I really tried.  I tried to think about something else to write about today, but there isn’t anything.  We didn’t do anything.  I didn’t have any profound revelations or deep thoughts.  I woke up at 4:00 this morning to find my B sick with a fever of over 104 (if the forehead thermometer is to be trusted, which is probably isn’t).  I’ve never felt such a hot forehead in my life.  It freaked me out.  But, he was in good spirits, and doctors always say that behavior is a better indicator of the degree of illness than the actual temperature (I’ve been paying attention).

Still, I was worried, and if Liam hadn’t just been sick with something that also started with a very high fever and didn’t turn out to be life-threatening, we probably would have gone to the hospital.  As it was, I gave him a dose of Tylenol and tried to get him back to sleep (it didn’t work — he was up for the day 45 minutes later, which meant that I was too.)

And this was after we were all up until about 2:30 dealing with Liam, who now has croup.  My poor little guy couldn’t breathe, especially when he was laying down.  We tried taking him outside (didn’t help — I don’t think it’s cold enough — but I did get to treat my neighbors to a screaming, coughing, choking baby at 2 in the morning) but we did get some relief for him by taking him in the bathroom and steaming up the shower.

My own personal illness was not improved by my hour and a half of sleep.  I feel entirely awful.  Dan stayed home today, but even with each of us taking on a child, it was a rough day.

We will get better.  Soon.  If Liam is any indication, B’s fever should break overnight, and then he’ll get the congestion, coughing, runny nose part of this illness.  I hope that’s the case, because poor B was miserable today.  On the other hand, when Liam wasn’t choking on his own coughs today, he was in good spirits, which makes me hopeful that he’s coming out the other side of this.

So, I promise to write about something else.  Soon.  Just not today.

I know, I’ve been writing a lot lately about being sick, which is probably not any more fun to read about than it is to live through.  (Sorry, I’m still writing about it.)

Today, I was really empathizing with little Liam.  He’s sick, just like me, and our symptoms have caught up to each other (we seemed to each get them in a different order) so now we’re really going through the same thing.  It is so hard to watch my kids be sick.  They are so miserable, and so incapable of helping themselves.  They don’t want to have their noses wiped, and they don’t know how to blow them, even if they had the inclination.  Their throats are sore, so they don’t want to drink the fluids that would help them feel better.  It hurts to have their diaper changed, so they hide, fight and avoid it when it’s really the fastest route to feeling better.

My poor little guy.  It was so hard to watch him suffer through his runny nose, choking cough and weepy eyes today.  He was not a happy camper.

When I’m sick, though, I know I’m going to get better.  As miserable as I might be, trudging through the day’s unending tasks and wishing for a moment of respite, I do know that this is temporary.  One day, very soon, I will wake up and I will feel like myself again.  I will have energy.  I will be able to breathe through my nose.  All will be well.

He doesn’t know that.  He doesn’t have the years of experience of getting sick and getting better again.  He doesn’t have a memory of the last time he felt so miserable, nor of the days, so recently, when he didn’t.  Right now, this is his whole world.  His whole existence is suffering through this cold (or flu, or whatever charming viral infection this is).

So, that’s what I focused on today.  All day, when I held him (which was a lot) I whispered to him that he will feel better soon.  That this is temporary, and it will pass.  Things will be so much better.  I don’t know if he believes me.

Yesterday, I was grumpy, sick and tired, and getting over jet lag.  I also had kids who were tired, getting over jet lag and sick (one of them).  It was a long, hard day.  I was looking forward to Dan coming home early and giving me a break, which didn’t happen — he did come home early, but I didn’t get a break.  So, I was feeling all snarky and grumpy and I wrote about it.

But, the truth is, even in the midst of that, I was aware of how ridiculous that was, and even while being a curmudgeon, I was incredibly grateful for so many things about my life.  So, now, after a good night’s sleep, and with a little perspective, I present my revised list of what I appreciate best about being sick the same time as my toddler.

10.  Being sick is a reminder, and a chance, to practice taking care of myself.  It’s also a great opportunity to set a good example for my kids.

9.  Dan’s job is relatively flexible, and he’s able to come home early when I’m having a really tough day (whether it’s because I’m sick or otherwise).

8.  Being sick is an excellent excuse to not do the housework, cleaning, laundry, etc.

7.  It is so sweet to have Benjamin ask me how I’m doing and if I’m still sick.

6.  There will be a day, when my boys are bigger, that I wish I could comfort them by simply holding them while they slept.  Today, I still get to do that (for Liam, at least).  I’m going to enjoy it while I can.

5.  Being away from her makes me appreciate my mom’s help even MORE.  When she lived close by, she would come and help out when we were sick.  Now the commute is much too long (sadly).

4.  I have a husband who will get up with our kids in the middle of the night (whether or not they’re sick).

3.  I have a husband who doesn’t have to travel excessively for work — he is home, here with us, almost every day.  I complain about not getting a break, but I at least have a partner in this craziness.

2.  We have amazing health insurance and access to great medical professionals.

1.  This is temporary — my kids are actually very healthy, as am I.  This is a bad day for us, not a good day or every day.  I am so very lucky.

So, yesterday, Liam was sick (he’s actually been sick for a while, but yesterday he got quite sick).  He was so feverish and inconsolable through the night last night that if we hadn’t had our doctor stop by yesterday afternoon, we would have been heading for the Emergency Room.  He kept us up all night (we took turns — I only got about 3 very broken hours of sleep) and his fever finally broke around 5 this morning.  When he was ready to be up and about today he alternated between happy, active periods and miserable, curled up in my lap times (the latter mostly just before he was due for another dose of Tylenol or Ibuprofen).

But, to make things even more lovely, *I* woke up this morning with his illness.  I know it’s pretty unavoidable, but seriously?  I feel like I’ve been sick a dozen times this year already (it may actually be far fewer than that) and, since I am officially now an expert on being sick at the same time as my kids, I’ve decided to write my personal “10 best things about being sick the same time as your toddler” in honor of the occasion.  (Sarcasm detectors on, please.)

10.  Cuddles are so much more fun when they include snot and drool.  (I love you, Liam, but ew.)

9.  Sick toddlers are so much easier to take care of, since they don’t require any special medication, extra cuddling, extra diaper changes, extra nose wipes, and because they’re so relaxed, flexible and adaptable to everything in their environment.  (Liam cried for 20 minutes today because I gave him the bottle he was asking for.)

8.  Everything in the world stops because you’re sick.  There are no meals to prepare, diapers to change, clothes to wash, cleaning to do, kids to take to and pick up from school, etc.

7.  The smell of pedialyte just never gets old, especially when you’re nauseated yourself.

6.  It is so much fun to spend a great deal of “quality time” in the bathroom accompanied by a fussy, feverish child who wants your attention.  Even better when you stick them in the exersaucer or crib and just get to hear them scream from the next room.

5.

4.

3.

(Even snarky, I can only be so creative.)

2.  When you write your laziest, most sarcastic blog post to date, everyone will understand.  (I hope this one is actually true.)

1.  At least Dan and Benjamin aren’t sick.  Yet.

(I also feel the need to mention that although I’m exhausted and sick and entirely worn out, I am simultaneously incredibly grateful that I have the most wonderful kids in the world (even when they’re sick), that Liam isn’t actually THAT sick (no ER visits or anything major going on), that Dan is sharing the middle of the night craziness (he’s taking all of it on tonight) and that his job is such that he could come home early today and sit, holding a sleeping Liam, while I played trains with B.  Life is good.  But it’s better when I’m not sick.)

Even before we left for our whirlwind trip to the US and back last week, Benjamin and Liam were a bit under the weather.  They both had a minor case of the sniffles, but we took them to the pediatrician to get them checked out before we left, just to make sure there were no budding ear infections or anything else to be concerned about.  They both got a clean bill of health, and we were given some nose drops to administer before takeoff and landing, to clear their sinuses and reduce pain from the pressure changes.

And, all was well.  They did great on the flight, and seemed to be in good health (if a little sniffly still) while we visited the States.  Our trip back to Austria was uneventful as well (we gave them the nose drops, just in case) and by Tuesday morning, Benjamin was back to good health.

Liam stayed sniffly, though, and his runny nose got progressively worse over the past few days.  This morning, he woke up fussy with a little fever, and as the day went on, he stayed grumpy and sad (very unlike him).  Then, his fever went up past 102 and wouldn’t come down, even after Ibuprofen.  At nap time, he wouldn’t sleep (even though he was obviously tired) and when he would start to doze off, he would wake up suddenly, screaming.

I was worried.  Partly because he got worse so quickly, partly because the medicine didn’t help, but mostly because of the screaming.  So, we called the doctor . . . and she came to our house.  On her way home, after her office hours, she just came by.

It was great.  I didn’t have to drag a miserable Liam to the doctor’s office.  I didn’t have to fret about whether Dan would be home on time, or whether I should take Benjamin with me too, or whether I would catch the right train at the right time.  She was able to check his lungs, his heart, his ears and his throat (all fine) in the relative comfort of his own room.  She even gave him an on-the-spot blood test to screen for bacterial infection (clear).

So, it turns out, he probably just has a nasty cold.  But, now we know, and now I don’t have to worry (quite so much).  Hopefully we’ll all sleep a little better tonight.  And we didn’t have to go anywhere.  House calls are awesome.

I talk a lot about how I’m constantly amazed by the flexibility, willingness and resilience my kids show, especially when it comes to travel.  (As I mentioned yesterday, jet lag is a currently notable exception.)  And, it’s true — my kids amaze me with how well they handle long train trips or plane rides, sleeping in new locations, trying new foods and activities, deviations from their schedule and the general unpredictability that comes with travel.  In a lot of ways, they handle it better than I do.

But that’s the trip itself.  The flip side to that flexibility shows itself when we come home and try to get BACK into our normal routine.  Then, all hell breaks loose.  Ok, that may be a SLIGHT exaggeration, but I have consistently found that the week immediately following a trip is crazy around here.  When we travel, things are different.  We’re on vacation, so schedules change, exceptions are made to the rules, special circumstances abound.  When we get home, and we try to tighten things up again, we meet with major resistance.  (It also happens the week after we host guests in our home — anything that changes the routine and causes exceptions to the status quo causes a similar upheaval.)

When we were away last week, we did lots of things that are outside the norm for us.  We weren’t strict about enforcing the “eat a reasonable portion of your meal or you don’t get dessert” rule.  We watched a lot of tv.  Benjamin slept in Grandma’s room, with a night light.  We held Liam a lot to help him sleep, and we napped, most days, all curled up together in bed (me, Benjamin and Liam, that is — Dan was at work).  Benjamin was allowed chocolate milk at bedtime.  Several times, we skipped baths.  We didn’t limit stories to 4.  Benjamin didn’t go to school (obviously — that would have been a rough commute).

All that stuff is great — we were on vacation mode, and vacations are supposed to be special.  (How much fun would it be to go on vacation and do everythign just exactly like you do it at home?)  Explaining that to a 1 year old and a 3 year old is easy, but weathering the fallout is not.  So this week, we have major cranky pants-itis in our house.  Every single thing we readjust causes turmoil.  The kids are throwing fits and having temper tantrums right and left.  (And, the aforementioned jet lag is not helping.)

It’s ok.  I realize that it’s normal, and, even more, I understand that these lessons are important.  Vacations are fun, and it’s great to slack off on the routine and enjoy.  But, when you come back, things go back to normal.  It wouldn’t be as special if it was like that all the time (and mommy would lose her mind).  But this transition time is sure rough.  I’m hoping it gets better each time we “practice” it.

For the monumental amount of travelling we’ve done with the kids over the years, we’ve blissfully avoided most of the pain of jet lag.

When we moved here, I guess we experienced it, but those first few weeks, we really didn’t have anywhere to be at any particular time, and we all kind of adjusted together (not to mention, Liam was about 6 months old and still getting up once a night to eat, so we were accustomed to being up a lot at just about any hour).  When we flew to the US a week ago, we arrived on Saturday afternoon and stayed up through the evening.  The kids fell asleep easily and woke up a little early the next morning, but, by Monday, we were all pretty much on track.

Not so on the return trip.  This is definitely the worst we’ve had it so far.  On our transatlantic red-eye, the boys each got a few (maybe 4?) hours of sleep, but Dan and I didn’t get any.  Our plan was to have our Sunday be as normal as possible and get ourselves back on track.  We had a normal (if slightly long) nap time on Sunday, but we figured we’d all be tired enough and ready to sleep Sunday night, putting us back on schedule.

For some reason, though, it isn’t working.  Although we’re putting the boys down around their normal bedtime of 9:00, they’re both wakeful for HOURS afterwards . . . until about 3:00 in the morning.  So, they aren’t really falling fast asleep until their US east coast bedtime.  Then, they’re sleeping late in the morning (until about 10:00 on Monday, and 9:00 this morning).  Which would all be fine, except . . . that our plan worked pretty well for Dan & I — meaning, we’re back on Austrian time, while the kids are definitely not.

Ouch.

So, basically, we’re tired and want to go to bed at a normal hour (around 11:00 – 12:00) after putting the kids down a couple of hours earlier.  And then we spend the next 4 hours taking turns getting up with both boys until we finally get them settled around 3:00, only to get up ourselves between 6:00 and 7:00.  I don’t want to wake the boys in the morning after such a short night, because I suspect it would mean a disastrous day.  Benjamin even missed school this morning because he didn’t get up until we were already supposed to be there.

It’s only been a few days, but I am so ready for this to be over.

Benjamin was more of a talker, at this age, than Liam is.  We’re constantly being surprised by the differences in our kids as they grow and learn.  Benjamin definitely was an early adopter in terms of language, while Liam has developed all kinds of physical skills (especially small, detail oriented ones) that Benjamin didn’t have until much later.  Kids are just different, and what we came to see as “typical” in Benjamin is not Liam’s own “typical”.

Liam does talk — he says a bunch of words, but almost never a sentence other than “Car, go!” or “Ready, go!”.  (Although, he said “Mama” with correct discernment much earlier, which was heartwarming for me.)  As with Benjamin, I understand more of what he says than anyone else does, but there’s still a lot of what he says that I don’t get yet.  He’s got a definite head start on one thing, though — he recently started asking us, “Why?”

He asks it now in response to almost everything we tell him.  “Don’t feed Bailey your dinner.”  “Why?”  “Time to rinse off!”  “Why?”  “You can’t climb on the table.”  “Why?”

Because he doesn’t talk as much as Benjamin did — Benjamin spoke early, often and in great detail — I think everyone tends to underestimate how much Liam understands.  (I know sometimes I do.)  But really, I know better.  It’s not that he doesn’t understand, it’s just that he isn’t ready to talk a lot yet.  But he does understand.  And he wants to know more.  I’m amazed that of the 30 or so words he’s using so far,  he’s chosen “why” to be one of them.  And it’s so wonderful to watch him listen for the answer.

My thoughts are jumbled, scattered and disconnected — the inevitable result of being awake for almost 36 hours, a 6 hour time change and a 9 hour flight with 2 kids (and a partridge in a pear tree — I don’t even know if all that math is right, but it’s something like that).

The boys slept on the plane.  They didn’t sleep a lot, or particularly soundly (there were probably a dozen little kids on our flight, and at least one of them was crying at almost every moment) but in exchange for their sleep, we didn’t.  I am really tired.

But, I’m glad to be home.  I think.  I’m not really sure, at this moment, where home is.  Because I’m glad to be home, but simultaneously missing being home.  And it isn’t just a semantic problem — my brain actually counts each place as “home” right now.  I feel like I have two homes at the moment, and it isn’t at all an unpleasant feeling.  It isn’t at all a feeling of not belonging in either place, or of “otherness” in both places (which I was a little worried about) but rather a feeling of comfortableness and being welcomed home in two entirely different places.  It’s a strange feeling.  I’m leaving home, I’m coming home.

In the row in front of us on the plane was a young mom travelling with her two little kids (a boy and a girl, maybe about 5 and 8).  We talked a bit on the flight, and in the various lines we had to wait in.  They helped us recover thrown toy cars on the flight and kindly ignored Benjamin pushing on the back of the seat in front of him (although, the way her son slept — across 3 seats and completely unaware of what was gong on — I’m not sure he was so much ignoring it as truly not noticing it).  They, too, have two homes.  They were travelling from South Carolina, where they live now, to Jordan, where they’re originally from (which meant they had 3 hours of travel before our flight and 5 more hours after we left them — yikes).  It’s the same for them — leaving home and coming home at the same time — and she also talked about how pleasant but strange the feeling is.

What a wonderful sensation to be able to experience.  We feel so loved at home in the US, with our family and our friends, and all the familiarity.  But we also feel loved here in Austria, and it has come to be home to us.  We have arrived here at home, in Austria, and we’ve left so many loved ones back home in the US.  We are so lucky, and we will see them all again soon.

We’re on our way back to Vienna now, somewhere over the Atlantic (in the vicinity of Newfoundland, according to the map display on channel 63). I miss everyone at home already. I was just getting in to a rhythm there — just becoming pleasantly accustomed to visiting with my family and catching up with friends. I’m not ready to go back, and it’s only our upcoming return trip home that keeps me from being even sadder about our departure.

But although I wish I was still at home, I can’t get back to Vienna fast enough. My kids should be nominated for some kind of award for how well they weather whatever journey we ask them to undertake, but 9+ hours on a plane is a long trip for ANYONE, myself included. Liam is sleeping, Dan is resting, and Benjamin is sitting beside me, vowing not to sleep at all. For now, we are uncomfortably cramped (really, Guy Behind Me, is it required that you press your knees into the seat?), surprisingly warm, and holding our noses (forget security screening, they should screen people for body odor before allowing them to board).

Whatever happens with our sleep and our travels, it’s only 9 hours out of our lives, and tomorrow will come with opportunities for rest. It’s going to be a long night, though, and it’s less fun because we’re flying AWAY from where I’d like to be headed.