Stuck in neutral

Every so often I have a day like today — all morning I have this plan in mind of getting some things accomplished: going to the store, picking up lunch, doing some laundry, starting to pack and organize for our trip to the beach. It doesn’t seem like an unreasonable set of goals. But then, I suddenly realize that it’s after noon and although I managed to get out for a run this morning, I haven’t even taken a shower yet, the kids are hungry and about ready to pass out for nap time. I felt like I couldn’t get my day in gear, and I started to get really frustrated and overwhelmed trying to figure out the best way to salvage some productivity and efficiency (and fun) from my day.

Out of a desperate need to act in some way, I took a quick shower and then we all jumped in the car and drove in to town. We pulled up at the grocery store to pick up just a few things, and . . . Liam was asleep.

I was completely paralyzed by trying to figure out how to rearrange our day in order to squeeze out a little order and usefulness, but I couldn’t manage it. I couldn’t figure out the best or most useful thing to do, and it was stressing me out more as each minute passed. At that point, it was just time for plan B.

So, I stopped trying to figure out the best thing to do and just started doing something I needed to do. B and I went in to shop at CVS while Dan waited in the car with a sleeping Liam. I bought some things for our beach trip and some things for B’s upcoming birthday. I felt a little guilty for buying birthday things (like plates and wrapping paper) while he was there with me, but I kept reminding myself that it was better to buy it with him there with me than it would be to not get it at all or to turn into a massive stress case in order to get it as a surprise later.

It’s hard. I want to do everything right and I want to be orderly and efficient. But, if I can let go of those ideas, I really am happier.

I wadn’t efficient or organized today. But we got some stuff done and we had a good time doing it. It wasn’t perfect, wasn’t ideal, but it was ok.

We have a lot left to do to prepare for our trip. We had a pretty good day today. It might not be perfect, but we’ll get there. Eventually.

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