Kindermuseum

006As the last part of Liam’s (nearly week-long) birthday celebration, we went to the Zoom Kindermuseum in Vienna today. Dan took the afternoon off and we even picked B up early from school.

Wow. So much fun.

The museum has several different areas, set up for different age groups — we went to the Ocean section, the one for the youngest kids (0-6) and specifically, we went to a “baby session”, meaning no kids older than 3. It was fantastic. There truly are very few places in the world you can set your children down (especially a just-learning-to-walk 1 year old) and really let them go.  It was a great experience, for all of us, to be able to do just that.

040There were cushions to climb on, toys that made sounds to toss and jangle, a mirrored tunnel, a huge ramp to climb to get upstairs, a big ship’s wheel, a winch and a crane, flags to be put up and down, a ladder to climb down (the only thing Liam couldn’t really traverse on his own) into a shallow room made up like the cabin of a small sailboat, a plank/bridge to walk across, more cushions (made to look like icebergs, in the Greenland section), slides, and a submarine cabin area, complete with switches to flip, buttons to push, cords to plug and unplug.

Benjamin was able to be pretty much autonomous the whole time. Liam required a little more supervision (he did try to plunge head first down into the sailboat part — several times) but even he toddled around very confidently. I’m sure the kids enjoyed their uncommon freedom.  But it was also really 065special for Dan & I as parents — instead of supervising our kids, we really got to play with them.  It wasn’t a distinction I was really aware of, but having done something different today, I see how much of my day is spent protecting, rather than enjoying, my kids.  It was such an unusual and liberating experience to run and climb with Benjamin, or crawl around with Liam, and be focused on the fun things there were to see and discover instead of worrying about potential peril.  I think the only times I said, “No” for an entire hour were when Liam tried to dive into the sailboat and once when Benjamin nearly sat on Liam.  (I think my typical “no per hour” rate is in at least the double digits.  The only time it’s lower is when they’re sleeping.)

067

I had a great moment, too, of getting to know my kids a little better.  Benjamin had a great time, and he was thrilled with the freedom that he had, but he wanted us right there with him the entire time.  He wanted to hold hands while running from one activity to the next, and have me sit with him while we played together.  Liam is a different, even as such a little guy.  He still wanted us there, but he wasn’t really concerned about it.  A few times, I tried to help him with something, and he grunted at me and pushed me away.  Already, he’s so independent.  He had as much fun as his brother — he crawled and climbed and toddled and explored.  I think he had a really good birthday celebration.

After our hour in the “baby session”, it was time to go, and we stopped and got ice cream and sat together in the shade.  Then we walked home, through Vienna, on a perfect early fall afternoon.  I wouldn’t have changed a thing about it.

It is (still) birthday!

I’m not sure exactly where it came from, but for years, in my family, we’ve said, “It is birthday!”  Well, here in our house, it is still birthday for Liam.

We still have cake, we still have ice cream, we still have balloons.  Tomorrow, we’re going to the Children’s Museum to celebrate Liam’s birthday even further.  And my lucky, loved little guy is still receiving birthday packages in the mail.  I don’t care who you are, it’s great fun to get presents in the mail . . . when you’re a little kid, it’s totally awesome.  Yesterday, he got a gift from Grandma, and today he got gifts from his Aunt Mina and from his Topes.

038

Benjamin hasn’t been left out of this birthday whirlwind, either — he’s been getting “happy big brother” gifts in the mail, too.  Benjamin is so thrilled every time we get a package — he wants to help Liam open it up and then “oohs” and “ahhs” about the gift (and then tries to run off with it or stash it away somewhere that Liam won’t easily discover it.)  They are both having the best time enjoying this whole birthday week.

I’d really been struggling with the fact that Liam spent his first birthday away from the rest of our family, away from our friends.  We’re having a great time here, but I know it would have been different and included a lot more people if we’d been at home.  I’m so happy to watch my boys experience the love of a birthday at home, even though we’re so far away.  I’m glad it’s still “birthday” here.

Being the little brother

Liam received a birthday present in the mail today — from his Grandma — two presents, actually:  one for him and one for Benjamin.  We got the package early today, but waited to open it until Benjamin got home, because I knew how excited he’d be.  When I told him, on the way home from school, that we had a package from Grandma waiting for him & Liam, he became a bouncing, whirling ball of 3 year old excitement.  When we got home, he didn’t even want to wait until he had taken off his shoes and sweatshirt (for B, this is saying something) — he wanted Liam to open his present!

Of course, Benjamin helped him.  The idea was for Liam to decide which one he liked and for Benjamin to have the other.  Benjamin decided, before opening the wrapped packages, that the first one would be for Liam and the second would be for him.  (I give him MAJOR credit for deciding that the first gift was for Liam.)  The gifts were two soft cars from the “Cars” movies.  The first one was Mater, and the second one was Lightning McQueen, which worked out very well (I suspect that regardless of the order they’d been opened in, B would have ended up with Lightning McQueen, but as it was, he got to stick to his initial plan).  Liam showed no particular preference, so I went with Benjamin’s choice.  Liam is very happy with his new truck, and B is happy with this car, and that works out perfectly.

I think, though, as a little brother, you must end up spending a lot of time being the sidekick — Robin to Batman, Mater to Lightning McQueen.  And I think that’s fine, for now — Liam is thrilled with his new truck (and I’m sure he would have been thrilled with the car, if it had gone the other way).  But there will be a day when Liam doesn’t want Benjamin to choose which toy is his, and there will be a day when Liam prefers to play the hero.

There’s a part of me that dreads that day — there will be fireworks, I know.  But, at the same time, I think this is one of the great things about having siblings:  it is so much easier to live through that drama as a child instead of having to wait until you’re grown up to discover the world doesn’t turn around the place you stand.  It’ll be an interesting day, when it comes to pass.

I am so happy to watch my boys together.  Benjamin very sweetly took Liam’s truck into his room and put it in his bed before I put Liam down for his nap today.  They played and raced together all afternoon.  Liam is so happy to play with his brother — he likes his truck, but I think the best present for him is being able to play cars together with Benjamin.  He is a happy little 1 year old.

Happy first birthday, Liam!

011My sweet baby Liam — here we are, at your first birthday.  It’s a little unbelievable to me that we welcomed you to the world only a year ago . . . and at the same time, I can’t believe this day is here already.

You are a joy to have in my life.  I love your spirit and your heart.  You smile often and broadly — your smile lights up your entire face.  You have spent much of your first year with a paci in your mouth, but your eyes smile, too, so there’s no mistaking it, even when we can’t see your darling mouth.  You are a happy baby, except when you are not.  When you are displeased, there is no mistaking how you feel — you scream, you cry, you arch your back, you bang your head on the floor (the latter mostly from frustration) — you already throw full tantrums when you’re unhappy.  But most of the time, you are a smiling, joyful baby rushing headlong from one activity to the next.  You are fast — just a few days ago, you took your first steps, and you are already amazingly steady on your feet.  When you need to move quickly, though, you still crawl — at warp speed!  You are a fast little fellow!  I love watching you crawl at full speed around the house, after Benjamin, or toward the bathroom for your bath — it is just so much who you are.  I love watching the enthusiasm with which you explore the world.  You throw yourself into every new endeavor:  rolling over, crawling, walking, riding your new bike — and you learn so quickly.

039-MIX

You are an enthusiastic eater, too!  We often joke that poor Bailey is disappointed in you, after Benjamin.  When Benjamin was learning to eat, there was a lot of food left — on his tray, on the floor, on the walls, on himself.  Not so with you, my little friend!  You have yet to meet something to eat that you don’t enjoy.  Poor Bailey scouts for crumbs after every meal, usually to no avail.  He forgives you, though, because you are a sweet and gentle, creature, too — you pet Bailey so kindly, already.

Through you, I have seen Benjamin become a big brother, and I am thrilled and overjoyed at the way you two love each other.  He looks after  you, you adore him.  You are a happy, smiling baby . . . but never so much as when you’re with your brother.  You love to be with him, whether you’re cuddling together, racing around together, or playing together.  You both love to share hugs and snuggles.  It is so wonderful for me to see the way you are together, and how happy and loving you are towards each other.

You love to dance.  You love to snuggle.  You love to explore and do new things.  You love to try to keep up with Benjamin.  You love to get into mischief — you have a wonderful, mischievious grin and giggle that you reserve for when you know you’re doing something you shouldn’t be.  You are fast, and you are in to everything — you keep me on my toes!  You’re starting to be fascinated by books (for a while you just wanted to eat them, but that’s changing).  Months ago, you starting saying “Mama!” to me . . . more recently, that seems to have gone away, but it will be back, I know.  You’ve learned little things that surprise me — you recognize star shapes and always point them out.  Your capacity for understanding what we say to you is astonishing.

You have taken to our new location in the world very easily.  I think part of it is your age, but I know that part of it is just you.  You are happy when you are with us — you have your priorities in order, already, and you go with the flow.  You are happy where you find yourself, as long as we are there.  On the other hand, I am sad that we have taken you away from your extended family — they would be so delighted to know you better, and you would adore them, too.  They love you, from afar, and you love them, too — I giggle when you greet your Grandma, when we talk, with your scream of “Da!” and lots of pounding on the table.  You love to see her, and the rest of your family, too.  Even though we’re far away, you are very, very loved by all of them.

When I think back to your entrance into the world, I can’t help but remember how scary your first few days were, as well.  I am so grateful that your difficult beginning has left no mark upon you — if I hadn’t been there to see it myself, I don’t know that I could imagine you, with your overflowing vitality, struggling to be a healthy little baby.  You’ve really never looked back.  You are so strong, so healthy, so vibrant, so happy — it’s wonderful to see.

I love you, my little Liam.  I love you forever and ever, exactly as you are and exactly who you are.  You are my beautiful, sweet baby boy.  You are a joyous creature and a gift in my life.  I am so lucky to be your mommy, and I am so glad that you are here.  You are happy, sweet, opinionated, easy going, enthusiastic, loving, vital, kind and quick.  Our family, which was wonderful before you, has become richer — somehow better, in a way I couldn’t have imagined and can’t really explain.  It is as though you were always meant to be here, and that we all knew it — we were just waiting for you to arrive.

Happy birthday, my sweet, darling love.

071-MIX

Big brother Benjamin

A year ago tomorrow, Liam joined our family.  That was the day that Benjamin became a big brother.  It is so much a part of who he is, I can’t believe he’s only been a brother for a year.

We celebrated Liam’s birthday today (well, part of the celebration — the rest comes on Friday) and Benjamin helped with nearly every part.  He helped me choose the gifts that we ordered a week ago.  He helped me choose the gifts we purchased yesterday — he even helped me carry those around the store, and then carry them home.  This morning, he helped me bake and decorate Liam’s cake.  (He also helped blow out the candles.)  He helped me wrap the gifts, decorate the cards and set the gifts out for Liam to open.  (Then, of course, he helped Liam to open and play with his toys.)  For days, he’s been asking every few hours:  “Is it Liam’s birthday yet?  Is Liam 1 yet?”  I thought he was focused on the cake and the presents — be he kept asking, even after the celebration was done.

112

This only describes a little of how wonderful Benjamin is to Liam.  He loves him so much.  He looks out for him — he retrieves pacifiers and toys for him, he worries when he’s upset, he consoles him when he cries.  He wants to be around Liam — he wants to play with him, go out together, cuddle together.  He kisses him, hugs him, helps him, looks for him, smiles at him.  They are wonderfully sweet together.

There are, naturally, times where I think Benjamin would like it if we could put Liam away for a little while.  Liam likes all the same things Benjamin does (of course) and often “messes up” whatever Benjamin is playing with or the way he is playing.  Benjamin’s frustration doesn’t last for long though, and it doesn’t affect the way he really feels about his brother.  They are best friends.

119Benjamin, you amaze me.  You are capable of many things not expected of someone your age.  Before Liam arrived in our lives, I actually used to worry about whether you two would get along — whether you would be happy having a little brother.  My worries were needless.  Since the moment you met him, you have loved your brother.  You are kind, loving, caring, generous, sweet — you are all of those things even more towards Liam.  Being a big brother came as naturally to you as did everything else that makes you who you are:  being thoughtful, learning quickly, being fast and strong and agile.  He wants so much to be like you.  Thank you, my sweet baby, for welcoming little Liam into our lives.  Thank you for being your wonderful self.

Birthday shopping and a lost balloon

This morning, Benjamin and I set out to do some gift shoping for Liam’s birthday (which is Monday, but we’re celebrating tomorrow).  We’ve already gotten him a book and a replacement for another toy that he has that’s worn out (which was a hand-me-down from Benjamin, who got it as a hand-me-down from his Aunt Margaret — so Liam’s simply getting a new incarnation of it).  I wanted to get him a couple of fun, new things for his birthday, too.

We left the house intending to go to the big mall, which is towards the outer parts of Vienna.  As we got to the courtyard of our building, we ran into one of our neighbors, and when we told her about our plans, she instead pointed us towards a big toy store which was much closer to our house.  I had no idea it was there!

We found the toy store — it is FANTASTIC.  I’m disappointed that we ever trekked out to the mall when this place is so close.  Benjamin and I looked all through the store for toys for Liam’s birthday.  Every 30 seconds or so, Benjamin would stop, point, and gasp, “Oh my gosh!” at some toy he had just seen.  They had everything:  books, blocks, dolls, trucks, cars, games, arts & crafts supplies, bikes, stuffed animals.  The store was four floors of toy shopping fun.

Benjamin was such a great helper.  He helped me pick out things for Liam (and suggested many things which, although not age appropriate for Liam, would have made lovely gifts for a 3 year old I know).  He was so thoughtful and kind when he was choosing things — he really thought about what Liam would enjoy.  I had an idea of one thing to get for Liam, but Benjamin was adamant about another toy — we went with his choice.  He was so excited about the idea of Liam playing with his new toys and so excited that it’s going to be his birthday.

010After we had chosen two gifts for Liam, we went downstairs to the balloon section.  I was going to select a few “1st birthday” balloons, but Benjamin had his heart set on a frog and a pirate ship that he found — really cool ones.  He really wanted them for Liam.  So, we went with those.  We purchased everything and opted to walk the 20 minutes home so we didn’t have to deal with the balloons on the train.  (I was having visions of us getting on the train and the balloons getting stuck on the opposite side of the door — birthday balloon carnage!)

The weather for our walk home was perfect:  sunny, cool and beautiful.  Benjamin and I talked about the things we saw along the way, and he talked about how excited he was so give Liam his presents.  I tried to impress upon him the idea that these things should be surprises (the thought is rather lost on him).  It was a perfect morning.  I was so impressed with how kind, well behaved and sweet Benjamin had been, and I, too, was looking forward to presenting Liam with his gifts and balloons.

And then, at the end of our block, Mommy blew it.  I shifted my grip on the bag of toys and I must have let go of the balloons.  I jumped in time to grab the frog, but I wasn’t able to catch the pirate ship.  We stood on the sidewalk and watched, helplessly, as it drifted up and up, past the buildings and into the sky.

Benjamin was devastated.  He sobbed, he screamed, he shook.  I felt like doing the same thing, but all I could do was to hug him and tell him I was sorry.  Mommy messed up.  Mommy made a mistake.  I didn’t mean to.  It was an accident.  I feel terrible.

Instead of arriving triumphantly home with our packages, we were disappointed and sad.  After getting home and calming Benjamin down, I left the boys with Dan and went back to the store to try to find another one — but of course, it had been the last one.  I 012know Liam doesn’t care — he never knew there was a pirate ship balloon, and he’s thrilled with the frog.  But Benjamin is so sad.  He was so excited to give it to Liam, and he keeps telling me he’s worried about the balloon — he wants to know what will happen to it now.  All through the day, he’s had bouts of crying about it.

My sweet boys.  I love them so much.  Benjamin’s sweet enthusiasm this morning was wonderful to experience.  His sadness and disappointment are awful.  Liam is so excited to have his frog balloon, and I know that he’ll love his presents — most of all the ones that Benjamin chose for him with so much love.  Best of all for his birthday, though, Liam has a sweet and wonderful brother who loves him.  We are all so lucky.

Adventure at the Belvedere

026

We went out and had a lovely dinner this evening in honor of Dan’s birthday at his favorite Viennese restaurant.  (Turns out it’s also now my mom’s favorite restaurant in Vienna so far.)  Good food and good company.

037Afterwards, we decided to go (literally) next door to walk around the grounds of the Belvedere Palace for a few minutes before it closed.  It was a beautiful evening.  There’s something about summer evenings at dusk — the warm, moist air, with just a hint of the coolness of the coming fall — it really gets to me.  There’s something . . . exciting, expectant, about it.  Tonight was one of those evenings.  The moon was up, the sun had set, but it wasn’t quite dark yet.  We walked around a bit, showed my mom the gardens and the fountains, let Benjamin run around a bit, and then started to head out.

On our way in, we had noticed that we only had about 15 minutes until the posted closing time of 9:00.  We’d been in longer than 15 minutes, although not by a whole lot.  As we finished our mildly long walk back to the gate, though, we noticed that the gate up ahead looked like it might be closed, and we watched the couple who had been walking ahead of us to see if they were able to exit.  They weren’t.  (Another example of Austrian thinking — I could just imagine the groundskeeper saying, “Well, what did you expect?  The sign said 9:00!”)

053 (2)

Luckily, we’ve been to the Belvedere twice before and knew there was another gate . . . on the entirely opposite end of the grounds.  We encountered a man (who may actually have been the groundskeeper — not sure, but he had a bike and more information than we did) who told us the other gate was the only way out.  So, we set off.

042

It was a lovely walk on a lovely night in a lovely place.  It was truly dark now, and I was glad we were in such a safe place (as Vienna is).  But we enjoyed a pleasant evening walk together.  It was a little longer than we’d intended to be out (we asked Benjamin if he was having fun, and he told us “no”, and Liam got fed up with the stroller and needed to be carried most of the way) and uphill, but really, very nice.  We made it out of the far away gate, eventually found the right bus, then the right tram, and made it home.

It was a long evening, with an unexpected, but beautiful, adventure.  Neither of the boys got a bath before bed.  We are all tired.  But, it was certainly an adventure, and not one we could have had anywhere else.

35

Today is my thirty-fifth birthday.  It’s my first birthday living abroad, it’s my first birthday as a mom of two kids.  It’s been a great year (at least in part because I consider both of those major changes to be positive).  I’m really grateful to be here — to have this opportunity to live in Austria, to be the mom to two really wonderful kids, and to be alive in general.  Life is good.

I’m not sure if 35 feels old, but it certainly feels grown up.  (How many times in my life am I going to feel like *now* it’s time to be a grown up?  Does that ever stop happening?)  I feel like, as a thirty-five year old, I ought to be a little more put together — like maybe I ought to own more than one pair of pants that isn’t made of denim and that I ought to stop wearing athletic socks with absolutely every outfit.  I’ll work on that.  I have two kids, so that feels like I’ll get at least partial credit in the “grown up” category.

I really miss everyone at home, today in particular.  I miss seeing everyone for my birthday and getting to share the things that are the special way my family celebrates birthdays (like birthday soda and jell-o cake).  Days like this make me realize how great it was to live just an hour from my family, and how much I took that for granted when I had it.

I’ve really had a great day.  Dan and the boys helped me celebrate and feel festive (cake and ice cream and a great present), and my friend, Krishana, gave me the opportunity to go out and have dinner with Dan, just the two of us (the first time we’ve done that since we’ve been here).  It’s been a great day, and I’m so glad to be celebrating another birthday.

Happy third birthday, Benjamin!

My wonderful, sweet little boy.  I am so happy to see you turn three years old.  I’m sure I will say this every year, but I can’t believe that so much time has passed since the magical day that you came in to this world and I became a mommy.  I remember every moment of that day as though it happened yesterday — it was the most important day I’d ever had.  I am simply overjoyed to have you in my life, and to watch you grow and flourish and become even more fantastic all the time.  I love you so very much.

021We’ve had a big year!  We’ve moved far away from our family and friends, and you became a big brother.  You have made these transitions gracefully and enthusiastically.  You have taken the move so well.  Once, in the beginning of our stay here, when things were very hard and frustrating, I said I wanted to go home, and you burst into tears and said you didn’t want to go home.  You tell me all the time that you love it here and that you love Austria.  I’m so glad that you do!  It’s been wonderful to see you learn and explore and make this place your home.

031And what an amazing brother you are.  The very first thing you said upon us bringing Liam home from the hospital was, “So cute!” and you’ve gotten even better since then.  Watching you look out for Liam, care for him, think of him, share with him, I am amazed and impressed and inspired.  You are the sweetest, kindest, most loving human being I have ever met.  Ever.  You are constantly looking for Liam, watching him, making sure he’s happy, asking about it if he isn’t, sharing with him, helping him, talking to him and considering him.  When he or I drop things that we need, you will stop what you’re doing to help, whether we’re in the house or out and about in the city, even if you’re busy with something else.

047And your kindness doesn’t stop with your brother.  You are always concerned when you see anyone who isn’t happy.  Just today, we were at the park, and a little girl was crying.  You pointed her out to us and asked, “Why is that girl sad?”  You notice how other people are feeling and you want to help them.  You never want anyone to be sad, angry or upset in any way.

071And you are so brilliant.  We’ve known for a while that you have an exceptional mind and heart, but you constantly surprise us with how extraordinary you are.  Speaking to you is like conversing with an adult, except that you often ask more insightful questions.  You speak in complete, correct sentences, your vocabulary is phenomenal, you are creative and thoughtful.  Today, we were walking down the street, and you looked and some carriage horses that were trotting along and exclaimed, “Mommy, those horses are rocking out!”  It is wonderful to watch you learn, and to watch you apply the things you learn.  You’re learning to count and speak a little in German, Spanish and even Chinese and when you start school in the fall, I imagine you’ll quickly surpass everyone else in the family in terms of understanding and speaking German.  You learn songs from me or from tv, and you remember them.  Just today, you started singing, “The wheels on the bike go round and round, all through the town” (even though you’ve only ever heard it as, “The wheels on the bus”).  You can read numbers and most of the letters, and you’re starting to be able to write letters, too.  People comment all the time to us about what a good talker you are and how much you understand.  Even people who are used to dealing with children aren’t used to someone like you.  You have such a wonderful spirit, too:  whatever the weather, you’ll tell me what a beautiful day it is.  (When it is raining, you tell me you love the rain — that isn’t something you can teach someone.)  We talk about the favorite part of our day, and I’m always thrilled to hear what you’ll choose.

154You also have an astounding memory.  Anytime we go somewhere we’ve been before, you’ll remember it.  You’ll say, “This is where we were yesterday” (everything before today tends to be “yesterday”) and you remember where you are in space (you’ll know when a road ahead of us, or off to the side, goes to some other place we like to go, even if we haven’t been that way in a long time).  I think you take after me, a little, in this kind of awareness of yourself in time and space (it will serve you well).  You remember the things we tell you, the things we teach you and the boundaries we set (although sometimes you pretend to have forgotten, if it’s something you don’t like — like only one more story before bed or only 5 more minutes in the park).

You love to play with all of us, and you’re very particular about the way your games are played.  We play basketball, soccer, baseball, race cars, puzzles, drawing (you like drawing outside with chalk in particular), choo choo trains, “Old McDonald” and tent (which I think is your favorite).  You like to yell “Boo!” to scare people, and you will often start to bark (“Woof WOOF!”) very loudly if you’re excited, or just to get attention.  You take an entourage of stuffed animal friends with you wherever you can — they all have names, and you care about each of them.  If one falls off the couch, or out of your bed, you won’t rest until it’s back where it should be.  (I think, right now, Jingle is your favorite, but I’m not sure, and I don’t want to ask, because I’m not sure it really has occurred to you to even have a favorite.)  You are strong and fast and you love to run, jump, ride your tricycle and play at the park.  “I want to run!” and “I want to play!” are two of your most common sentiments.  You have boundless energy that amazes me.  You have great balance, and you pick up physical skills really quickly.  You got your first bike yesterday (for your birthday —  but you found it a day early) and you were already riding it pretty skillfully this evening.  You love to dance and spin, by yourself or with your dad.

You love your family — not just me, your dad and Liam (although you love us all very, very much), but also Bailey, Grandma, Topes, Grandpa, Sam, Margie, Mina, Nick, Peter, Adam, Jo and Gordie.  You ask about everyone all the time, and you get so excited when you get to talk to them or to see them on the computer.  You love them and you tell me that you “miss everyone from home”.  You ask all the time about your friends from home, too — Jordan and his family, Joshua, baby Ellie and their family.  You make friends quickly, and you remember names very well, so you’re already asking about Krishana, Niklas, Sean and Ian all the time, too.  In the fall, you’ll start to attend kindergarten, which I anticipate with very mixed emotions:  it will be so hard for me to give up so many hours with you every day, but I know it will help you to be even more at home here, and I know you’re ready to be around kids your own age every day.  You’ll love it!  (I will miss you.)

I hope I’m doing a good job as your mom.  There is so much I want to teach you and show you and share with you.  It’s a big job, and I don’t do a great job every day (but I do my best every day).  I’m sorry for the times when I mess up and don’t do it right.  Most days are great days, and most moments are wonderful — I’m working on the others.

My baby, I love you so much.  My time with you is filled with joy, love and awe.  I am so glad I get to be with you all the time.  You are one of my most favorite people in the whole universe (your brother is the other) and I can’t believe how fortunate I am to have you in my life.  Thank you for being so very wonderful.  I love you absolutely and completely.  I’ve said this to you before:  you don’t have to do anything in particular or be anything in particular for me to love you.  I love you, exactly as you are.  I love you, and you are an amazing person (it’s not that I love you because you are an amazing person).  You are my wonderful, perfect, darling Benjamin.  I am so grateful to have you in my life.  I am the luckiest mommy that there has ever been.  Thank you for being my child.

Unexpected surprises

009Tomorrow, my little boy (well, the biggest one) turns 3.  I know it’s a cliche, but I have no idea where the time has gone.  (Although, at the same time, it seems hard to believe that 3 years ago I didn’t yet have any kids.  Once you have them, you feel like you’ve always had them.)

Today, to celebrate, we took him to the zoo, and let him have free rein.  (Pretty much:  he wanted to go in with the elephants, and that’s where I drew the line.)  He got to pick which animals he wanted to see, where we went, how long we stayed.  We even let him pick out a stuffed animal from the gift shop.  (He chose a snake.  He was going for the panda and changed his mind at the last second.  The snake is pretty cool.)  Some of our friends joined us, to help us celebrate, and Benjamin really loved that.

012We had a great time, and then we stayed too long, everyone got hot, tired and cranky and we left in the midst of tears, naps, frustration and irritability.  That seems to be how these things happen.  I know from experience, though, that the ending won’t ruin his experience or memory of the day.  I know he had a great time.  He got to run around, see stuff, climb on things, eat ice cream and generally do pretty much whatever he wanted for hours and hours.  We saw giraffes, elephants, a gibbon, flamingos, a lion, penguins, sea lions, a polar bear, and we even had an albino peacock wander right past where we were having lunch.  (I have no idea if it was supposed to be loose, but there it was, just wandering through.)  Good times.

046After coming home and recuperating for a few hours, Benjamin was playing ball with Bailey.  For Benjamin, the purpose of this game is to hide the baseball where it will be the hardest for Bailey to acquire it and then to run away and giggle while Bailey gets it anyway.  To be clever, he decided to hide the ball in our storage closet (the only closet in our whole apartment) which is generally closed and off limits (although not strictly verboten, it’s more that it’s relatively uninteresting and out of the way).  Problem:  that’s where the (as yet unwrapped) birthday presents were hidden.

“Daddy, Daddy, Dad, Dad, Dad!  Come see!  Look what I found!  I found a bike!”  Pause.  “Is it my birthday present?  Is it mine?”

050No, he wasn’t supposed to get it until tomorrow, but what are you going to say?  His delight and excitement certainly wasn’t diminished by getting it today (in fact, it may have been enhanced by the complete surprise).  He is thrilled, if a little uncertain about how best to tackle this new challenge.  (Another gift, which he didn’t find, is the helmet which goes WITH the bike, so we took it rather easy today.)  His sweet excitement was wonderful to witness.  That is a special kind of happiness reserved for small children on their birthdays and on Christmas morning, and we get to experience it again by making it happen for him.

He’s an awesome kid.  I hope he’s having an awesome birthday.