Absence makes the heart grow . . . sadder

I miss my family.  It was not completely unusual for me to go 4 or 6 or (on occasion) even 8 weeks without seeing some members of my immediate family (parents, brothers and sisters).  But, it rarely went beyond that.  I’d get to a point where I’d realize I hadn’t seen them in nearly 2 months, and pick up the phone . . . or a birthday or holiday would roll around and we’d all get together.  (I never went this long without seeing everyone at this time of year, though:  Easter, Mother’s Day, my brother Peter’s birthday have all passed since I’ve been here.)  We hit the 2 month mark today, and I’ve really noticed over the past few days that my longing for home (most particularly being with my family) has been growing.  I may be very fortunate, and get to see my mother very soon, but it will be months (or more) before I see the others.  I’m having a hard time wrapping my mind around that.

I don’t wish for anything monumental, I just want to see everyone.  I want to talk and hang out and maybe have a meal.  Catch up on what’s been going on and joke about old stuff.  Just talk and be relaxed, and have everyone be amazed at how wonderful my kids are.  (Skype is a great invention, and I am really grateful for it, but it’s hard to carry on a decent conversation while wrangling both children, which is how most of my Skypes to home end up going.)

I guess it’s one of those things — you don’t really appreciate how good you have things until they change.  I can’t believe that I ever went 4 or 6 or 8 weeks at home without seeing my family.  They live 45 minutes from where I was living!  Why did we allow that?  Why did I live in Virginia when I could just as easily have lived in Maryland and been close to everyone?  (I know why, but the reasons don’t stand up to scrutiny right now.)

I don’t know how things will be when I move home.  Who knows where everyone will be?  But, I can say, I will make different choices.  I miss them all more than I thought I would after 2 short months.  It’s not just the amount of time that has passed, but the knowledge that I can’t do anything about it right now that is so frustrating.  I am so grateful that I’ve had my family so close to me (geographically and otherwise) my entire life up until now, and I’m disappointed at the way I have taken it for granted without even realizing it.

I’m not taking it for granted right now.  I love you guys, and I wish you were here (or I were there).  (Lesson learned.)

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