I’ve been a mom for over 4 years, and the mom of two for more than 2. I’ve gotten good at lots of things. I can change a messy diaper, get stains out of anything, catch stuff I never actually saw falling and sing about 2 dozen verses of “Old McDonald”. I can pack two suitcases for a 17 day trip, travel by bus, train or plane, and keep track of everyone’s shoe sizes, clothes sizes and favorite colors.

But I have never mastered taking a shower. I know it sounds silly, but I can’t shower when it’s just me and the kids. 99% of the time I take a shower before Dan goes to work, because it’s the only way I know how to get it done without losing my mind. I know moms who do it every day. Their husbands work, or travel a lot, or aren’t around, and these moms manage to get themselves clean on a regular basis. I just have no idea how they do it.

I’ve tried bringing the kids into the bathroom with me, trying to keep them entertained by popping my head out every 25 seconds, only to have them dismantle the bathroom, start sobbing about something, or try to climb in with me. I’ve tried leaving them in the living room, watching tv, sometimes strapped into a high hair, but then I’m so worried that something awful is going to befall them that I end up getting out, halfway through, soaking wet, to make sure they’re ok.

So, what’s the secret? How is it done? And why does everyone other than me seem to know?