Day one

I’m a stay-at-home mom.  I have Liam home with me full time, and B only goes to school for 3 hours each day (not counting the commute).  Dan works 45 hours each week, and has a half-hour commute each way, so he’s out of the house for about 10 hours each day (usually a little longer).  The kids are only up for about 14 hours each day (ideally — although we don’t always make our bedtime goal, so some days it’s closer to 15).  With all of that, I’m finding it surprisingly scary to be facing 2 days of having Dan out of town.

It’s not really just that Dan’s out of town — he’s travelled for work before.  In fact, back before we moved to Austria, he travelled to Austria several times each year for a week or two at a time.  But, that was mostly before Liam was born.  And, I *always* had help.  My mom would come and stay with us, usually, and the few times that she didn’t, she still came over frequently.  (I actually think that only happened once, but I’m not sure.)

And, I had the rest of my family, plus friends and neighbors that I knew I could call on if I needed them, whether there was an emergency, or my car broke down, or I just needed someone to come over and hang out with the kids for an hour so I could shower.  I never used it, but I knew I had a safety net if I needed it.

The difference today, the first time Dan has travelled for work since we’ve been in Austria, is the feeling that I really am on my own.  I still have neighbors, and a few friends, that I could call on in a dire emergency, but the dynamic is very different.  Even just not having a car adds to my feeling of isolation.  I’m not going anywhere I don’t walk or take public transportation.  And while that normally feels liberating, it somehow feels confining and intimidating today.

20130521-153424.jpgHonestly, though, I’m not really sure what I’m so worried about — things are going great.  Dan left early this morning, before the boys were up, and we’ve had a lovely day so far.  I took B to school, came home, managed to even get a shower, went back to pick B up, fed everyone lunch and Skyped with my mom before putting the boys down for their naps.

So far, all is well, and actually, it’s pretty much my day as usual.  Still, I feel nervous, and it’s weird.  Right now, it’s about 3:30 in the afternoon, and I’m sitting in the living room, writing this blog . . . which is exactly what I’m doing every other day at 3:30 in the afternoon.  Somehow, just knowing I’m “on my own” has me a bit freaked out.

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