Am I missing something?

Posted on July 3, 2013 by admin

Our experience here feels so BIG. The struggles and challenges feel massive, the discoveries wonderful, the perfect moments stunningly delightful. The highs are so high and the lows can be very low. Before we came, we were told it would be like this. We’ve told others, who have come since, the same thing: “Be prepared. It’s a rollercoaster.”

And it is. And it’s worth it. For all of the tough moments, all of the frustrations, all of the roadblocks and the loneliness, we’re glad we’re here. Because the good moments are so very good and we know that life will never be quite like this again. We know that we will never be the same again. Being here, living it, it’s overwhelming and all-encompassing. It’s a huge, mentally monopolizing experience, in that it changes us constantly and it occupies so much of our time and mental energy just to plan and execute daily life.

It’s sometimes shocking to me, then, how different the experience of other people in a similar situation can be. I don’t get a lot of time to do so (see the “overwhelming” and “monopolizing” comments above) but I sometimes get to read what other American expats in Austria experience, or (even more rarely) actually talk so some of them about it.

Their experiences, while as massive and entirely consuming as ours, are completely different. Some of them have experiences, regularly, that they define their time in Vienna by — at coffee houses, bars, clubs, art museums — that we have barely seen, if at all. Some of their favorite places are places I’ve never heard of, let alone been to, and the images, captured in words or pictures, of “their” Vienna seems as foreign to me as mine do to most of my friends at home.

So I wonder, sometimes, am I missing something? How many of the essential, quintessential Viennese experiences will I never have? Not just because I’m a mom, and I’m busy with my little ones, but also because of my own tastes and preferences, my own prejudices and perspective. What will I miss? What will I never see? What am I not experiencing that “is* Vienna to someone else?

Because there’s a pressure that comes with living abroad, a feeling that I ought to really get to know Vienna while I”m here. That I ought to really see and experience it. That I should go home knowing certain things and having experienced particular aspects of this city, this country, this continent. And I don’t know if I’m having the Austrian or Viennese experience.

Actually, I know, in so many ways, that I’m not. We haven’t been to the Opera. We’ve only eaten once at a “fancy” restaurant. We don’t shop (except for shoes for the kids and once, regrettably, for a ballgown). I don’t spend lazy mornings at a coffee house or evenings drinking wine and people-watching. Our days are spent with playgrounds and kindergarten drop-offs and our evenings are usually full of baths and stories. I’d wager I’ve seen more parks than an average American expat in Vienna, but haven’t been to many art museums. I’ve mastered getting around the Christmas markets with a stroller, but haven’t been to the Naschmarkt. Some days I feel a little proud of the way my experience here has differed from “the norm”, and some days I’m frustrated by it.

The pressure and expectation to have a certain kind of experience come, I know, from me, not from the outside. I hear about the things other people are doing, and I think, “Am I supposed to be doing that? Is that what this is about?”

We’ve entered into the final year of our time in Vienna, and I think that makes me feel the pressure more acutely, because the window is closing, this fleeting opportunity is finite and will be over soon. There’s so much still to see and do, and I want to be sure to hit the highlights while I can.

New neighbors

Posted on July 2, 2013 by admin

I think it started about a week ago — just after dusk we started to hear shrill calls in the courtyard outside of our building. They were coming from a pair of creatures (I wasn’t sure what kind) either in the trees or on the roof. It was a plaintive sound — kind of like kittens looking for their mother, but too loud, too airborne and not feline enough for that. It went on for hours with them calling back and forth, perfect echoes of each other.

At first, I was worried about the creatures — there was definitely a sad or lost sound to their cries. Had a baby something fallen from a nest? Was something injured? It went on for hours, and it kept us up (because of course we have the windows open for the breeze). When we finally fell asleep, both Dan & I had nightmares — parental nightmares about something happening to the kids — that we think were probably inspired by the sad cries of our new nocturnal neighbor creatures.

They are quiet through the day, but each evening they come back, calling and answering shrilly outside our windows. I’ve already gotten used to them — I can sleep through their noise without a problem now — but I still didn’t know what they were. Being nocturnal, loud, and either in the trees or on the roof, I’ve been guessing owls, but they certainly don’t sound “hoot”-y at all.

Then, last night, one landed on the eave of the roof over our living room. I thought they were loud before, but this was alarming — I thought it had gotten in the house! Apparently, so did Bailey, who, after ignoring them for a week, absolutely freaked out, as though someone was trying to break down the front door.

After subduing my fierce canine to the best of my ability, I went to investigate (the creature was apparently not impressed by Bailey, because it neither moved not ceased its calling) and got my first look. I only saw it in shadow, perched on the roof, but I’m pretty sure it was an owl. It looked at me for a minute before I shooed it away (because Bailey wasn’t going to settle down while it was sitting outside our window, and I didn’t want it to wake the kids). I saw it take off and fly to the other side of the courtyard. It was bigger in flight than I expected, and it was pretty beautiful. And after doing some research online, I’m guessing we have a pair of Barn Owls living near us now (although the ones we have are slightly more “crying” and less “screeching” than the ones I found online, so I’m not entirely sure).

So, we have new, noisy, nighttime neighbors. I think they’re owls. I know they’re not worried about Bailey. And though they kind of drove me crazy that first night, I kind of hope they stick around.

Summer vacation

Posted on July 1, 2013 by admin

Today, the sun was shining, the birds were singing, the weather was perfect — 72 and sunny with a cool breeze. Today is the first day of B’s summer vacation from school, and I had visions of sleeping in, a trip to the playground, or maybe the pool, and lots of snuggling with the kids.

So far, the boys got up before 7, and although we’ve gotten in LOTS of snuggling, it’s unfortunately mostly because Liam is sick. (He woke up from his nap yesterday with a fever, and added a rash today, so I’ve been pretty worried.) So our first day of summer vacation has been spent taking temperatures and going to the pediatrician’s office to get him checked out and to get a throat culture (no strep). B is feeling ok (he was probably sick with a mild version of this last week when he was feeling a bit run down) and though Liam is miserable, he should be feeling well in a few days. And, since we are on summer vacation, I’m home to snuggle them both, with nowhere else I need to be. It wasn’t exactly what I had in mind for the first day of our summer break, but, Liam’s illness aside, it was really a pretty good day. He’ll be better soon, and our summer fun will be waiting for us then.

Benjamin and Liam go to school

Posted on June 21, 2013 by admin

This morning, we had our annual parent/teacher meeting at B’s school. Unlike last year, when I went into the meeting full of stress and worry because B was struggling, this year I was excited instead to hear about the progress he’s been making.

Dan took the morning off so that we could both be there, and we took Liam along, with the intention of having him join us at the meeting. When we arrived and dropped B off at his class this morning, Sylvia (the teacher who speaks almost no English) explained that we’d have the meeting just with Stefanie (the teacher who speaks some English). She also offered to keep Liam in class with B while we had the meeting, which was a fun surprise. When we asked Liam if he wanted to stay with B, he was so excited that ran off without even a look over his shoulder. No worries. No hesitation.

The meeting went great. We found out that B is doing very well (which we pretty much knew, but it was good to hear it from the teacher). He seems to finally feel at home in his class. He plays with his friends (though sometimes they get a little wild), understands most of the German they use with him, faces frustration with more resilience and does many things independently. He loves going on outings with the class and loves to talk to everyone. He has really integrated with the group. He’s young in his class (a July birthday in a system in which the year-end cutoff is September 1) but is now enjoying showing the younger class how things work. (In his teacher’s words, “He knows he needs to take care of them and really likes to show them how things work.”) He has a few challenges with some of the fine motor skills they’re working on (using scissors and holding a pencil correctly), but nothing out of the ordinary for his age. He loves to run and play outside, and is learning patience for skills and games that require him to sit still. He behaves well and seems to be thriving. What a difference a year makes.

And though he still struggles a bit with more advanced German communication (he uses many words but not many sentences) his teacher reminded us that since he won’t be staying in German-speaking schools, speaking fluent German really isn’t essential, and it isn’t anything to be worried about. I needed that reminder. I focus so much (for myself mostly, but I’m starting to see that I do it with the kids too) on accomplishing things and excelling that I can lose the wider perspective. In my mind, success in school is a goal for itself, but it doesn’t really need to be. In reality, the other skills he is learning (patience, resiliency, playing well with others, cooperation, overcoming the massive challenge of being in a school where he doesn’t speak the language or know the culture) are so much more fundamental and beneficial to his life than specifically learning German (which is truly more a fringe benefit to this experience). He’s doing great. What he has learned and accomplished has nothing to do with conjugating verbs. Measuring his success by what matters most, he’s surpassed everything I could have wanted for him by becoming a happily integrated member of his class and by facing each day with enthusiasm for the fun of preschool instead of dreading the challenges.

We thanked the teachers for everything, too. We’ve accomplished more for Benjamin in the past year and a half, together with his teachers, than I think we could have on our own. Their persistence and kindness and willingness with him, their lofty expectations for him, their warm welcome to of ALL of us, have all created such a nurturing environment for B. I feel so lucky to have our kids at this school (and we told them so).

It was a great meeting.

And when we went back to pick up Liam, the boys were playing together with some of Benjamin’s best friends. They were engrossed with building a wall to a fort out of cushions and didn’t notice us while we watched them. When they saw us, they both ran up to us for hugs. Liam didn’t want to go home. B didn’t want him to go. Just that — how happy they are to be there — is as good of a status report as any other.

Heat day

Posted on June 19, 2013 by admin

We did go to Paris, and we had a wonderful time. I’ll write about that soon, but for now, all I can think about is how hot it is here . . .

Except for a few weeks of the year, I love the weather in Vienna. Winter — great. Spring and fall — amazing (and they actually exist here as entities separate from almost-summer and nearly-winter). Even the summer here is typically pretty lovely. But when it gets really hot, we get miserable.

We live in the 6th floor of a 6 story building, in what used to be the attic until it was converted into an apartment about 20 years ago. The elements add up to an uncomfortable situation: a) heat rises, so we get the heat, b) we don’t get the fantastic insulation of the thick stone wall construction typical in most old Austrian buildings, because that isn’t how they built the attic, c) we can’t really open the windows properly because we’re 6 floors up and there is very little preventing one of the kids climbing out one of the windows and d) even though this apartment was (relatively) recently constructed, it still doesn’t have air conditioning. So, we’re on the top floor, poorly insulated, little window ventilation and no air conditioning. It is not nice in this apartment when it is hot outside.

It’s not brutally hot in Austria most of the time. Our first summer in Vienna we had one week of 90+ temperatures (30+ if you think in Celsius) and it wasn’t until the end of July. I freaked out about the heat, and we bought an air conditioner, but that really was the only week of awful hot weather we had that summer. Last summer, we skipped most of the hot weather in July and early August by being in the US (although we had plenty of hot weather there) but still got about a week and a half of 90+ in August.

We’ve never had unpleasantly hot weather before in June. But when we woke up in Paris yesterday morning, it was unpleasantly hot. And when we landed in Vienna yesterday afternoon, it was hotter. After we got home, opened the windows and aired out the apartment, it was 91 degrees in our house. INSIDE our house. Using our window a/c units, we got it down to 86 this morning (it was as low as 78 in the boys’ room — they have an a/c unit just for their room, and the other one is attempting to cool the living room, and we just leave the rest of the house as it is). I’m hoping, hoping, hoping that this streak of hot weather in June means we’re done with it for the summer, not that the entire summer is going to be like this.

I’ve said it before, and it’s true — it’s not the hot days that get to me, it’s the hot nights. 91 degrees in the house is really not comfortable, but I find trying to sleep in an 88 degree bedroom pretty much impossible. Being hot, without a break, for so many days in a row (it got hot here on Monday — we missed the first day because we were in Paris — and it’s not supposed to cool down to reasonable levels, during the day or the night, until Friday night) is grueling. It drains all of my energy and makes me pretty crabby.

And so, I’ve declared today a “heat day” (like a snow day, but in the summer). I have no intention of doing anything or going anywhere today. I’m not going to try to clean the house or accomplish any of the tasks on my to-do list (which is looking pretty impressive, considering we just got back from out of town). I’m going to play cars, watch tv, and drink as much iced coffee as possible. (And I’ll try to post some of our Parisian adventures over the next few very hot days, too.) I’m keeping my fingers crossed that the weather forecasters are as wrong as they usually are, and that we wake up tomorrow to the low 80s with a nice breeze . . .

Paris Paris Paris Paris . . . maybe

Posted on June 14, 2013 by admin

We’re going to Paris, and I’m really excited! We leave tonight, spend a long weekend there, and come back Tuesday. It’s pretty revolutionary to be going on a weekend trip to Paris — logistically and financially, living in Europe has given us a great opportunity to travel here pretty easily, and I’m loving it. It’s one of my favorite things about being on this adventure. (I mean, really, my conversations this week have gone like this: “What are you doing this weekend?” “Going to Paris!” Pretty great.) We’re looking forward to going back to visit again — I love the feel of the city, how beautiful and truly romantic it is, and (of course) the food. We have a late flight tonight, which may be a challenge for everyone’s patience, but the plan is to get situated tonight so we can spend the day tomorrow relaxing and enjoying the city. (Since it is “only” a long weekend, we didn’t want to spend all of Saturday at the airport. I’m not sure whether it’s a good plan, but I’ll soon find out.)

We loved our time in Paris last spring, but there were lots of things we wanted to do that we didn’t get to (visiting the Louvre, seeing the Eiffel Tower at night, spending more time just walking and seeing the city) so I’m excited to go back. We loved our experience last year so much that we’re staying in the same apartment, so we know where to find the great boulangeries and cremeries and gelato shops (the boys remember Paris for the gelato more than anything else). Our main excuse for going this time is as an early celebration of my & Dan’s 13th wedding anniversary (which officially happens the 24th).

But, regardless of the excitement and intense anticipation . . . our plans are a bit up in the air this morning. Liam had some upset tummy issues yesterday (nothing that seemed major) but he’s got a sore bottom now, so badly that he could not sleep (so neither did we). He finally fell asleep in my lap at 5:30 this morning.

I’d love to say that we really are going, but I don’t know what our next hours will bring. He woke up chipper and asking about our trip, but I’ll have to see if it lasts. Is he still sick or feeling better? Can he sit down and be comfortable on the flight, or would it just be torture to put him through that? We’ll have to see as the day goes on. Travel with little ones is always an adventure — and we haven’t even left yet! Fingers crossed that my next post is from France . . .

The end of one-on-one time

Posted on June 13, 2013 by admin

We leave tomorrow for a long weekend in Paris, and when we get back, B will have less than 2 weeks left of his final year of preschool. This summer, we opted to keep him home from school for all of July & August, to give us all a break from the routine and the chance to do more things together (including a nice long vacation that will start in late July).

I’m looking forward to summer — to not having to be anywhere on time and not having to leave the house for days if we don’t want to. (I know I’m romanticizing it, and that I will also spend countless hours refereeing fights and administering countdowns to the next turn for something, but right this minute I’m still looking forward to it.)

But it hadn’t occurred to me until yesterday that the end of B’s school year marks another major milestone, not just for B as he finishes preschool, but also for Liam. The daily one-on-one time that Liam and I have shared since B started school, over a year and a half ago, will be at an end.

I’ve been so focused on Liam starting preschool in the fall (and on B starting kindergarten) that I missed the fact that these are our last few mornings to spend hours together, just the two of us, for a long time. (Most likely we’ll get a chance to do it again in September 2014, when we’ll be back in the US, B will be in “real” school and Liam will, most likely, be home with me again.)

Each dynamic of a family, each combination and permutation of the members, is a little bit different, and I experience different aspects of each person in each situation. When I just have Liam, he isn’t operating in “little brother mode”, and he gets my undivided attention (which he seems so desperate for right now). It’s going to be quite a change to be on Mommy-Liam-B time for most of our waking hours (something we haven’t done with regularity since Liam was less than 1, which feels like a lifetime ago). Parenting is like that, though — every time I get comfortable with a schedule and a routine, it’s time to change it all over again. I’m very happy to have B home for the summer, but I will miss my mornings with Liam. It’s going to be a whole new kind of adventure.

Surprise party

Posted on June 12, 2013 by admin

Benjamin has a summer birthday, which is a mixed blessing. I have a July birthday, too, and I know how it is. While it’s fantastic to never, ever have to go to school on your birthday, you also never get to experience the fun of having your birthday celebrated at school. And although it’s great that pool parties are always an option, and sometimes you get to have your birthday on vacation, everyone ELSE is always on vacation, too, so often many of your closest friends can’t be there to celebrate with you.

Last year, as B enjoyed celebrating all of the other kids’ birthdays throughout the year at school, I worried whether he’d get to celebrate his, and how he’d feel if he didn’t. Luckily, they make a point to celebrate the summer birthdays all together before (most of) the kids leave for their summer holidays, and he was so excited to have his school birthday party. (And, since we were home in the States for his actual birthday last year, we took the opportunity to celebrate a bit at home that day, as well.) This year, we assumed they’d do the same thing, and we asked, last month, if they knew when they’d be celebrating the summer birthdays. They assured us that they planned to, but they weren’t yet sure of the date. Not a problem, but as we’ve been approaching the unofficial end of the year (because it’s daycare, as well as preschool, the year doesn’t really end, per se, but many of the kids are absent for most or all of July and August) I’d been starting to worry that maybe it had gotten forgotten in the crazy busy times of the end of the year, but I was also hesitant to pester his teachers, because I knew they had a lot going on.

Yesterday, I decided I needed to ask. If it had been forgotten, I needed to make sure that they had time to plan something (if they wanted to). As it turned out, Dan took B to school, but he was running late, so he didn’t get a chance to ask in the morning. The mystery was solved when Dan picked him up, though, because the teachers had told him he’d be having his party . . . today! And although that came as a bit of a surprise, it was definitely a pleasant one.

So B went to sleep last night excited about his birthday, and woke up (bright and early!) even more excited. And it sounds like he had a wonderful day. They had pizza, cake and ice cream, everyone sang for him, he got to wear a crown, and he even got a gift (a towel decorated as a snail). All of his best friends were there, and they all got to play in the garden, too. I think it was a great day, and he is a very, very happy boy (although he was insisting, this afternoon, that he is now 5, and I’m insisting, just emphatically, that he really isn’t quite yet).

Because we only found out about this yesterday, we weren’t able to do much in terms of a celebration here at home (which is really ok, because we’re planning an actual birthday party with his friends in July) but we did pick up some cookies and ice cream as a special treat. I am so very glad that he got to enjoy a wonderful birthday celebration at school, and I am beyond grateful to his teachers for making a fuss over each and every child (even the summer birthdays!). It’s great to see my special guy have his special day.

Fire safety

Posted on June 11, 2013 by admin

Moving abroad, you expect certain differences. You know that there’s going to be a language barrier, and that cultural norms will surprise you. You know that attitudes towards work, family, religion, food, clothing, and many, many other things will be different, and that your deeply held assumptions (including some you’re not aware you have) will be challenged and changed.

One of the things that has been consistently surprising and assumption-shaking for us is the difference in the way Americans and Austrians handle issues of safety. When we first visited the zoo here, we were shocked to see how easy it would be for someone to climb into an animal enclosure (and, in some cases, for the animals to get out). We still marvel at the kinds of equipment and play surfaces we find at playgrounds here (rocks, water pumps, dirt, wood, metal and just plain, solid ground). There’s a very strong expectation that people will take personal responsibility for their safety and that of their kids. You don’t want to get trampled by a zebra? Don’t climb the fence. You don’t want your kid to break his arm? It’s up to you, as the parent, to judge what are reasonable risks and challenges for your own child in each situation.

Recently, a couple of friends of ours, who are relatively new to Vienna, reminded me of something that was absolutely shocking to me when we first arrived (and that I’m equally shocked I haven’t yet mentioned here) — homes here don’t have smoke detectors (and aren’t required to have them). It took us a few weeks of being here to notice, because smoke detectors are so ubiquitous, and so expected, in the US that we didn’t even check to see if our first two apartments here had them. We had moved into this, our permanent home in Vienna, and had been here a few days when I realized we didn’t have any — not a single one — in the entire house. (There also aren’t any in the hallways or common areas of our building. Also, no fire escapes.) Having smoke detectors in the home is just expected in the US. I think people would probably consider us negligent parents if we *didn’t* have them in the States. (For anyone who doesn’t know, not only can you purchase smoke detectors in the US, you can typically also have your local fire department come out and install them for free.) We ran right out to get some when we realized (although they weren’t trivial to find).

But not here. Most homes *don’t* have them, and they aren’t legally required in homes or businesses.

And, speaking of assumptions — you know that outrageously obnoxious beeping that signals the end of battery life in smoke detectors? It does not happen in our smoke detectors here. One of ours ran out of batteries without any kind of sign or signal. I noticed the little light had stopped flashing, and we realized the batteries were dead (and may have been for some time). It’s amazing the things I’ve always taken for granted.

Schwimmschule

Posted on June 10, 2013 by admin

As far as I know, I was born knowing how to swim. I have vague memories of my dad teaching me to float on my back in my grandmother’s pool, but the basic principles of swimming came early enough that I don’t remember ever not knowing how to swim.

I always knew my kids would be the same. For the sake of safety, as well as fun, I wanted them to learn early. (Especially because it’s one of those things where not knowing creates such fear around water that at some point it becomes incredibly difficult to be in the water long enough to learn how. I knew someone in college who didn’t know how to swim, and he was so deathly afraid of the water that I’d imagine he never learned — his fear was the result of not knowing how to swim, not the cause of it. Because he didn’t know how, he was terrified to go in or even near water. How was he ever going to learn? And if he ever did, I’m sure just getting in the pool the first time was profoundly traumatic.)

Unfortunately, when we left Virginia, and our DC-suburb condo, we also lost regular access to a swimming pool. We’ve been swimming a handful of times since we’ve moved to Austria (many of them when we were visiting the States last summer), but not enough for the kids to really learn how, and I feel the fear of them not knowing how creeping in on me. I want to take care of that before it sets in for the kids, too, so the boys took their first swimming lesson on Saturday.

As always, finding instruction in something in a foreign country is a challenge, especially because we wanted to find lessons in English if possible. Dan found a place, and we took a scenic strassenbahn ride out to a lovely part of Döbling (an outer district of Vienna) that we’d never visited before. And, as always, there were cultural lessons to go with the swimming ones.

First, even though I live in Europe, and have for two years, and even though I consider myself open-minded, I am always shocked by the lack of modesty and body consciousness here. When we got to the pool and went to change into our swimsuits there was only one changing room. Co-ed. They had little changing closets with doors for privacy, but I’d say just over half of the people used them. The others changed, with varying levels of discretion, right by their lockers. While it was a surprise for my prudish American sensibilities, it also meant that I certainly had no qualms about changing the boys’ clothes out in the open, which made things easy.

Out by the pool, the same lack of body consciousness was evident — in a really positive way. People of all sizes and ages and levels of fitness and physical attractiveness exhibited the same level of comfort with being in or around the pool. Some wore tiny swimsuits, some were more covered up (though none more than me in my skirted suit — and I was far from being the oldest or heaviest person there). I didn’t see a t-shirt or a cover-up anywhere, either. And it just truly felt like no one cared. No one was being objectified — neither being snickered at or leered at. There wasn’t any staring, of any kind. I got the sense that people were there to swim (duh) not to evaluate each other. Everywhere I looked, I saw people just being people. Not hiding or being embarrassed, but just sitting or walking or getting in the pool. A few of the fit, pretty young women were preening a bit (and only a VERY little bit), but there just wasn’t the air of critique and shaming that I am so used to feeling poolside in the States. Again, I felt silly for being so modest in my own swimsuit choice (which, interestingly, feels almost inappropriately skin-baring back home). It’s an incredibly liberating feeling. After my years of indoctrination into the American cultural idea that most people are unfit to wear a swimsuit, this feels like being dropped off on an alien planet (but WOW does it feel better).

The swim lesson itself was great. Our teacher, who thankfully spoke excellent English and didn’t seem put out about having to use it, did a great job of combining practice for B on basic skills like paddling and holding his breath with some introduction to other strokes and kicking styles. Liam got a little overwhelmed and opted to mostly play, but he got more comfortable by the end, too. B did the backstroke and even jumped into the pool on his own (which surprised me — especially when he repeated it several times) and, perhaps most importantly, did a little “swimming” by himself (with a ring) and climbed OUT of the pool on his own several times. We go back again in 2 weeks, but I feel like we’re on our way to setting a good foundation for a really important skill. And I’m always grateful with the eye-opening, preconception-breaking cultural education I get just from living here. I’m learning to see a whole other possible reality.

A Mommy Abroad

Our big adventure, as a family of three.

Category Archives: Adventure in Vienna