Dreaming of England and Ireland

Posted on January 27, 2013 by admin

Of all the places I’ve been, there’s nowhere I’ve loved more than England and Ireland. Everywhere we’ve travelled has had its own appeal, and I have yet to go anywhere I didn’t enjoy a great deal. But England and Ireland have a special hold on me. I started thinking about when we’d return before our plane had even landed in Vienna.

Most specifically, it is the Lake District (most particularly, the Newlands Valley) and County Antrim in Northern Ireland that I feel so drawn to. It’s possible that my infatuation with these places could be attributed to simply spending a wonderful few days there last year, but I don’t think so. I feel a real connection with both of these places. I want to go back, to explore and experience them again. I want to see what they’re like in different weather and different seasons. I want to know what they’re like at their best and at their worst. I want to discover the hidden, off-the-track places you don’t find during one brief visit. I feel attracted to these places. I want to know them better. I’m invested.

I know we’ll go back. We will most likely go back this year. I’m itching to start planning our trip, because I know exactly what I have in mind. For financial and logistical reasons (I can only manage to have so many trips in various states of planning before my brain and my bank account start to explode) I haven’t actually started the planning yet, but I can’t wait.

Last year, we saw a little bit of many things in England, only a tiny bit of Scotland (which, I suspect, may be nearly as captivating once I spend some time there) and a little of Ireland and Northern Ireland. We’d never been before, and there was so much that was “not to be missed”, so we drove ourselves all over the British Isles (and we drove ourselves a little crazy) trying to see it all. Now that I”m hooked, though, the pressure is off. I know I’ll go back, so I don’t feel the need to “see it all” on this next visit. We’ll certainly spend a few days in the Newlands Valley and in County Antrim, but we’ll add in a few new things, too (including some more of Scotland, for certain).

The details remain to be worked out, but I’m dreaming of this trip already. I can’t wait to go back and visit with the sheep that wander the roads in the Newlands Valley, to drive on the steep, narrow roads and set the kids loose to run around another valley lake. I miss the coastline of Northern Ireland — the green steadfastness of the land and the immense, wild sea. I cannot wait to go back. Just the thought of going back brings me joy. I think I’m in love.

Regrets in education

Posted on January 26, 2013 by admin

I excelled in school. I was a great student — bright, enthusiastic, engaged, interested. Generally, my teachers loved me, and I did very well. Mostly, academic achievement came pretty easily — I studied, all the time, but when I studied, I learned, and I got good grades. Only rarely did I particularly struggle with something, and very rarely did I come across a subject that was a challenge for me when I was putting in the effort required to learn it.

I took advanced classes when they were available. In high school, I always wished my grade point average was higher (I graduated with a 3.86 — and we didn’t get “extra points” for taking tough classes). In college, I pursued a double major, in philosophy and in physics. I studied physics because it was my intention to go on to study astronomy (one summer position as an astronomy research assistant convinced me that it wasn’t for me) and I studied philosophy because I like to write. In truth, I studied both of these because I was good at them. They were (relatively) challenging subjects that I succeeded in easily.

Professionally, I’ve never applied either major directly to any of my work (although I used a lot of the math required for physics when I worked as a software engineer, and writing code was something I learned to do for my advanced math and physics courses in college). But, my greatest regret in my education is not that I studied subjects I never “really used”, but that I studied things I had an aptitude for. I spent most of my academic energy focused on things I learned easily. (I thought that was what I was supposed to do.) I studied difficult subjects, but I focused on those that worked the same way my brain works.

Instead, I should have focused on things that I struggled with — like languages — when I was in a focused learning environment with excellent teachers and tons of time to work through my struggles. In school, when I found a subject that was a true challenge — one that I could study intently and still not learn easily — I would finish the course and then give up on that subject, in favor of things that came more easily to me. Now, in the “real world”, time to learn and study is spare and has to be fit in amongst larger responsibilities. I’m still not great at learning languages, but now I have neither the access to the kinds of classes I once did, nor the option of bailing after a tough semester. It’s sink or swim, and I find myself paddling pretty hard with precious little progress.

I had access to amazing teachers and wonderful resources, from the time I started school. Looking back, I wish I had been more willing to struggle, and perhaps to fail. The fact that I failed so rarely is a sign that I wasn’t working hard enough. I had such a great environment in which to learn — I wish I had understood what a golden moment it was, and taken full advantage. I wish I’d gotten all the help I could have to learn the things I’m not good at. I was so focused on succeeding, on getting good grades, and on setting myself up for success in the “next step” (whatever that was at the time) that I kind of missed the point. Education is for trying, education is for stretching, and that means that sometimes, education is for failing. Education means learning HOW to learn even more than passing tests. Education means learning that struggle, or setback, or even failure aren’t fatal. When I had dedicated, thoughtful, kind teachers available to me, I should have made more use of them. I should have bugged them. I should have asked more questions, and taken more risks and allowed myself permission to feel stupid and make mistakes. I was too busy trying to be perfect.

As I’ve grown up, I’ve gotten much more comfortable with asking dumb questions and making mistakes, but in the “real world” it can be so hard to find those valuable opportunities to learn from great teachers. I’ve had a great education, and I feel fortunate for the opportunities that I’ve had. But I wish I had made more of them. As my kids get older, and start their own educational path, I want to be mindful of what’s really important, and how much there is to learn. So much of it is a challenge, but the challenge is where the good stuff is.

Eistraum: opening night

Posted on January 25, 2013 by admin

After the Christmas markets have been cleared away from the area in front of the Rathaus, Vienna makes space for a huge ice skating venue. It fills the space of the Rathausplatz, and extends through the walking paths all along one side of the Rathaus. The whole area is lit, temporary restaurants are constructed, and one of Vienna’s popular music radio stations moves in. It’s quite an event, and it lasts from the end of January until early March.

Last night was the preview night for Wiener Eistraum — the night before the official opening, they open up for a few hours, for free. We went over to check it out. We were hoping to skate, but the children’s area wasn’t open. Instead, we wandered around a bit. It was quite a party — there was a performance — we didn’t get a good view, but it had ice skaters, music, acrobats and some kind of fire juggling.

We did get to have our picture taken with some polar bears (or at least people in polar bear costumes). It’s yet another one of those Vienna events that I really love — everyone being enthusiastic about being outdoors, and about being social. It was definitely fun, and we can’t wait to go back and actually get to skate.

Postcards to my sister

Posted on January 24, 2013 by admin

About a year ago, I saw a blog post about a pair of sisters who, as a New Year’s resolution, committed to exchanging postcards once a week for a year. My sister, Amanda, and I, thought it was a great idea, and we decided to do it, too. For all of 2012, we sent postcards back and forth across the Atlantic, every week.

I’ve sent her lots of my favorite postcards from Vienna, a selection of some from the places we’ve travelled this year, and I even had some photos of the kids converted into postcards. Benjamin and Liam sometimes select one for her — they’ve sent her ones with cows, oranges and snowy scenes (selected in August). She’s sent me cards from Baltimore (where she lives), lots of beautiful seasonal ones, some old ones that she’s had around for years, and many, many photographs — some from the recent past, some from decades ago.

Living abroad, we send a lot more postcards, in general, than we receive. It has been quite a treat to receive her notes, week after week. I look forward to seeing what she sends each week, and to find out what she’s written on the back — her notes about what’s going on, what she’s looking forward to, how much she misses us. Every so often one or the other of us misses one, or even a few, but then we catch up. I’ve kept them all — I have my favorites displayed behind the TV in the living room, and another selection arranged around the mirror in our dining room.

I’m constantly on the lookout for new ones. I’ve become quite a postcard connesseur.

Our year of postcards was over last month, but we’re not stopping. It’s been a fun project, and it’s a wonderful way to stay connected with my sister. (Thanks, Mina, for sticking with it!)

Arm in arm

Posted on January 23, 2013 by admin

In the US, pretty much the only time you’d see people walking down the street holding hands is if it’s a couple being romantic or a parent walking with a small child. We don’t do a lot of hand holding outside of romantic partnerships (although we’re very big on hugging hello and goodbye, even with people we don’t know particularly well).

This is absolutely not the case here. Although Austrians are typically more socially reserved and formal — especially with new people — it is much more common for them to participate in more public physical contact with people they know well (enthusiastic public kissing is as common here among middle-aged adults as it is between teenagers). Specifically, I’ve noticed that it’s quite common for friends or family to hold hands or walk with their arms linked here. You see it most commonly with women and their female friends, as well as with mothers and daughters.

It seems very nice — relaxed and warm and intimate. I think I’m noticing it in particular lately because I’ve been missing home, and my family and friends, lately in particular. It just seems like a nice way to be connected to the person you’re out with — not two people walking near each other but two people walking together. It’s just a simple little thing, but one of the many that I’ve seen here and thought, “That’s nice — why don’t we do that?”

Dachlawine

Posted on January 22, 2013 by admin

People have an image of wintry Vienna that isn’t quite accurate. I think because Austria is such a mountainous country, and maybe also because Vienna is at such a northern latitude, the popular image of Vienna in the winter includes a lot of snow.

In reality, Vienna averages less snow per year than my previous home in the Washington, DC area. (Vienna is colder, on average, than DC, but we just don’t get nearly as much precipitation at any part of the year.)

When we do get snow in Vienna, though, they know how to handle it (although they think they don’t — they say they handle it horribly). Nothing closes. The trains and buses still run on time (or pretty close — better than a normal day on Metro). The roads get sanded, gravelled and plowed. The sidewalks get gravelled and shoveled. Life goes on, pretty much as usual.

And then, the temperatures come up a bit, everything turns into a wet, yucky mess and the snow that has piled up on the roofs starts to melt and slide off. The sloped roofs, combined with very narrow streets and sidewalks, leads to a pretty stressful situation if you’re walking, biking or driving around.

There are these helpful little signs that spring up all over the city, which say “Dachlawine” (roof avalanche). They’re stuck to red poles that stick out at an angle from the wall and they’re set so as to discourage anyone from walking immediately beneath the overhang of the building. That way, when the inevitable happens and the snow slides off, it’s less likely that there’s anyone walking underneath.

In the past week, a lot of snow fell in Vienna (the most in nearly 20 years) and today was the first day with temperatures staying long above freezing, so the avalanches have been falling. Sitting here, in my top floor apartment, I occasionally hear the “fumph” of a section of snow sliding off the roof. And earlier, when I was out, walking around, I was distracted by constantly stealing glances up at the roof edges to see what was waiting to fall.

It’s kind of stressful to be constantly wary roof avalanches as you’re out and about after a snowfall. Just another part of winter in Vienna, though. (I’m at least grateful that they have the signs.)

One of those days

Posted on January 16, 2013 by admin

Today was just one of those days. I don’t know if it’s the fact that we’re going out of town tomorrow (which always brings on some stress) or the fact that this is just the second day that we’ve been back in our daily routine since mid-December (and there’s bound to be some adjustment to that), but for the first few hours this morning, it felt like everything was going wrong. Actually, to be more specific, it felt like every decision I made was wrong, was always going to be wrong and that I was ruining the children’s lives. One of THOSE days.

Liam’s going through a needy phase right now, so he wanted to hold my hand as I got Benjamin ready for school. The entire time. Which is very sweet (there’s no way to say no to that) but makes it a little challenging to get out the door. Then, of course, when it came time for B & I to leave for school, Liam was sad that we were leaving at all. He wanted B to stay home, he wanted me to stay home. He was not a happy guy.

Benjamin and I had a very pleasant ride to school. But then, we got to school and everything fell apart. He made a drawing yesterday, which he wanted to show me. He hadn’t put it away in his drawer (where these things are supposed to go if the kids want them to be saved), so he couldn’t find it. So he just fell apart. Crying, screaming, clinging to my legs, hiding behind me. The teachers told him they’d help him make a new one, told him they’d help him look for the old one, offered hugs. Nothing worked. He was inconsolable. The teachers worked on getting him interested in making another drawing while I slipped out and headed home.

And then, as soon as I walked out the door, I second-guessed every decision I had made this morning. Maybe I should have brought Liam with me to school? Maybe I should have stayed at school until B settled down? What was I thinking? Why did I keep abandoning my tormented children? Why was I ruining their lives by having dragged them to this far-away country where life is so flipping hard?!?

And then, I took a breath, got myself together, and realized that nothing awful actually happened today. Liam misses me when I take B to school. Well, I understand that — I miss him, too. But he doesn’t have to go through the sub-freezing weather, with a cold, to drop B off at school. That’s a good thing. And even if it makes him sad, I think it’s a good decision.

B lost his drawing. Sometimes that happens when things don’t get put away. I sympathize with his disappointment and frustration, but these things happen. Sometimes you search and find the old one, sometimes you give up and make a new one. Either way, these are the things that help to teach us to take care of things we don’t want to lose. It’s a life lesson. Frustrating and sad, but not tragic.

And none of these things have anything to do with living in Austria. We would be going through the same challenges wherever we were living. If I was lucky enough to have a babysitter for Liam, I’d probably take B to school and let Liam stay home and play. And he’d miss me and be sad, but I’d still probably think it was the right idea. And B would have drawings that he didn’t put away in the right place and which got lost. It’s not that he doesn’t understand where it goes, he just didn’t put it there. He’s 4. That’s how it goes.

We’ve been here almost 2 years now, and we still have days like this. Of course we do. These days don’t come from living in Austria, they just come from living. My ability to doubt myself, my decisions and my ability as a mother doesn’t spring from my geography. It’s just me, being insecure and wanting everything to go well. I’m wasting the same energy here worrying if I’m making all the wrong decisions that I would wherever I was living. I realize that I’m going to make some bad decisions sometimes, but I need to remember to think about it like B and his drawing — sometimes we make a wrong decision, and then we learn something from it, and we do things differently next time. That’s it. It’s not a big deal, it’s just life.

And our stories today all have happy endings, anyway. When I got home, Liam was thrilled to see me, but he had spent lots of happy time playing with Jo. B’s teacher found his drawing AND they made another one, besides. Life is good. Things are good. Not every single moment is, but that doesn’t mean I’m doing everything wrong.

New stroller

Posted on January 15, 2013 by admin

We went looking for a new stroller last night. Since we had success there last year, we decided to go back to the same shop. Unfortunately, there’s a laundromat there now, with no sign of the stroller store. (Their website is still up & running and still lists that address as their only location, so I’m thinking they went out of business, but their web address is still paid up.)

It is so much easier to get things done with a stroller, and with our ski trip coming up later this week, we really wanted to get one as soon as possible. (Certainly, we could do the ski trip without a stroller, but managing the trip to the train station, at least, would be so much simpler, so I’d rather have one.) So, we did a quick Internet search and stopped by another shop, Dohnal, Haus des Kindes, which is actually much closer to our house.

They had a surprisingly good stroller selection, although nearly all of them high end. Part of that is the store, but part of it is just Europe. People spend a lot of money on strollers here. The fanciest, most expensive strollers in the US are very commonplace here, and they just don’t have many less costly options. In this particular shop, there were only two strollers — not two types, two actual strollers — under 200 Euros. (Do the conversion to be truly horrified.) Most of the options are in the 300-600 Euro range, with quite a few in the 700-900 Euro range. Almost anything that isn’t an umbrella stroller will be over 300 Euro. (As a side note, the double strollers here are roughly the same price as they are in the US, meaning that you can get a double stroller here for only a little bit more than a single of the same variety.) Benjamin immediately fell in love with a Maclaren which was lovely (and one of the least expensive in the shop at 240 Euro) but being an umbrella stroller, it was a challenge to use one-handed. That’s something I do a lot (one child rides while the other walks and holds my hand, leaving only one hand for stroller pushing) so it wouldn’t work.

We looked at a few others, but we were ultimately stumped. Nothing seemed to quite fit our needs and price range, starting with the problem of needing the stroller to work for B — most strollers here go up to 15 kg only, and that’s just where B is now. (Which is another interesting thing about Europe — they spend a ton on strollers, but almost no stroller will hold a child over the age of 4, so they aren’t making a long-term investment.) I didn’t want to compromise and get something more frustrating than helpful, given that the stroller is the single piece of baby equipment that we use most (aside from the kids’ beds).

We decided to go home and check out the selection on Amazon.de to investigate our options. After an hour or so of looking and comparing, we had narrowed it down to 3 good options. Only one of those 3 was available at the local shop, and since we really wanted to get it before our trip this weekend, we went for that one. Interestingly, it’s the exact same stroller we have in double form, only as a single — a Baby Jogger City Mini (this time, in red, since that is B’s favorite color).

I’m happy with it. It’s a little bigger and heavier than the Chicco we had, but much sturdier. It still has a basket underneath for stuff, and I can use it easily with one hand. And, as a plus, it’s a real jogging stroller, so it should be very functional for walking and running. So far, both kids have been thrilled by it, but neither has actually gone for a ride in it yet. I can’t wait to take it out for a spin myself . . . and I hope this one lasts a little longer than its predecessor.

Snow day

Posted on January 14, 2013 by admin

I am a bad influence.

We woke up to a good bit of snow this morning — probably about 3 inches, and certainly the most we’ve gotten in a single shot so far this season. I love the snow, and I started imagining all the fun we were going to have today — building snowmen, throwing snowballs, taking a snowy walk, maybe even finding a good hill for sledding. And I started thinking that it was really a shame that we had to wait until this afternoon, after B got home from school, to start enjoying the snow. After all — who knows how long it would last? Many times I’ve promised B, “We’ll play in the snow after lunch/after nap/tomorrow”, and then, by the time it’s time to play, the snow is all gone. And, really, it seemed like such a bummer that Dan would have to miss out in all the fun . . .

So I decided we should have a family snow day.

I asked B if he would rather go to school and play in the snow with his friends or stay home and play in the snow with us — of course, he chose to stay home. Dan took a BIT more convincing. As always, I don’t think he thought I was serious at first. But I persisted, and I also reminded him that we have all been sick and an extra day for us to rest and get better really probably IS a good idea.

So, we all stayed home to play in the snow. I had fanciful visions of playing together, strolling through the snow-quiet, tree-lined paths of Vienna, and then coming home to warm up — drinking hot chocolate and all snuggling together. That is not at all how it went. B was excited to go out, but he only wanted to go out on the terrace. Liam refused to go out in the snow at all (I’m hoping this isn’t a foreshadowing of how enthusiastic he’ll be about skiing this weekend). So, I stayed in with Liam and we watched Dan and Benjamin build a snow dog and throw snowballs. When they were cold, they came in and we all played together. I wanted to go out and enjoy the snow, and, since no one wanted to join me, I went on my own.

So, Benjamin got to play in the snow, as did Dan. I got to walk on the peaceful, snowy sidewalks of Vienna. And Liam, who I think really needs a bit more recuperation time, mostly did that. We didn’t exactly do it all together, but we did have a nice day. I love snow days.

A marathon each week

Posted on January 13, 2013 by admin

Back in “the day” (i.e., over 10 years ago, when I was young and relatively slender) I ran a marathon. Seriously, I did — the Baltimore Marathon in 2001. I even finished. The whole thing. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. The training and preparation felt good. There was a lot of camaraderie amongst myself and the friends I made while training. I (usually) looked forward to my long weekly training runs and got through the shorter ones without a problem. I got myself all in shape and was ready for the big day.

And, then, the race came . . . and I hated it. I hated running the marathon. I hated everything except for the first few miles. It did not make me feel good. It took me 7 hours to finish, and there was a stretch in there where I didn’t think I was going to finish, and I wasn’t sure I was going to survive (that sounds overly dramatic, but unless you’ve actually gone out and run 26.2 miles on a 80 degree day in what is, secretly, the hilliest city in America, don’t judge).

I fell asleep in the car on the way home (Dan was driving), woke up later, ate most of a pizza and slept again for about 12 hours. When I woke up the next day, I swore to myself that I would NEVER do it again. And I never have.

But, although I hated it, it was certainly an accomplishment, and it’s kind of a cool thing to have done. And I know that I DID do it, and that conceivably, I COULD do it again (given proper motivation, which truly does not exist in the known universe). But, I know that I can go that far, and I know that it didn’t kill me (I wasn’t even injured). I will keep the promise to myself to never do that again — at least, not all in one day. But, I was thinking about my exercise routine (which I’ve been out of since before Christmas) and the number of miles I do every week, and something occurred to me. I could walk, jog, run . . . whatever . . . a marathon’s worth of miles every week without really adding THAT much to what I’m doing right now.

And that seems like it’d be kind of cool. So, I’m going to try it.

I don’t think it counts as a New Year’s resolution, because it’s January 13th. But I’m going to start, this week, and I’m going t o see how long I can keep it up. 26.2 miles, every week.

This week will be a challenge, because we’re going out of town later this week, and I have no idea if there will be reasonable walking/jogging areas in the town where we’re going. But, I started today (just 2 miles) and I’ll see what happens this week. (I’ll call this week a trial run.)

I’m going to let myself accomplish it in pieces (obviously) and I can do it by any means I choose. I can walk, chase the kids around the park, jog, walk to the store, walk instead of taking the bus, hike. Whatever. I’m not going to be picky, but I’m going to see if I can do it.

A Mommy Abroad

Our big adventure, as a family of three.

Category Archives: Adventure in Vienna