Skype makes us a little bit crazy

Skype has been very important to us while we’ve been here in Vienna.  It’s a lifeline — a connection to our family and friends.  I don’t know what we would have done without it.  The distance would seem so much greater, and the time we’ve been away would feel infinitely longer if we didn’t have it.

We Skype a lot.  In a typical week, we Skype 4-5 times.  And although it provides this essential connection to home, and therefore it feels completely unreasonable and ungrateful to malign it in any way, it often makes us all kind of crazy.

006An imminent Skype is always exciting — even after 2 years here, the kids are always thrilled to see their grandparents or other family and friends on Skype.  With excitement comes a lot of energy, but then, in order to make the Skype functional at all, we ask the kids to settle down, which almost never happens.  We expect a lot of them when we Skype — don’t touch the computer, don’t be too loud, be nice to each other, “What did you do at school today?”, “Do you remember what you wanted to tell Grandma?”.  They really do try.  But they also shout, push toys up to the monitor (almost never the camera), throw things, talk over each other and everyone else, and jockey for position in front of the computer, pushing and climbing on each other and on Dan & I.  They want the undivided attention of the person we’re Skyping with, and they want our undivided attention.  Everyone always needs something — a snack, a toy from a high shelf, a fresh diaper, a different tv show, different clothes — anything to regain our attention, and I put them off a lot with “Mommy can’t right now . . .” and “In a minute.”  Because they want our attention, the kids resort to wreaking havoc, attacking the computer or fighting with each other in order to become the focus.  And, since we’re on Skype, I’m uncommonly reluctant to enforce consequences — it takes me away from the Skype, and it is always a bummer for everyone.  So, I usually don’t.  The kids have figured that out, so Skype has become an insane whirlwind of frenetic energy and unruly behavior, beginning the moment I start to set up the computer.  It’s like distilling out the essence of a tough night’s sleep, too much sugar and a missed nap and injecting it into the kids.

Still, Skype is absolutely vital to our mental well-being while we’re here, and we certainly aren’t going to cut back on our Skypes — however crazy they might be, they’re worth every wild moment in order to see our loved ones from home.  I also doubt that they’re going to stop being a little bit insane anytime soon, but what they lack in normalcy they will continue to make up for in enthusiastic chaos.

RSVP

In less than 2 weeks, B turns 5.  Aside from the mingled feelings of shock and pride I feel about this, I’m also experiencing the frenetic anticipation of putting together B’s birthday party, which will be next Saturday.  He had a pretty big party when he turned 1, but he was too little to have much opinion in the matter, and I had a lot of help from my mom.  For his second birthday, we had a party, too — he was also too little to vote much, and I also had help.  His third birthday was party-less (aside from Dan, Liam & I), and last year we were at the beach with family, so we had a party, but pressure was minimal and help was plentiful.

This year is different.  This year B really wanted to have a party, with his friends, and he has lots of ideas about what it should entail.  He has very strong opinions, but he isn’t able to articulate some of them until I suggest something counter to his idea and he gets very frustrated with me for not (psychically) understanding.

He wanted to invite his whole class at school (20 kids) in addition to his other friends.  I vetoed, and said he could choose 8 from school (which evolved into 11 once we accounted for their siblings).  Add to this the complication of having at least 5 different first languages represented amongst the invitees, and I think we’ll have our hands full as it is.

This is where crossing cultures becomes an adventure.  The invitations said RSVP, and I provided both my phone number and email (in case there was anyone who didn’t want to attempt English but didn’t trust my German), but although B’s party is next weekend, I currently have no idea how many kids will be there.  Of the 17 invitations we gave out for his birthday party, we only heard back from 5 of the kids.  We were able to contact 3 more to find out their plans, but for the other 9, kids from B’s school for whom we don’t have contact info, we have no idea if they’re coming, and, unless they decide to call, we won’t.

I’ve always heard that the rule of thumb is that most people who don’t RSVP won’t come — people who know they can be there let you know, people who can’t, or who aren’t sure, don’t feel as motivated about getting back in touch.  But the thing is, in a different culture, in a different country, I can’t really make that assumption.  Maybe RSVP doesn’t mean anything in German (I mean, it’s an abbreviation for a French phrase, so it doesn’t technically mean anything in English either).  Maybe, culturally, a “regrets only” mentality is typical, so I ought to take their silence as a yes.  Maybe we caught people just as they were leaving for summer holidays, and everyone is gone (in a country where 2-4 week summer vacations are common, a lot of people are gone for a lot of the summer).  Maybe everyone is just really busy and I’ll get a bunch of responses this coming week.  Or maybe they never got the invitations at all (they were left in the kids’ cubbies at school).  I just don’t know, but I can’t make too many assumptions.

So, at this point, we know we’ll have somewhere between 6 and 15 kids here for the party, plus parents.  That’s a bit of a wide range for planning purposes (somewhere between 12 and 35 people, I’m guessing, because of course, for the non-RSVPers, we have no clue how many adults might come, too).

It’ll be fine.  In fact, it’ll be great.  It’s 3 hours out of everyone’s life, and the only person whose opinion really counts is Benjamin, and he certainly isn’t going to care if we run out of paper cups or if there aren’t enough places for everyone to sit.  He’s going to have (I hope) a great time no matter what.  He’s excited to celebrate with his friends, and that he shall do.  I’m excited, too.

Summer vacation

Today, the sun was shining, the birds were singing, the weather was perfect — 72 and sunny with a cool breeze.  Today is the first day of B’s summer vacation from school, and I had visions of sleeping in, a trip to the playground, or maybe the pool, and lots of snuggling with the kids.

So far, the boys got up before 7, and although we’ve gotten in LOTS of snuggling, it’s unfortunately mostly because Liam is sick.  (He woke up from his nap yesterday with a fever, and added a rash today, so I’ve been pretty worried.)  So our first day of summer vacation has been spent taking temperatures and going to the pediatrician’s office to get him checked out and to get a throat culture (no strep).  B is feeling ok (he was probably sick with a mild version of this last week when he was feeling a bit run down) and though Liam is miserable, he should be feeling well in a few days.  And, since we are on summer vacation, I’m home to snuggle them both, with nowhere else I need to be.  It wasn’t exactly what I had in mind for the first day of our summer break, but, Liam’s illness aside, it was really a pretty good day.  He’ll be better soon, and our summer fun will be waiting for us then.

Assorted thoughts on Paris

A few thoughts and notes about our most recent trip to Paris:

* The last time we went to Paris, I was surprised at how beautiful it was.  It’s one of those things, like hearing how green Ireland is, that you hear so often that you figure it can’t live up to the hype.  But, it does.  And then, if anything, it was even more beautiful this time of year.  The roses have bloomed, the twilight lasts for hours, and the color of the Seine during the long dusk is amazing.

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* The late, long evening really messed with our heads.  One night, we accidentally kept the kids out until 10:15, when it had just started to get dark.  The next night, wiser and more aware, we accidentally stayed out until 10:40.  The following night, we were out until after 11.  Oops.

* Beignets!  How did I live for 36 years without ever eating one?  My life is now complete (or would be, if I lived across the street from the bakery that made the ones we ate in Paris).  Last visit, we swooned over the macaroons, this time, the beignets.  Our current theory is that we might have to try every bakery in France to determine what their particular speciality is.  Ah, France!

* For the first time ever in our air travel with the kids, we checked our stroller (complete with gliding board) at the ticket counter, instead of at the gate.  We were pleasantly surprised to find it easier to move through the airport without it (except that Vienna now has a separate security line for people with strollers, which would have been nice).  So often, a gate-checked stroller isn’t returned until baggage claim anyway, so it didn’t make any difference on the arrival end, and it made us feel even less encumbered by stuff prior to departure.  Not sure we’ll do it every time, but it’s probably something we’ll try again.  (The kids did have their Trunkis to ride instead.  Not sure I would have ditched the stroller otherwise.)

* We bypassed the stroller hell of the Paris Metro by taking a cab from the airport to our apartment.  I didn’t have a concrete plan for getting back, though, other than the phone book.  But, lo & behold, I found an advertisement for a taxi service, listing reasonable fares, attached to a street light near our apartment.  In what might have been a major lapse in judgement, I contacted them.  And it turned out perfectly.  Our driver, Raphael, showed up right on time and got us quickly, comfortably & safely to the airport (for a good fare — a few Euro less than it cost us to go the other direction).  It was a gamble that paid off.  (Info: http://www.navette770.com/ ).  I would absolutely use them again.

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Liam, with the world’s largest lollipop (actually, 15 of them, cleverly packaged), and Benjamin, afraid he won’t get any (he did)

* Since the kids are off of bottles and don’t use pacis, we’ve struggle with how to handle ear pain from pressure changes during the flights.  They usually get so upset so quickly that we can’t coax them into drinking water, milk, or even juice from their sippy cups, and they end up just having to tough it out.  This time, we tried something new that worked great — lollipops!  The kids feel like they’re getting a special treat, and they last long enough to get through the pressure change (wait until you’re rolling for takeoff to hand them out, though).  Coming home, we were out, and had to go shopping.  Our only success was a mega-pack at the Duty Free shop at the airport.  (Now we have some for our next trip!)

I think that’s it from our trip to Paris.  More soon from Vienna again!

Jardin du Luxembourg

Last spring, when we visited Paris, we made sure to visit most of the major sights — the Eiffel Tower, the Arc de Triomphe, the Champs-Élysées, Notre Dame.  And although there were still a few we wanted to see (or see again) this time, already having seen many of the major tourist attractions gave us a sense of freedom on our most recent visit.  We felt like we could wander more, and go further a field in terms of exploring Paris.

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One place we’d wanted to go last time, but which didn’t quite make the cut in terms of the time we had, was the Jardin du Luxembourg.  As we were planning this trip, we found out that a friend was going to be visiting Paris with her daughter at the same time as we were, so we planned to meet up, and it seemed like the Jardin du Luxembourg might be a good place.

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I didn’t know much about it except that Rick Steves recommended it for people visiting Paris with kids — I was picturing a big park, with some fun things for the kids.  And, it was certainly that, but it exceeded my expectations.

20130625-153726.jpgIt’s a huge park.  Much of it has trees and lots of shade.  There were also grassy areas (without any of the “keep off the grass” signs that we’re used to in Vienna) with Parisian families relaxing with their little kids.  There was a palace (which apparently houses the French Senate) and a museum on the grounds.  It was really beautiful.

We met up with our friends, and the kids took turns choosing from the fun activities — they rode the carousel, went on pony rides, rode kid-powered cars and played in the extensive playground before we took a break for lunch.  And then we went to sit by the pond behind the palace and watch dozens of you sailboats float around, chased by kids of all ages.  It was an excellent place to spend an afternoon.  It was beautiful and fun and the boys just loved it.

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After our late night flight on Friday, followed by an only moderately successful day of sightseeing Saturday, our day at Jardin du Luxembourg was a real treat, and a great way to let the kids get to make the plans for the day.  All they had to do was play and enjoy and just be kids.  It was a great day in Paris, and a wonderful part of our trip.

Benjamin and Liam go to school

This morning, we had our annual parent/teacher meeting at B’s school.  Unlike last year, when I went into the meeting full of stress and worry because B was struggling, this year I was excited instead to hear about the progress he’s been making.

Dan took the morning off so that we could both be there, and we took Liam along, with the intention of having him join us at the meeting.  When we arrived and dropped B off at his class this morning, Sylvia (the teacher who speaks almost no English) explained that we’d have the meeting just with Stefanie (the teacher who speaks some English).  She also offered to keep Liam in class with B while we had the meeting, which was a fun surprise.  When we asked Liam if he wanted to stay with B, he was so excited that ran off without even a look over his shoulder.  No worries.  No hesitation.

The meeting went great.  We found out that B is doing very well (which we pretty much knew, but it was good to hear it from the teacher).  He seems to finally feel at home in his class.  He plays with his friends (though sometimes they get a little wild), understands most of the German they use with him, faces frustration with more resilience and does many things independently.  He loves going on outings with the class and loves to talk to everyone.  He has really integrated with the group.  He’s young in his class (a July birthday in a system in which the year-end cutoff is September 1) but is now enjoying showing the younger class how things work.  (In his teacher’s words, “He knows he needs to take care of them and really likes to show them how things work.”)  He has a few challenges with some of the fine motor skills they’re working on (using scissors and holding a pencil correctly), but nothing out of the ordinary for his age.  He loves to run and play outside, and is learning patience for skills and games that require him to sit still.  He behaves well and seems to be thriving.  What a difference a year makes.

And though he still struggles a bit with more advanced German communication (he uses many words but not many sentences) his teacher reminded us that since he won’t be staying in German-speaking schools, speaking fluent German really isn’t essential, and it isn’t anything to be worried about.  I needed that reminder.  I focus so much (for myself mostly, but I’m starting to see that I do it with the kids too) on accomplishing things and excelling that I can lose the wider perspective.  In my mind, success in school is a goal for itself, but it doesn’t really need to be.  In reality, the other skills he is learning (patience, resiliency, playing well with others, cooperation, overcoming the massive challenge of being in a school where he doesn’t speak the language or know the culture) are so much more fundamental and beneficial to his life than specifically learning German (which is truly more a fringe benefit to this experience).  He’s doing great.  What he has learned and accomplished has nothing to do with conjugating verbs.  Measuring his success by what matters most, he’s surpassed everything I could have wanted for him by becoming a happily integrated member of his class and by facing each day with enthusiasm for the fun of preschool instead of dreading the challenges.

We thanked the teachers for everything, too.  We’ve accomplished more for Benjamin in the past year and a half, together with his teachers, than I think we could have on our own.  Their persistence and kindness and willingness with him, their lofty expectations for him, their warm welcome to of ALL of us, have all created such a nurturing environment for B.  I feel so lucky to have our kids at this school (and we told them so).

It was a great meeting.

And when we went back to pick up Liam, the boys were playing together with some of Benjamin’s best friends.  They were engrossed with building a wall to a fort out of cushions and didn’t notice us while we watched them.  When they saw us, they both ran up to us for hugs.  Liam didn’t want to go home.  B didn’t want him to go.  Just that — how happy they are to be there — is as good of a status report as any other.

Paris Paris Paris Paris . . . maybe

We’re going to Paris, and I’m really excited!  We leave tonight, spend a long weekend there, and come back Tuesday.  It’s pretty revolutionary to be going on a weekend trip to Paris — logistically and financially, living in Europe has given us a great opportunity to travel here pretty easily, and I’m loving it.  It’s one of my favorite things about being on this adventure.  (I mean, really, my conversations this week have gone like this: “What are you doing this weekend?”  “Going to Paris!”  Pretty great.)  We’re looking forward to going back to visit again — I love the feel of the city, how beautiful and truly romantic it is, and (of course) the food.  We have a late flight tonight, which may be a challenge for everyone’s patience, but the plan is to get situated tonight so we can spend the day tomorrow relaxing and enjoying the city.  (Since it is “only” a long weekend, we didn’t want to spend all of Saturday at the airport.  I’m not sure whether it’s a good plan, but I’ll soon find out.)

We loved our time in Paris last spring, but there were lots of things we wanted to do that we didn’t get to (visiting the Louvre, seeing the Eiffel Tower at night, spending more time just walking and seeing the city) so I’m excited to go back.  We loved our experience last year so much that we’re staying in the same apartment, so we know where to find the great boulangeries and cremeries and gelato shops (the boys remember Paris for the gelato more than anything else).  Our main excuse for going this time is as an early celebration of my & Dan’s 13th wedding anniversary (which officially happens the 24th).

But, regardless of the excitement and intense anticipation . . .  our plans are a bit up in the air this morning.  Liam had some upset tummy issues yesterday (nothing that seemed major) but he’s got a sore bottom now, so badly that he could not sleep (so neither did we).  He finally fell asleep in my lap at 5:30 this morning.

I’d love to say that we really are going, but I don’t know what our next hours will bring.  He woke up chipper and asking about our trip, but I’ll have to see if it lasts.  Is he still sick or feeling better?  Can he sit down and be comfortable on the flight, or would it just be torture to put him through that?  We’ll have to see as the day goes on.  Travel with little ones is always an adventure — and we haven’t even left yet!  Fingers crossed that my next post is from France . . .

The end of one-on-one time

We leave tomorrow for a long weekend in Paris, and when we get back, B will have less than 2 weeks left of his final year of preschool.  This summer, we opted to keep him home from school for all of July & August, to give us all a break from the routine and the chance to do more things together (including a nice long vacation that will start in late July).

I’m looking forward to summer — to not having to be anywhere on time and not having to leave the house for days if we don’t want to.  (I know I’m romanticizing it, and that I will also spend countless hours refereeing fights and administering countdowns to the next turn for something, but right this minute I’m still looking forward to it.)

20130613-222126.jpgBut it hadn’t occurred to me until yesterday that the end of B’s school year marks another major milestone, not just for B as he finishes preschool, but also for Liam.  The daily one-on-one time that Liam and I have shared since B started school, over a year and a half ago, will be at an end.

I’ve been so focused on Liam starting preschool in the fall (and on B starting kindergarten) that I missed the fact that these are our last few mornings to spend hours together, just the two of us, for a long time.  (Most likely we’ll get a chance to do it again in September 2014, when we’ll be back in the US, B will be in “real” school and Liam will, most likely, be home with me again.)

20130613-222157.jpgEach dynamic of a family, each combination and permutation of the members, is a little bit different, and I experience different aspects of each person in each situation.  When I just have Liam, he isn’t operating in “little brother mode”, and he gets my undivided attention (which he seems so desperate for right now).  It’s going to be quite a change to be on Mommy-Liam-B time for most of our waking hours (something we haven’t done with regularity since Liam was less than 1, which feels like a lifetime ago).  Parenting is like that, though — every time I get comfortable with a schedule and a routine, it’s time to change it all over again.  I’m very happy to have B home for the summer, but I will miss my mornings with Liam.  It’s going to be a whole new kind of adventure.

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Surprise party

Benjamin has a summer birthday, which is a mixed blessing. I have a July birthday, too, and I know how it is. While it’s fantastic to never, ever have to go to school on your birthday, you also never get to experience the fun of having your birthday celebrated at school. And although it’s great that pool parties are always an option, and sometimes you get to have your birthday on vacation, everyone ELSE is always on vacation, too, so often many of your closest friends can’t be there to celebrate with you.

Last year, as B enjoyed celebrating all of the other kids’ birthdays throughout the year at school, I worried whether he’d get to celebrate his, and how he’d feel if he didn’t. Luckily, they make a point to celebrate the summer birthdays all together before (most of) the kids leave for their summer holidays, and he was so excited to have his school birthday party. (And, since we were home in the States for his actual birthday last year, we took the opportunity to celebrate a bit at home that day, as well.) This year, we assumed they’d do the same thing, and we asked, last month, if they knew when they’d be celebrating the summer birthdays. They assured us that they planned to, but they weren’t yet sure of the date. Not a problem, but as we’ve been approaching the unofficial end of the year (because it’s daycare, as well as preschool, the year doesn’t really end, per se, but many of the kids are absent for most or all of July and August) I’d been starting to worry that maybe it had gotten forgotten in the crazy busy times of the end of the year, but I was also hesitant to pester his teachers, because I knew they had a lot going on.

Yesterday, I decided I needed to ask. If it had been forgotten, I needed to make sure that they had time to plan something (if they wanted to). As it turned out, Dan took B to school, but he was running late, so he didn’t get a chance to ask in the morning. The mystery was solved when Dan picked him up, though, because the teachers had told him he’d be having his party . . . today! And although that came as a bit of a surprise, it was definitely a pleasant one.

20130612-160958.jpgSo B went to sleep last night excited about his birthday, and woke up (bright and early!) even more excited. And it sounds like he had a wonderful day. They had pizza, cake and ice cream, everyone sang for him, he got to wear a crown, and he even got a gift (a towel decorated as a snail). All of his best friends were there, and they all got to play in the garden, too. I think it was a great day, and he is a very, very happy boy (although he was insisting, this afternoon, that he is now 5, and I’m insisting, just emphatically, that he really isn’t quite yet).

Because we only found out about this yesterday, we weren’t able to do much in terms of a celebration here at home (which is really ok, because we’re planning an actual birthday party with his friends in July) but we did pick up some cookies and ice cream as a special treat. I am so very glad that he got to enjoy a wonderful birthday celebration at school, and I am beyond grateful to his teachers for making a fuss over each and every child (even the summer birthdays!). It’s great to see my special guy have his special day.

Schwimmschule

As far as I know, I was born knowing how to swim.  I have vague memories of my dad teaching me to float on my back in my grandmother’s pool, but the basic principles of swimming came early enough that I don’t remember ever not knowing how to swim.

039I always knew my kids would be the same.  For the sake of safety, as well as fun, I wanted them to learn early.  (Especially because it’s one of those things where not knowing creates such fear around water that at some point it becomes incredibly difficult to be in the water long enough to learn how.  I knew someone in college who didn’t know how to swim, and he was so deathly afraid of the water that I’d imagine he never learned — his fear was the result of not knowing how to swim, not the cause of it.  Because he didn’t know how, he was terrified to go in or even near water.  How was he ever going to learn?  And if he ever did, I’m sure just getting in the pool the first time was profoundly traumatic.)

040Unfortunately, when we left Virginia, and our DC-suburb condo, we also lost regular access to a swimming pool.  We’ve been swimming a handful of times since we’ve moved to Austria (many of them when we were visiting the States last summer), but not enough for the kids to really learn how, and I feel the fear of them not knowing how creeping in on me.  I want to take care of that before it sets in for the kids, too, so the boys took their first swimming lesson on Saturday.

As always, finding instruction in something in a foreign country is a challenge, especially because we wanted to find lessons in English if possible.  Dan found a place, and we took a scenic strassenbahn ride out to a lovely part of Döbling (an outer district of Vienna) that we’d never visited before.  And, as always, there were cultural lessons to go with the swimming ones.

First, even though I live in Europe, and have for two years, and even though I consider myself open-minded, I am always shocked by the lack of modesty and body consciousness here.  When we got to the pool and went to change into our swimsuits there was only one changing room.  Co-ed.  They had little changing closets with doors for privacy, but I’d say just over half of the people used them.  The others changed, with varying levels of discretion, right by their lockers.  While it was a surprise for my prudish American sensibilities, it also meant that I certainly had no qualms about changing the boys’ clothes out in the open, which made things easy.

Out by the pool, the same lack of body consciousness was evident — in a really positive way.  People of all sizes and ages and levels of fitness and physical attractiveness exhibited the same level of comfort with being in or around the pool.  Some wore tiny swimsuits, some were more covered up (though none more than me in my skirted suit — and I was far from being the oldest or heaviest person there).  I didn’t see a t-shirt or a cover-up anywhere, either.  And it just truly felt like no one cared.  No one was being objectified — neither being snickered at or leered at.  There wasn’t any staring, of any kind.  I got the sense that people were there to swim (duh) not to evaluate each other.  Everywhere I looked, I saw people just being people.  Not hiding or being embarrassed, but just sitting or walking or getting in the pool.  A few of the fit, pretty young women were preening a bit (and only a VERY little bit), but there just wasn’t the air of critique and shaming that I am so used to feeling poolside in the States.  Again, I felt silly for being so modest in my own swimsuit choice (which, interestingly, feels almost inappropriately skin-baring back home).  It’s an incredibly liberating feeling.  After my years of indoctrination into the American cultural idea that most people are unfit to wear a swimsuit, this feels like being dropped off on an alien planet (but WOW does it feel better).

043The swim lesson itself was great.  Our teacher, who thankfully spoke excellent English and didn’t seem put out about having to use it, did a great job of combining practice for B on basic skills like paddling and holding his breath with some introduction to other strokes and kicking styles.  Liam got a little overwhelmed and opted to mostly play, but he got more comfortable by the end, too.  B did the backstroke and even jumped into the pool on his own (which surprised me — especially when he repeated it several times) and, perhaps most importantly, did a little “swimming” by himself (with a ring) and climbed OUT of the pool on his own several times.  We go back again in 2 weeks, but I feel like we’re on our way to setting a good foundation for a really important skill.  And I’m always grateful with the eye-opening, preconception-breaking cultural education I get just from living here.  I’m learning to see a whole other possible reality.