I haven’t done one of these in a while, so today, in honor of Mother’s Day, I present another installment of “Things I never thought I’d say.” Because motherhood is full of surprises and unexpected circumstances!
Every one of these things I’ve said, out loud, at some point over the past few months:
No children in the luggage rack. You can go in time out on the top of a mountain, too. Take your feet off the wall. Standard karate doesn’t actually have lasers. No missile launchers while snuggling. Keep your spaghetti to yourself. No grabbing your brother’s bum! We don’t point death rays at people. We’re not going to put pretzels into the radiator. No driving on the walls. Guys, faces off the television. Stop, stop, stop — you’re sitting on your pizza! Don’t axe the dog! No, ladybugs don’t usually drive. Stop chewing on the furniture. Bees don’t usually travel by bus. You can’t actually get into the popcorn bowl. Use the fork, Benjamin. Please get down from the table before removing your clothes. Not even Batman gets to jump on the couch! Stop chewing on your pants! Stop hitting your brother in the head with that quesadilla! It’s nap time — you can get up and fight about the train later. We don’t put things that we plan to eat between our toes. Anything that requires you to say “watch this” first is probably not something you should be doing when you’re sick. Stop chewing on your pants (said that one a second time in the past few months, so I’m including it again). Stop putting your underwear on your face.
Until next time . . .