Benjamin has been talking a lot, lately, about what he’d do if he had a freeze ray.  (I blame Despicable Me and one of the Cars games he plays on the iPad.)  His focus seems to largely be on freezing people in the way of something he wants.  He’s threatened to freeze Liam so he doesn’t play with his toys, me because I said I wasn’t going to download a new game he wanted, and his toys (again, so Liam can’t play with them).

At first, I was kind of horrified — how could he want to freeze ME?!?  And poor Liam?!? — but then I realized that he doesn’t know that something like that would actually harm the object of his freeze ray.  Obviously, he’s voicing a frustration, and I’m pretty grateful (and impressed) that he’s planning to use an imaginary stop-you-in-your-tracks weapon, rather than actually lashing out.  (He is, after all, only 4.)

So, I tried to help him put words to his feelings, and whenever he makes the freeze ray statement, I started responding with, “Wow, you sound like you’re pretty frustrated.  Are you angry with me/him/this situation?”  And mostly, he says yes, and I felt kind of like Super Mom.

Until today.

Today, he woke up from his nap and was very loud and impatient with me, resulting in him waking Liam up from his nap, which did not make me (or Liam) very happy.  B was impatient because he wanted to play a game on the iPad, and I have a policy of no iPad/iPhone games for the first hour after waking (after a nap or in the morning, because I got REALLY tired of having B get up super early so he had time to play Angry Birds before school).

Anyway, he was not happy with me.  He’s not really been into games lately, and either he forgot the rule, or he was hoping I forgot.  He was nigh on hysterical about it, which did not improve anyone’s mood.  As he started to calm down, he made the freeze ray comment again, and I responded as I have been.  He wiped the tears from his cheeks, looked me in the eye with a stern expression, sniffled, and said, “No, Mommy.  I’m not angry with you.  I say I’m going to freeze you because I want you to know how powerful I am.”

Simultaneously, my heart broke a little and I was stunned and amazed.  How hard must it be to be 4 and have so little power?  How frustrating must it be to not be able to control, well, just about anything?  Of course he wishes he could freeze the things he wishes he could control!  And, how cool is that?  4 years old and able to articulate and express the difference between anger and frustration at feeling powerless?  I know many people who spent years in therapy to get to that point (and many more who can’t).

I am so proud of Benjamin.  What an amazing heart and mind he has.  He knocked my socks off with that today.  I will no longer try to label his frustration as anger, and I won’t let my feelings be hurt when he wants to zap me with his freeze ray.  I’m also considering it my personal mission to find him some ways to be powerful.  It’s hard to be a little guy.

Over the last few days, it has gotten really cold in Vienna.  (See, I knew this was coming when it got so windy the other night!)  We went from highs in the mid to upper 50s last week to highs staying in the 30s, and we got a nice, brisk winter wind right along with the drop in temperatures.  We’ve been relatively undaunted in our pursuit of outdoor fun (like all good Vienna residents), but that doesn’t mean it hasn’t been chilly and shiver-inducing.

Saturday, we all got pretty cold while we were out at Schonbrunn, and yesterday, Dan & I were surprised by a bit of an unpredicted snow squall while we were out doing a bit of Christmas shopping in the evening.  Today, Liam, Jo & I cut our morning walk short for the sake of getting inside and getting warm, and B was so chilled after coming home from school (and, admittedly, after having an ice cream) that I bundled him up in fleece pants and a fuzzy robe and THEN snuggled him into a warm blanket before he felt warm again.  So, it’s pretty cold in Vienna right now.

This evening, I went to meet my German instructor for a lesson (at Starbucks, which, in my opinion, is the best place to have a German lesson) and while I was discussing the need for a big cup of warm tea with one of the baristas, I learned a great new German word — gemütlich — which means “cozy”.  I think it’s one of my favorite German words.  Because, although the weather may be frightful outside in Vienna right now, that just makes it the perfect time to appreciate how wonderful it is to come in from the cold and get cozy.

I can’t remember where we got the idea, but it has turned into a tradition that I love — every so often, once a month or so, we make a point of setting aside some time for just B & I to spend some time together (and for Dan & Liam, at the same time).  I get to spend a lot of time one-on-one with Liam these days, while B is in school, but time with B has become a lot more rare.

We pick a time for us to go out for an hour or so, and B gets to decide, entirely, what we do and where we go.  We’ve gone for walks, gone to McDonald’s, gone out for ice cream, played at the playground.  This time, which was this past Friday, he mostly wanted to go for a ride on the bus that comes past our house, so that’s what we did.  After a few stops, B asked me to push the stop button, and we got out . . . and went to Starbucks.  (I think he’s learning from what I do during my own free time!)

He was in charge of our evening, so I let him choose whatever he wanted for a snack.  He chose a fruit salad plus a lollipop for each of us (lemon).  He also got to choose our table.  We sat, we enjoyed, we talked.  When we finished our first lollipops, we went back for a second one (orange this time).  We hung out, chatted with a friend, and then got ready to head home.

No kidding, this was where we waited for the bus to take us home.

When we left, I was planning to walk home, but B insisted on taking the bus.  Because of where we were on the bus route, we had to ride out of our way . . . quite a ways . . . in order to turn around and get back home again.  But, it was his evening, so we went home his way.  It turned out to be a lovely surprise.  Vienna’s Christmas lights were all on, and our bus ride took us right through and past some of the best ones.  We had such a lovely evening — our ride together, our talk, our lollipops (although I’m not sure when I last consumed so much sugar in one sitting).  It is so nice to get to spend a little time with just B — he’s a great kid and a cool guy and I love him so very much.

So, here it is, after much anticipation — December 1, and the beginning of the Advent season.  Not being particularly religious, I hadn’t been a big “advent” person for years . . . until I moved to Vienna.  Vienna celebrates Advent in a big way — the markets (which I love), Advent calendars (the paper ones that are so popular here, as well as open-a-new-window-each-day window displays throughout the city), and a major display of Christmas lights, plus a lot of religious celebration (of course).

We definitely celebrated the beginning of Advent today.  We started our morning with a trip to the Schonbrunn Christmas market.  It was Jo‘s first trip, and she was suitably impressed.  The market there is very nice — although the tour buses do unload at the front gates.  Most of the shopping stalls are duplicates of those we’ve seen downtown (with a few notable exceptions — one of hand painted cards and glass items and another of handmade straw art), but they’re also some of the best offerings throughout the Christmas markets.  The food at Schönbrunn is better, more plentiful and more varied than at the other markets, and we started by enjoying freshly made Krapfen (donuts) filled with jam, vanilla pudding or chocolate sauce.  We got one of each.

We tried to shop, but the kids were frazzled, so we walked around to the back of the palace, and let the boys loose to explore the grounds.  (Jo was appropriately impressed again.)  It was a cold but beautiful day, and we walked all over, enjoying the scenery, introducing Jo to one of our favorite places in Vienna, and letting the kids run and play.  After a while, we all got a bit chilled, and we headed back to the market to enjoy some warm Punsch.

Each market is a little different when it comes to flavors of Punsch, but Jo & I both tried the apple struedel flavor, which was excellent, and then we managed a quick stroll through the market and a snack on the go before the kids were fed up, the grown ups were cold, and it was time to go home.

I would have considered our day full and festive at that point, but, after naps, we headed out to see the Christmas lights in the heart of Vienna.  Vienna’s lights are amazing and beautiful, and are hard to capture properly in words or pictures.  We saw sheets of lights hung every few feet along one street, creating the effect of a luminous, golden canopy.  We saw gorgeous and huge crystal chandeliers hung above Vienna’s pedestrian shopping district.  We saw a glorious Christmas tree standing outside of Vienna’s most famous cathedral.  And, we walked beneath an assortment of glowing red orbs as wide as the street they covered.  It was spectacular and wonderfully festive.

We had a big day, but it was full of so many amazing moments.  We so enjoyed spending our first day of December in this city that celebrates this season so exuberantly.  Vienna during Advent is a joy, and one we took full advantage of today.  (And tomorrow, we will rest.)

Being a mom is a roller coaster ride.  For every moment that I feel slick and accomplished, there’s one waiting around the corner where I fall on my face.

Take, for example, the last day or so.  Yesterday, the kids & I had an appointment for flu shots.  With Jo’s help, I got everyone up, dressed and fed, wrestled the double stroller downstairs, strapped both kids in, and made it to the strassenbahn in time to make our 23 minute trip, walk a few blocks, and still arrive early for our 9:00 appointment.  We got our flu shots and headed home.  We opted to walk back to get some exercise.  The kids were pretty happy — I even remembered snacks and water!  We were home by 10:30, all vaccinated and with a brisk, hour-long walk done for the grown ups.  Success.

Then I realized that I left behind the temporary spider tattoos that B got as part of his reward for being good for his shot — one very sad (and angry) boy.  Fail.

So, this morning, while B was at school, I went out for a jog.  On the way home, I stopped by the local toy store and bought some new tattoos.  They didn’t have spiders, so I got dinosaurs.  I brought them with me when I picked B up at school.  He was so excited and grateful.  Success.

Then, on our way home, with an excited boy and tattoos in hand, we started chatting with an English woman and her young daughter (about 7 years old).  We talked about living in Vienna, where we were all originally from, and how much we enjoyed our recent trip to England.  I said I’d love to go back, and the little girl asked if I wanted to live there.  I responded cheerily with, “Maybe one day!”, to which B responded, “Well, you can go live in London , England, but I’m not going with you!”  I told him not to worry, that we weren’t really planning to move to England, and the little girl said, “He might not want to go with you, but I will!” to which I jokingly replied, “Ok, we’ll switch!”

Ok.  Funny to a grown up, and apparently to a 7 year old (who giggled) but NOT funny to my sweet 4 year old Benjamin.  He clung to my arm and said, “No, you’re MY mother.”  I told him I was kidding at that of course I’d never trade him in for anyone, and we left our new friends, all of us smiling.  But on the way home, he brought it up again, and I realized I’d actually scared him.  It was a completely boneheaded moment — I spend so much time fostering a feeling of safety and connection between me and my boys, and then I go and say something awful and insensitive that plants a seed of doubt.  Ugh.  Complete fail.

He seems ok now, but I wish I could erase it.  I wish I could fix those failure moments, especially when they cut deeper than a forgotten tattoo.  Based on my track record, I have to hope there’s a success waiting around the next bend, but truly, deeply and most of all, I hope that the successes ultimately outweigh the failures.

Watching my children learn and grow is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever experienced.  It’s one of the biggest benefits (and one of my favorite parts) of being a stay-at-home mom — I love the sheer number of hours each day I get to watch my kids try, sometimes fail, and eventually succeed in learning or doing something new.

My kids have had some experiences outside of typical, though.  This adventure that we’re sharing manages to insert some fun additions into the normal list of rolling over, crawling, walking, running, jumping, first words, learning colors, counting, singing and reading letters that kids go through.  And, although those things are absolutely magical as I watch them unfold, I get particularly tickled by the ones they surprise me with.

For starters, they start to do some of those things in more than one language, completely removed from our influence.  Liam is working on learning his colors, and on counting, but he’s trying to learn two different words for each concept at the same time, and that certainly seems to add confusion.  (Although hearing him count, “Eins, zwei, jump!” is pretty darn cute.)  B is struggling with the same thing when in comes to reading letters — vowels in particular, since “E” in English sounds just like “I” in German.  We didn’t set out to teach them those things, but kids are like sponges.  B learns them at school, comes home and says them, and then Liam works on them, all on his own.  It’s pretty darn cool.

But then, there’s the really unexpected stuff.  Like today, when Liam showed me something new — something I didn’t see coming.  I was reading both boys a story today, and Liam pointed at a green, white and red flag in the book and said, “Italy”.  He repeated it, pointing with impatience, when I asked him what he said.  He can’t yet identify the colors green, white or red (actually, he gets “green” most of the time) but he recognizes an Italian flag.  I knew that both kids could identify some of the major sights and landmarks we’ve seen on our travels, but he gets extra credit for Italy, since we haven’t been there yet!

Yesterday, I shared some of my thoughts on the Am Hof, Rathaus and Spittelberg markets.  As I stated yesterday, I’m an enthusiast, not an expert, on Christmas markets, and this is all simply my own opinion and observations as a not-quite-novice Vienna settler and a mom who dares to shop with her kids.  Now for a few more . . .

Maria-Theresienplatz — This market, right on the Ringstrasse, is my personal favorite.  I love the whole feeling of it.  It’s well populated but big enough to not be too crowded, there are a lot of very nice shops, many of which sell Austrian goods and which also exist as Viennese brick-and-mortar stores (extra credit, to my mind, because I like the idea of buying actually Austrian things and supporting local business).  There’s a little food and a few Punsch stands plus a ride or two for the little kids, and enough space to manuever even with the stroller.  (Last year, our oldest brought his bike and was even able to ride around a bit without any trouble.)  They often have live Christmas music on the weekends and in the evenings, and that, along with the setting (between the Art History museum, Natural History museum, the MuseumsQuartier and the Hofburg) give the whole market a fantastic ambiance.  I think that’s what I like best about it — the setting, the music, and the local shops.

Freyung — The Freyung, near Schottentor and the Graben (and just a block from the market at Am Hof) is one of the oldest markets in Vienna.  (It’s also the closest to our house, so we go a fair bit.)  It’s very small, but it has a nice, community feeling (lots of people local to the neighborhood stop in for a Punsch and stay to socialize).  They have a children’s program and often have live performances, including a whole Advent program.  Some of the stalls sell small, cheap items, but there are some very beautiful things, as well — it’s a wide range.  The absolute best thing about the Freyung market is that it seems to consistently have the friendliest and nicest shopkeepers of all the Christmas markets in Vienna.  Unlike a lot of market stalls, the vendors seem sincerely interested in helping, answering questions, and even visiting with the kids — children feel genuinely welcome here.  It’s unusual for us to walk through without the kids being given some kind of treat, and without being drawn into a conversation with a shopkeeper — pleasantly unexpected for Vienna.  Since it’s a small market, there aren’t a ton of options in terms of food a drink, but there are a few.  It’s conveniently located between the Rathaus market and the Am Hof market — it would be an easy walk between the three (although I’d never be brave enough to try to visit three markets in a single day WITH the kids).

Karlsplatz —  The Christmas market at Karlsplatz has a unique feel to it.  It’s large, and the stalls are spaced far apart, so it doesn’t feel crowded, even during busy times.  The shops seem to specialize in unique (sometimes strange), expensive, artisan items, including, this year, a strong focus on reused and repurposed items.  There are a ton of pottery, woodcarving and knit wear shops.  It’s a lovely market, with lots of fun things for the kids — pony rides, a huge straw play area, arts and crafts, a few playgrounds and a steampunk carousel (and, inexplicably, llamas).  The Punsch at this market is the best I’ve had — a few shops sell organic (“Bio”) Punsch (my favorite — not specifically because it’s organic, but it seems less . . . overwhelming) in a variety of flavors.  Jo says Karlsplatz is her favorite market so far.

Next time: AKH, Schonbrunn and Belvedere.

Just to be clear, this isn’t intended to be a guide FOR clueless Americans, but rather, it’s a guide BY a clueless American.  It’s a distinction I want to make because this is only my second year in Vienna, and I’m not, by any means, a Christmas market expert.  (I would, rather, consider myself a Christmas market enthusiast.)

We’ve been to a lot of Christmas markets, and we’re planning to visit even more this year, so I’m going to go through a few at a time, as we visit them, and share my thoughts and observations on our visits to many of Vienna’s best known Christmas markets — what each is like, what you might find there, our favorite and least favorite parts, and (perhaps most relevantly to me) what there might be to entertain the kids at each location.

Am Hof —  I was impressed by how early the Am Hof market opened — early November, as opposed to mid-to-late November for the rest of Vienna’s Christmas markets.  It’s a relatively small market, and it can be VERY crowded (especially on the weekends and in the evenings) and most particularly in the central area where most of the Punsch and wine stalls are located and where Radio Wien has an area where they play music.  There are some nice things to eat and drink, and although most of the tables are located in the center section, there are also a few scattered about near other food stands, so you can choose to be amongst the throngs of socializing people, or further towards the edges where the crowds are a little thinner.  Am Hof seems to focus on artisan and handmade goods (although a fair number seem to be made beyond Vienna and Austria — including an odd focus on Peruvian items).  It’s a nice, small market for a quick stop.  There isn’t anything for the kids to do, but a lot for them to look at (which can be good or bad — on the one hand, there are lots of things to see, on the other hand, there are a lot of delicate items at children’s eye level, so there’s a lot to say “no” to . . . and there are a lot of candy/chocolate/gingerbread/sweet shops).  This is Benjamin’s favorite Christmas market, principally because of the candy shop near the entrance and the fact that this is where we purchased his new, red earmuffs.

Rathaus — The Rathaus is the most famous of the Viennese Christmas markets.  It is HUGE, crowded, crazy and touristy, with lots of drunk revelers, ESPECIALLY on the weekend evenings, where it becomes more of a party rather than a market.  Most of the items for sale are pretty cheap and not really worth purchasing, unless you’re in the market for something cheesy.  There is a little bit of good food (especially the stand with the chocolate fountain) but the lines at the food stands are generally very long.  However, it’s a Viennese icon, and it’s worth visiting at least once.  The lights decorating the Rathauspark are amazing, and the Christmas tree in the market in front of the Rathaus itself is beautiful and impressive.  There are several fun kid-specific activities, but they’re a bit off the beaten path of the central market: an all-ages train that runs through the park under the lights, pony rides, a carousel and another children’s train.

Spittelberg — This is a nice, small market on a single, narrow street near Vienna’s MuseumsQuartier.  Because the street is very narrow, it can be crowded and hard to navigate (especially with kids).  The small size and shape of the market can be nice, though, because it feels kind of intimate, and it’s easy to make sure you catch all of the market stalls.  Other than a few small toy/puzzle shops, there isn’t much there for the kids to do, or even to look at.  It’s a quick visit, though, and very nicely decorated.  There is also a phenomenal chocolate shop — featuring many chocolates made in Austria — at the bottom of the street.  They have an actual shop, as well as a market stall.  (They also have a stall at the Maria-Theresienplatz market.)

Next time: Maria-Theresienplatz, Freyung and Karlsplatz Christmas markets.

Tonight, one of Dan’s coworkers was throwing a housewarming party.  He’s a friend of ours, and a very nice guy, so we wanted to go and celebrate with him.  We were all invited, but when I found out the party didn’t start until 8, I was a little skeptical that it would really be kid-friendly, and I made Dan confirm which of us were invited.

He truly did intend for all of us to come, and he even informed us that our boys wouldn’t be the only kids at the party.  We decided to go, put in a quick appearance, and head home before it got TOO late.  Our plan was to arrive right at 8 and stay for an hour, getting the kids home and into bed within an hour of their bedtime — not too bad for a Saturday night on a long weekend.

But, we ran late.  We didn’t even leave the house until well after 8, and we didn’t arrive until quarter after 9.

Grown up parties are a lot of fun.  For grown ups.  Although our hosts were very welcoming and relaxed about the kids, our evening became a blur of chasing kids, picking up dropped objects, enforcing table manners, saying “excuse me” and ” don’t touch that”, protecting the kids from the sharp corners and the delicate items from the kids and trying to provide entertainment to our kids without being antisocial to the other adults.

The first time I checked to see if it was time to go, we hadn’t even been there half an hour.

It was not an unfriendly place.  Although we didn’t know anyone other than one of our two hosts, people smiled and talked to the kids, and tried to chat with us — it’s hard, though when you don’t get to stand still for more than 2 minutes at a time.  We got to mingle a lot, but we didn’t get to talk to anyone for very long.  The “other kids” turned out to be one 8 year old boy who was persistently irritated that we didn’t speak more German.

It was a long hour.

But, we saw the new place and talked to a few people.  No one got injured and nothing got broken.  We got home after 11, completely exhausted.  But, by some miracle, the kids were in good spirits and didn’t fall apart.  We were all giggling and smiling when we came in the front door, and now (just an hour later) the boys are sleeping peacefully, and I won’t be long behind them.  Grown up parties are a lot of work.

Other than half an hour, nearly a year ago, in plain street shoes, it’s probably been over a decade — maybe two — since I skated, and my experience has been confined mostly to gripping the wall and trying not to fall at friends’ birthday parties.  I never really took to skating — I was always really afraid to fall (because it HURTS) and I didn’t do it often enough to really get any skill at it.  I like it, in theory — as in, when other people do it.  Although I don’t know much about it, it seems like the kind of thing I might like to know more about.  It’s a lot like dancing, and it’s a physical pursuit about strength, grace, balance and precision — seems like it might be my kind of thing.  Besides, it’s (sometimes) and outdoor activity, and I like to be outdoors.  I like to be active.  It’s part of my nature.  Riding and dancing are my favorite physical pursuits.  Riding I’m passionate about and dancing I truly love.  But I love doing anything outdoors, and I love to move and accomplish physical things.  It’s fun to me.

Today, we took the kids ice skating.  B & I went last year (with our friends Pam and Joshua, who were visiting) but Dan and Liam missed out because they were sick.  We’d never been to this particular place before, but when I heard about it a few weeks ago it seemed like just the thing to feel festive on Thanksgiving weekend, so we all went today — me, Dan, Benjamin, Liam and Jo.  The *idea* of skating really appealed to me, but as we rented our skates and got them on, I started to get intensely worried.  I’m far from an expert and the kids would need my help.  Would I fall and squish one of the kids?  Would I be able to do it at all?  Would I have to cling to the wall, unable to help the kids?  Was this some horrible mistake???

As it turns out, it was no problem at all.  After a nervous moment of negotiating stepping onto the ice, helping an overly confident Benjamin onto the ice, and wriggling under the rope that sectioned off the “kids area” from the rest of the skaters, we did just fine.  Dan skated with Liam, and I skated around with B.  We went slowly at first, but he gained confidence quickly.  I held his hand, held him up when needed, caught him many times, helped him up when I failed to catch him.  After a while, we found him a practice penguin, and as he got bold enough to try it on his own, I went over and checked on Liam and Dan, and then skated around with B some more.  (B is amazing and brave and likes to go FAST!)  After a while, we abandoned the penguin to another child who needed it and bravely skated once all the way around the grown up area.  B actually fell a lot MORE after the penguin — he had ramped up his confidence by more than he had increased his skill — but I managed all of it with no problem.  I didn’t have to hold on to the wall, I didn’t fall, I didn’t even lose my balance.  It was pretty great, especially considering I actually had no idea what I was doing.

In all, we had a great day.  Liam got tired before Benjamin did.  We skated for about an hour, watched the Zamboni clean up the ice, and headed home, worn out but very happy, and with another adventure added to our collective history.  For me, it was not only a fun activity to share together, but it was a great reminder that even though I’m short, and currently kind of fat, I do ok with things like this.  I love to physical things and challenging things.  I like getting winded, and waking up the next day with sore muscles.  I love doing something that is hard to do.  I’m pretty good at learning new stuff.  I’m strong, persistent, and kind of brave.  I need to find a way to do something fun and active here.  Today, we had a great time.  B would have stayed all day — and I would have, too.