When you become a parent, you know you’re going to end up saying things like, “Finish eating dinner or you aren’t getting dessert”, or “If you guys can’t settle down, we’re going straight home”, or “If you throw that one more time, I’m not going to pick it up again”.
But there are a whole host of other things you hear coming out of your mouth that, upon further reflection (if not at the moment) are pretty funny. This is a selection that I’ve caught myself saying over the past 6 months or so:
Stop bludgeoning your brother with that bread. You’re getting chocolate on the radiator! That snake is not a weapon. Power cords are not good toys for babies. If you run over the dog one more time with your bike, I’m not going to let you ride it in the house anymore. Please don’t put your foot in your brother’s ice cream. Do not run over your brother with that piano! No pull-ups on the oven door! Stop hitting your brother with that cow. Don’t use the hammer on the dog. No throwing computers at anyone’s head! Don’t sit on your brother’s head. No, space shuttles don’t crash in to dogs. Stop trying to get your brother to eat his Halloween costume. Don’t crash that plane into his head.
Seriously, I’ve said all of those things. Recently. Parenthood is a wild ride.