Survived

So, we made it.  I got through 44 hours-ish, just me & the kids.  (Which doesn’t sound as impressive now as it felt when I was doing it.)  My worries were pretty much for nothing.  We had a really nice time and the boys were great — helpful, cooperative and patient with the inherent slowness that comes from having one parent do the work of two.  We ate a lot of pizza and leftover spaghetti, read stories in my bed (which is something I think we ought to do more often) and B missed a day of school.  Success!

Of course, I didn’t “do” everything.  It was only two days, so I let a lot of things slide.  Bailey went to the dog-sitter so I wouldn’t have to take him out 4 times per day (no yard here) or worry about what to do if he needed to go out after the boys were sleeping.  Because it was only two days, I didn’t have to do a big grocery shopping trip, run any errands, keep any appointments, or even take out the trash or recycling.  Really, I had it pretty easy . . . but I’m still grateful that it went well.

In fact, I think the two days before the trip were more stressful than the actual time that Dan was away — that’s when I was worrying about what COULD go wrong.  As it turns out, I had only one truly legitimate worry while Dan was away — making sure to not get hurt.

It occurred to me before the trip, and came to mind again and again while Dan was gone — I had to make absolutely sure I took good care of myself, since I was the only one home with the kids.  Playing outside on the terrace, when the floor got very slippery, I took great care not to slip.  Hurrying to take a shower as quickly as possible, I had to remind myself not to be TOO quick, because I didn’t want to risk falling.  Preparing our meals, I was extra careful and cautious to not burn or cut myself.  Any of those things, on a normal day, would be bad, but while Dan was gone, it would have been awful.  At the least, it could have meant having to drag both kids to the emergency room to tend to an injury of mine, at worst it could have meant being incapacitated, leaving the kids without care or supervision and/or having to take care of me in some way.  Not to be overly dramatic, but any of that really could have been horrible.

Needless to say, none of that happened.  But that was the big, consistent worry in my mind, and the only real stress I had to handle.  And, in that way, Dan being out of town while we’re here, in Austria, so far away from so many family and friends, is vastly different than him being out of town when we were at home in the States.  At home, I probably would have had my mom staying with me, or at least stopping by regularly.  As it was, she (and Dan) checked in on me regularly by text and email . . . but what would anyone have *done* if I had gone a long time without responding?  At home, my family and friends were only a phone call and a short drive away.  At home, even if I’d been stuck and posted a desperate “help!” message on Facebook, someone I know would have been able to come to my rescue.  Here, I really am much more on my own, which did give the two days without Dan more of a “wilderness survival show” feel than I expected.

Regardless, we made it.  In fact, we had fun.  I really enjoyed putting aside my to-do list and just focusing on the boys.  I proved to be perfectly capable of taking care of everything (everything important, at least) for almost 48 hours on my own.  (But I think next time I may ask some neighbors to check in on us or at least put some of my Vienna friends on speed dial before Dan goes.  I think it would be more fun if it *didn’t* feel like an episode of a survival show.)

Day two

Well, everything is still going well.  Aside from a (relatively inevitable) spill at the dinner table caused by me over-filling Benjamin’s water, which he happened to be holding when he sneezed rather enthusiastically, resulting in a complete outfit change on my part, things have gone amazingly well.  And then we had perhaps the most intense and sustained thunderstorms I’ve yet experienced in Vienna yesterday evening.  But other than closing the windows, repeated assurances that everything was fine and a little bit of a snuggle in Mommy’s bed, that was really not an issue.  Bath time was uneventful, I eventually got Liam’s teeth flossed and brushed (always a challenge), and although it took a long time to get the boys to sleep, they slept through the night.

Then, this morning, Liam slept in, and I couldn’t bring myself to wake him, so I took the easy way out and kept B home this morning — the only other options were being late to school (stressful) or waking Liam just to get B to school (against every mothering instinct I have).  So, we stayed in.  I made a gourmet lunch of frozen pizza and leftover chicken nuggets, and we had an easy morning.

And now we’re in the homestretch, so it looks like I worried for nothing.  The kids are a little louder, wilder, and less cooperative today (owing, in part, to B not getting to run around at school this morning, I’m sure).  But we’re actually having a pretty nice time.

I’m grateful for coffee and for chocolate (both of which I’ve consumed in copious amounts).  We were lucky enough to have some friends stop by for a bit this morning (excellent for my sanity).  Yay for nap time.  And bedtime.  And TV.  But I think we’re going to handle this challenge just fine.  (But now I’m wondering if I haven’t jinxed the next 9 hours . . . )

Day one

I’m a stay-at-home mom.  I have Liam home with me full time, and B only goes to school for 3 hours each day (not counting the commute).  Dan works 45 hours each week, and has a half-hour commute each way, so he’s out of the house for about 10 hours each day (usually a little longer).  The kids are only up for about 14 hours each day (ideally — although we don’t always make our bedtime goal, so some days it’s closer to 15).  With all of that, I’m finding it surprisingly scary to be facing 2 days of having Dan out of town.

It’s not really just that Dan’s out of town — he’s travelled for work before.  In fact, back before we moved to Austria, he travelled to Austria several times each year for a week or two at a time.  But, that was mostly before Liam was born.  And, I *always* had help.  My mom would come and stay with us, usually, and the few times that she didn’t, she still came over frequently.  (I actually think that only happened once, but I’m not sure.)

And, I had the rest of my family, plus friends and neighbors that I knew I could call on if I needed them, whether there was an emergency, or my car broke down, or I just needed someone to come over and hang out with the kids for an hour so I could shower.  I never used it, but I knew I had a safety net if I needed it.

The difference today, the first time Dan has travelled for work since we’ve been in Austria, is the feeling that I really am on my own.  I still have neighbors, and a few friends, that I could call on in a dire emergency, but the dynamic is very different.  Even just not having a car adds to my feeling of isolation.  I’m not going anywhere I don’t walk or take public transportation.  And while that normally feels liberating, it somehow feels confining and intimidating today.

20130521-153424.jpgHonestly, though, I’m not really sure what I’m so worried about — things are going great.  Dan left early this morning, before the boys were up, and we’ve had a lovely day so far.  I took B to school, came home, managed to even get a shower, went back to pick B up, fed everyone lunch and Skyped with my mom before putting the boys down for their naps.

So far, all is well, and actually, it’s pretty much my day as usual.  Still, I feel nervous, and it’s weird.  Right now, it’s about 3:30 in the afternoon, and I’m sitting in the living room, writing this blog . . . which is exactly what I’m doing every other day at 3:30 in the afternoon.  Somehow, just knowing I’m “on my own” has me a bit freaked out.