Missing Mal

I found out today that a friend of the family passed away recently.  He was 74, and in good health — his death was very sudden, resulting from complications after hip surgery.  I am shocked to hear of his death.  He was a vibrant, kind, passionate, funny, joyful, exuberant and loving man, and it makes me so very sad to know that he is no longer with us, that I will never again get to hear his laugh, or one of his amazing stories.

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Just right

The holidays can be a stressful time, even under the best circumstances.  At the very least, there’s a lot more to do than usual, and the usual stuff doesn’t go away.  There’s shopping to do, gifts to wrap, ship and deliver, decorations to hang, cards to send, cookies to bake, menus to plan, guests to host, parties to attend and meals to prepare.  And the normal cleaning, organizing and general running of a household can’t wait for the holidays to be over.  And then, of course, we need to be jolly and happy and joyous while we do it.

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I’ll be home for Christmas

We had a wonderful Christmas Day.  Benjamin woke me up this morning with, “Mommy, did Santa come?!?”  He was so excited by his stocking and the gifts inside (including a new toothbrush, which he was super excited about) that he actually failed to notice the tent and race car set in the middle of the living room until I drew his attention to it.  He gasped appropriately as he discovered each gift Santa had left, and when Liam woke up a few minutes later (which was inevitable given the volume of enthusiasm that was coming from the living room) Benjamin happily showed him all of the toys Santa had left for them to share together.

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Peace

For many years, my dad lived on a farm.  It had sheep, cats, dogs, horses (including mine) and donkeys.  During those years, we often spent part of Christmas Eve with my dad.  Whenever I could, I would make a little bit of time to go be in the barn on Christmas Eve, to smell the hay, pat the animals’ coats, and listen to the quiet, contented sounds of a cold evening in the stables.

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On the run

About a week ago, Dan & I started a running plandesigned to help relative non-runners (which I now am) get started with running.  Although I used to run, it’s been so long that I definitely needed to start again at the beginning.  It’s a run/walk plan, where you work on increasing your time spent running while decreasing your time walking, thereby gradually getting you running much longer times and distances than you would have thought possible.  (It’s very similar to the program that was used back when I ran a marathon about 10 years ago . . . yes, I once ran a marathon, shocking, I know.)

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Silent Night

About a week ago, I saw a sign on the door to our building, inviting everyone to some kind of caroling happening tonight.  Since the sign was in German, I only understood a little, but I recognized the contact person as one of our English speaking neighbors who we are friendly with, so I asked her about it.  She explained that there would be caroling in the “house chapel” (I didn’t know we had such a thing) but I got the impression that it was maybe more for adults and less for kids.  It sounded like fun, but I also guessed the songs would mostly be unfamiliar, and almost certainly in German, so it would probably be more struggle than enjoyment.  Given that, plus the fact that Dan’s parents would be visiting us, I decided to skip it.

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The longest night

Well, we’ve made it.  When we get up tomorrow morning, we will have made it through the darkest (although not yet the coldest) part of the year and winter will have begun.  From here, the days get longer, and we begin to move, however slowly, towards spring again.  We’ve held the darkness at bay with our lights and our candles, and all around the world, people will be holding festivals which celebrate (overtly or not) making through the darkness and coming back towards the light.

I like winter.  I don’t mind the cold, or even the darkness.  But even so, the thought of waking up to sunlight instead of darkness is appealing.  I’ll be grateful when Benjamin begins to remember that the sleep he has at night and the sleep he has during the day are different (right now the poor kid wakes up from his naps asking if today is a school day).

There’s a lot of winter yet ahead of us.  There will still be plenty of cold (and hopefully some snow).  It’ll take a few weeks, yet, for the sunrises to even start coming earlier, and months before it feels like anything has changed.  But it’s coming.

I feel so fortunate here, in my cozy, warm apartment with my family.  Tonight, I’ll turn on the lights on my Christmas tree and celebrate turning the corner of winter.  We’ve made it through the deepest part of the darkness, yet again.

Ok, the pressure is starting to get to me

I’ve been talking a good game:  focus on the experience, not the details;  I do all this work because I want to, not because I have to;  Christmas is about being with people, not about gifts.  But we’re getting to the 11th hour, and all of this sincere and well-intentioned talk I’ve been doing is starting to fall apart in the face of HOW MUCH I STILL HAVE TO GET DONE.

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