Benjamin’s 5th birthday

Posted on July 18, 2013 by admin

To my sweet 5 year old boy —
Benjamin! You are 5! Happy birthday, wonderful, darling child of mine. What an amazing guy you are, and I am so excited to be celebrating your 5th birthday. Every single day, I enjoy being with you. You are a great kid, and I love you so very much.

It is so wonderful to watch you learn and grow. I swear that you get taller every day — I feel like every time I look at you, you can reach new things. You are so fast, too! And you are developing amazing skills — even at 5, there are quite a few things you can do better than I can. You learn new things all the time. You’ve always been eloquent and precise in your speech, but this year, your sentences have become longer, more detailed and increasingly polite (very impressive!). You’ve always been a pleasure to talk to, but, amazingly, I find that I enjoy our conversations more and more. You say amazing things — you notice so much of the world around you, you take in so much information, and then you ask the BEST questions about what you see. You are so thoughtful and insightful, and you are so genuinely interested in learning more and solving the puzzles in your mind. (Although I am surprised by how often — VERY often — you ask questions that I can’t answer simply.) And you are so brave! As you grow up more and more, I see your enthusiasm and willingness to try new things, and to persevere at old things that pose a challenge.

And as you learn new stuff and conquer new challenges, you are still, without question, the wonderful YOU that you have always been. You are, as always, such a kind and sweet kid. I see this most in the amazing love you have for Liam. You a fantastic big brother. And while you guys may not always get along perfectly, you are always thinking of him, concerned for him, and (usually) happy to share with him. You guys are great friends, and you take really good care of him. It is my most favorite thing as a parent to see the love and fondness the two of you have for each other. And it’s not just with Liam that I see your kindness. There are so many ways that I get to see your awareness of others. You care about the younger kids in your class at school, you always look out for Bailey, and you always think about everyone in your family and everyone around you. You love to be in touch with your friends and family, you think about how actions or events might affect people or creatures in the world, you empathize with the characters in books and movies. You are a truly sweet kid.

This year has been a great one. We’ve travelled a lot, seen many new things and met lots of new people. I love to hear about your favorite places in the world to visit, and your favorite memories of each destination. You’ve also had a wonderful year at school, making great friends and learning so much. And this coming year, you are so excited to be one of the Vorschule Kinder! How grown up! I am so excited for you. You are starting to be able to recognize words and “read” just a little, and you’ve been working on your writing, too. Your drawings have become really neat this year — I love to see the detail and thought in the pictures you make. It is just fantastic to see what you’ve accomplished this year.

I am so grateful that I get to be your mommy. I really feel like I have the best luck of any parent in the world to get to have you in my life. I’m also glad that although you’re getting bigger, stronger, faster and smarter all the time, you’re still not too big to snuggle with. I love to give you hugs, to hold you in my lap, and to cuddle with you. No matter how grown up you get, you will always be my baby, and I will love you forever and ever and for always, no matter what. You are a truly lovely person, and a wonderful kid. You are so big and strong and smart and kind and brave and loving — wow, that’s a lot of great things!

Benjamin, I love you so much. Thanks for being my guy. Happy birthday, sweet boy.

Summer outing: Starbucks

Posted on July 16, 2013 by admin

We’ve spent 2+ weeks of being housebound with various illnesses, but today we made our first trip out of the house of our summer vacation. Destination: Starbucks.

It may not seem like the most exciting, educational or cultured of choices for an outing with the kids, but, for the first trip out in weeks, it was a good choice. The kids have wanted to get out of the house and do SOMETHING for about a week, and I’ve held off because Liam wasn’t yet quite better, and I didn’t want him to get sickER again before Benjamin’s birthday party last weekend. Also, Benjamin has gotten a stuffy nose and a cough over the last few days, so I didn’t want to push him, either. (I’d rather spend our summer inside watching movies, but give the kids the rest they need, than let my frustration about *still* being stuck inside keep me from taking care of my little guys if they need to recuperate from something.) I wanted to get out of the house, too, especially because the weather today was just so beautiful (perfect blue sky and about 75 degrees). I just needed to pick a destination.

Benjamin was actually the one with the idea. I go out (or try to) twice a week and take an hour to drink a coffee and read a book, usually at Starbucks. The boys always want to come with me, and I almost always say no (because as sweet as they are, and as much as I sincerely enjoy their company, two hours to myself every week is the minimum I need to keep my sanity). Last week, Benjamin REALLY wanted to come with me, and he suggested that “sometime soon” he could come along. When I asked if he’d mind if Liam came, too, he thought that was “even better”, so I tucked that idea away and decided to pull it out the first day with great weather that I couldn’t stand being stuck in the house any longer. And today was that day.

The boys really wanted to ride the bus, so we did. (I love hanging out with my kids. To grown ups, the bus is just transport, but to the kids, the bus is a grand adventure.) When we arrived, Liam got a lollipop, B chose a cookie and I had a coffee. I had the boys order their items themselves (Liam loved it, B was nervous, but did great) and they got to choose our table. (Another great treat for a 2 and 4 year old.) They chose a table for two, and sat across from each other, and I sat next to them. It was a very grown up adventure.

We really had a great time. It seems like such a small thing, and kind of a trivial adventure, but for three people who have barely left the house in 2 weeks, it was excellent. We even stopped at the drugstore on the way home and did a little shopping for the house. A fun and functional journey — perfect!

Over the next couple of weeks (until our big vacation at the end of July) and then, for the last few weeks of August (after our big vacation) it’s my plan and intention to go on a variety of outings with the kids. Our collective energy level will determine how adventurous we are — more trips to Starbucks, or a day at the zoo? We shall see. For today, it was GREAT to be out in the sunshine, enjoying a little bit of Vienna with my boys.

Birthday party, international style

Posted on July 15, 2013 by admin

We did it! Benjamin’s birthday party went very well on Saturday. We had 11 kids and 9 adults — 2 kids who hadn’t RSVPed (including 1 we didn’t actually invite, the older brother of an invitee . . . but if we’d known he had an older brother, we would have invited him), 1 child who said he was coming but didn’t, 1 set of twins whose parents dropped them off and left (which surprised me, but as one of my friends observed, it was 2 fewer people to entertain), 2 kids and 1 parent who spoke absolutely no English, 2 kids who barely spoke English, and 4 different nationalities represented (and no other Americans, aside from us).

It was great. The kids all seemed to have a good time, including, most importantly, the birthday boy. The whole party was Angry Birds themed, just like B wanted — cake, decorations, games, and all. I think it ended up being quite festive. I was able to visit with each of the adults a little (and thus even practice my German a bit!), and play a lot with the kids. We played games, had cake (which was beautiful, tasty and plenty big enough) and ice cream, and even opened presents. (I had planned to skip opening presents, but was persuaded to do it. I’m glad we did — it was fun for everyone.)

Mostly, I’m glad that Benjamin had a good time. It was his first time hosting his school friends at his house, and since we hadn’t hosted a play date at home in a while at all, having a house full of friends was a real treat. Liam had a great time playing with everyone, too. He also gets credit for the sweetest mistake of the party — he misheard Leonie’s name as Lambie, has been persistently asking when “Lambie” is coming back to visit again. We all had a great time, and I think we managed to be reasonably decent hosts. At the very least, we didn’t create any kind of international incident. It was a success.

Party prep

Posted on July 12, 2013 by admin

So, this is it — 24 hours from now, my house will have been full of 2-6 year olds and accompanying parents for several hours, and, probably, they’ll all already be headed home. How many will be here is still a mystery, although we have gotten 2 more “yes” RSVPs and one more “no” since last week. I checked with some Austrian friends (a grand total of 2), and they report that I shouldn’t put too much stock in the RSVPs I have or have not gotten — people who have not responded will probably show up, and it’s equally possible that people who have said they’ll be here won’t come. So, we’ll see. We could end up with 5 kids here, or we could end up with 15. I’ll know tomorrow. (Note for the next party I throw in Austria — inviting fewer people makes things much simpler.)

Right now, coming down to the wire, I feel like I should be more stressed than I am. An unknown number of people are coming to my house tomorrow. Many of them may be people I’ve never met before (parents of B’s classmates) and I may not be able to communicate with all of them. We’re crossing a lot of cultures, and I truly have no idea what kinds of expectations people might have of a 5 year old’s birthday party in Austria. (I’ve only been to one birthday party since I’ve been here.)

But I’m actually feeling ok. It will be whatever it will be, and if I break every Austrian etiquette rule, well, I’ll continue to play the “not from around here” card. Actually, recognizing how out of my element I am is incredibly liberating. It’s another one of those moments when I accept the probable imperfection of the situation, which allows me to relax and focus on what’s really important. Do we have balloons? Check. Cake? Not yet, but Austria is the land of cake, so even if something goes awry with our ordered-and-to-be-dropped-off-tomorrow cake, we’ll be able to figure something out. Will there be kids here? I think so. Do we have enough snacks and drinks? Close enough, I think. Will Benjamin have a good time? Most likely, and that’s what really matters.

We’re all really working together to make this party happen, which is making it fun just even to prepare. We spent much of last weekend getting the house ready — cleaning, mostly — so that we would have less to do today and tomorrow and might have enough energy and good cheer left to actually enjoy the party. The boys have been amazing at helping me get ready. (Really.) We’ve been working together on the decorations and the games we’re going to play: Angry Bird basketball (regular basketball, but using Angry Bird stuffed animals as the ball), Angry Bird bowling (rolling/throwing stuffed Angry Birds at paper “bowling pins” with pictures of pigs on them) and a wall of repurposed cardboard boxes, at which we’re going to throw stuffed Angry Birds, thus knocking down the blocks. The boys have done most of the “artwork” for the game supplies, and Benjamin came up with the idea we’re using to make the paper bowling pins keep their cylindrical shape. They have also been entirely in charge of deciding which toys go in the “off-limits” room — the door will stay closed and no one will be able to play with anything inside — and for actually putting them away in there. It’s been pretty amazing.

We’ve still got a fair bit to do this evening and tomorrow morning, but it’s not overwhelming. I’m pretty sure we’ll be ready in time for our first guest’s arrival (which, considering this is Austria, will probably be very prompt). In some ways, it really does feel like a lot of pressure — hosting a party for so many people, including so many that I don’t know, and having truly no idea what people will be expecting or how it’s going to go. But, really, we can do what we want. We’re the foreigners here, so whatever we do, we get to make it truly ours. We can let go of anyone else’s expectations, and do it the way we want. My greatest hope is that we allow ourselves to enjoy the day. (I hope that Benjamin has a great time, of course, but I can’t guarantee that, either — it’s hard to know what expectations might still lurk in the mind of an almost 5 year old.) We’ll see!

Stir crazy

Posted on July 11, 2013 by admin

Tomorrow will be the end of the second week of our “summer break”. We’re keeping B home from school during July and August to give us all a break from the lengthy back and forth commute to school, and to spend some fun summer time together. Of course, it hasn’t gone like that at all yet, because from the day before our first day of summer break, Liam has been sick.

When he first got sick, I was sure it was strep — actually, I was sure it was scarlet fever, because his sore throat and high fever were accompanied by an all-over rash. Turns out it was “just” a virus — he recovered from the sore throat and fever within a few days, but even though today is the 11th day of his illness, the rash has stuck around. I think we probably *could* go out and do stuff. The pediatrician assures me he is no longer contagious, but I feel like if he still has a rash that resulted from an immune reaction, then he’s probably still having the immune reaction on some level, and it probably won’t hurt anything (other than my sanity) to take a few extra quiet resting days at home. Plus, Benjamin’s birthday party is on Saturday, and I want the boys to be able to enjoy it, rather than being miserable from being sick.

So, we’ve been housebound for ALL of summer vacation so far. The weather has been beautiful (if a little warm some days), and with both kids feeling relatively well for the past week or so (not counting the rash) we’ve all been itching (pun intended) to get out of the house. But, no luck so far. Keeping the kids happy and occupied over the past couple of weeks has been a challenge. It’s like being snowed in, except that it’s tantalizingly beautiful outside. We’ve watched every movie we have about a million times, and I recently resorted to putting on TV shows that they don’t like very much, because the ones they don’t like they haven’t seen them in a while, so they’re still relatively interested in what happens. We’ve built about 1000 Lego cars, put together every puzzle we own, colored, painted, and gone out onto the terrace to blow bubbles. We’ve staged indoor basketball, soccer and football competitions, and we assemble the Matchbox cars for a daily “car party” each morning.

We’re actually having a pretty great time, considering we’re confined to the house during such a perfect time of year to be outside, but really, we all just want to go out and play.

Skype makes us a little bit crazy

Posted on July 10, 2013 by admin

Skype has been very important to us while we’ve been here in Vienna. It’s a lifeline — a connection to our family and friends. I don’t know what we would have done without it. The distance would seem so much greater, and the time we’ve been away would feel infinitely longer if we didn’t have it.

We Skype a lot. In a typical week, we Skype 4-5 times. And although it provides this essential connection to home, and therefore it feels completely unreasonable and ungrateful to malign it in any way, it often makes us all kind of crazy.

An imminent Skype is always exciting — even after 2 years here, the kids are always thrilled to see their grandparents or other family and friends on Skype. With excitement comes a lot of energy, but then, in order to make the Skype functional at all, we ask the kids to settle down, which almost never happens. We expect a lot of them when we Skype — don’t touch the computer, don’t be too loud, be nice to each other, “What did you do at school today?”, “Do you remember what you wanted to tell Grandma?”. They really do try. But they also shout, push toys up to the monitor (almost never the camera), throw things, talk over each other and everyone else, and jockey for position in front of the computer, pushing and climbing on each other and on Dan & I. They want the undivided attention of the person we’re Skyping with, and they want our undivided attention. Everyone always needs something — a snack, a toy from a high shelf, a fresh diaper, a different tv show, different clothes — anything to regain our attention, and I put them off a lot with “Mommy can’t right now . . .” and “In a minute.” Because they want our attention, the kids resort to wreaking havoc, attacking the computer or fighting with each other in order to become the focus. And, since we’re on Skype, I’m uncommonly reluctant to enforce consequences — it takes me away from the Skype, and it is always a bummer for everyone. So, I usually don’t. The kids have figured that out, so Skype has become an insane whirlwind of frenetic energy and unruly behavior, beginning the moment I start to set up the computer. It’s like distilling out the essence of a tough night’s sleep, too much sugar and a missed nap and injecting it into the kids.

Still, Skype is absolutely vital to our mental well-being while we’re here, and we certainly aren’t going to cut back on our Skypes — however crazy they might be, they’re worth every wild moment in order to see our loved ones from home. I also doubt that they’re going to stop being a little bit insane anytime soon, but what they lack in normalcy they will continue to make up for in enthusiastic chaos.

What we did wrong

Posted on July 9, 2013 by admin

Having been here two years, I think we’ve finally got some distance and perspective on the trauma that was our relocation. And even though it’s most likely nearly a year away, I’ve already begun to contemplate the logistics of returning home. (Oddly, in some ways, it seems even more daunting to be moving home. When we came here, we were expected to be overwhelmed and clueless for a while — when we move home, I think we’re going to feel a lot of pressure to have our feet under us right away, which I doubt very seriously that we will.) In thinking about all of that, I’ve realized some things we really didn’t do the right way when we moved here, or at least some things I would do differently if I had it to do over again.

First, I really wish we hadn’t come over nearly a month before Dan started work. We had visions of getting our house hunting done, getting moved in, having our phones and cable set up and being completely settled before Dan had to go off to work, leaving me at home alone with two small children. But, it didn’t work that way at all. Instead, because Dan wasn’t working yet, there was a ton of stuff, for legal and logistical reasons, that we couldn’t do at all. We couldn’t sign a lease without being able to prove employment, we couldn’t get phones, and we had no income. The IAEA provides a relocation stipend, which we were counting on as income for that first month, but we couldn’t start the paperwork on that until Dan signed his contract . . . which couldn’t happen until his first day of work. So, although we were able to do some house hunting, it didn’t save us a lot of time, and mostly, we were just living here for a month without an income and with very little that we could accomplish. If I had it to do again, I would come 5-7 days before Dan’s first day of work, maybe do a little sightseeing and/or house hunting, and then take the weekends of his first month of work to finalize getting a place.

In that same thread, I wish we had just rented a temporary, furnished apartment for an entire month after our arrival. To go along with our visions of finding a place really quickly, we rented our first temporary apartment for only 8 days, which was an unrealistically short time (we were trying to save money). We should have just rented a place for a month. Even *if* we had found a place sooner, it took 6+ weeks for our stuff to arrive. Having a single place we could have stayed in while we got ourselves situated would have been easier (and, ultimately, cheaper). Moving to another temporary place 8 days after our arrival was stressful and complicated (and the second place wasn’t as nice, or as well located, as the first). I’d rather have paid for the temporary apartment for a month and had the “frustration” of having to pay for 2 places at the same time, if we’d been lucky enough to find a place quickly, than to deal with moving around during that first month. Alternatively, Dan & I could have flown over a month or so early for a long weekend and done some house hunting and found a place, and then have moved directly into it when we arrived. (Although our furniture and stuff STILL wouldn’t have arrived until 6 weeks after we left the States.)

Speaking of “stuff” . . . I would have handled that completely differently, too. The IAEA provided us with movers and with long-term storage for while we’re abroad. We also got to choose which things would be shipping quickly by air and which would be shipping (theoretically more slowly) by sea. That’s great, but we over thought those decisions way too much. I tried to micromanage which stuff came and which stuff didn’t — these towels stay, these go, these others go by air and some go by sea — and it completely backfired. Either because I was giving too many instructions to be understood, or because they just didn’t care, a lot of things did not end up where we’d intended. (Almost all of our sheets and towels ended up in storage, along with most of my shoes, while most of our candles and knickknacks ended up here although we wanted them in storage.) If I had it to do again, I would only have stored our guest room furniture (we didn’t know how many rooms we would have, so that was the right call) and any appliances that wouldn’t run on European electrical current. I would have brought everything else and sold/given away/donated/thrown out stuff we couldn’t find a home for. Also, because we were “so sure” we would only be here for a maximum of 2 years, there are some things (Christmas decorations, the toddler conversion for Liam’s bed) that we left behind to be “practical” that now I really wish we had. I think we should have just brought it all. And, in the same way, trying to sort out what needed to come by air or by sea was a mess. (Our sea shipment arrived a few days BEFORE our “quick” air shipment.) I would have put only a few things in the air shipment — the double stroller, the kids’ bikes, some of their favorite toys, maybe a changing pad — and sent everything else by sea. Our temporary place was furnished, so we didn’t really need anything, and our permanent place wasn’t, so then we needed everything. There wasn’t really an in between.

So many of our mistakes came from being over-eager and trying to be overly efficient. Life here is not as efficient as it is at home, and in trying to force it, we made things difficult. Because we didn’t know where we’d be living, we registered Benjamin for kindergarten near Dan’s work, to ensure he got a spot. Although that ultimately worked out, and we’re incredibly happy with B’s school, the location means that I have a 45 minute commute to take B to school, and then again to pick him up . . . each way. If I did all of the dropping off and picking up eery day, that would be 3 hours of my day (he’s only in school for 3 hours — it’ll be 4 this fall). So, I don’t — Dan picks him up every day. But if we’d waited until we knew where we were living, we might have been able to get him into a school that was a 10-15 minute walk from here, and I could have easily dropped him off and picked him up each day. In hindsight, it would have been worth him missing the first semester of school when we got here to have him in a more conveniently located place.

Speaking of unrealistic ideas, we shouldn’t have planned to travel outside of Austria (and very little inside of it) for the first year. The first year is all about getting settled, figuring out how stuff works and taking care of logistical things. And, it’s very expensive to relocate (even if the movers are paid for). There were a ton of start-up expenses we didn’t plan for. So we ended up frustrated and disappointed that we couldn’t travel, when it was pretty unrealistic that we thought we were going to. The first year is for getting established. The second year is GREAT for travel — we had a ton of vacation time saved up from not travelling the first year, so the second year was a chance to see so many things and take a lot of time off. It was great, but our original plan was just not practical.

The only exception to the “don’t plan to travel the first year” thing is that I wish we HAD gone home to visit the first year. We didn’t, because we thought, “We won’t be there that long, we don’t need to come rushing home right away, we should use our vacation time to see Austria.” And, there is logic to all of that. But, the truth is that being away from home is really, really hard. Not getting to see everyone for a year or more makes it much more difficult than it needs to be. I wish we’d gone home for Thanksgiving or for part of Christmastime during that first year. I honestly wonder if we’d be struggling with missing home so badly right now if we’d been home more often. (As it is we’ve been home twice in 2+ years, but the two times were last spring and summer, so it feels almost like we only went home once.)

So, if I had it to do all over again, that’s what I’d change. And, a few of those definitely apply for our repatriation next year, so they’re worth me keeping in mind. (For anyone contemplating an international move like this one, I hope you can put our hard-won lessons and words of relative wisdom to good use.)

Ambient music

Posted on July 8, 2013 by admin

Vienna has a different sound than what I was used to in the States. At home, the single most pervasive ambient sound around my home was traffic — I lived very close to the DC beltway, and I could hear it at all hours from my house (unless my air conditioner was running, in which case I couldn’t hear anything but that). I considered it part of suburban living, and accepted it as fact. When I wanted to hear “nature”, or at least the absence of “city”, I went out to see my horses and experience the outdoors.

When I wasn’t hearing car sounds, I was hearing other sounds that I took for granted — loud music from someone else’s windows (typically hip hop or pop, or something else that had come out in the past few months), sirens, helicopters, planes, dogs barking, sometimes people arguing. There was always a lot of sound, everywhere, all the time, and I just understood it to be part of life around a lot of people.

Vienna is more different than I could have imagined. Here, we live not in the suburbs, but smack in the middle of the largest city in Austria. Instead of living in a condo with about 30 units, I live in a building with more than twice that, and the building is also home to several businesses, including a few restaurants. I almost never hear sounds from my neighbors — either through the walls or out the (often open) windows. Austrians are quieter than Americans, certainly, and we keep up with the stereotype — we’re probably the noisiest people in the entire building. With two little kids, a dog, and quiet Austrian neighbors, it would be hard to imagine it any other way. (Part of the difference is also the building construction, I imagine — when the windows are closed, you really don’t hear anything from your neighbors at all.)

And here, instead of being confined to my car, I’m out walking around the city, nearly every day, fully aware of the sounds around me. The vehicular sounds are much less pervasive. The street I live on is busy but narrow — although there is a lot of traffic, especially at certain parts of the day, most of the streets right around where I live are one way and one lane. A busy main road is just over a block from here (closer than the Beltway was to my home in Virginia — but not by much) but I almost never hear the sounds from it, either. Instead, when I’m out on the street, I hear the sounds of hooves on cobblestones, and the ding of bicycle bells warning pedestrians to look both ways before they cross the one way streets.

And the music that I hear is very different. People keep their windows open here a lot more than at home, so it’s much more common to hear music coming from inside someone’s home that in was in the US. Music coming from a car driving down the street is uncommon, though. And in both cases, whether it comes from a house or from a car, it’s overwhelmingly likely to be something classical or something from an opera. I can only remember hearing more recent music — anything rom the last century — emanating from a car on one or two occasions EVER since I”ve been here. And, when the classical music comes through the open window of a home here, it’s very often being played live by one of the residents. I’ve heard flute and harp played, but most often it’s the piano. One of our neighbors plays (very well) and we’re often treated to their practice.

A large part of the seemingly clichéd auditory experience I have here is where I live — we live in the relatively fancy downtown 1st District, where, I guess, the people are pretty fancy, too. (I imagine my experience would be different if I lived a few blocks closer to the University, for example.) The experience of stopping on the way home from the market to hear my neighbor practice his piano is every bit as charming as it sounds, and being serenaded by opera blasting through a car’s windows while I sit in an outdoor cafe makes me smile every time it happens (and yes, it’s happened more than once). These sounds are just another piece of the many “pinch me I live in Europe” moments that I get to enjoy all the time. I love it.

RSVP

Posted on July 5, 2013 by admin

In less than 2 weeks, B turns 5. Aside from the mingled feelings of shock and pride I feel about this, I’m also experiencing the frenetic anticipation of putting together B’s birthday party, which will be next Saturday. He had a pretty big party when he turned 1, but he was too little to have much opinion in the matter, and I had a lot of help from my mom. For his second birthday, we had a party, too — he was also too little to vote much, and I also had help. His third birthday was party-less (aside from Dan, Liam & I), and last year we were at the beach with family, so we had a party, but pressure was minimal and help was plentiful.

This year is different. This year B really wanted to have a party, with his friends, and he has lots of ideas about what it should entail. He has very strong opinions, but he isn’t able to articulate some of them until I suggest something counter to his idea and he gets very frustrated with me for not (psychically) understanding.

He wanted to invite his whole class at school (20 kids) in addition to his other friends. I vetoed, and said he could choose 8 from school (which evolved into 11 once we accounted for their siblings). Add to this the complication of having at least 5 different first languages represented amongst the invitees, and I think we’ll have our hands full as it is.

This is where crossing cultures becomes an adventure. The invitations said RSVP, and I provided both my phone number and email (in case there was anyone who didn’t want to attempt English but didn’t trust my German), but although B’s party is next weekend, I currently have no idea how many kids will be there. Of the 17 invitations we gave out for his birthday party, we only heard back from 5 of the kids. We were able to contact 3 more to find out their plans, but for the other 9, kids from B’s school for whom we don’t have contact info, we have no idea if they’re coming, and, unless they decide to call, we won’t.

I’ve always heard that the rule of thumb is that most people who don’t RSVP won’t come — people who know they can be there let you know, people who can’t, or who aren’t sure, don’t feel as motivated about getting back in touch. But the thing is, in a different culture, in a different country, I can’t really make that assumption. Maybe RSVP doesn’t mean anything in German (I mean, it’s an abbreviation for a French phrase, so it doesn’t technically mean anything in English either). Maybe, culturally, a “regrets only” mentality is typical, so I ought to take their silence as a yes. Maybe we caught people just as they were leaving for summer holidays, and everyone is gone (in a country where 2-4 week summer vacations are common, a lot of people are gone for a lot of the summer). Maybe everyone is just really busy and I’ll get a bunch of responses this coming week. Or maybe they never got the invitations at all (they were left in the kids’ cubbies at school). I just don’t know, but I can’t make too many assumptions.

So, at this point, we know we’ll have somewhere between 6 and 15 kids here for the party, plus parents. That’s a bit of a wide range for planning purposes (somewhere between 12 and 35 people, I’m guessing, because of course, for the non-RSVPers, we have no clue how many adults might come, too).

It’ll be fine. In fact, it’ll be great. It’s 3 hours out of everyone’s life, and the only person whose opinion really counts is Benjamin, and he certainly isn’t going to care if we run out of paper cups or if there aren’t enough places for everyone to sit. He’s going to have (I hope) a great time no matter what. He’s excited to celebrate with his friends, and that he shall do. I’m excited, too.

The Fourth

Posted on July 4, 2013 by admin

I’m not a person with a ton of Independence Day traditions. I’ve always done something to mark the holiday, but I have almost always found that my plans for the Fourth of July have come together at the last minute (if they come together at all).

Even so, I have so often been fortunate to celebrate the day with family and friends, whether hanging out at my Dad’s, being at the beach, going to watch fireworks, pulling over on a bridge at the GA/SC line to watch the fireworks over the river, chasing a terrified dog down a dark street lined by trees full of fireflies, or, most recently, flying home with my boys to be with our family in the States. I have varied and bountiful memories of July 4th, and all of them, woven together, make up my very loose idea of Independence Day traditions.

Being away from home, we wanted to do something to mark the holiday, especially because, since the boys are beginning to be old enough to understand such things, we want them to have some idea about the Fourth of July. Fireworks aren’t a possibility, and neither did we find any convenient displays of American flags or red, white and blue anything. We settled for celebrating with a version of a cookout (made indoors): hot dogs (served in buns, American style, with ketchup and French’s mustard), Cheetos, potato chips, watermelon, lemonade and ice cream. (The boys are not interested in eating hot dogs in buns. I fear we will have a lot of work to do in the realm of repatriation when we move home.) It was really nice, and it did feel appropriately festive.

I don’t feel lonely or forlorn at being away from home on this day. But I do feel very aware of my American-ness. Like any imperfect family (and all of them are), for all of our collective national dysfunction, I am proud to be a part of it. The ideals on which my country was founded are wise, and the spirit of my fellow Americans is strong. We are neighbors, we are family, we are a community, and I am proud to be a part of that. And although I’m not exactly sad, I do miss it. Today, on a day that celebrates my nation and my people, I am not among them, but my heart is home.

A Mommy Abroad

Our big adventure, as a family of three.

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