I’m an aunt!!!!

Posted on April 19, 2015 by admin

Back in November, I became an aunt, and I’m really happy about it. My nephew is cute and sweet and absolutely wonderful, and his parents have been doing a truly AMAZING job of being new parents. They’re way more relaxed, more comfortable, and significantly less stressed than I was in the first few months (or, perhaps, the first few years). This whole thing is pretty great. We got to meet him when we were home over Christmas — he was just over a month old when we arrived home. I miss him a lot, and it’s hard to see him growing and changing while we’re so far away. I never would have expected that I would be so far away from home when my first niece or nephew was born. I always imagined that I’d be nearby, able to come over, to bring dinner, to babysit, to answer endless “did your kids …” and “is it normal when …” questions. I haven’t been able to do much of that, and though I know that my mental image may have been based more on fantasy than in fact, it’s undeniable that being so far away has fundamentally changed the dynamic that would have existed if we still lived 45 minutes away.

Adults change slowly. We keep in touch pretty well over Skype, text, email, Facebook. But babies change quickly, and they only get to know the people who are around them a lot. It’s hard to have not been there for his first few months, and for the next few months, and for the rest of however long we are here. I love this adventure, and I am glad that we are here and are doing what we are doing, but I wish we could be having this experience and be about 15 minutes away from our family at the same time.

I am a proud auntie, and I think my nephew is super cool. Thanks to Adam and Kristin for having him and for being amazing parents to him. (And thanks for finally making me Auntie Em!)

Lanternfest . . . or not

Posted on April 18, 2015 by admin

I’ve often said that of all the new traditions we’ve discovered in Vienna, Lanternfest is my favorite. I love watching the kids with their homemade lanterns out in the autumn evening, I love their songs, I love the story of St. Martin and the moral of charity and kindness. I’m a fan. Benjamin got to do Lanternfest all 3 years he was in preschool, and last year the boys got to do it together (which I particularly loved).

Because it happens in the dark, it can be tough to see — especially for the kids, who are holding lanterns, it’s hard for them to pick out the faces of their parents beyond the glow of their own lanterns. So, even though the school practices for a few weeks leading up to it (but only in the daytime), there are always a few of the little ones who dissolve into tears once the parade and singing start.

It happened to Benjamin his first year — he got freaked out by not being able to find us in the dark. One of his teachers brought him to us (because, in the dark, it was equally impossible for us to tell that he was the one who was upset) and he was able to finish up the performance, just holding my hand. After that first year, he was fine.

With Liam, we were lucky, since he had the advantage of having seen the whole thing several times by the time it was his turn to do it. He was finally getting his wish and was up there with the “big kids”, so he was more excited than worried! Besides, Benjamin was participating too, so he wasn’t there alone (not that any of them is there alone — there are 60+ kids at the school, plus teachers and parents, but a lot of the kids still experience it as being “alone”). He did great last year.

So this year, our collective fourth Lanternfest, and Liam’s second as a participant, we expected smooth sailing. B was a little sad to not be involved, so we dug out his old lantern from last year and he brought that along to hold while he watched. We took Liam to his class, dropped him off with his teacher and went to find a good spot to watch the show.

Liam didn’t make it to the show, though. For reasons I don’t entirely understand, Liam freaked out before it was even time for the kids to line up. He was so upset that his teachers simply brought him out to us, where we were waiting in the dark. He was too freaked out to participate. Last year, we dropped Benjamin off first, so he was unfazed by us dropping him at his class. This year, I guess the thought of us leaving him inside while we all went out just worried or upset him. I offered to walk with him, or to stand by him. I tried (repeatedly) to convince him to rejoin his class. I reminded him of how much he’d been looking forward to it and how much he’d enjoyed it the year before. He declined. I was surprised, but he was firm. So, rather than walking and singing with his lantern, Liam stood with us and watched.

For the second part, where the kids and parents go on a stroll around the block, he was happy to join in. We all took a walk together and shared a kipferl (kind of a hard croissant) at the end, as is traditional. Liam was clingy, but happy. Benjamin was wistful, but also happy. It was another good Lanternfest, and I’ve officially decided to quit thinking that I have any idea of how these things are going to go from one year to the next.

Monkipark

Posted on April 17, 2015 by admin

Vienna’s winters are very dark, with relatively few hours of daylight. Between November and February, my kids leave the house before the sun has properly risen, and come home after it has set. We spend months only playing outside on the weekends, or in the dark (and cold) of early evening. It’s tough on all of us. The boys go a bit stir-crazy with tons of unspent energy, bouncing off the walls and bothering each other a lot more than usual, and I get absolutely frozen keeping vigil in the dusky playground while they brave the cold to climb and slide and swing a little.

I suspect that principally because of these long winter months, Vienna has several indoor “play parks”, but, until recently, we had never been to one. I only had a vague idea of what they entailed, but I imagined massive McDonald’s-play-area-style ball pits and plagues of flu and stomach virus running through the revelers, so we had never gone. Plus, my kids had never heard of them, so they weren’t asking to go. I would have happily lived through our Vienna experience, and just skipped it entirely.

But last fall, B and Liam were invited to a friend’s birthday party at “Monkipark“, one of these indoor play places at a shopping mall we’d never been to. B had heard all about it from the birthday boy, and he was so excited. I was still apprehensive, but happy to try it out.

It was not quite what I expected. It was HUGE inside, and crazy, and chaotic. In true Viennese style, the parents weren’t particularly hovering over their kids … and there were SO MANY kids, from toddlers to teenagers, running free in the play area. There was a massive, inflatable climbing and sliding area, where my boys ran first. (Being me, I did hover, so I went right along with them.) It was crazy, but it was great fun. It was like a giant, inflatable obstacle course. The boys climbed, balanced, swung, bounced, and slid down a two-story-high slide. And then they did it again. And again. And when they got tired of that, there was an indoor climbing wall, and soccer court, a ropes course (which was only for bigger kids), a bank of trampolines and a go-kart track. And that was in addition to the snack bar and the private party rooms where the birthday boy invited us all for chicken nuggets and birthday cake. It was impressive, and we all had a great time (though I still imagine that most kids come out of there with some illness they didn’t have before). We really enjoyed it, and I understand it better now. And it’s good that we liked it, because I’d put even odds that at least one of my guys will want to have their birthdays there this year.

The light in autumn

Posted on March 25, 2015 by admin

The light here is different than it was at home. The summer days are longer, the winter days are shorter. The angle of the light changes more noticeably throughout the year — in the winter here, even at noon, the sun is not overhead and we get, at best, a kind of weak sunlight that is neither very cheering nor very warming, even on the brightest of days. In the autumn, the light is beautiful. It is mostly golden, and has that wonderful “late afternoon” look all day long. Everything touched by the sunlight looks like it’s glowing, and the trees, already golden, look like they’re on fire when the light catches them. Sometime in the fall, the sun stops coming in directly through our kitchen window in the afternoons, and in the mornings, it no longer comes through our living room windows. We have to wait again until spring comes around again to see it streaming across the floor. As the autumn moves towards winter, we lose the “afternoon” effect of the light and move into a state where it seems to be perpetually early evening — a state which persists throughout the winter.

Just now, it is spring again, and we’ve begun to get our sunlight back. Sitting in the living room in the mornings, the sun shines directly on our couch now — something it hasn’t done since the fall. Just a few days ago, I was suddenly blinded by a ray of sunlight coming through the window, and I had a moment of confusion until I remembered that yes, that is normal — we just haven’t seen it for a while. Spring is here, and we’re finally getting our sunlight back.

Running shoe shopping

Posted on March 20, 2015 by admin

On and off, I’ve been a runner for over a decade. It started with the bizarre idea that I would train to run a marathon, which I did (and hated, and swore I would never do again). But though I was done with marathoning, for some reason running stuck with me. I’ve never quite enjoyed the running — not in the way I enjoy many of the other things I do — but I came to love the feelings I have afterwards: accomplishment, exertion, challenge, and the satisfaction of having put in real effort and finishing what I set out to do.

I don’t look like a runner. I can neither run very fast not very great distances. My accomplishments are accrued slowly, through persistence. But I do get out there and put the miles in. After a bit of a hiatus, I came back to running last year. I started in March, and by the end of the year I’d put in over 600 miles (counting both runs and athletic, fast walks). I was feeling pretty proud, and increasingly fit.

I also, though, was feeling the pain of incredibly overworn running shoes. I’ve lost track exactly, but I know for certain that I had not replaced my running shoes more than once since running the marathon … in 2001. I was in dire need of new shoes, and endlessly putting it off. I did not want to try to buy running shoes here, where I would most likely have to complete the transaction in German. I wanted to try and wait until my next visit home, where I know a good place, and where I could make my purchase in English.

But I couldn’t hold out long enough. By late October, my feet and knees were starting to feel sore, and I regularly had to pause during my runs to try and tighten my shoes — and I never could quite get them tight enough. I had to admit that I couldn’t wait any longer — I needed new shoes. I debated getting online and trying to choose some, but my previous experiences of being fitted by knowledgable professionals left me all too aware that choosing the “right” shoes out of a catalog was pretty unlikely. I was left with only one daunting option — to shop for running shoes in person here in Vienna … in German.

After doing a little research, I was happy to discover that I at least wouldn’t have to go far — there is a good running shop right around the corner, on my block (and technically in my building). One Saturday afternoon, I went for it. I went to the shop and looked around, disheartened by the expense (and not daring to mentally convert to dollars). I chose a few that I liked the look of (though I know that’s not the way to choose running shoes — choosing running shoes can’t be done by look, color or brand, you try them, then you know), and found someone to help me (who, thankfully, spoke a little English).

I discovered a few things.

First, I still have an inclination to choose marathon shoes. Of all the running shoes in the shop, the three pairs I had selected were all more appropriate for long-distance running than for the short distances I do now. I also discovered that shopping for running shoes here is very much like shopping for running shoes at home. And runners don’t judge other runners the way that non-runners do — just like at home. When I tell a non-runner that I run, they (always) take a look at my physique before uttering a (sometimes surprised, sometimes impressed) “Really?” (often) followed by, “Just jogging, though, right?” When I tell another runner that I run, they usually don’t react. No surprise, no nothing. Just on to the next thing. When I explained to the young guy at the shop that I was looking for running shoes, he had not a flicker of surprise or doubt, just immediately jumped into questions about distance, schedule and running surfaces … which was pretty great.

From there, he chose several pairs of shoes for me to try (none of which were ones I had selected), and then I tried them on in turn and ran around the shop — which is exactly the process I was familiar with from home. (I like it — it’s like when Harry Potter goes to Ollivander’s to choose his wand!)

I finally selected a pair — not at all like the ones I thought I would have wanted — and went home very happy (but also a good bit poorer — running shoes are EXPENSIVE here). But now my feet and knees feel better.

Saving Sweet Briar

Posted on March 10, 2015 by admin

It’s been a rough week. Last Tuesday, within a single hour, I said goodbye to my wonderful canine friend (which I’m not quite ready to write about yet) and got some shocking and heartbreaking news — my alma mater, Sweet Briar College, would be closing this summer.

“Shocking and heartbreaking” might seem like a bit of an overstatement when describing the closing of a school, especially one I haven’t attended in nearly 20 years and haven’t visited in almost 7. But Sweet Briar is not merely an educational institution, and its closing is not just the routine or inevitable result of gradual shifts in educational trends. It is my second home (or, perhaps, now that I live in Vienna, my third). Dan & I met and were married there. Dan’s father taught there for many years. I made many dear friends while I was there. I learned more about the world and about myself there than I had any idea I needed to learn. And I received one hell of an academic education, too.

Sweet Briar is a special place. It is one of a dwindling number of women’s colleges. Besides being a single-sex college, it is southern, rural and extremely small. It carries with it an old reputation of debutantes and snobbery — once probably valid but long since left behind. Those with only a passing notion of Sweet Briar may dismiss it as a “finishing school”, but in doing so only reveal how outdated their information is.

Sweet Briar is so much more than those labels. Like so many of my fellow alumnae, I never thought that I would end up at Sweet Briar, or at any women’s college. I wasn’t “girly”. I liked boys. I was a liberal and distanced myself from anything with the label of “southern”. I was a bright, hardworking kid, and I wanted to put an impressive (possibly Ivy League) name on my CV. I also didn’t have a lot to spend on college. When I first heard of Sweet Briar, I dismissed it completely, even though my best friend had fallen in love with it. I was not interested. It was not what I wanted.

And yet … the more I learned, the more it was. The photos of the campus in the brochures were stunning. There was a thriving equestrian program where I would be able to get actual college credit for my passion. The class sizes were small. And, they really seemed to want me there. From there, more than anywhere else, I was contacted — by alumnae, current students, admissions staff. I was courted. I went to visit, and (like so many of my fellow alumnae) THAT was the moment when everything changed. The campus was stunning — like something from a movie. The students were friendly — not just to me, but to each other. The students and the staff chatted together like friends in the cafeteria. The classes were small … and intimidating, but for all of the right reasons. The professors asked questions AND THERE WAS NOWHERE TO HIDE. I saw girls — women — step up and speak out in a way I had never seen before, confidently, respectfully and passionately. I was impressed and a little awed. And, suddenly, I was seriously considering a women’s college.

I applied to Sweet Briar, but I was never one for half-measures — I also applied (and was accepted to) 10 other schools. To most, I got significant scholarships. There was at least one school on that list that I was sure I was going to attend. It had everything I wanted. But then I went to visit, and no matter what my head told me, my heart compared every bit of it to Sweet Briar, and it came up lacking in every way except for its name recognition. As for Sweet Briar, the financial aid and scholarships they offered were impressive, but not enough. I was surprised to feel so sad when I called my admissions counsellor to tell her that I couldn’t even consider coming because of finances. And I was beyond amazed when she called me back with a better offer. In the end, I narrowed my choices down to 2 — both women’s colleges — and no one was more surprised than I was. I let my heart decide, and it chose Sweet Briar. It was one of the best choices I ever made.

It’s not that every moment was perfection. I had times when I questioned my decision (including a big part of my sophomore year when I seriously considered transferring elsewhere), but the good parts were so worth the struggles. The students really were kind and welcoming. The classes really were tiny and rigorous. The professors really did get to know you — I saw them in the cafeteria, out on walks around campus, and went to dinner at their homes (and if you missed a class they’d call to see how you were doing). The campus really was picture-postcard perfect all the time. I really did get to ride for course credit. The traditions, which seemed odd and a bit antiquated at first, became precious to me, and included me in a long line of brave, intelligent women who had come before me. I made some amazing friends, and I became one of those thoughtful, confident, educated women who didn’t hesitate to open her mouth and speak her mind. I loved my college years and I value my Sweet Briar education tremendously. I have no doubt that I made the right choice, and given the opportunity, I would go back and do it all over again.

But that was almost 20 years ago.

Last Tuesday, seemingly out of the blue, the President of the college announced that the Board of Directors had voted unanimously to close the school, effective late August of this year. Just like that, this place I hold so dear was dying. I’d had no clue this was even up for consideration. The powerful and passionate alumnae network had not been told that there were dire straits. We were all taken completely by surprise by the announcement, which was put to us as a done deal. Apparently the college’s enrollment and financials had been on a downward trajectory for years, and, according to the president (sorry — interim president, who has been on the job only 6 months), there was no way to recover. The school was doomed and the decision had been made to bow out gracefully while the going was still good, leaving students to find another place to finish their education (or even to start it, as acceptance letters for next fall had already gone out), and leaving faculty and staff facing impending unemployment (and in some cases with losing their homes). I felt as if I were losing a close friend, someone I didn’t even know was ailing. It was like a bomb went off in my brain. I was devastated, shocked, confused and angry.

But, here’s the thing. Remember those confident, intelligent, outspoken women who knocked my socks off when I came to visit the school? Sweet Briar has been turning us out for DECADES. And within a day, the shock and tears had made way for outrage and determination. We’re not ready to say goodbye. There are thousands of strong, capable women out there who love Sweet Briar, and we’re willing to fight to keep her alive. There is work to be done, there are questions to be asked, and there are sisters to be helped. This is what we DO. This is who Sweet Briar trained us to BE. This is not where this story ends.

www.savingsweetbriar.com

#saveSweetBriar

Boo!

Posted on February 11, 2015 by admin

As they say, sometimes it’s the little differences that are the most surprising when you’re living abroad. Not that the big stuff doesn’t throw you for a loop (it does) but the biggest differences are ones you adjust to, or at least come to accept, pretty quickly (because you really have to).

This past Halloween (yep, still writing about last October) was our most successful trick-or-treat experience yet. There were no tears during the dressing up process (though we did have a last minute costume change), we arrived at a reasonable (early) hour (before the slightly rowdy Austrian teens arrived and coated everything with silly string), we found our way on the first try, we had some very fun and friendly stops at a couple of super festive houses, we met a lovely Corgi named Wellington, and we met up with some friends … which gave us a good excuse to wander back through the neighborhood a second time. Both boys had an excellent time and kept up their manners and enthusiasm for the whole event (which was a first). It was a great evening, and the most I’ve been reminded of a true US Halloween since we’ve been here.

With one little exception.

On average, the costumes here are very much like what you’d see in the US, but skewed slightly less scary — more princesses and fewer witches, more Spider-Men and fewer mummies — I think at least partly owing to the fact that Halloween is just becoming a thing here, while Faschings (aka Carnival), is very popular and has children dressing up in fun but non-scary costumes, and many kids just wear their Faschings costumes for Halloween.

My spooky family

And, as often happens, kids’ costumes sometimes require props — wands, swords, lightsabers, broomsticks, etc. Several of the kids (mostly boys) were carrying realistic looking guns and weapons with their costumes. And that was the difference. Some kids, dressed as cowboys, police officers, or bandits, were carrying realistic looking toy guns. And I, with my American cultural background, was absolutely shocked. Actually a bit horrified. Here were young kids and teenagers carrying realistic looking weapons. Didn’t their parents know how dangerous that could be??? Weren’t they worried that someone might think the guns were real and, just maybe, hurt their kids?!?

And, in that horrified contemplation, I truly looked at my own perspective and realized what I was thinking. No, the parents here don’t “know” that those toys might be dangerous, and, no, they weren’t worried. Because they don’t imagine that anyone would mistake the weapons as real in a child’s hand, and that, even if they did, no one here is going to shoot their kid. There actually isn’t anything dangerous about those kids carrying toy guns with their Halloween costumes. NO ONE HERE IS GOING TO SHOOT A CHILD FOR PLAYING WITH A TOY. And sadly, that’s just not true where I am from.

Vienna by night

Posted on February 10, 2015 by admin

In Vienna, in the winter, so much of our time is spent in the dark, and in the summer, so little of it is. From sometime in November until early February, Dan and Benjamin are almost never home during daylight hours. From early in May until mid-August, my kids hardly ever experience darkness — they wake up and go to bed completely in daylight, for months on end.

The transitions to Daylight Saving Time and back happen at a different time here than at home, too. Not only does that give me two weeks in the spring and one week in the fall where I have no idea what time it is anywhere, but it means we have 3 weeks more of dark evenings than we had at home. This year, the Monday after the time change in October was a holiday (Austrian National Day) and we celebrated the fact that the whole family had a day off together by spending it at the swimming pool.

We were out most of the afternoon, and when we started to head home, it was already dark, thanks to the time change the day before. I found it particularly odd and a little disconcerting, in large part because, strange as it may seem, I am pretty much never out in Vienna at nighttime between April and October. Stepping out of the brightly lit swimming facility into the dusky evening was like suddenly stepping out into an unfamiliar city. It happens every year, but it always takes me a little time to get used to experiencing Vienna in the dark … and then once I get used to it, I get to spend months getting REALLY used to it.

Just last week, I picked B up from school and we arrived home with enough daylight that we didn’t immediately have to turn on all the lights — for the first time in nearly 3 months. It’s the first sign that we’re on our way back to seeing Vienna only by day and likely forgetting, once again, what it’s like here in the dark.

Kürbisfest for the fourth time

Posted on February 4, 2015 by admin

It is our longest running tradition here in Vienna, and we look forward to it every year. The annual pumpkin festival is one of the few nearly Halloween-like celebrations here, and it reminds me so much of the decades of pumpkin picking and carving I’ve done back in the US.

Over the years, we’ve gotten better at the whole thing. The first few times, it took us hours longer to get ready and get ourselves there than it should have, and we always ended up out there either very much over or under dressed. But now, we’re getting it. We know how to get there, we come prepared with warm clothes and big bags with which to carry home our pumpkins. We made it out there in the foggy morning (with the help of B, who acted as our navigator since he was learning about maps at school). We had faces painted, enjoyed our favorite Lángos and pumpkin soup, chose and carved our pumpkins, and played on the recently renovated playground (still daring, even by Austrian standards). And this year, we brought friends.

Elaine and Phil had been here nearly two years at the time (more than 2 years now), but this was their first pumpkin festival. They were amazingly good sports in enduring the speed (or lack thereof) and attention spans (or lack thereof) of the kids while we shopped, enjoyed and explored. We introduced them to Lángos, shopped together for pumpkin seed pesto and chose pumpkins. Then we all sat down to carve them together — it was Elaine’s first time! We finished out the day with some playground time (for us) and a warm drink around the fire (for Phil and Elaine). It was a great day.

The Kürbisfest remains one of my favorite annual Vienna traditions. It reminds me of home, yet is also distinctly Austrian. It celebrates autumn and helps us prepare for Halloween. It is a wonderful day spent in the countryside with a marvelous view of Vienna. And, getting to introduce friends to our much-loved tradition made it even more special this year.

Action

Posted on January 30, 2015 by admin

There are 10 principles of learning at B’s school, attributes said to be sought after and valued in the International Baccalaureate program. When the kids demonstrate one of these attributes during their school day, B’s teacher gives out armbands. B had gotten armbands for being a risk-taker (for trying something at lunch that he’d never had before), for being caring (for looking after a classmate who was having a rough day), for being a thinker (for making connections between a lesson in class and his life at home) and many other things. It’s a great bit of positive reinforcement, and I’m impressed at how well these paper bands motivate the kids. B is so proud when he brings one home, and I’ve seen the kids clamoring to get credit for one when I go into B’s class. To B, at least, the most coveted of all the bands is the “action” band, awarded for demonstrating learning at home, specifically learning related to the unit of study. The kids can get an “action” band for bringing in a book related to a subject of study, for doing an art project related to what they’re learning at school, or bringing in a related item that they found at home. (It’s basically an “extra credit” assignment, and it’s very open ended.)

Back in October, B had been very envious of the “action” bands the other kids had gotten and so he decided, entirely on his own, to make a glitter-glue drawing of the circulatory and respiratory systems, because that’s what they’d been studying in class. The first few days after he’d decided, he forgot to actually do it, but he eventually sat down with his glitter glue and paper and made a lovely picture of the heart, lungs, veins and arteries. He was so proud, and I knew his teacher was going to like it. I was so proud of him. He had conceived of and executed the entire thing on his own. It was a perfect choice of an activity to get an “action” band.

He had his heart set on taking it to school the next morning. After he’d gone to bed, I checked on it, and it was still quite wet, so, wanting to help him out, I moved his artwork to another spot, close to the fan, hoping to help it dry by morning. And, in so doing, I smeared the whole thing. I was horrified. I tried to fix it with a toothpick, attempting to push the globs of pink, gold, red and blue glitter back to their original spots, but it was no use. It was ruined. I cried.

When B got up the next morning, I explained it to him, and he was disappointed, but surprisingly understanding. I felt terrible. I suggested that he could take it in anyway, and explain to his teacher what had happened, or that I could go in with him and explain it, but he didn’t want to. He wanted it to be right. So, instead, he came home that day and started over. He took just as much time and care making it for the second time. And I left it completely alone while it dried.

He took it to school the day after, and got an action band for his work. He was absolutely proud of it, and I was profoundly impressed by his work and determination … and by his ability to forgive my well-intentioned mistake.

A Mommy Abroad

Our big adventure, as a family of three.

Category Archives: Adventure in Vienna