Father’s Day

Dads are important — and not just for the evident biological purpose — they teach you things you won’t learn from anyone else.  Dads teach you how to whistle, how to tie your shoes, how to ride your bike (with and without training wheels), how to camp, build a kite, use a hammer, pack a car, read a map, float on your back in the pool, pick a perfect Halloween pumpkin or Christmas tree (and how to tie the latter to your car), change your oil, change a tire, drive, make barbecue, build a fire, build a paper airplane, sail (kind of), throw a frisbee, spin a yo-yo, shoot a bow and arrow, debate philosophy or politics, blow a bubble with gum, spell “encyclopedia”, sing the “rubber ducky song”, appreciate A. A. Milne, Shel Silverstein, Isaac Asimov and Star Trek, and dozens of other things I’m not thinking of at the moment.

Or maybe that’s just my Dad.

Thanks, Dad.  I love you.

On my own

We’ve been here just about two and a half months now.  That works out to about 1750 hours (which, really, doesn’t sound like that many).  Today, I took an hour by myself for the first time since we’ve been here.  At home, I used to get a little crazy if I hadn’t had a morning or an afternoon off every week.  The first few weeks we were here I really noticed not having that time for myself, but after a few weeks it became normal to not get a break, so now I’m pretty much used to it (but that’s not to say that I think that’s a good idea).

I always have a hard time going out on my own without my kids.  Even though my days are intense and my kids drive me crazy sometimes, I miss them terribly when we aren’t together and I feel like I’m missing out on the moments they’re spending without me.  But, my nerves have been a bit frayed lately, and I recognize that I need a little “me” time, so I packed up my book and a bottle of water and went out (reluctantly).

012It was marvelous.  I walked down to the Spanish Riding School, ordered a chai at Starbucks (in German!) and sat and read and enjoyed Vienna.  I took a walk, looked at the buildings and saw (literally, for the first time) the beautiful rooftops and statues along them.  I can’t usually look up that high — my attention is focused much closer to the ground.  It was strange for me to realize how much I *don’t* see when I’m out with the kids.  It was great to feel the liberty that comes from moving unencumbered — I could have walked anywhere, gotten on a train, or a bus, or walked into any shop, even one — gasp! — with stairs in the entrance.

Both Dan & I recognize that it’s important for me to take a little time, so now that our lives are settling down a bit, we’re going to be sure it’s a priority every weekend.  I’m sure I’ll still miss the boys when I’m out, but I’m excited to experience Vienna not just as a mom.  I can’t wait to see what I’ll get to see next time.

Crying in public

I have one of those faces — if I have cried, anytime in the past 4 hours or so, you’ll be able to tell when you look at me.  I don’t know if it’s because I’m so fair, or because I have a lot of pink in my complexion, or just because when I cry I tend to really let it out, but I can’t hide it.  I’ve never understood when people say, “Go in the bathroom, splash some water on your face and pull yourself together”.  All I get is a wet face.

Being overwhelmed, homesick or just stressed — I’ve cried several times since I’ve been here.  And I have definitely gone out in public after crying (without waiting the requisite 4 hours to get the evidence off of my face).

But I doubt anyone would notice.  Not because people don’t really make casual eye contact here (although that’s also true) but because it seems to happen all the time here — people cry in public.  It’s not something I’m accustomed to from home — there, we’re all very busy pretending to have it together and showing everyone how happy we are all the time.  If you see someone crying in public, you’ll avert your eyes and probably be embarrassed for them.  Here, it just happens.  People (mostly women) will just be walking down the street in tears, or very obviously recently in tears, with no shame about it.  No one pays it any particular attention, as I can tell.

It’s awesome.  It’s really liberating for me, as someone who has to hide for hours after crying, to have one less thing to worry about.  I can cry if I need to, and even if I’ve cried recently, no one is going to care one bit if it’s obvious on my face as I walk down the street.  (I’m working on not caring whether or not they care, but I’m not there yet.)  I haven’t taken advantage of this liberation yet, but I’m sure opportunity will present itself soon enough.

On the mend

What a day.  Woke up this morning to discover that Liam had apparently scratched his eye — his left eye was red and had a semi-visible scratch on it — on the eye ball.  (And yes, this is a remarkably similar injury, down to being in the same eye, as my horse was discovered to have yesterday.)

So, we proceeded (as parents do) to discuss taking him to the doctor, versus seeing if he improved on his own, and the logistics of each plan.  Dan went to work, and called from the office to talk to our new pediatrician, who, it turns out, doesn’t have office hours on Thursdays, so he called her cell and left a message.  Hours passed, and I stared at his eye all morning (he seemed to really enjoy all the “face” time with mommy) and tried to figure out whether I should leave him alone, take him to the emergency room or call another doctor.

Dan finally got a hold of our pediatrician, and after some debate back and forth (always made easier by language barriers) we decided to have him seen by a pediatric opthamologist who, conveniently enough, works out of the same office as our pediatrician (across the street) . . . but who is also out of the office on Thursdays.  I’m a mom — I said I wanted to see the specialist, and after a few more phone calls, she decided to come in (on her day off) and meet us.

Meanwhile, I’d had existing plans to meet with a potential primary care doctor for myself today.  Her office is on the next block from here, so I went ahead and went to that appointment while the pediatric ophthalmologist came in to meet us.  My new doctor (who is amazing, and, weirdly enough, has the same name as my childhood pediatrician) took a look at Liam’s eye, too, and wasn’t worried.  But, as I am a mom, that didn’t do it for me.  (I did find out that my new doctor does *house calls*.  How great will that be in January when I have the flu and don’t have to tote both kids out in the snow to get a diagnosis?)

So, after that, we headed to the pediatric ophthalmologist — who was also wonderful.  She had, in fact, come in on her day off, with both of her children (one of whom is 4 months old) just to see us . . . and tell us that Liam is completely fine.  We got some drops for his eye as a precaution, but she’s not worried about him.

Benjamin, Liam and I then headed off for the pharmacy, to get the eye drops . . . and then I get a text from Dan.  He has (because some part of him still thinks he’s 12) jumped down half a flight of stairs at worked and pulled a muscle in his leg and is in the infirmary.  (Yes, really — and he’s going to be fine.)  They set him up with an ice pack and he took a nap while resting his leg.  Then he got a note from the nurse excusing him from the rest of the day at work, and tomorrow as well.

So, today, we met two great doctors (one of which came in on her day off to see us) and got a day off of work.  (Granted, Dan is in some pain, but perhaps there is some education in there for him, as well.)  Good work, Austrian health care system!

One is silver and the other’s gold

I have some really amazing friends.  Today, I was reminded in several ways.

First, I got to get together with a new friend of mine here in Vienna.  Although we’ve only gotten together a few times, I’m really enjoying her company, and I’m amazed at how quickly and thoroughly we’re connecting.  She came over and helped me grab lunch and take the kids to the park.  Benjamin loves her — he got so excited when he heard she was coming over.  Before I left to come to Vienna, a friend of mine who is originally from South America told me that the friendships I make here will form more quickly, be more intense and probably longer lasting than is “normal” for friendships made at home, and I’m definitely finding that to be true.

But then I was also reminded of how great my friends at home are.  Cricket, one of my horses, has injured her eye.  My friend, Catherine, who is watching my horses at home let me know, and called the vet.  Her prognosis is good, but the course of treatment involves applying eye ointment twice a day — directly to her eyeball.  Even if I had never had horses, and had never had to do such an application of medicine, I would know how difficult that will be because I can imagine the challenge it would be to do that with my 30 lb preschooler, let alone my 800 lb pony.  It is vital to Cricket’s recovery that the medicine is applied well, and Catherine isn’t sure she can do it.  So, where does that leave me?  Well, 4000 miles and an ocean away, I have to find someone to help me take care of my (mostly) sweet pony, every day, for as long as two months.

It took me one email and about 8 minutes.  The very first person I asked, the person I most wanted to help (because I know what a great job she’ll do) said yes immediately.  I cried when I read her email, full of empathy for Cricket and excitement that she’s coming to stay.

I have the most amazing friends.  Today was a good reminder, but I’ve been reminded all along as we’ve been here.  The emails and the messages all mean so much.  I’ve smiled, laughed and reminisced here, all by myself, because of the wonderful things you’ve said.  Thank you, all of you, for keeping me company — because that’s what you’re doing, even though I’m so far away.

Pediatrician

We’re definitely not “just” tourists here:  Tourists don’t typically need to find a pediatrician.  And this isn’t finding a doctor who will treat you for a day or a weekend or a week because you got sick on vacation:  this person will be the primary doctor for the next few years for our children — guiding us through vaccination regimes, tests and developmental yardsticks that are all different than they are a home, and mostly important.

We really, really liked our pediatrician at home.  (Well, we still like him, and he’s still there.)  It’s not an easy thing to go out and find a doctor in a foreign country, where you don’t speak the language (I know, I say that about a lot of things, but it’s true about a lot of things).

We went and “tried out” our first pediatrician candidate today.  Her English is very good (although I think I will always hope for better — this is an important interaction where you really want to be able to understand each other), her office is across the street from our apartment, and, most importantly, Benjamin liked her.  (Liam didn’t, but he’s going through his “stranger anxiety” phase, so he doesn’t like anyone.)  Today was just an appointment to meet her, have her meet the kids, and to talk a little.

Things are different here, which is both good and bad.  They appear to do more testing here:  hearing, vision, etc., none of which we did at home, so the boys will probably have to “catch up” on a bunch of evaluations.  (Of course, this is an Austrian thing, not specific to this doctor, so that will be true regardless of the doctor we choose.)  The vaccines they give, and the timing of them, are different.  (I like the fact that she said she’s going to try to come up with a plan that combines what’s normal in the US and what’s normal in Austria, rather than switching them to the Austrian schedule, just to have them have to switch back when we go home.)  Even the vitamins and supplements, and their doses, are different here than at home.  As examples, they recommend more Vitamin D supplementation than we do at home, and they give fluoride tablets, since it isn’t in the water — and we’re supposed to give these tablets even to little Liam as soon as his first tooth comes in.  It’s a lot of “different”, which is hard for me, because I was comfortable and confident with the way we were doing things at home.  It’s hard to change the game plan.

On the plus side (and I don’t know if that was just this doctor, or if this is common) we met with the actual doctor the entire time — there wasn’t a nurse who showed us back and took heights and weights — the doctor did all of that herself.  I liked the fact that we didn’t feel rushed (she spent an entire hour with us) and I liked the fact that she actually took a moment to get down on the floor with Benjamin to play with him and make him comfortable.  I also felt like she understood us well, and was really making an effort to communicate well — and I don’t mean in terms of language — there’s a language barrier, to be sure, but there’s also the potential for a “doctor speak” barrier where you just don’t feel like you’re understanding each other.

Overall, I liked her.  I expect that, for now at least, she will be our pediatrician.  As much as I don’t love all the differences between what we had at home and what we’re experiencing here, it is really comforting to at least have a doctor, who we’ve met with, to call if we need someone.  That need stays the same, wherever you are.

Horsewomen

We’ve been in Vienna long enough to start to get accustomed to certain things:  we’re used to sharing the sidewalks with bikes (who have the right of way over pedestrians), we’re in the habit of doing all of our grocery shopping on Saturday so we aren’t stuck on Sunday without something important (since the stores aren’t open) and we’re beginning to abandon the idea of waiting in any kind of an organized line for anything (since the Austrians don’t put much emphasis on waiting and turns — he who jumps to the front the quickest gets served the fastest).  In general, we’re catching on.

We’ve also gotten used to the fact that horse-drawn carriages share the roads with the cars — with surprising ease and patience from all (mostly).  I’m amazed and impressed at the confidence and success with which the drivers maneuver through traffic and down narrow streets, all while avoiding cars, trucks, buses, tourists (children included), bicycles and each other.  Many of the places that we frequent — our favorite pizza place, our favorite coffee places, the walking route I take with the boys in the morning and even the street in front of our house — are on the route typically taken by Viennese carriage drivers as they give their passengers a tour of the city center.  So, we’ve also started to recognize the horses and drivers themselves.

Not surprisingly, I have a favorite.  The horses are medium sized, but built like ponies, and they have a pleasant, sound gait, happy expressions and a relaxed manner.  The driver (a woman) always seems very aware of her horses, but not in an anxious way — she’s keeping an eye out for them.  Many of the carriage pairs here appear more high-strung:  heads in the air, prancing and even cantering away from a stop for traffic and working up a nervous lather before the day has even started.  And many of the drivers appear otherwise occupied:  speaking on cell phones and listening to ipods are both common.  So, in our ventures around the city, I’ve kept an eye out for a gray pair (there are several) and their driver.  We haven’t done it yet, but we will soon avail ourselves of a “horse trailer ride” (as Benjamin says) and I’ve picked out my set.

On our morning walk, we came upon our flea-bitten gray (that’s a color, not a condition) pair and their driver, just as they were getting set for the day.  I was thrilled to find out where she “camps out” for hires — I had suspected she wouldn’t be in the busiest part of town.  I know better than to ask if we can pat the horses (it’s not quite as egregious as asking if you can pet a seeing-eye-dog, but still not cool — these animals are working) but Benjamin wanted to look at them, so we found a bench near where the driver was getting ready for the day, and we watched.  We were all out on our walk:  me, Benjamin, Liam, Dan & Bailey.  After a few moments, the driver took notice of us and asked if we spoke German, when we shook our heads, she asked about English and proceeded to engage us in conversation.  At first, she was curious about Bailey, but as the conversation went on, we complimented her and her horses, and told her how we’d taken notice of them (you never know how even a compliment is going to go over when the communication isn’t great, but I think she understood).  She asked about us, our trip to Austria, the kids and Bailey.  We talked about our horses at home and about her horses (and Dan remembered to ask where the carriage horses were typically stabled, which is something I’d been wondering about since I got here).

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It was fun to talk to her.  She values the same things in her horses I had noticed (of course).  It’s no accident she’s not set up in the busiest part of town — it would be too stressful for her horses (and for her).  She stables her horses as close as possible to where she works (why would she ask them to go further than necessary?).  I noticed that one of her horses doesn’t wear blinders, which is rare (and neither of them wear ear covers, which is also unusual, but less so).  She told us that she (the horses) doesn’t need them, so she doesn’t bother — and while we were talking, a taxi cab drove about 18″ from the horse without blinders, who didn’t do more than swish her tail.  It was great to “talk horses” with someone, especially someone who I understood so well, even without communicating too clearly.  We got her information, and she will definitely be the carriage we hire when we decide to go on our “horse trailer ride”.

We are horsewomen of the same ilk, which I actually knew before I talked to her:  her horses had already told me.

Play ball!

Today, we did something we never do — we played softball.  To be accurate, Dan played softball, and Liam, Benjamin and I watched.  Some coworkers of Dan’s put a game together and, in the interest of being social and making new friends, we went.

I don’t know what it is about me, but absolutely anytime I attempt to be a spectator at anything, I end up getting drafted into some sort of duty role.  I don’t know if I look responsible, or I just look like a sucker, but it never fails.  I’ll end up collecting tickets, selling concessions, taking pictures, serving beverages or some sort of other useful task.  Honestly, it doesn’t bother me that much:  I’m more of a doer than a watcher, anyway, but I wish I understood why this happens to me, simply so I could turn it off when I prefer to sit back and relax.

Inevitably, within the first three batters of the first inning, I was asked to help with scoring.  I can barely keep up with baseball when it’s on tv and being narrated for me — this was an impossible task, made more challenging by the fact that apparently softball rules are different than baseball rules, and we had team captains from Australia and (I think) Ireland, and team members from all over the world, so even amongst the players there was some discussion about the rules and scoring.  Add to that the fact that I have a 2 year old and an infant to look after:  I was hopeless.  I managed to keep track of the runs, at least, and the batting order, but after about an inning and a half, I was relieved of my scoring duties.

Which really was a good thing, because I also ended up playing child wrangler for the day.  Two of the other players had brought their preschoolers (both younger than Benjamin but older than Liam) and since they were both playing, and I was playing with Benjamin, I ended up playing with (and supervising the play of) the kids for part of the day.  In this case, the responsibility fell to me because I can’t help myself.  I’m not likely to let Benjamin run off and play with two kids younger than he is in a place I don’t know surrounded by people I don’t know, so, of course, I was with him the entire time.  It makes that I would become the de facto referee of the children, since I was around.  (I am also fighting, with myself, a sometimes losing battle against being a “helicopter 023parent”, which doesn’t help matters, either.)  All in all, Benjamin had a really good time playing and making new friends, so it was energy well spent.  Also, I got to know the other kids a little which was nice (especially because they’re likely to become regular playmates of Benjamin’s).

It was a good day.  I got to meet some people and speak in English all afternoon.  Benjamin made some new friends, got to throw the ball around with Dan for a bit, ran the bases, and got a medal at the end for being so well behaved.  Liam was adored by all and was thoroughly photographed by several attendees.  Dan turns out to be surprisingly good at softball (and I think his team won).  It wasn’t quite the restful afternoon at the ball field I had envisioned.  But, I have to admit, it may be, just a little, because I really like things better that way.

To market

Saturday is our “work” day in our family:  it’s our day to get our household chores and errands done that don’t easily get done during the week.  We sweep, do laundry and lately, we unpack and get organized, but hopefully not for too much longer.  We usually start after breakfast with a trip to the grocery store.  Typically, we all go together, or occasionally, Dan will go with one of the kids while I get some things done around the house with the other one.

017Today, we had two errands to run:  we had to go to the grocery store and to the drug store (because here, everything is separated into specialty stores — grocery stores aren’t “one stop” shopping like they are in the US).  We decided to divide the effort:  Dan took Liam to the grocery store down the block, and Benjamin and I headed to the drug store (which is just over 1 km from our apartment).

We had the best time.  It was the first time I’ve been out, since we’ve been here, with just one of the boys.  It is a completely different thing to only have one to focus on.  Benjamin and I were walking, so I didn’t even have a stroller (imagine that!).  We walked along, holding hands, and talked about the things we saw.  Benjamin told me all about the kinds of cars he was seeing, and we worked on the German words for the colors.  We saw some people working in one of the parks (cleaning up and such) and we came upon some flowers (which were labelled as a “guerrilla gardening” project).  We took our time, and we really enjoyed ourselves.

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When we got to the store, he pushed the cart and helped me look for our purchases, and helped me put them in the cart when we found them.  He drove the cart to the checkout and helped me load everything into my bag when we were finished.  We each brought a backpack, but since his was full of his toys already, I carried all of our purchases.  Since our walk was fairly long, and our shopping was pretty heavy, we opted to take the Strassenbahn (streetcar) back, and it brought us all the way to the top of our street.

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It was so much fun.  We’re going to try to do that every Saturday — divide the outings, but also divide the kids.  I had the best time being one-on-one with Benjamin today.  He is such a great kid, and although I’m aware of that all the time, it was really nice to have an hour or so to focus just on him.  That was my favorite part of today.

Surprise holiday

Monday is a government holiday in Austria, and even better, it’s one of the holidays that the UN observes for their employees, so Dan doesn’t have to go to work.  Great!  We’re really excited to have a three day weekend, and there are some things we’ve really been wanting to do and to get done, so it comes at a great time.  We didn’t find out about this until yesterday, so it came as a complete surprise to us.

It’s a weird sensation to be taken by surprise by a holiday.  (This one, Whit Monday, I had to look up, because I didn’t even know what it was.)  We’re still adjusting to things here, and it often occurs to me that once we adjust, it’ll be time to go home.  I know that at some point in the past few months, we’ve read a list of the holidays for the UN employees (in fact, I know we’ve read it several times) but it just hasn’t sunk in.  We’re just getting past the point of being in a kind of “panic” mode, where we only had time to focus on things that had the potential to wreak havoc — things like work holidays, being good news, just didn’t sink in.  But that kind of makes it extra special, because finding out at the last minute, it’s less like a holiday, and more like getting an unexpected snow day in the middle of June.

Dan has 10 work holidays here, similar to what he had at home.  Some are the same (New Year’s, Christmas) while many are obviously different (no Thanksgiving or Independence Day) with an strong emphasis on religious holidays here (Good Friday, Easter Monday, Whit Monday) and some that just make sense (UN Day, of course!).

For now, we’ll take it.  On the list of things we’ve found out about that have come as a bit of a surprise, an unexpected day off of work rates pretty pleasantly.