Category Archives: Kids and Parenting

Double Eltern Abend

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Last week we had our third Eltern Abend (literally: “Parents Evening”, think: “Back to School Night”) at the boys’ school.  It’s a chance to meet the teachers, learn about the program, write down the important dates, find out each teacher’s preferences and way of doing things, and ask our own questions.  It’s great to get the opportunity to do all of these things … but the catch is that it’s done ENTIRELY in German.  At the end there’s always some time for individual questions, which can be asked and answered in English, but up until that point, it’s roughly 2 hours of important information, all in Deutsch.  It’s intense.

To add to the intensity, this time I had to split my time between two classes.  We had planned to have a sitter come be with the kids so that Dan and I could both go and each sit in a class, but Liam was still quite sick, so Dan stayed with the boys and I went on my own.

I opted to go to Liam’s class first, since I already know B’s teachers and how his class generally works.  And I’m proud to say that the whole thing went pretty well.  In Liam’s class, there were at least three other sets of parents who don’t really speak German (and I think there are seven kids in Liam’s class — including him — for whom German is not their first language).  I think I understood better than the non-German speakers and I was even able to translate a bit for some of the others.  I understood every single word that the principal said (might be the first time I ever managed that) and I got at least the main ideas from the teachers.

I did the first hour in Liam’s class and then switched to B’s, and then went back to see Liam’s teacher for follow-up questions.  She was impressed at how much I got from the presentation, and she very patiently explained the parts I had missed.

Overall, it was really a great success.  I was able to participate in the parent exercises for both classes, and I feel great about the classes, the teachers and the school.  I’m even starting to know some of the other parents.  It was a nice feeling to come in and get greeted and waved to — that didn’t happen for the first few years (and Austrians aren’t really casually friendly to people they don’t know, so it felt a little lonely the first few times).  This was a nice change, and it felt like a success all around.  I feel prepared (or at least as much as possible) for the year, and I’m glad I was able to be there, and to understand most of it, for the boys.

(And then, when I got home, while Dan put the boys in the bath, I baked a cake for Liam’s birthday, which was the next day.  I pretty much felt like Super Mom after that!)

Vienna Masters 2013, parts 2 and 3

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Almost 2 weeks ago, Elaine and I went to see part of the Vienna Masters horse show here in Vienna.  We had a great time, and I (of course) wanted to see more.  I had planned to go back the next morning during the free program, but that was the day the kids and I first got sick, so that didn’t work out.

I figured I’d be feeling better after a day of rest though (which turned out to only kind of be the case) so I bought a ticket for the evening performance, while Dan watched the kids.  (Which works out, because although the boys might sit through an hour of “watching the horsies”, the only way I was going to get to binge on watching show jumping was to go alone.)

023It was great.  Many of the top riders in the world were competing there.  I got to see amazing, inspiring, edge-of-my-seat performances.  I loved it.  It felt good to be back in the horse world, even as a spectator, after so long away.  (It was also raining.  And pretty cold.  Which I usually wouldn’t mind, but I don’t think sitting outside in the cold and damp for 5 hours probably did much to shorten the duration of my cold.)

I learned a few things while I was there, watching from the front row.  First, horse people don’t keep quiet here when they’re watching a horse competition, any more than they do at home.  We cluck, gasp, correct, encourage and groan at the horses and riders at the same moments.  And, we do so with the same *exact* noises here as at home.  I thought that maybe since Austrians are quieter in general, I might have to hold my tongue or be embarrassed by my involuntary outbursts.  But no, I fit in just fine!

029It was a lovely night.  In addition to the major show jumping competitions, I got to see some show pieces, too, including a drill team with 6 horses but only 2 riders, a vaulting demonstration that included a guy who strongly reminded me of a grown-up Benjamin, and four young guys who jumped 1.8 m fences … on their own two feet.  All of it impressive.

I had such a great time that even though we were all still under the weather, we took the kids over to watch part of the show on Saturday morning.  They were pretty interested in the jumping, but they faded after about an hour, and we headed home, but not before Benjamin asked me if maybe he could do a horse show after we move home.  (Not going to lie — that would be pretty fun.)

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After a great time last year, I managed to go to the Vienna Masters a total of 3 times this year — not bad, given the weather and our collective illnesses.  I’m so glad we were able to take advantage of the opportunity to see such amazing performances, especially because it was basically in our own backyard.

Sick days

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The first two weeks of this school year were spent mostly acclimating Liam to school.  The week after that, I spent the first few days adjusting to the new schedule and sorting out exactly what I was going to do with my time.  And then, the Thursday of that third week, just as I was starting to enthusiastically embrace my “free” time, we started with the inevitable sick days that come along with a child starting school for the first time.

It’s just not possible for a child to start school without coming into contact with all manner of unfamiliar germs and illnesses that they have missed up until that point.  And what they get, they bring home to share with the family.  So we all get sick.  I’d been hoping we might miss out on a illness-filled September with Liam starting school — since B brought home so much sickness when he first started, I was hoping that maybe we’d already be immune to everything this time around.  (It doesn’t look like it works that way, though.)

It started with me.  That Thursday evening, I was miserable, and I went to bed at 9:15.  I was asleep before the kids were.  (I have no idea when, if ever, that has happened before.)  My plan was to sleep as long as I could, get up in the morning, take the kids to school, and then come home and go back to bed.  I was just sick with a bad cold, so I figured a massive dose of sleep would help.

It didn’t work out that way, though.  Instead of a long night’s rest, I was up with B at midnight.  He was crying from pain in his ear.  Liam was coughing.  We were sick, and no one was getting much rest.

The next morning, Dan (the only one who was still well) stayed home to take care of all of us.  He took the boys to the doctor while I went back to bed.  The kids were (surprisingly) given the all-clear.  Dan brought the boys home from the doctor and I was all set to take over for the afternoon . . . but I just couldn’t.  I was sick and exhausted — so it was back to bed for me and an afternoon off of work for Dan.

This began a week-long adventure of sick days — miserable days and sleepless nights, 104.8 degree fevers and trips to the pediatrician, days missed from school and a birthday for Liam with as much illness as merriment.  We’re just now starting to get back to our new “normal”.  It feels like we nearly have to start over in terms of sorting out our routine.  But, now that the boys are improving, I’m actually able to rest and recuperate a bit in the mornings, so hopefully we’ll all be on the mend, and we’ll be able to continue adjusting to our new schedule.

Liam’s 3rd birthday

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To my darling Liam —
Wow!  You’re 3!  What a big guy you are, and what a wonderful year we’ve had together — another chapter in your great adventure!  I love you so much, and I feel so fortunate to get to watch you grow and learn every day.  You are such a happy, loving, enthusiastic, bright and snuggly boy — I’m so glad I’m your mom!

013You’ve grown up a lot in this past year.  You’ve become quite an articulate talker, explaining everything you see and think.  (You aren’t always very patient with us when we don’t understand, though.)  You are fast and strong and sometimes a little too brave — you like to climb and jump, and you’ve got a lot of confidence that you’ll be fine when you land (or that I will catch you).  You’re a strong-willed little guy, too, and you test every boundary we set for you, just to make sure we mean it and to find out exactly what will happen if you try it.  This time last year, you were still working on leaving babyhood behind — you still carried your pacifier around with you almost everywhere — but in the past year, you’ve really become quite a little boy (although you’ll always be my baby).  I love to watch you grow.

Just recently, you started school, and you’ve done an amazing job getting adjusted.  You love your teacher, and you already have friends at school.  You *really* like that you get to go to school with Benjamin.  Each morning, when I drop you off, you happily go to play in your class — I don’t always even get a hug and a kiss before you’re off.  You are happy to go to school in the morning, and so happy to come home in the afternoon.  I love hearing about your day.

You learn so quickly.  You count, and read your numbers, and you remember things so well.  In just the first few weeks of school, you’ve learned so many new things, thoroughly charmed the teachers, and come home singing several new songs (in German)!  And you are very clever — you love to make a joke or say something silly, just so you can burst out in your loud laugh or watch us all giggle (you especially love to make Benjamin laugh).

You are just an amazing brother to Benjamin.  The two of you are so sweet together, always thinking of each other and wanting to play together (when you’re not driving each other crazy, which does happen, too).  At school, the two of you play in the garden together every day.  You love to do things together, and you’re usually quite happy to play by the rules Benjamin decides on.  As long as you’re with your big brother, you’re happy.

One of my favorite things about you is how much you like to cuddle.  You love to be held and to snuggle, and I love to snuggle with you, too.  I am so glad I get to hold you and kiss you every day.

If there was one thing that I think of when I think of you, though, it is the joyful enthusiasm with which you tackle each day.  You are a happy guy, and though you know what you want, and you’re never shy about taking care of yourself (nor quiet about letting us know what you need — which I also love), you are just generally so cheerful.  You love to play, and you will happily make a game of anything, anywhere we are.  You are a good sport, a good traveller, a good team player and just a great guy.  I am inspired by your optimism and willingness to choose happiness in almost every circumstance.

I love you, my Liam.  You are my sweet baby, and I feel so grateful to be your mom.  Having you in my life is a wonderful privilege.  I love you so entirely.  I love your enthusiasm, your humor, your sweetness and the strength of your opinions.  I love your big smile and your big laugh.  I love your clever mind and your loving heart.  You are an awesome 3 year old kid, and I am a lucky mom.  Happy birthday, wonderful boy.

A friend from home

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Yesterday, I was lucky enough to get to spend most of my day with a dear friend from home, Carrie.  She’s here in Vienna for a business conference, but had some free time yesterday, so we met up, I played a bit of a tour guide, and we got to hang out.  It was so lovely to see her, to visit and catch up, and to get to show her a little bit of Vienna.

Carrie and I have been friends for a long time — over 30 years.  She’s my oldest friend (no, not like THAT).  We met in kindergarten, when we were just 5.  Not only is it amazingly fantastic that I am lucky enough to have had a great friend like her for that long, but there is something particularly special about the fact that she got to visit yesterday with Benjamin, who is now also 5.  How great is that?!?  32 years ago, we met in Ms. Gill’s kindergarten class at Sherwood Elementary, and now, here we are, in Vienna, Austria, and she spent the day with me and my little boys.  How many people get to have an experience like that?  (I feel very fortunate that I do!)  And, as in the wonderful way of good friends, hanging out with her yesterday felt as comfortable and familiar as it would have if we’d had to drive only a few minutes to see each other, instead of her having to fly overnight to get here.

Carrie has two little boys, too, and one of the (many) things that continues to excite me about moving home again is that, once we’re there, our kids will have the chance to become good friends, too, and they might even have the good fortune of creating friendships that could, truly, last their whole lives.

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Win-win

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The kids have done an amazing job adapting to being (back) in school.  Benjamin loves being back (maybe more than he ever has before) and Liam has adjusted to going to school so quickly that I don’t quite believe it (I’m still kind of waiting for the “your kid is inconsolable” phone call that hasn’t come yet).  Yesterday, Liam was so eager to get into class and start playing that he didn’t even come over for a hug and a kiss.  I just got a wave from halfway across the room.  (I was fine, really, if a little shocked.)

Since the kids started school, a week and a half ago, our lives have pretty much revolved around school.  The housework hasn’t gotten done, the errands haven’t been run, we’ve been entirely out of any kind of a routine.  And that’s fine — that’s what we expected, and what we wanted.  Our focus has been on helping Liam have the easiest transition possible to school, and we’re all willing to live with dust bunnies for a while to make it happen.

The first few days of school I actually went to Liam’s class with him and stayed for an hour or so.  Then, I progressed to leaving him for a little while and wandering around the shops near the school to bide my time.  Then, at the end of last week, I gave him and hug and a kiss and dropped him off, but I still lingered near the school . . . just in case.  Monday and Tuesday of this week, he actually stayed for the entire morning (8:30-ish until noon) but I didn’t really trust it, so I still hung out in the general vicinity of the school.  Since we live almost 40 minutes from the school, I was dreading getting all the way home, only to get a call that he needed me, and then being 40 minutes away from being able to rescue him.  But, it didn’t happen — that call never came.

So yesterday, I was brave.  I left.  I dropped both boys off and then went to run some errands (that weren’t right near the school).  I bought some shampoo (for me!), made a haircut appointment (for me!), picked up lunch for the family and then went home to take a shower (all by myself!), drink a cup of coffee (without having to worry where I set the cup), do some laundry and straighten up the house (which all took a shockingly short time).

I love my kids.  I have adored spending the last 5 years with at least one of them all the time.  But, to be honest, yesterday was pretty awesome.  I truly surprised myself with how much I was able to get done, without stress.  The house looks better than it has in weeks, I took care of some things from my to-do list, and I feel GREAT.  The best part is that when the boys came in after school, they were exhausted, but I was “done”.  My chores and errands were finished, I’d already taken a shower, lunch was on the table.  I got to spend the whole afternoon really *with* the kids, instead of getting stuff done and trying to play at the same time.  Yesterday was only the first day of getting close to our new routine, but so far, it really seems like a win for everyone.

Week one

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Liam was at school without me for 3 hours today.  He didn’t cry.  He wasn’t sad.  He ate breakfast, played with the other children (on the way home he made a point of telling me he played kindly with the other children, which is what it says in the book I made him about starting school), did circle time and played outside.  He did great.

While he was at school, Dan & I had our first a.m. kid-free coffee break since we’ve been here.  It was weird, but very pleasant — we each got to finish all of our sentences AND our coffees.  Then I hung out at the coffee shop down the street from the school, just in case Liam needed me.  He didn’t.  Monday I may actually plan to try to get some things done.

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B is doing great and becoming quite the “Vorschule Kind”.  Yesterday, he colored an apple and cut it out to help decorate the class for the apple unit they’re doing.  He also spelled his name with stamps (and then threw in some extra “n”s at the end to fill up the page).

Things are good.  The boys are happy.  This is awesome.  We’re all exhausted, but our weekend will be full of resting time, for all of us.  What a great first week!

Progress

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Yesterday was another great day at school.  Liam stayed a lot longer (almost 2 hours) and played most of the time by himself.  He went with the teacher to eat breakfast (without me) and stayed in the classroom for circle time while I sat in the hall.  He had a great time and was totally comfortable.  I was so happy that he was taking everything so well.

Today, he must have sensed that something was up, because from the moment we arrived, he didn’t want to be away from me.  He was happy to play, but only if I played with him.

After about 45 minutes, his teacher wanted to try me going away and coming back later.  He was not happy.  He immediately started to throw a fit, and I didn’t even get to properly explain what was going to happen before they were rushing me out.  (Which I didn’t like, because of course I would prefer to have him happy and relaxed while I was leaving, but at that point, I think I would have just been making it worse by drawing it out.  Besides, we’ve spent lots of time over the past days preparing him for how school works.)

By the time I came back to get him, though, all was well.  He apparently cried a bit when I left, and threw an absolute fit when his teacher tried to get him to have a snack (so they just skipped that for today) but he participated in circle time, and when it came time to play outside, he was very happy.  As a bonus, Benjamin’s class was outside at the same time, so they got to play together, which resulted in two very excited boys (and lots of hugging).

B has still been doing great.  He had a bit of a meltdown yesterday while playing outside when he saw a bee (a new fear after we got several in the house one day last week) but he did much better today.  In fact, he told me that the moment when he saw Liam in the garden today was the best moment of his life and that he will never have a better one.

Although I do hope he does find even better moments in life, I can’t think of anything being better right now than the fact that he feels that way.  I love my guys, and I’m so proud of both of them.

What have I done?

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Yesterday, several of my friends’ kids started kindergarten, just like B would have been if we were living in the States.  Seeing images of 5 year olds boarding school buses with sweet name tags and setting off for a familiar kindergarten experience got me a little panicky.  Because now I’m wondering, what have I done to my kids?  What am I doing to them by deviating from the “normal” (for me, as an American) experience?  Now I feel like we’ve really turned a corner and stepped off of the path I know.  Now it seems really real that the lives we’re living here are different.

My friends’ kids are going to kindergarten, on the school bus, in English, and learning how all of that works while mine . . . aren’t.  Next year, when we’re back in the US, B will be expected to know how those things work (more or less) but he isn’t getting the benefit of being “new” right along with everyone else.  They’re all expected to be new right now, to not really know how things work, and they’re all learning together.  Next year, he won’t know, but he’ll be the only one.

Basically, I’m left wondering if the things he’s gaining by being here this year truly outweigh the things he’s missing.  I’m freaking out a little.  I hope I’m changing their experiences, not ruining them, enriching their lives, not making a mess of them, allowing them to learn new things, not setting them back.  I hope, I hope, I hope.  Only time will tell, really, but I also hope that as long as we all look at these altered experiences through the lens of “different, not less than”, that it helps.

(I also haven’t had a good expat freak out in a while, so I guess I was due.)

The second day

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Today was the second day of school. For B, things are still pretty much the same — they haven’t yet gotten much into the Vorschule work yet — the only difference for him so far is getting to play with some of the big kid toys. I did get to chat and share a hug with one of B’s teachers today — I didn’t see her yesterday (extra credit for us because she speaks less English than I do German — considering that, we do pretty well). He is so proud and excited to be in Vorschule. I think he is really loving being one of the “big kids”, but still, he’s pretty used to being at school. He really does love it.

But for Liam, every day for a while will be an adventure. Today started the same as yesterday, with Liam & I playing together and exploring the classroom, but after a bit, the teacher came over and took him off to play on the other side of the room while I watched. He did so well. He put two puzzles together and played with cars. While they were working on the puzzles, he got up a few times to wander off, so Teresa (his teacher) would take him by the hand and bring him back, and he would happily continue. It was pretty neat to watch him be so relaxed and able to focus in this new environment.

While his teacher played cars with Liam and the other children, I got to watch the class for a bit. I really love this school. I’ve seen B’s teachers be kind, attentive, strict and playful, but it was reassuring to see that the same qualities that make me love B’s class exist throughout the school. One teacher sat and played with a girl who was there without her mom for the first time, while another (who speaks no English) worked through a game with a boy (who speaks no German).

Liam’s teacher gradually withdrew from playing with the cars, leaving Liam to play, quite happily, on his own with several other kids from class. It was fun to see him be himself, and play in such a relaxed way, with new kids. He seems very happy.

After we’d been there an hour or so, it was time to go home. He didn’t want to go (and if he had to go, he really wanted to take some toys with him). With reassurances all around that he can go back tomorrow, he reluctantly came with me to change his shoes and head home.

When we got home, I had one very tired guy. We’ll rest up and go again tomorrow. Good progress is being made. (And B can’t wait until Liam is around long enough to play with him in the garden. I can’t wait for that, either!)