It is (still) birthday!

Posted on September 29, 2011 by admin

I’m not sure exactly where it came from, but for years, in my family, we’ve said, “It is birthday!” Well, here in our house, it is still birthday for Liam.

We still have cake, we still have ice cream, we still have balloons. Tomorrow, we’re going to the Children’s Museum to celebrate Liam’s birthday even further. And my lucky, loved little guy is still receiving birthday packages in the mail. I don’t care who you are, it’s great fun to get presents in the mail . . . when you’re a little kid, it’s totally awesome. Yesterday, he got a gift from Grandma, and today he got gifts from his Aunt Mina and from his Topes.

Benjamin hasn’t been left out of this birthday whirlwind, either — he’s been getting “happy big brother” gifts in the mail, too. Benjamin is so thrilled every time we get a package — he wants to help Liam open it up and then “oohs” and “ahhs” about the gift (and then tries to run off with it or stash it away somewhere that Liam won’t easily discover it.) They are both having the best time enjoying this whole birthday week.

I’d really been struggling with the fact that Liam spent his first birthday away from the rest of our family, away from our friends. We’re having a great time here, but I know it would have been different and included a lot more people if we’d been at home. I’m so happy to watch my boys experience the love of a birthday at home, even though we’re so far away. I’m glad it’s still “birthday” here.

Being the little brother

Posted on September 28, 2011 by admin

Liam received a birthday present in the mail today — from his Grandma — two presents, actually: one for him and one for Benjamin. We got the package early today, but waited to open it until Benjamin got home, because I knew how excited he’d be. When I told him, on the way home from school, that we had a package from Grandma waiting for him & Liam, he became a bouncing, whirling ball of 3 year old excitement. When we got home, he didn’t even want to wait until he had taken off his shoes and sweatshirt (for B, this is saying something) — he wanted Liam to open his present!

Of course, Benjamin helped him. The idea was for Liam to decide which one he liked and for Benjamin to have the other. Benjamin decided, before opening the wrapped packages, that the first one would be for Liam and the second would be for him. (I give him MAJOR credit for deciding that the first gift was for Liam.) The gifts were two soft cars from the “Cars” movies. The first one was Mater, and the second one was Lightning McQueen, which worked out very well (I suspect that regardless of the order they’d been opened in, B would have ended up with Lightning McQueen, but as it was, he got to stick to his initial plan). Liam showed no particular preference, so I went with Benjamin’s choice. Liam is very happy with his new truck, and B is happy with this car, and that works out perfectly.

I think, though, as a little brother, you must end up spending a lot of time being the sidekick — Robin to Batman, Mater to Lightning McQueen. And I think that’s fine, for now — Liam is thrilled with his new truck (and I’m sure he would have been thrilled with the car, if it had gone the other way). But there will be a day when Liam doesn’t want Benjamin to choose which toy is his, and there will be a day when Liam prefers to play the hero.

There’s a part of me that dreads that day — there will be fireworks, I know. But, at the same time, I think this is one of the great things about having siblings: it is so much easier to live through that drama as a child instead of having to wait until you’re grown up to discover the world doesn’t turn around the place you stand. It’ll be an interesting day, when it comes to pass.

I am so happy to watch my boys together. Benjamin very sweetly took Liam’s truck into his room and put it in his bed before I put Liam down for his nap today. They played and raced together all afternoon. Liam is so happy to play with his brother — he likes his truck, but I think the best present for him is being able to play cars together with Benjamin. He is a happy little 1 year old.

Elternabend

Posted on September 27, 2011 by admin

Tonight was “parents night” (Elternabend) at Benjamin’s school. When we found out about it last week, Dan suggested I be the one to go (since we were supposed to go without kids). I jumped at the chance. I was so excited to go — a chance to learn more about the program of instruction at B’s school (we know it’s a Montessori program, but only have the vaguest knowledge of what that means), to meet some other parents, and have a few hours out on my own. Excellent!

Somehwere, in this fantasy, I apparently forgot that I DON’T SPEAK GERMAN. Right. Oops.

I understood less than 10% of what was said — mostly numbers, dates, and words that are the same in English. There’s a picture day coming up (I don’t know when), there won’t be any field trips until spring (I don’t know why) and there’s apparently a significant issue with where parents park in the morning when they drop their kids off (that was the part I understood the best — VERY helpful, since I don’t have a car). The teachers were a little surprised I had come. I was the only parent there who didn’t have a working knowledge of German. (I suspect the others just didn’t come, since I know there were some English-speaking parents who were absent.)

It was a one hour and twenty minute lesson in humility. I paid close attention, and tried to pick out everything I could. I participated as best I could in the get-to-know-each-other game they had us play (which involved reading and writing in German). I’m definitely feeling more empathy for Benjamin and the trouble he’s having adjusting to kindergarten — even though everyone means well, not speaking the language is a huge challenge, and it’s very isolating. I understand, even more, why he feels lonely at school. I felt lonely and I was only there for a little while.

One of my biggest concerns with Benjamin attending public kindergarten here in Austria is that I will have trouble communicating with his teachers. One-on-one, we seem to do fine, but in a group setting like this, I’m definitely not keeping up. I’m just going to have to trust that they’ll make sure I know what I need to know.

I’m glad I went. As hard as it is to go and be clueless, it’s much better than staying home and being isolated. At least I was there, trying. I want the teachers to know that I want to know what’s going on — I want to be involved. I definitely think they got that message from my being there this evening. At the end, I stayed and talked with one of B’s teachers. She said there wasn’t anything that I missed this evening that I urgently needed to know. We talked about how he’s adjusting to kindergarten, and she told me how much he likes snack time, and how sweet he is with they other kids, and they with him. (Apparently, the other English speaking children look out for him, and if the teachers misunderstand him, there are several that jump in and make sure he’s getting what he needs . . . which is AWESOME to hear.) The teachers really like him, the other kids seem to like him, all that’s left is for him to like being there.

Happy first birthday, Liam!

Posted on September 26, 2011 by admin

My sweet baby Liam — here we are, at your first birthday. It’s a little unbelievable to me that we welcomed you to the world only a year ago . . . and at the same time, I can’t believe this day is here already.

You are a joy to have in my life. I love your spirit and your heart. You smile often and broadly — your smile lights up your entire face. You have spent much of your first year with a paci in your mouth, but your eyes smile, too, so there’s no mistaking it, even when we can’t see your darling mouth. You are a happy baby, except when you are not. When you are displeased, there is no mistaking how you feel — you scream, you cry, you arch your back, you bang your head on the floor (the latter mostly from frustration) — you already throw full tantrums when you’re unhappy. But most of the time, you are a smiling, joyful baby rushing headlong from one activity to the next. You are fast — just a few days ago, you took your first steps, and you are already amazingly steady on your feet. When you need to move quickly, though, you still crawl — at warp speed! You are a fast little fellow! I love watching you crawl at full speed around the house, after Benjamin, or toward the bathroom for your bath — it is just so much who you are. I love watching the enthusiasm with which you explore the world. You throw yourself into every new endeavor: rolling over, crawling, walking, riding your new bike — and you learn so quickly.

You are an enthusiastic eater, too! We often joke that poor Bailey is disappointed in you, after Benjamin. When Benjamin was learning to eat, there was a lot of food left — on his tray, on the floor, on the walls, on himself. Not so with you, my little friend! You have yet to meet something to eat that you don’t enjoy. Poor Bailey scouts for crumbs after every meal, usually to no avail. He forgives you, though, because you are a sweet and gentle, creature, too — you pet Bailey so kindly, already.

Through you, I have seen Benjamin become a big brother, and I am thrilled and overjoyed at the way you two love each other. He looks after you, you adore him. You are a happy, smiling baby . . . but never so much as when you’re with your brother. You love to be with him, whether you’re cuddling together, racing around together, or playing together. You both love to share hugs and snuggles. It is so wonderful for me to see the way you are together, and how happy and loving you are towards each other.

You love to dance. You love to snuggle. You love to explore and do new things. You love to try to keep up with Benjamin. You love to get into mischief — you have a wonderful, mischievious grin and giggle that you reserve for when you know you’re doing something you shouldn’t be. You are fast, and you are in to everything — you keep me on my toes! You’re starting to be fascinated by books (for a while you just wanted to eat them, but that’s changing). Months ago, you starting saying “Mama!” to me . . . more recently, that seems to have gone away, but it will be back, I know. You’ve learned little things that surprise me — you recognize star shapes and always point them out. Your capacity for understanding what we say to you is astonishing.

You have taken to our new location in the world very easily. I think part of it is your age, but I know that part of it is just you. You are happy when you are with us — you have your priorities in order, already, and you go with the flow. You are happy where you find yourself, as long as we are there. On the other hand, I am sad that we have taken you away from your extended family — they would be so delighted to know you better, and you would adore them, too. They love you, from afar, and you love them, too — I giggle when you greet your Grandma, when we talk, with your scream of “Da!” and lots of pounding on the table. You love to see her, and the rest of your family, too. Even though we’re far away, you are very, very loved by all of them.

When I think back to your entrance into the world, I can’t help but remember how scary your first few days were, as well. I am so grateful that your difficult beginning has left no mark upon you — if I hadn’t been there to see it myself, I don’t know that I could imagine you, with your overflowing vitality, struggling to be a healthy little baby. You’ve really never looked back. You are so strong, so healthy, so vibrant, so happy — it’s wonderful to see.

I love you, my little Liam. I love you forever and ever, exactly as you are and exactly who you are. You are my beautiful, sweet baby boy. You are a joyous creature and a gift in my life. I am so lucky to be your mommy, and I am so glad that you are here. You are happy, sweet, opinionated, easy going, enthusiastic, loving, vital, kind and quick. Our family, which was wonderful before you, has become richer — somehow better, in a way I couldn’t have imagined and can’t really explain. It is as though you were always meant to be here, and that we all knew it — we were just waiting for you to arrive.

Happy birthday, my sweet, darling love.

Big brother Benjamin

Posted on September 25, 2011 by admin

A year ago tomorrow, Liam joined our family. That was the day that Benjamin became a big brother. It is so much a part of who he is, I can’t believe he’s only been a brother for a year.

We celebrated Liam’s birthday today (well, part of the celebration — the rest comes on Friday) and Benjamin helped with nearly every part. He helped me choose the gifts that we ordered a week ago. He helped me choose the gifts we purchased yesterday — he even helped me carry those around the store, and then carry them home. This morning, he helped me bake and decorate Liam’s cake. (He also helped blow out the candles.) He helped me wrap the gifts, decorate the cards and set the gifts out for Liam to open. (Then, of course, he helped Liam to open and play with his toys.) For days, he’s been asking every few hours: “Is it Liam’s birthday yet? Is Liam 1 yet?” I thought he was focused on the cake and the presents — be he kept asking, even after the celebration was done.

This only describes a little of how wonderful Benjamin is to Liam. He loves him so much. He looks out for him — he retrieves pacifiers and toys for him, he worries when he’s upset, he consoles him when he cries. He wants to be around Liam — he wants to play with him, go out together, cuddle together. He kisses him, hugs him, helps him, looks for him, smiles at him. They are wonderfully sweet together.

There are, naturally, times where I think Benjamin would like it if we could put Liam away for a little while. Liam likes all the same things Benjamin does (of course) and often “messes up” whatever Benjamin is playing with or the way he is playing. Benjamin’s frustration doesn’t last for long though, and it doesn’t affect the way he really feels about his brother. They are best friends.

Benjamin, you amaze me. You are capable of many things not expected of someone your age. Before Liam arrived in our lives, I actually used to worry about whether you two would get along — whether you would be happy having a little brother. My worries were needless. Since the moment you met him, you have loved your brother. You are kind, loving, caring, generous, sweet — you are all of those things even more towards Liam. Being a big brother came as naturally to you as did everything else that makes you who you are: being thoughtful, learning quickly, being fast and strong and agile. He wants so much to be like you. Thank you, my sweet baby, for welcoming little Liam into our lives. Thank you for being your wonderful self.

Birthday shopping and a lost balloon

Posted on September 24, 2011 by admin

This morning, Benjamin and I set out to do some gift shoping for Liam’s birthday (which is Monday, but we’re celebrating tomorrow). We’ve already gotten him a book and a replacement for another toy that he has that’s worn out (which was a hand-me-down from Benjamin, who got it as a hand-me-down from his Aunt Margaret — so Liam’s simply getting a new incarnation of it). I wanted to get him a couple of fun, new things for his birthday, too.

We left the house intending to go to the big mall, which is towards the outer parts of Vienna. As we got to the courtyard of our building, we ran into one of our neighbors, and when we told her about our plans, she instead pointed us towards a big toy store which was much closer to our house. I had no idea it was there!

We found the toy store — it is FANTASTIC. I’m disappointed that we ever trekked out to the mall when this place is so close. Benjamin and I looked all through the store for toys for Liam’s birthday. Every 30 seconds or so, Benjamin would stop, point, and gasp, “Oh my gosh!” at some toy he had just seen. They had everything: books, blocks, dolls, trucks, cars, games, arts & crafts supplies, bikes, stuffed animals. The store was four floors of toy shopping fun.

Benjamin was such a great helper. He helped me pick out things for Liam (and suggested many things which, although not age appropriate for Liam, would have made lovely gifts for a 3 year old I know). He was so thoughtful and kind when he was choosing things — he really thought about what Liam would enjoy. I had an idea of one thing to get for Liam, but Benjamin was adamant about another toy — we went with his choice. He was so excited about the idea of Liam playing with his new toys and so excited that it’s going to be his birthday.

After we had chosen two gifts for Liam, we went downstairs to the balloon section. I was going to select a few “1st birthday” balloons, but Benjamin had his heart set on a frog and a pirate ship that he found — really cool ones. He really wanted them for Liam. So, we went with those. We purchased everything and opted to walk the 20 minutes home so we didn’t have to deal with the balloons on the train. (I was having visions of us getting on the train and the balloons getting stuck on the opposite side of the door — birthday balloon carnage!)

The weather for our walk home was perfect: sunny, cool and beautiful. Benjamin and I talked about the things we saw along the way, and he talked about how excited he was so give Liam his presents. I tried to impress upon him the idea that these things should be surprises (the thought is rather lost on him). It was a perfect morning. I was so impressed with how kind, well behaved and sweet Benjamin had been, and I, too, was looking forward to presenting Liam with his gifts and balloons.

And then, at the end of our block, Mommy blew it. I shifted my grip on the bag of toys and I must have let go of the balloons. I jumped in time to grab the frog, but I wasn’t able to catch the pirate ship. We stood on the sidewalk and watched, helplessly, as it drifted up and up, past the buildings and into the sky.

Benjamin was devastated. He sobbed, he screamed, he shook. I felt like doing the same thing, but all I could do was to hug him and tell him I was sorry. Mommy messed up. Mommy made a mistake. I didn’t mean to. It was an accident. I feel terrible.

Instead of arriving triumphantly home with our packages, we were disappointed and sad. After getting home and calming Benjamin down, I left the boys with Dan and went back to the store to try to find another one — but of course, it had been the last one. I know Liam doesn’t care — he never knew there was a pirate ship balloon, and he’s thrilled with the frog. But Benjamin is so sad. He was so excited to give it to Liam, and he keeps telling me he’s worried about the balloon — he wants to know what will happen to it now. All through the day, he’s had bouts of crying about it.

My sweet boys. I love them so much. Benjamin’s sweet enthusiasm this morning was wonderful to experience. His sadness and disappointment are awful. Liam is so excited to have his frog balloon, and I know that he’ll love his presents — most of all the ones that Benjamin chose for him with so much love. Best of all for his birthday, though, Liam has a sweet and wonderful brother who loves him. We are all so lucky.

Loneliness and big hugs

Posted on September 23, 2011 by admin

Benjamin has had two relatively tear-free days at school. He seems to be adjusting to the concept, enjoying himself more and making friends. This morning, however, when I mentioned it was nearly time to get dressed for school, he got sad again. He started crying. (My poor guy.) I asked him how he was feeling, and he said, “I don’t want to go to school.” Upon further questioning, I got answers that progressed to, “I don’t like the kids”, “I don’t want to go”, “I don’t like it there” and finally, “I’m all alone there — I feel lonely.”

That’s the real issue, I think: I’m pretty sure he actually does like the kids, and he does like the school. He’d stay there all day if Dan, Liam & I were there with him. (Actually, I think he’d probably be pretty happy even just with me.) I am so proud of him for being able to voice how he feels. I am so impressed that he understands why he feels that way. I want to reassure him that his feelings are normal without feeding them. I want to validate the way he’s feeling, and I want to encourage him to continue to be honest about his feelings, but I’d rather not have it turn into tantrums about going to school. It’s hard. I tell him that it makes sense that he feels that way, that I understand, and that when I started school, I felt lonely, too. And then I tell him that some of my best friends, even now, are people I met at school. (That’s actually pretty cool — I have friends I’ve known since kindergarten, and he’s played with their kids, so he knows who they are.)

I think that helps him a little, but getting dressed for school, he was still a little sad (although no more crying). Just before it was time to go, Liam toddled over to Benjamin, fell against him, then took his arms and wrapped them around him, giving him a big hug. He let go, smiled up and Benjamin, and then tucked his head against him and hugged him again. And again. Benjamin smiled and hugged him back.

Then they lost their balance and fell in a heap on the floor, laughing. (No injuries.) I told Benjamin, that if he feels lonely today, he should remember Liam’s hug and remember that Liam and I will be there very soon to pick him up. As he was leaving, he said goodbye to all of us, and said, “Bye Liam! Liam loves me and I’ll see you soon!”

I love my boys. I am so happy that I have them in my life, but even happier that they have each other. Liam isn’t even 1 yet, and he’s already loving Benjamin and providing emotional support. I feel so lucky to be their mom.

Ich spreche ein bisschen Deutsch

Posted on September 22, 2011 by admin

I really do! (Speak a little bit of German, that is.)

Just this week, I’ve been contemplating whether to take another German class this semester. On the one hand, my German is minimal, and it would be nice to have more . . . and, given that we’re living here for a limited time, the sooner I learn it, the more useful it is, the more practice I’ll get, the better I’ll retain it. On the other hand, B just started school 4 hours a day, which changes schedules and priorities, and I’m not certain that I want to dedicate two afternoons a week, from now until January, to German class. Honestly, it would give me little time for anything else — I’ll have to cram my chores, errands, Skypes plus fun stuff (like going to the park, doing a little sightseeing) into three afternoons a week between nap time and dinner time. That’s really not a lot of time (and this, after all, is supposed to be a vacation).

I’m still undecided on that point, so we’ll see. But, this evening, I had a nice reinforcement on the German that I’ve learned. After dinner, I was feeding Liam while B watched some tv. He asked (as he does from time to time) if I would change Team Umizoomi to German, so I did. We went along, B watching, me not really paying attention. And then, at one point, they got to a word I didn’t know, which caught my attention. It caught my attention because I realized that I had gone for several minutes (maybe longer?!?) understanding exactly what was being said.

That was a cool feeling. Granted, we’re talking about a tv show intended for preschoolers, so we aren’t doing differential equations or philosophizing about moral turpitude. But still, it’s something. And it’ll make me feel slightly less guilty if I do decide to shirk German class to opt for more time at the upcoming Christmas markets. At least, ein bisschen.

Fall is in the air

Posted on September 21, 2011 by admin

Appropriately enough, given that autumn arrives this week, fall is definitely in the air here in Vienna. It’s still warm during the day, but the cool air descends quickly once the sun goes down . . . which is happening earlier every day. The air is crisp, the breezes are cool, the nights are chilly.

The residential heating in Vienna is controlled in a central location, and it hasn’t been turned on yet for the fall (reminds me of my college days). I don’t mind, though — after a summer of being too hot a lot of the time, I’m rather enjoying bundling up in warm clothes on the few cold days we’ve had so far.

I love the feeling of cool autumn air. I get absolutely giddy about it. I went out to get a cup of tea at Starbucks this evening after Dan got home, and walking down the street, I was nearly skipping. I can’t help it — I get excited about the coming fall. I love everything about it — the cooler temperatures, the early evenings, the sunlight in the autumn, the pumpkins, the celebration of harvest, Halloween, warm apple cider and warmer clothes. I love it all. I am excited that fall is coming, and I’m curious to see how it’s different here. I know there will be things from home that I miss, but I also suspect that the Austrian tendency to truly celebrate the season will make for quite an experience.

Off the leash

Posted on September 20, 2011 by admin

Today, I was doing some online birthday shopping for Liam. Down at the bottom of the page, they have those “you might also be interested in” links, and I saw something that I had completely forgotten about: leashes for children.

I used to be judgemental about people who leash their children . . . until Benjamin started running away from us, giggling madly, when we were walking outside with him — a behavior which peaked (not coincidentally, I’m sure) when I was about 8 months pregnant with Liam and incapable of keeping up with him. After a few heart-stopping incidents, I completely rethought my no-leashes-on-kids philosophy. This is just one of those things that you can’t understand until you have a child that might require one. I didn’t give in to my passing desire to tether my child whenever we were outside, but I definitely stopped judging people who do. (I do, however, still question the sense of those who leash their child and carry their dog . . . )

But, I had honestly completely forgotten about kid leashes until today. For one, Benjamin’s temporary need for one has long since passed, but more so, because I just don’t see them here. I literally have not seen one since before we got on our plane at Dulles.

I wonder what an Austrian would say about a leashed child. The kids here, some barely older than Liam, rocket down the sidewalk on bikes and scooters. They seem very aware of the dangers in the street, and, as a whole, extremely well behaved in this regard. As a point of consideration, the culture with dogs and leashes here is subtle — it’s required that dogs be leashed nearly everywhere, but most people ignore the law most of the time . . . except in very specific situations (in stores, in restaurants, on public transportation) where there is near 100% adherence. The Austrians speak their minds when they see something they don’t agree with, so I imagine that anyone trying to walk their child on a leash in Vienna would get a stern German lecture — even in a restaurant or on the subway.

A Mommy Abroad

Our big adventure, as a family of three.

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