Author Archives: admin

In the right place

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I believe that I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be — that fate, or God, or the universe has brought me to this place at this time because this is where I’m supposed to be and what I’m supposed to be doing.  These are the struggles I’m supposed to be having, and overcoming.  These are the experiences I need to have in order to grow.  There are things for me to learn and work on here that are important for me.

The only other time I’ve experienced such a sudden, massive shift in my world view and self-perception was when my children were born.  I’m learning to see myself differently:  I’m capable of more than I thought I was capable of, I’m stronger than I thought I was, and I’m less perfect than I want to be — but that bar is set too high, anyway.  I’m learning to see the world differently:  all around me, people are struggling more than I realized, little changes in our comfort level make huge differences in our experience of the world around us, and people can be unexpectedly kind or surprisingly indifferent to each other.

I’m making some new friends, and I know that they, likewise, have been brought to me at this moment because we ought to be around each other.  It’s a wonderful thing to make new connections.  I am more grateful for the friendships I am forming here, and for those I am missing so much from home, than I ever have been before — it is something I had taken for granted.

I’m searching for (and finding) peace in this experience, even amidst the struggle and the chaos.  I’m looking for the lessons, and I’m trying to learn them.  This experience is not so much making me someone different than I was before, but it is introducing me to parts of myself I didn’t know were there.

The tourists have arrived

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It’s tourist season.  I think they opened the flood gates last weekend — they are suddenly everywhere, and we are months from the height of tourist season.  They speak German, French, Russian and, of course, English (and probably some others I didn’t recognize).  They arrive on buses and clog up the sidewalks in huge groups.  They get irritated when you get into their pictures of the massive churches or palaces.  (Really, how much space could I be taking up?)  They flock into the shops (all at the same time!) and wander around and irritate the employees with their refusal to speak German.  They’re in my way.  They’re like a plague.

I know this sounds harsh — after all, I’m a stranger here, myself.  But I am beginning to understand why tourists get such a bad name.  I think it’s great that they’re here to see what Vienna has to offer — it’s a beautiful, amazing city.  (I highly recommend it.)  But, many seem to have no consideration for the people around them.  We’re not ALL on a tour — some of us have places to go.  I know how to say “excuse me” in 4 languages, and none of them work.  I see them spill over from their tour groups, into the streets, and actually block traffic.  It’s a little ridiculous.  And even I am starting to get frustrated at their insistence in communicating in their native language (or often, they’ll try English if that doesn’t work).  Obviously, I don’t believe you need to be fluent in a language to visit a country.  But the translation books are about $8 and the apps on the smart phones are FREE.  Either buy the book, try to speak German and be willing to look stupid (that’s what I do) or learn the words for “please” and “thank you” and resort to charades for the rest.  But TRY.  (On the plus side, I imagine that as the summer goes on, the tourists become more plentiful and my German gets better, I’m going to be more and more appreciated for my attempts.)

It’s gotten me thinking about the whole “tourist experience” and how it differs from what I will see and learn of Vienna.  I was recently looking at the Frommer’s website on Vienna, particularly their “See Vienna in 1/2/3 days” pages.  Seriously?  The itineraries they suggest would be exhausting and cursory even for someone who rose with the sun and ran all day.  I can’t imagine that you’d have much chance to do more than go, take a picture and move on.  For my life, the plans they suggest for a day would probably take me 2 weeks to get through.

Things just move at a different pace when you’re travelling with kids.  It’s also different when you LIVE here and you have mundane things like grocery store trips, naps, laundry and doctor’s appointments to plan around.  You have to move more slowly.  You have to focus on different things.  The moment I found myself being frustrated with the tourists and rolling my eyes, I realized just how different my experience is going to be here.  I’m not a tourist.  I’m not really a local, either, which for now leaves me kind of in between.  But I’m definitely getting to do more than just take pictures and move on.

It’s playing time

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Benjamin is quite fond of saying, when it is time to do something he’d rather not do, “It’s not bath (or dinner/nap/bed) time, it’s playing time!”  Today, I got to play with him.  Of course, I’ve played with him recently.  But, for the past 4 months or so (has it only been 4 months!) our whole lives have been preparing to move, packing to move, moving, surviving here, and then moving in.  Our play times have been short, often interrupted, and I have been guilty of nearly always allowing my thoughts to stray to my weighty “to do” list.

My play time with Liam has been more consistent — with babies, when they require your attention (which is nearly any time they’re awake) there’s no way to avoid providing it.  Benjamin is at an age where, frankly, he’s easy to blow off.  He *will* play by himself.  He does a great job of entertaining himself, so I’ve been letting him.  (I’m not happy about that, but that doesn’t change it.)

Things are really, truly, starting to settle down.  I can tell, because Benjamin and I played for an hour and a half this afternoon with no interruptions.  (Liam was here, too, but he mostly watched from his exersaucer.)  We played legos, we played school bus, he played hockey with his golf club (sorry, Uncle Peter).  We read stories and played games on my iPhone.  I had forgotten what it was like to spend those long spans of time “just” playing.  It’s wonderful.  We’ve been so busy, and there has been so much to do, that too much of my “play” time has been spent multitasking.  There’s still plenty to do, but the urgency has passed.  Now, it’s playing time!

Same stuff, different continent

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Here I am, living in Europe.  I’ve packed up my family, my dog and everything I own and moved 1/4 of the way around the world.  I’m living in a country where I don’t speak the language.  Dan has a new job and we have a new apartment.  We are very, very far away from our families and our friends.

And yet, very little is actually different in my day.  I get up, I change diapers, I feed children, I kiss boo boos, I try to straighten the house a little, I try to make some progress on the endless list of things that must be done to make a household run, I put kids down for naps (with varying degrees of success), I give baths, I read stories, I get up in the middle of the night (most nights) to feed a hungry baby, I try to get a shower regularly, I try to eat healthily (and usually don’t).  Every so often, we have somewhere we need to go.  Sometimes, we just try to get out for some fresh air.  Many days (yesterday was one of them) we start trying to get out of the house around 9:00 in the morning and succeed around 5:00 in the evening.  It’s still a 24/7 job with no real breaks, requiring endless patience and a pervasive sense of humor (and some days I struggle to find either).  Those things are as true here as they were in Virginia.

Instead of packing everyone into the car to run errands, I’m making sure the stroller is packed up so we can walk or ride the train to our destination.  The scenery is different, to be sure, and some of the itinerary is a little more interesting:  instead of the grocery store or the mall, I’m likely to be going out to get lunch for us, or to go for a stroll by some Austrian landmark.  But, when I stop to think about it, things are very much the same.  My job travels well, and it doesn’t change much due to location.  All in all, life is pretty much the same here as it was at home.  It’s a life that I love, so that’s a great thing.

We live in the future

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It has not escaped our notice, being so far away from friends and family, how fortunate we are that we live in an age of email, text messages, smart phones, digital photographs and even video calls.  (Video calls!  This is “the future”!  When I was a kid, the concept of a video phone was half-joking.  And not only can we talk over the computer, but it’s FREE.)  It helps us so much to be able to communicate so quickly and easily with everyone back home and with each other.  (Being without phones for our first month here, and without internet for a week recently has increased our recognition of how wonderful these things are.)

In the past 72 hours, we’ve spoken by video call with every one of our parents, as well as two of my sisters, and I’ve “spoken” by text to my brothers.  Without being able to do that, we’d be feeling even further isolated and distant from our loved ones.  We’re able to show them our new apartment as we get things set up, we’re able to chat about everything from the logistics of selling our house to simple things in every day life.  (Amanda even tried to teach Benjamin to play the spoons today over Skype, and she and I are playing games with our iPhones from 4000 miles away.)  Benjamin is able to keep a connection with his family at an age where memory can be a fleeting thing.  He loves talking on the computer to his family — he knows all the sounds that happen when we’re setting up a call and he will excitedly come over and ask, “Mommy, who are we calling?” (which is often then followed by a request list of everyone he can think of).  For Liam, some of his first memories of his family may eventually be of talking to them on the computer.  And, for everyone at home, as heart wrenching as it may be to see my kids’ progress via computer calls and digital pictures, I can only imagine how hard it would be if the updates came less frequently and vividly.

It’s also keeping me sane — it’s hard not to feel isolated when I’m spending 10+ hours a day at home with the kids.  Benjamin is a good communicator for a 2 year old, but realistically, he’s not always listening to me or inclined to respond.  And, as much as I love discussing dump trucks or Team Umizoomi, I like a little more variety in my conversation.  It’s a nice thing to be able to have a “grown up” interaction, even just by email, during the day.  And knowing that, when things get hard, I have so many friends and family out there, willing to talk and be supportive, is hugely comforting.

But, it’s not just talking to people back home.  I can look up a map of where I am and where I want to go.  I can find a place to eat or a U stop while I’m out and about.  I can let Dan know where we’re going and when we’ll be back.  I can even look up how to say things, or translate what I hear and see.  I have a safety net here, in a strange city, where I don’t speak the language, because I have my phone in my pocket.  And, we can coordinate more mundane things, like grocery shopping and dinner plans.  I truly have a hard time imagining having taken this on before this type of technology existed — in the same way I can’t believe that there was a time where I went out driving alone in my car as a teenager without a cell phone . . . with the plan of walking to a pay phone if something happened to my car!  (Uphill!  Both ways!  In the snow!)

We are so grateful for technology.  It’s keeping us in touch with our families, and it’s making the transition here easier.  (I love my iPhone.  I don’t care.)

Splashing in Puddles

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This morning started off rainy (and cold).  While Dan & Liam napped together in the living room, Benjamin and I decided to take Bailey out for his morning walk.  I got B all suited up in his rain gear (which I haven’t been able to do for over a month) and we headed out into the rain.

Benjamin loves to jump in puddles.  I know that’s a kid thing, but I don’t know that I’ve ever seen someone with the endless enthusiasm he has for it.  He just doesn’t get tired of it.  I don’t think he would stop on his own until he fell down from exhaustion.  All along our path to Bailey’s walking spot, B splashed in puddles.  He doesn’t discriminate:  big or little, clean or dirty.  He splashes in them all, and all with great vigor.  He gets soaking wet.  He gets really dirty.  He doesn’t care.  (I am grateful that we now have our things, so we have plenty of clean pants for him to wear.)  He also doesn’t care what anyone thinks about what he’s doing (we sure did get some looks — this is apparently something Austrian grandmothers do not approve of).  He is completely “in the moment” and it’s a great thing to witness.  I feel so lucky to get to be a part of things like that.  We walked along with Bailey, and B jumped in puddles and asked me to help him put his hands in his pockets when he got chilly.  He is just the cutest thing.

Then, Dan & Liam joined us, and we headed to McDonald’s (I know, it’s a theme) to get coffee.  Dan & Liam went inside to order, while Benjamin and I stayed outside with Bailey (and the puddles).  After a few minutes, B decided he wanted to go in to join Dan, and not thinking about it overly much, I opened the door to let him in.  The floor was unbelievably slippery (Dan later said even the stroller had trouble) and B got a few steps away from me and fell flat on his face on the floor.  (My poor, sweet, little guy.)  I was still in the doorway, and when I went to go towards him to pick him up, I ended up with Bailey on the other side of the door and me still holding the leash.  Eek!  So, poor Benjamin is on the floor, crying, I’m stuck trying to extricate myself from Bailey and the door.  Two very nice guys who were standing there helped Benjamin up and helped him over towards me (which I am incredibly grateful for, but I don’t think I actually thanked them — I only had eyes for Benjamin).

Ugh.  Not one of my best mom moments.  We were having such a lovely morning, and then I do something short-sighted and poor B ends up getting hurt.  (He is fine — I don’t know how he managed it, but he ended up with only a little bruise.)  I had a really hard time not berating myself for it the rest of the day.  I think this is one of the hardest things about being a parent — I don’t mind suffering if I make a mistake, but it is torture to see one of my kids suffer for a mistake that I’ve made.  I hate it.

He’s ok.  To him, we still had a nice morning, and a great day.  I ended up the complete opposite of Benjamin and his puddles:  embarrassed, guilt-ridden and stressed out.  I’m trying to hold on to his perspective.  I *want* that to be my perspective.  But I also wish that the results of my imperfection could be visited only on myself.

Just Another Saturday

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Today was our first “normal” Saturday since we’ve been here in Vienna.  We weren’t house hunting, we didn’t have to move.  We actually spent the day, as we did back in Virginia, doing chores and getting the house in order for the week.  We went grocery shopping, did a fair bit of organizing around the house (Liam’s room and the kitchen are beginning to look a little put together . . . the rest of the house is still a disaster) the boys each took a nap and we Skyped some of our family back home.  Then, we went for a quick walk and got dinner out.

It was very much a Saturday as we would have spent it back in Virginia.  As such, we’re all really tired now — it was a busy day.  It’s comforting to be back in our routine.  It’s also odd to be in our normal routine in this place which doesn’t yet feel like home and which is part ordeal and part vacation.  This little bit of normalcy today has taken the edge off of the ordeal and helped me to look forward to getting back to my “vacation” tomorrow.  (Once our house is mostly put away, we intend to spend less of our Saturdays cleaning and more of them exploring, but getting ourselves put together has a certain urgency right now.)  I think days like this are going to go a long way towards getting us to feel like this is our home;  it will be a great moment when I don’t get my outfit for the day out of a suitcase.

In Front of the TV

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We got our internet and cable installed today, which is good on so many levels.  Now, I can actually access the internet (and write) other than through my phone and we can also watch TV all day.  There have been times in the past where I’ve been hard on myself for putting Benjamin in front of the TV for major parts of the day (I started doing it when I was pregnant with Liam and just too tired to keep up with him all day).  I’ve gotten past that:  I’ve been astounded, over the past year, by how much Benjamin has actually learned from TV (most of it is even good).  (I remember the first time Benjamin pointed out a triangle to me, and I thought, “Oh, it’s great that Dan’s been working on that with him”, and then I asked, and he hadn’t been.)  But beyond that, it’s now going to be a major tool in our introduction to German.

TV intended for little kids is designed to build vocabulary through demonstration and repetition — which is exactly what we need right now.  I’ve already learned something:  the German word for red is “rot” (which I knew) but when you describe something as red, you say “rote” (or at least, “Diego” did).  Benjamin and I worked on our German counting today, as well as the names for other colors (I learned the word for yellow), how to greet people and identify yourself.  A lot of those things I had already learned, but watching kids’ TV is a great way to hear it used clearly, and practicing with your two year old is pretty low-stress.  I found some strange things, as well, like the fact that “Go, Diego, Go”, which at home is designed to teach Spanish words to native English speakers is redubbed here to teach English to native German speakers (which is weird because it’s set in South America and all the names are still Spanish, and pronounced with a Latin American Spanish accent).  (Ni Hao Kai Lan is still intended to teach Chinese, but to German speakers.)  We watched Nick, Jr., all day — which is great, except that here they cycle through the same 6 or so shows all day long . . . literally, when they go through the cycle and come back to, say, Wonder Pets, it’s the same episode of Wonder Pets that they played earlier in the day.  (Again, I guess that’s good for the repetition.)

Of course, *getting* the cable and internet installed was a bit of a challenge.  Only one of the installation guys spoke any English at all, and that was minimal.  Just explaining to them that Liam was sleeping, and asking if they could help me by being quiet, was impossible (and ineffective) and locating the cable outlet in the wall (which involved communication as well as moving furniture) was nearly impossible.  Having them explain to me how to use the cable remote with the TV remote was pretty funny (that’s pretty funny in English anyway) and when I asked the guy what was in the contract I signed at the end, he just shrugged and looked helpless.  I guess I’d better get back to Team Umizoomi or Wonder Pets.  I need practice.

Help at Home

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We received our air shipment today.  We have no idea why it took so long, but now we can close the “waiting for our stuff” chapter of this adventure and move on to all the other (and more exciting) parts.

While we’ve been here, getting relatively settled, and waiting for our stuff, we’ve had a ton of support back at home with the mountainous pile of tasks that were left undone after our departure.  My mom has been doing a tremendous amount of work for us: preparing our house for sale and dealing with getting my car inspected so it can be sold.  My dad and my brothers spent part of this week painting our old apartment.  And that is all on top of the fact that we literally would not have made it to our plane if it had not been for the help of my collective family.

I am so grateful for their help and support.  (Especially considering that, on the whole, I think they’d rather we hadn’t gone at all.)  It is nice to have my stuff, but I’m truly fortunate to have the support of such wonderful, loving people.

To my family:  I love and miss you all so much.  Thank you for all of your help.  We feel very loved.  I can’t wait to see you and show you Vienna!

The Little Differences

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I love McDonald’s here.  (And it’s not just because you can pretty much count on the cashier speak English.).  McDonald’s here has some menu items we should add in the States, like bacon cheeseburgers, curry dipping sauce, waffle fries and my new favorite beverage, eis caffee (which is espresso and vanilla ice cream).

But they also have a dessert and coffee bar inside — it’s like having a complete Starbucks inside every McDonald’s.  Except cheaper.  (And you don’t even wait in the same lines as people getting “regular” food.)

When we first chose our new apartment here, one of the first things I did was look up the closest Starbucks.  Now I realize there was no need — there’s a McDonald’s on the corner, where I can get (like I did today) an iced chai, a chocolate cupcake and a free babycino (warm milk) for B.

Oh, I’m going to miss that back at home.  Just saying.