on trimming the pieces that fall in his eyes, as well as the long parts in the back that don’t really curl anyway. I’m no stylist, but I think this was my best effort so far.

Benjamin, before (please ignore the dinosaur)

B decided last night that he, too, needed a new haircut (perhaps inspired by Liam’s new style? . . . probably not) so he & Dan went to get their hair done today. I was kind of surprised by how short of a style B chose, but he likes it a lot and I think he’ll be cool and cute for summer (it’s also the most popular style with the other boys at school, so I’m not THAT surprised).So now it’s just me! Maybe it’ll be my turn next . . . Happy spring haircut season!

B, after

Higher math for vacation

Posted on April 24, 2013 by admin

There has always been a certain amount of figuring to be done when it comes to vacation time. It’s almost never as simple* as just determining when to use the two or four or six weeks of vacation time we have to spend. I’ve had many years of practice figuring out when we’re going to earn the time versus when we’re going to spend the time, so that’s become routine.

This year, things have just gotten a lot more complicated. In addition to Dan’s vacation time for the next year (6 weeks, earned at a rate of 2.5 days/month) we now also have to take into account the time B will be permitted to take away from school. B gets 4 set weeks off, when the school is closed (2 at Christmas, 1 at Easter and 1 in early February for the semester break), and Dan gets 10 holidays throughout the year. (B doesn’t get holidays, but there are 3 teacher work days when the school will be closed. We don’t yet have those dates, and probably won’t until September.) Additionally, B can take 3 weeks off at any time, plus any time he likes off during the summer (July and August), without penalty. Dan having to work on a day B doesn’t have school is no big deal (but it would be nice to maximize our travel possibilities) but B having to go to school on a day Dan has a holiday would be kind of a bummer.

With me so far? Because my brain has been trying to process all of this for the past few weeks and failing. I finally sat down with a pen and paper today (and used actual Algebra!) to try to sort it all out. I’m not complaining — I understand that this is a wonderful “problem” to have. I’m just kind of surprised at how complicated it’s all gotten. (I think I may need differential equations for next year.)

Mostly, I want to be sure that we are all able to take time off for Christmas, and at least two other travel weeks through the year (again, having to ensure we’re not planning to spend the vacation time before we’ve earned it) and that we don’t leave ourselves with a bunch of vacation time that we can’t use because either Dan or B can’t be away. There’s just so much that we still want to see.

It’s basically a complicated logic puzzle, and I think I’ve finally solved it. I think. Now we get to figure out where we’re going to go.

* The one exception in my adult professional life was when I was teaching dance. The vacation policy was so Draconian that there was nothing to plan. We were simply assigned a week, twice a year (once at Christmas and once in the summer). We were only informed of which week we’d been given a few weeks before it happened, and we just had to make the best of it.

Kinder Eggs

Posted on April 23, 2013 by admin

Of all of the sweets available here in Austria, I think the boys have become most fond of Kinder Eggs (as long as you don’t count gelato, which is definitely their favorite). For those who aren’t familiar with them, a Kinder Egg is a chocolate egg (about the size of a real egg) wrapped in foil, and inside the hollow egg is a plastic capsule that contains a toy. The toy is (by necessity) usually something very small, and found at random — there isn’t anything on the outside to indicate what kind of toy is inside — it could be a small race car, a figurine, a glider, a magnifying glass . . . I’m actually quite impressed at the variety of things we find in there. (Many of the toys come disassembled and need to be put together out of rather small parts. This is part of the reason for their ban in the US — in addition to a law from the 1930s forbidding any toy to be embedded inside of candy.)

The boys love them. The chocolate is reasonably good, but the combination of chocolate and toy surprise is irresistible to my kids. They have become the most common choice when they kids get to select their own treats from the store. Benjamin commonly asks for them in both English and German (“Kinder Eier”) which causes me to suspect that they are also probably a topic of conversation at school.

Last night, after dinner (and Kinder Eggs), we were talking with the boys about our friends who will be visiting from the US in a few weeks, along with their 3 year old daughter. The boys were discussing which toys they think she’ll like the best, and after hypothesizing that the race cars, trains and bikes will probably be her favorites, Benjamin said, “I know! I think she’ll like the Kinder Eggs the best! Do you think she likes Kinder Eggs?” to which I replied that I wasn’t sure she’d ever had one, because they don’t have Kinder Eggs in the US. Benjamin’s jaw dropped, and he said, with some awe, “Wow. Austria really DOES have some pretty good stuff.”

Ducklings

Posted on April 22, 2013 by admin

Just yesterday, I wrote about what sweet brothers my boys are to each other. And, they are . . . most of the time. But they have also reached that point, inevitable, I think, in the lives of siblings, where every time I leave the room, I return to, “Mom! He broke it/threw it/sat on it/pushed me!” or some variant thereof.

It’s starting to make me a little crazy. Some days, I can’t be out of the room for more than 30 seconds at a time without some disaster taking shape.

I have a pretty good idea of how most of these incidents transpire, because I imagine it’s pretty much the same as when I’m in the room: either Benjamin tells Liam, one time too often, how to play or what he can’t play with, and Liam destroys whatever B was playing with; or Liam destroys whatever B was playing with without any provocation; or B decides that what Liam has happily been doing for half an hour is suddenly unacceptable and decides to throw a fit. I can never tell, based on their reports (which are always skewed in B’s favor, owing to his superior communication skills) who was the true instigator. So I’m left to put the pieces back together and get on with things . . . until something else happens 2 minutes later.

I’m bothered by the injustice of it. I know they have to be able to work things out, to a certain extent, but I also know that without being there to witness what’s happening, I can’t be sure who is doing what to who, and I don’t want to arbitrarily impose consequences, nor do I want them to take advantage of my absence to be unkind to each other. So, we now have a new rule in our house. If the boys can’t get along without me in the room, then they just can’t be in a room without me. Now, each morning, and then again after nap time, they get the chance to get along on their own when I have to leave the room. If they demonstrate that they can’t, then they have to follow me around, wherever I go. So now I have a lot of company (and “help”) as I go through my day. I can keep an eye on everyone, and if they get tired of my very exciting daily routine, then they always have the option to get along and play instead.

I do feel a little like a mother duck going through the house with them trailing behind me, but it’s actually very sweet, and I like their company. (And so far, they’re fighting less.) Although, I’m guessing that they’re going to figure out, pretty soon, that the formula for more play time and less time following me around, is just to get along.

Adventures in brothering

Posted on April 21, 2013 by admin

Watching my boys be brothers to each other may be my favorite part of parenting so far. Since Liam’s birth, they have been excellent brothers to each other (although I admit it was a bit one-sided back in the beginning). Over the past 2 1/2 years, I’ve had the wonderful privilege to watch them grow closer, and learn to love each other more and more . . . while also learning more precisely how to drive each other absolutely crazy. Benjamin has been looking out for Liam from the beginning (although B is very much the big brother and always wants to be fastest, biggest, and have the most toys). Liam has been trying to be like B since he could conceive of rolling over. They are incredibly sweet to each other, even sometimes when things get tough.

These are some of the recent highlights of inter-sibling communication from our house.

Me: “Who loves their brother?” Both boys, screaming in unison: “Me!!!!”

B to Liam, after a frustrating morning: “I’m taking you to the grocery store and leaving you in the oranges.”

B, on movie night: “Liam, we’ve eaten almost all the popcorn, would you like to have some?”

Liam, at their last living room sleepover: “Benjamin, I like your sleeping bag.” B: “I like yours just as well.”

Liam: “Benjamin, I love you. Benjamin, I love you. Benjamin! I love you!” Me: “Benjamin, Liam said he loves you.” B: “Yes. I heard him.”

B: “Liam, if you wake up in the night and you’re scared, I’ll be right here.”

I love these guys. I love how much they love each other. It’s great getting to watch them be brothers.

Nope nopey nope nope nope

Posted on April 20, 2013 by admin

Liam’s first word was “no”, and judging by the frequency with which he uses it, it’s still one of his favorites. Sometimes, though, a simple no won’t do, so Liam has gotten creative. He does a “no” accompanied by a full body shake. He’ll spit his tongue out, raspberry style, as a no. He’s recently started saying, “Well, maybe not”, but it doesn’t mean “maybe” anything, it means “you are NOT going to do THAT.”

My personal favorite is when, instead of just no, we get “Nope nopey nope nope nope.” It means, of course, emphatically no, and the adults around Liam have started using it, too — I think each person in the family said it at least once on the Italy trip.

It’s really excellent and very multi-purpose. Someone cuts in front of you in line? Just say “nope nopey nope nope nope”. The waitress tries to take your plate before you’re finished? “Nope nopey nope nope nope.” The kids try to climb the bookcase? “Nope nopey nope nope nope, misters.” You don’t want to eat your peas? “Nope nopey nope nope nope.”. It works for anything.

Gelbe Gruppe

Posted on April 18, 2013 by admin

When I first decided to be a stay-at-home mom, shortly after Benjamin was born, it was my intention to stay home with him (we didn’t yet know that Liam would be arriving 2 years later) until he was about 4. We were planning on doing a year of preschool prior to kindergarten — I didn’t know yet what form that preschool would take (full day, half day, every day, a few days per week, at a preschool, in someone’s home, with me, without me) but I thought that, if we could make it work financially, it would benefit the kids to have a chance to adjust to “being in school” before they actually had to be in school and truly focused on learning new things. (Prior to Benjamin’s birth, I had every intention of returning to work after about 2-3 months of unpaid maternity leave. That plan changed entirely within the first 72 hours of being a mom. I guess the only benefit to NOT having any income during my “maternity leave” was that I very quickly figured out that we could, in fact, live without a second income.)

Of course, back in July of 2008, I had no idea we’d be living in Vienna in 2013.

Living here, where preschool provides an unparallelled opportunity to learn German, and an excellent opportunity for me to keep my sanity while living abroad and away from my family (i.e., with less help than I’d gotten used to) — for free, even — we decided to start B in preschool a year earlier than we’d originally planned, so he started just after he turned 3. I am so glad we made that decision, and that we had the opportunity to do so. It took B a long time to adjust to being in preschool, and although I’m sure the whole foreign language/new country thing made the transition more difficult, I honestly think he would have had a massive adjustment to being away from home (and me) regardless of what continent we’d lived on when we did it. It took him a solid 6 months to fully embrace the idea of preschool, and a few months more than that to start to show the enthusiasm we see now. He still loves holidays and weekends when he gets to stay home from school, but on most Sunday nights he tells us how excited he is to go back the next day. It’s a wonderful feeling, and it gives me hope that we’ve given him a strong foundation in the idea that school is a fun, safe, supportive place, which he will hopefully carry forward with him as he gets older.

Having seen B go through all of this, we’ve been trying to decide exactly what Liam’s preschool experience will look like. I have a feeling that Liam’s adjustment to preschool will be measured in days or maybe weeks, instead of months. He loves me, and he loves playing at home, but he also asks, almost every morning, if today is the day that he can go to school with Benjamin. Whether or not he & B went to school together, I think the fun of playing with other kids and getting to be in school would quickly overwhelm any amount that he missed me. So, on the one hand, I don’t think he’ll need as much adjustment time before kindergarten, but on the other hand, he WANTS to go, already, and I don’t know if there’s much more benefit to be had by putting that off.

With all of that in mind, we enrolled Liam in “kindergarten” here for the fall. And we just found out, last month, that he got in . . . to the same school B attends (it wasn’t a given that he’d get in at all, and less so that he’d be able to go to the same school). We had a meeting, recently, to talk about his enrollment, answer any questions we had, and to plan for his arrival at school next September. (And WOW, that meeting was SO MUCH EASIER this time around. Our German has vastly improved and now that we understand how the whole system works, things are fantastic. What took a torturous hour 2 years ago for B, took a pleasant 20 minutes this time.) On the school’s recommendation, we aren’t putting the boys in the same group (class) as each other, so while B is in the “blue group”, Liam would be in the “yellow group” (gelbe Gruppe, in German). (Classes/groups in Austrian preschools include kids of ages 3-5, sometimes even 3-6, in the same class. The kids stay together with the same teachers for those years, and split off from the group, when necessary, to work in smaller groups for different age-appropriate activities.) The teachers feel that B’s natural desire to be a nurturer would probably stifle Liam’s ability to interact with the other kids and make friends. I also think that they would both suffer in terms of learning German with a brother in class to speak English with. And, I think there’s a fair chance that Liam would eventually punch Benjamin the nose after the 65th time B told him the “right way” to play with some toy or another. So, they’ll be at the same school, but not in the same class. They will see each other during snack time, sometimes during their outdoor play time, and during the activities that the whole school does together (like holiday events), but otherwise, they will both have a chance to learn and grow on their own.

And all of this is pretty exciting. Especially because, from a financial perspective, preschool for Liam next year probably wouldn’t be in the picture if we were home in the States. Private preschool is pretty pricey on a single income, even if he’d only being going for a half-day, a few days per week.

So, I’m excited for Liam, and for Benjamin, who can’t wait for Liam to join him at school. I’m also fantasizing about what I will fill my time with for 3 hours per day on my own for the first time in over 5 years. (What did I DO with all of that free time I squandered back in the days before kids?!?) And I’m imagining how sweet it will be to take my boys to school together every morning. Liam is excited, too. Now, whenever we talk about B’s school day, Liam asks, “I’m going to be in the gelbe Gruppe?” and says “Yay!” when we tell him that he will.

A Mommy Abroad

Our big adventure, as a family of three.

Category Archives: Kids and Parenting