Tonight was Grandma’s last night of her visit.  She and Benjamin had planned to have a sleepover on the futon, but while she finished up some work on the computer, I stole her spot and curled up with B.  He’s still getting over his jet lag, so he was wide awake.  I snuggled up with him and we laughed and talked.  We talked about all kinds of things, in the seemingly random stream-of-consciousness way that he has (I imagine it’s pretty common among 4 year olds).  We talked about EVERYTHING — school, friends, cars, dying, family.  He shifted from silly to morbidly serious and back again without a thought.

I love hearing him talk.  I love getting to answer his questions — even when I’m not sure what to say, or when I hear myself saying something and immediately wish I’d been more comforting, or more creative, or sillier in my response.  I love that he asks me ALL of his questions, from the existential ones that I struggle to answer to the practical.  I love that he’s so willing to talk to me, and I admire his willingness to not know the answers.

He’s such an amazing kid, and it was wonderful to get to spend those snuggly, conversation filled moments with him.  I am so glad to be a mom to my wonderful, snuggly little guy.

We’ve been back in Austria for about 2 and a half days now.  Aside from the jet lag (which is always a challenge when it happens to little ones — as adults, we understand what’s going on and we can forcibly adjust our schedules a bit to aid the transition, whereas our kids are just laying in bed, crying and/or staring at the ceiling until nearly 3 in the morning and have no idea why their bodies are fighting sleep so hard), we’re going through the tough transition of getting back into the swing of our daily routines after a month away.

When I travel for a week, I have trouble coming back to everything.  It’s hard to remember exactly how to work it so that I get everything done and everyone taken care of in the necessary ways.  Since we were gone for an entire month, I now have to remember not just how to do it, but exactly what it was I was doing in the first place.  My mental lists of daily chores and tasks hasn’t come back to me yet, so I’m struggling just to remember WHAT to do, let alone HOW to do it.  Add to that the pile of unopened mail, the mountain of vacation-worn laundry and the enormous volume of as yet unread email, and it’s a bit overwhelming.  I feel a little like I’ve been dumped into someone else’s slightly disorganized life and been asked to take over.  I feel out of sorts in my own house (I couldn’t find a spatula in my own kitchen today) and unfamiliar with my own responsibilities.

That’s ok.  It was worth it.  I was once one of those “if there’s so much work to do before and after I go on vacation, why do I even bother to go” people, back in my perfectionist days.  No more.  We had an excellent vacation.  A few days spent sorting mail, fighting jet lag and remembering (or reinventing) my daily routines is a small price to pay for the time I’ve gotten to spend with my friends and family.

I’ll get there, it might just take a while.  And I hope that no one who sent me one of the thousand or so emails in my inbox is holding their breath for a response.